Chapter 10: Brother, Wait Up!
Bai Xiaochun noticed his fellow fatsos staring at him. Their small eyes were shining like spirit stones; especially Zhang Fatso One, whose eyes seemed like they would even spurt out flames. Bai Xiaochun coughed dryly, feeling a bit proud.
“Brother, you see, every month, the three mountain peaks of our Spirit River Sect would have an outer sect Promotional Examinationt, allowing handymen like us an opportunity to become outer disciples, right?” Bai Xiaochun said as he raised his adorable face. No matter how you looked at him, Bai Xiaochun seemed like an “incomparably cute and nice kid”.
“However, the sects will only select the best of the best. Therefore, no matter how many people take the monthly test, each peak will only select the top three, right?” Bai Xiaochun said after licking his lips as his eyes began to shine brightly. After Bai Xiaochun spoke, Zhang Fatso One and Black Fatso Three seemed to have understood what he was thinking. Apart from them, none of the others had any idea about what Bai Xiaochun was trying to say.
“You mean…” Zhang Fatso One said while staring at Bai Xiaochun. Gradually, his eyes began to shine brightly.
“With our level of cultivation, we could easily claim all three positions at each peak…” Bai Xiaochun glanced at the few Brothers who had been standing beside him as he continued speaking. Every single one of them had reached the third level of Qi Condensation, especially Zhang Fatso One and Black Fatso Three, who had already reached the peak of the third level. If they hadn’t been intentionally suppressing their cultivation all this time, so they could keep a low profile and remain in the Burning Stoves Kitchen, they would have long since broken through to the next level.
“So, if we join all three tests, we could get to the mountaintop ahead of the others, monopolize the first three places, and then… sell those positions to other test-takers!” Bai Xiaochun said while staring at Fatso One and the others.
Zhang Fatso One’s body trembled when he heard Bai Xiaochun.
“Too damn immoral…” He inhaled deeply, then fiercely slapped his thigh. His pupils shined with a dazzling radiance that had never been seen before. This plan was not complicated, on the contrary it was simple! One just had to change their line of thought and they could easily think of it!
Zhang Fatso One felt enlightened by Bai Xiaochun’s words, his head was filled with wisdom, as if a brand new gate had been opened in front of him. He couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
“This method is extremely immoral, haha!” Black Fatso Three yelled, fiercely stomping his foot on the ground. Either due to of bashfulness or excitement, his face was blushing red.
The other fatsos had now realised what Bai Xiaochun meant. They started breathing rapidly and could feel their blood boiling. When they looked at Bai Xiaochun, their eyes were filled with admiration.
“This will work, let’s do it!”
“Fxxk their grandmothers! Those bastards from the Administrative Office screwed us over for so many years that we’re poor to the point of dying! Now that 9th Brother is here, let’s get our revenge!”
Everyone immediately became excited and began discussing details about the plan until they all felt that the plan was perfect. When they had ironed out all the details for the next month, Zhang Fatso One happily patted his belly and yelled out.
“Tonight, we’ll eat even more!”
Cheerful and boisterous sounds came from the Burning Stoves Kitchen. The following month, all nine fatsos were extremely motivated and worked very hard to ensure the success of their plan. They were even cultivating! All that was left was to wait for the day to arrive.
Finally, the day had come.
It was early in the morning and the sun was shining brightly. Under the three peaks of the Spirit River Sect, an unprecedented scene was taking place - at the entrance of each test, three humongous black pots could be clearly seen from afar.
Upon closer inspection, a fatso could be seen under each pot, with his head held high, giving off an extraordinarily mighty vibe.
These were the nine people from the Burning Stoves Kitchen. They were the first batch of handymen to arrive at the entrance to the tests of each three mountain peaks. According to their previous arrangements, they had evenly separated into three groups. Each group consisted of three people, and would take on a single trial.
At this moment, a large number of handymen were arriving at the location from all directions, each of them hopeful and tense. Some of them had failed many times already, while others were first timers, their faces displaying both anxiety and anticipation. They were hoping that they could have a sudden rise to prominence here, going from handymen to outer sect disciples.
As they moved closer to the entrance gates of each peak, all of them saw the fatsos from the Burning Stoves Kitchen.
“Burning Stoves Kitchen? Why are they here?”
“I’ve been a handyman for nine years and have taken this test no less than thirty times, but this is the first time I’ve seen people from Burning Stoves Kitchen here…”
As these handymen arrived and noticed the appearance of the Burning Stoves Kitchen’s people, they contacted their friends and found out that the Burning Stoves Kitchen’s fatsos had shown up under all of the three mountain peaks; after which, all of them immediately went berserk.
“Something big is going on! The Burning Stoves Kitchen’s people intend to become outer sect disciples, how is this even possible…?”
Facing the shocked faces of the other handymen and hearing their discussions, Bai Xiaochun, Zhang Fatso One and Black Fatso Three, calmly stood under the third mountain peak, completely disregarding all of the discussion about them. It was as if their minds were one with the universe.
They focused on the entrance of each path. In their eyes, this was not a trial at all, this was a road that had been paved with shining spirit stones.
Bai Xiaochun’s expression was especially serious, his eyes fixated on the entrance.
Soon, a person gracefully floated down from each of the three mountain peaks. The one who had descended from the mountain peak that Bai Xiaochun chose was a middle-aged man, who exuded an atmosphere similar to that of an Immortal. The moment he arrived at the trial, he saw the body of Zhang Fatso One, who looked like a mountain of meat.
As his gaze scanned past Bai Xiaochun and the fatsos, this man who was the elder in-charge of the entrance test, immediately felt surprised.
“Did the sun rise from the west today? Usually, the Burning Stoves Kitchen’s people would rather die than become outer sect disciples. Why have they come today?”
He couldn’t help but give them a few more glances before his gaze revealed an encouraging look. Then, with a wave of his sleeves, he began talking in a resonant voice.
“The outer sect Promotional Examinations, begin!” After he spoke, a gong rang out, its sound echoing throughout the entire sect. At the same time, a beam of light flashed across the entrance of the path, swiftly opening the gates.
The instant the entrance opened, Zhang Fatso One, who was wearing a look of determination on his face, breathed deeply, and took off like a gust of wind, running up the mountain like he was being chased by a horde of furious wild beasts.
Starting right after Zhang Fatso One, Black Fatso Three’s eyes shone with a fierce light. He ran like as though trying to snatch away his position in the trials, was akin to someone trying to take his life.
The third one to start running was Bai Xiaochun. He ran even faster, leaping high into the air like a rabbit as he darted outwards. His head was filled with thoughts about the Life-prolonging Pill. As soon as the other participants noticed they were gone, all three of them were already on the stairs, going forward as fast as they possibly could.
At this time, other handymen finally realised what happened. Their facial expressions changed and all of them rushed towards the pathway one after another while gritting their teeth. They tried their best to catch up.
This wasn't the only mountain peak with such an occurrence, the other mountain peaks were exactly the same. Running right at the front were the fatsos from the Burning Stoves Kitchen.
Under the third peak, which was named Scented Cloud Peak, on the trial path, Bai Xiaochun and the others were running like the wind. They were very far ahead of the competition. However, they gradually slowed down as the pressure being emitted by the path increased. They felt like their bodies were being crushed under heavy weights.
Bai Xiaochun looked back, and saw that there were seven or eight people right behind him. He started to feel worried, as if his Life-Prolonging pill was going to be taken away from him.
”Snatching my Life-prolonging Pill is the same as taking my life!” He held his breath as his face became redder and redder. All of his Qi rapidly burst out of his body, more than doubling his speed and propelling him forward like a boar that had its tail stepped on. This allowed him to overtake both Black Fatso Three and Zhang Fatso One.
At the same time, Black Fatso Three also let out a great roar and with an unknown method, his speed instantly skyrocketed, allowing him to overtake Zhang Fatso One and catch up to Bai Xiaochun. Seeing Bai Xiaochun and Black Fatso Three about to disappear from his sight, Zhang Fatso One started to worry.
He took a deep breath. Then his fat, meaty body quickly and visibly shrunk, as if he had suddenly burned out his body fat. Simultaneously, his speed suddenly shot up as well. Soon, he had caught up with Black Fatso Three and Bai Xiaochun. The three of them then sped up once again together, only leaving puffs of dirt behind them.
The other handymen who had been running behind them were all shocked by their performances. Soon, their faces began to reveal expressions of hopelessness. They couldn’t accept this. They had done their best but no matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t catch up to Bai Xiaochun and the other two fatsos. Some of them with bad tempers had even started cursing.
“Those bastards should die! They must be on aphrodisiacs! Otherwise they couldn’t possibly run this fast!”
After the time it took to burn a stick of incense passed, Bai Xiaochun who had been running in the first place arrived at the mountaintop. He saw two outer sect disciples standing at the end of the path, waiting to admit the first three handymen.
“Congratulations Bro-…” Seeing Bai Xiaochun arrive, the two outer sect disciples standing at the end of the path smiled slightly at him. They only had time to speak two words before their eyes widened because of what happened next.
They saw Bai Xiaochun suddenly pause, take another few steps forwards, then abruptly stop again. He was only one step away from the the end of the stairs, where the exit of the path was located.
He looked at the two outer sect disciples standing in front of him, and the two outer sect disciples stared back at him. Bai Xiaochun let out a cute smile, then turned his body around.
“Stop!” Bai Xiaochun shouted as he turned around and raised his arms. Followed by his voice, Black Fatso Three and Zhang Fatso One who had been out of breath and closely following behind him suddenly stopped. All three of them stood right in front of the exit of the path, quickly gasping for air, looking at each other, and suddenly bursting into joyous laughter.
The two outer sect disciple who were standing beside them near the exit of the path glanced at each other, seemingly unable to understand what was wrong with them. They started to wonder if the brains of these three handymen were damaged. They had already come this far, but they just stopped right in front of the exit, instead of finishing the test.
“Three junior Brothers, you are the first three to arrive, you can now come over. As long as you walk past this path, the three of you will gain positions of outer sect disciples for completing this test.” One of the outer sect disciples kindly said.
“Outer sect disciples? Who would want to be outer sect disciples?!” Zhang Fatso One said while waving his hand carelessly before sitting down on the ground along with Black Fatso Three. The two of them looked like two meat-hills, completely blocking the exit of the path.
Bai Xiaochun sat down in front of the two of them, raised his chin with a face filled with proudness, while expecting other handymen to come.
“What? You don’t want to become outer sect disciples? Then what are you doing here? What’s wrong with you?!” The two outer sect disciples were annoyed.
Bai Xiaochun and his companions turned deaf ears to the two outer sect disciples’ words, all of them focusing their small eyes on the path.
In the time it took to burn another incense stick, they finally saw another handyman who had a face that was as long as a horse’s. That handyman was panting like a buffalo, slowly approaching through the stairs that were located far away from the exit. The horse-faced handyman sighed when he saw Bai Xiaochun and the other two, his eyes showing hints of frustration. This was the ninth test that he had taken, and the closest he had been to passing. However, he had encountered the Burning Stoves Kitchen.
When this handyman, whose face was filled with both frustration and anger, was about to turn around and give up, Bai Xiaochun hurriedly stood up and started yelling.
“Brother, wait up! Come here, come here! Thinking about it, I can’t bear to leave the Burning Stoves Kitchen. Therefore, I just decided that I’m not going to become an outer sect disciple, so, this position…”
The horse-faced handyman was dumbfounded for a very short while, then his eyes instantly shone.