Advent of the Three Calamities

Chapter 783: Darkness or Resentment [2]

Author Note: In this Chapter, whenever Julien is referred to, it’s talking about OG Julien.

***

Pure darkness.

A darkness so pure that it almost felt chilling.

Such was Julien’s existence.

From the moment he was born to the last moments of his life. He was nothing but a ball of darkness and resentment. Regardless of how hard he tried to contain that darkness, it was impossible to contain. The darkness was simply overwhelming.

"Hueeek—!"

A scream ripped across the surroundings. It was loud and heart-wrenching.

Julien’s eyes snapped open, bloodshot and burning as they locked onto me, while I strained to draw in the darkness that writhed within his body.

’S-shit...’

I realized rather quickly that this was no regular darkness.

The moment I tried to absorb it, I felt an intense and overwhelming sensation.

My thoughts grew murky, and a heavy heat built up in my chest as faint, indistinct voices began whispering at the edges of my mind.

’Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.’

The voices were overwhelming, and for a moment, I started to see red.

I... started to see Julien’s world and vision.

"Let me go....! You piece of shit!"

His screams echoed as I continued to absorb the darkness. Yet with every passing second, the weight on my body grew heavier, pressing down on me from all directions. The voices clawed at the edges of my mind, louder and louder, until they were all I could hear.

’Kill. Kill. Kill.’

My chest tightened, my thoughts began to scatter, and for a brief moment, I felt myself slipping, struggling to hold on as I tried to pull every last drop of resentment out of him.

H-how?

How could anyone...!?

"I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!"

Clenching my teeth, notifications began to receive notifications one after another. I could see my emotive magic starting to improve as my chest started to heave up and down repeatedly, a burning sensation reaching my mind as I took deep and steady breaths.

But—

’Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.’

The voices continued to whisper in my mind. They became more and more relentless as this situation went on, and I quickly realized that I was starting to become overwhelmed by them as my vision started to grow red.

A pair of bloodshot eyes filled my vision, appearing in all directions as the resentment that was entering my head was starting to take complete hold of my mind. I started to struggle, trying my best to keep the resentment at bay. I couldn’t let it control me, but that was easier said than done.

’Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.’

The resentment was in its purest form, and the voices that whispered in my mind grew even more pronounced, taking over my thoughts.

"Kh...!"

I started to struggle as well, my mind swelling from the voice.

And just when I thought the situation was turning for the worst—

’Father... Where is mother? I don’t see her anymore.’

’She’s gone.’

’Why...?’

’.....’

A certain conversation whispered in my mind. One that faded in the background of the other voices that whispered in my mind, but the more I paid attention to it, the more I realized what it was as I stared at Julien. His eyes were still bloodshot, and his gaze was twisted, but within the darkness contained within his body, I felt something.

Tiny as it was....

’Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.’

’Why won’t you tell me?’

’...It’s because of me, right?’

’I am the reason.’

’I... am the reason why mother left.’

’I’m strange, aren’t I? Why am I strange?’

The more I paid attention to the voice that whispered in the background of the resentment, the more I started to feel the other emotion. I tried my best to pay attention to it, and as I did, my chest started to tremble.

It was painful, but the pain was different compared to the other pains that I had felt.

This pain...

It was a lot more raw than anything else that I had felt.

This was...

’Sadness.’

It became clear to me rather quickly what sort of pain this was. It was sadness. One that made me pause for a moment.

But that proved to be a mistake as the resentment took over my mind shortly after.

’Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.’

It started to overwhelm my thoughts, and for just the briefest of moments, I started to feel a certain impulse as I stared at Julien, feeling the sudden need to squeeze his head into a pulp.

"A-ah."

I clenched my hand over their head, my grip tightening.

’Kill... I should kill him.’

I started to think about everything that he had done to me, and felt the anger and resentment that had started to boil inside my mind start to become even clearer.

’Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.’

Ah, I really wanted to kill this fucker.

For everything that he had done to me. For... all the misunderstandings that he had probably caused with his actions.

"F-fuck!"

My teeth clenched tightly, and my fingers dug deeper as the groan of his skull reached my ears. My grip kept tightening, and under the pressure, his face began to twist, his features warping with pain.

"Hah! Ha!Haa!"

His heavy breaths echoed in my ears as he stared straight at me, his bloodshot eyes locked onto mine without wavering. It was then that I noticed it. Subtle, yet unmistakable droplets tracing down the sides of his cheeks, catching the dim light as they fell.

It was the sight that made me pause for a moment.

Wait... What?

Crying?

Why was he—

A strange clarity seeped into my mind shortly after, cutting through the haze even as the voices continued to whisper and coil around inside my head.

’Did... mother leave because I’m weird?’

’I hear voices in my mind.’

’They tell me... to do things.’

’I don’t want to do them, but they keep telling me to do it.’

’I...’

"Haaa...! Ha! Haaa!"

My hand trembled as the sound of my own breath roared inside my mind, each inhale and exhale louder than the last. Staring at Julien, at the tears streaming down his face, for a fleeting moment, I managed to blur out all the resentment piling up inside my head.

I set everything aside and just stared at him.

I... truly started to look at him.

"Ukh.. hur..."

He was a mess. His eyes were bloodshot. Saliva spilled from the side of his mouth, and his expression was filled with nothing but anger as weird noises came out of his mouth. However, now that I truly looked at him, I saw it.

The desperation in his eyes as he looked at me.

"L... let me... g-go."

He hoarsely spoke, his face trembling.

"L-let me g-go... P-please..."

The desperation was all too clear to me now.

The anger and resentment burning inside him were still just as powerful as before, but something else began to surface. A faint glow, blue in color, seeped through the cracks of the darkness I had been slowly absorbing, pushing its way in, spreading like ink in water until it began to take over the shadows within him.

"I... want t-o..."

The more I absorbed the darkness, the greater the blue became. The... sadness. The bloodshot gaze started to change, and the tears started to stream down more.

Drip! Drip...!

"H-ic! hurkh...!"

He started to weep.

He looked pathetic.

For a moment, I started to waver.

Seeing the sadness that was hidden within all that resentment, I nearly felt compelled to stop. However, clenching my teeth, I remained firm.

"A-ah... Haaa...!"

Tears trickled down Julien’s face as I quietly absorbed the remaining resentment, the voices whispering in my mind just as much as before.

’Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!’

’Pathetic! Pathetic! Pathetic! Pathetic! Pathetic! Pathetic! Pathetic! Pathetic!’

No, in fact, they started to grow even more pronounced, and the more I heard them, the more joy I started to feel in watching him despair before my very eyes.

’Yes, yes. This is how it should be. Cry more, you bastard. Cry for everything that you’ve caused. You deserve nothing but pain!’

I started to feel scared by my own thoughts, but they weren’t thoughts that I could pause. They grew more noticeable and unstoppable with the resentment that entered my mind. I knew that it was dangerous and that I needed to stop it, but staring at the numerous notifications that appeared before my very eyes, I didn’t want to stop.

Yes, yes... Keep it going.

"Pl-lease...! S-stop.."

Julien’s squeals echoed in the background as a sickening smile formed on my lips. Watching him suffer brought so much joy to me, and I started to lose myself in the emotions.

’Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.’

I felt disgusting.

Sickening.

And yet—

’More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More. More.’

I couldn’t stop myself. I lost myself completely to the emotions as I absorbed everything that there was to offer. Feeling the emotive magic that had been stagnant for quite some time grow and reach a whole new level that I had never thought was possible, I squealed with ecstasy.

"Yes, more!"

I began to laugh, losing myself completely in the emotions.

Staring at the trembling figure before my very eyes, I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Scream more. Beg more!"

"S-stop!"

"Haha, yes! Let me hear it more. Let me—"

"D-don’t become like me."

"Huh...?"

What did he just—

"Y-you’re becoming like me."

The smile froze for a moment, my gaze turning to Julien as he trembled under my grasp. As voices continued to whisper in my mind, Julien’s gaze remained fixed on me.

"D...don’t become like me." He muttered again, his voice shaky and trembling.

"Don’t become like you? What—"

"Clear."

Julien cut me off, his voice sounding better.

"My mind is clear. For the first time..." Julien raised his head to look at me. His eyes, no longer bloodshot, were clear as they looked at me. And... in that moment, I saw it. Clarity. A sharp and unwavering clarity.

His eyes...

They were so clear, so painfully bright, that for an instant it felt blinding. My hands faltered, and I stopped whatever I was doing.

That was the moment when the world around me appeared to stop.

Julien stared at me as his chest trembled.

"You’ve... got to stop." He spoke, his voice breaking through the many voices that whispered in the air. That clouded my mind. "Y-you’re becoming a spitting image of me."

***

From the moment Julien was born, he understood he was different.

He understood that a certain darkness lived within his mind. A darkness that he couldn’t contain.

As a child, he tried his best to contain it.

But...

Ultimately, he failed.

Evelyn was the first one to see his darkness.

Leon was the first one to experience it.

His mother was the first one to run away from it.

He didn’t understand it back then, but... his mind was clear now. The darkness was no longer present, and it all became clear to him.

’...It’s all my fault.’

The world changed in his eyes.

The voices that whispered in his head were gone, and the constant boiling within his chest disappeared.

Staring at the figure standing before him, his face twisted with anger and resentment, Julien realized he was looking at a reflection of himself. He was staring at who he had been his entire life.

For the first time, he could see the ugliness in himself.

He didn’t want to look at it any longer. He felt disgusted by it.

But at the same time, he understood that he needed to look at it. He wanted to take a look at his own ugliness. And staring at it, he couldn’t help but feel something squeeze within his chest.

If...

All humans were born equal.

Why was he born so different from the others?

What did he do to be born so different? Why was he born to hold such ugliness? Why couldn’t he have been saved earlier?

Why him of all people?

How could all of it happen to him?

Julien’s chest burned as he felt the resentment slowly wash away from his chest. Staring at the figure before him as he lost himself in the resentment that once took hold of him, Julien became more and more aware of how ugly he had been his entire life.

Now that clarity had finally reached him, he saw it all too clearly.

"S-stop."

Seeing him struggle with his resentment, Julien’s lips trembled.

He didn’t want him to become like him.

Now that his mind was clear, he wanted to get rid of the ugliness.

"Y... you need to stop."

Julien forced the words past his lips, eyes fixed on the reflection before him. In that moment, he wasn’t speaking to the entity that had taken over his body.

No, he was talking to himself.

The real Julien Dacre Evenus.

"The world is lonely."

Julien took a step forward, prompting the reflection to step back.

"N-no."

"I get that. We’ve always been alone."

Julien’s lips trembled, but as they did, they also curled.

He was smiling now.

For the first time, he could think without the voices in his head. He could think without the influence of his own darkness.

It felt...

So free.

He was free.

In the face of his fading existence, rather than fear, Julien felt freedom.

He felt liberated.

As if a massive burden had been taken away from him.

At the same time, he saw someone shouldering the burden that had long haunted his mind. But unlike him, this person didn’t cling solely to resentment... There were other things holding him together, other threads keeping him balanced.

Things... that he was never able to get.

That was why, despite feeling his existence slowly starting to fade, Julien still chose to remain as he stared at the struggling figure in front of him.

"Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill."

He was hunched on the ground, his eyes slowly being consumed by madness.

In that moment, Julien felt the figure turn into that of a child.

To that... of him when he was young, when he was struggling all by himself to control the darkness. Unfortunately, there never existed someone to help him control that darkness.

He had always been alone.

The darkness grew as a result.

If only... There had been someone to just stick with him.

To tell him that the world wasn’t so lonely.

To tell him that it was all... okay.

"It’s okay."

Julien hunched over, wrapping his arms around the young figure and pulling him close to his chest.

His lips trembled as he held tightly onto the child.

As he felt his warmth.

It must’ve been lonely, right?

The world.

Everything...

It must’ve been really lonely, right?

"H-ha."

Julien’s chest trembled, his gaze drifting to the white world behind.

He could feel his existence starting to fade.

The darkness that previously consumed him had disappeared completely.

For the first time, he was truly free.

And...

"...It’s okay."

Squeezing the little boy, he reassured.

"It’s... going to be okay."

Julien’s mind went blank moments later.

In his final moments, the darkness dissipated entirely.

In its place, a vibrant green emerged. A green so bright that it almost felt like it could pierce all darkness.

For the first and last time in his life, Julien felt it.

Joy.

He touched it in his final moments.

He reached it... in his freedom.