Daydreaming about Me

Chapter 92

Lin Zhi still remembers the year Lin Yujing was born; it was particularly cold. After a rainstorm at the end of October, the temperature plummeted. That day, Meng Weiguo was away on a business trip, and Lin Zhi was at home alone when the pain struck suddenly.

During labor, the only people around her were the household staff. After more than ten hours of torment, the little girl was born, wrinkled and small. The doctor said she was already one of the prettiest newborns, but Lin Zhi didn’t think she looked particularly attractive—she resembled a tiny radish head.

At that time, she wondered what her little radish would grow up to look like, whether she would resemble her father more or her mother, and whether she would favor her father or mother. She imagined her wearing a pretty dress, following her around, calling her “Mom” in a soft voice.

Meng Weiguo was busy with work and didn’t come back until a week later. Lin Zhi didn’t mind at the time; she loved him wholeheartedly. She could understand, accept, and tolerate everything about him.

Back then, she still believed in love.

She had given all her sincerity and innocence, the best years of her life, to one person without reservation, only to be repaid with deceit and betrayal. Meng Weiguo, who had countless admirers, did not change his ways even after marriage. He chose her merely to avoid struggling for a few extra years.

She was the pride of her family, coming from a well-off background, with outstanding looks and abilities. Suitors lined up for her, and she seemed to have everything one could want. She thought she had found her destined one in college, married for love, and would live happily ever after.

But in the end, her burning heart was trampled underfoot, along with her dignity and pride. It wasn’t enough. The mutual torment and agony over more than a decade cut her last bit of hope like a poisoned blade, one stab at a time.

She had been proud all her life, unable to accept losing so utterly in this matter. Anything related to Meng Weiguo became intolerable to her; she couldn’t let it go.

Seeing her daughter reminded her of him.

She didn’t know how to face Lin Yujing.

Of course, the child was innocent, but her thoughts couldn’t be controlled by reason.

Lin Zhi didn’t know how to accept the part of her daughter that carried Meng Weiguo’s genes and blood. Even though this was her child—she could even remember the first small kick inside her belly and her first cry after birth—Lin Yujing’s existence was a constant reminder of those utter failures, the brokenness, and the bloody scars.

The most shameful defeats she had ever experienced.

Every minute was a kind of torment.

When she decided to have a hysterectomy, the doctor advised her that her condition wasn’t serious and had been detected early. It was possible to just remove the tumor, without the need for a full hysterectomy.

But Lin Zhi hardly hesitated. She didn’t need it. She would never bear a child with another man again; one harrowing lesson was enough.

Lin Zhi couldn’t bring herself to tell Lin Yujing to boldly love someone, to say she would surely meet someone who would always love her.

She couldn’t say those words because, deep down, she didn’t believe them. She could only rely on the scant blood connection between them to try to convince Lin Yujing of the things she had learned from reality.

“If you give your heart so selflessly, in the end, you’ll be the one who gets hurt.”

“Just like I did.”

“You should listen to me.”

“What I say must be right.”

Lin Zhi understood her daughter’s character too well. By exposing the harshest and most brutal aspects of love before her, she was certain Lin Yujing would waver, because she didn’t believe in love either. They were too alike. She didn’t even hang up the phone, confident in her victory.

Before hearing Lin Yujing’s response, Lin Zhi had thought this way, but at this moment, she suddenly felt lost.

It was as if the tower of blocks she had painstakingly built was suddenly pulled from the bottom. Something she had clung to and believed in for more than a decade was now on the verge of collapse.

She wanted to hold it together, to stop it, to shove that block back in place, but she found she was already powerless.

Lin Yujing recalled that the last time she cried was when she went to find Shen Juan at University A, in early September. Counting on her fingers, it had only been five months.

She had always thought of herself as having eyes deep like an abyss, but it seemed her understanding of herself was flawed.

Ever since meeting Shen Juan, she had become more and more sentimental.

Lin Yujing pressed a finger to the inner corner of her eye, forcing back the sourness. At least in front of Lin Zhi, she couldn’t appear so vulnerable.

Lin Zhi remained silent, and the household staff standing at the kitchen entrance glanced between the two of them, not daring to say a word.

Lin Yujing didn’t want to speak either. She turned and went upstairs, sitting on her bed in a daze for a long time before finally realizing she should call Shen Juan to let him know she had arrived.

She pulled out her phone, but after a moment’s thought, worried her voice and mood might give her away, so she sent a WeChat message instead.

Shen Juan replied quickly: “Send me your location.”

Lin Yujing casually sent it to him.

Shen Juan didn’t respond again. He was probably back to training by now. Lin Yujing set down her phone, lay on the bed, and blinked at the ceiling before sighing.

What if Lin Zhi got truly angry and cut ties with her, refusing to let her inherit the family fortune?

Then it wouldn’t be Shen Juan who was poor, but her.

She’d have to cling to her boyfriend’s thigh to get by.

Given Lin Zhi’s personality and temper, the more Lin Yujing thought about it, the more likely it seemed. In her mind, she was already rehearsing a lengthy scenario: either you break up, or you change your surname. You can forget about getting a single penny from the Lin family.

Lying on her pillow, with her eyes half-closed, Lin Yujing was on the verge of falling asleep, still half-dazed as she thought to herself how great her sacrifice was.

To give up a vast fortune for a mere man.

Lin Yujing woke up five hours later, the sky fully dark, and the moon faintly visible outside the large floor-to-ceiling window.

She had woken up from hunger.

She’d only had a little airplane food during the day, then came back to argue with Lin Zhi, and fell asleep as soon as she lay down. By now, her stomach was entirely empty.

She sat up, still groggy from sleeping too long during the day, yawned, rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, and then washed her face before heading downstairs to find something to eat.

As she passed by the study on the second floor, she noticed the door was ajar, bright light spilling onto the dark hallway carpet, and faint voices coming from inside.

Lin Yujing froze, almost thinking she was hallucinating.

She moved closer and heard a voice speaking clearly inside.

“My temper isn’t great, and I don’t particularly respect the elderly or children. I call you ‘Ma’am’ because you are my girlfriend’s biological mother. I thank you for giving her life, and I appreciate that you sent her to City A. That’s all. I don’t know what difficulties you’ve faced, nor do I care how much salt you’ve eaten or how many roads you’ve walked compared to me. That’s your business, but no experience justifies hurting others.”

Lin Yujing leaned against the doorframe, still somewhat bewildered.

Shen Juan’s tone was slow and calm, muffled through the door, making his voice sound deeper than usual. He continued, “If you don’t cherish your daughter and think you can say whatever you want just to provoke her, I can’t tolerate it. I can’t bear to hear it.”

“I can’t stand seeing the girl I hold dear being treated like this by her own mother. I won’t allow it. Leaving her in this environment to listen to some cult-like nonsense about how no one loves her—no, I won’t accept that. Whether you agree or not, I’m taking her away today. She won’t stay here.”

After a pause, he politely added his sincerest blessing, “Happy New Year.”

His tone was light, but it was clear that he was barely suppressing his anger.

“…”

Lin Yujing stood there, dumbfounded, almost questioning whether she was dreaming.

Shen Juan really had the audacity to argue with anyone!

Seriously, dude, tell me, why do you dare to challenge everyone?

As she stood there in a daze, the study door suddenly opened, and Shen Juan saw her and hesitated.

In half a second, he regained his composure and looked down at her, “Awake?”

Lin Yujing murmured, “I feel like I’m still dreaming. Who are you? Why do you look exactly like my boyfriend?”

Shen Juan raised a hand and pinched her cheek, “Your husband.”

“…”

Lin Yujing was at a loss for words, her ears turning red as she glared at him, “Have some shame.”

Shen Juan lifted his chin slightly, “Go, get your luggage.”

Lin Yujing blinked, “What for

?”

“We’re going home.”

It was nearly nine o’clock at night, and going home would mean catching a red-eye flight and arriving in City A in the middle of the night—utterly exhausting.

In the end, they booked tickets for the next day and found a hotel for the night.

Lin Yujing hadn’t expected Lin Zhi to let her go. She thought there was a high chance she wouldn’t be able to leave, and that Shen Juan might not be able to either. After all, they were far away from his territory in the imperial capital—two ill-fated lovers. She envisioned herself tied to a pillar, watching Shen Juan being surrounded and beaten by gangsters, and as he lay on the brink of death, he would look up weakly and say six words, “Don’t worry about me… just run…”

Leaning against the hotel elevator, she couldn’t stop laughing as she watched the floor numbers rise slowly.

Shen Juan glanced at her.

Earlier, when she had just woken up, she was still a bit sluggish and didn’t fully understand why he was there. Now, she realized why, and turned her head to look at him, “Boyfriend, did you call my mom?”

Shen Juan didn’t deny it, “Mm.”

Lin Yujing asked, “In the afternoon?”

Shen Juan paused but didn’t speak.

When her final exams were over, Shen Juan had made the first call to Lin Zhi and met with her.

As a man in a relationship, leaving the responsibility of dealing with the mother-in-law to his girlfriend seemed pointless.

Lin Yujing hadn’t wanted him to interfere, so he had planned to keep it a secret. He had shown a level of politeness and humility he had never exhibited before, willing to play the role of a humble son-in-law.

Shen Juan didn’t care what Lin Zhi said about him, but he couldn’t accept the things she said to Lin Yujing. Listening to her voice, full of grievances and stifled emotions over the phone, had driven him mad with distress, making him wish he could reach her in a second.

He cherished this girl so much; why should she be bullied?

Not even by her own mother.

Especially not by her own mother.

He hadn’t expected Lin Yujing to overhear his conversation in the study just now. She had a lot of pride and surely wouldn’t want him to hear all of that.

He remained silent, and Lin Yujing understood.

With a light sound, the elevator doors opened. Shen Juan pulled her luggage out, and Lin Yujing followed behind. They walked down the corridor, their footsteps muffled by the soft carpet.

Shen Juan swiped the card to open the door, placed it in the slot, and Lin Yujing closed the door behind them with a faint click.

He turned around, but before he could speak, Lin Yujing stepped forward, grabbed his coat collar, and kissed him.

Shen Juan took half a second to respond, wrapping his arms around her and opening his mouth to let her in, kissing her fervently.

Their breaths intertwined, Lin Yujing’s eyes half-open and blurry, her fingers unbuttoning his coat one button at a time. Shen Juan cooperated, helping her remove the coat, which fell to the floor.

Lin Yujing’s hand slid down to his belt. With a click, her fingers moved lower.

Shen Juan grasped her hand and lightly bit her lips, his voice husky, “It’s dirty.”

Lin Yujing kissed the corner of his lips and teasingly tugged at his waistband, her voice sultry, “Then let’s shower.”

The bathroom light was bright. As soon as they entered, Lin Yujing pulled off his belt and then paused abruptly.

The edge of his waistband revealed a hint of black ink.

Lin Yujing froze, tugging his waistband down slightly.

Her sudden movement brushed against the skin, making Shen Juan hiss and chuckle, “So eager?”

Lin Yujing said nothing, her head bowed so her expression was unreadable.

On the left side of Shen Juan’s lower abdomen, near his hip bone, was a new tattoo, the edges still slightly red.

A simple black outline depicted a whale, not a precisely realistic design but a loosely drawn, delicate pattern.

Lin Yujing stared at it for a while before looking up with reddened eyes, “Did you get this today?”

“Mm,” Shen Juan replied, “I didn’t expect to see you this soon. I thought it would take until after the New Year.”

Lin Yujing didn’t respond.

The first time she met him, she had asked where getting a tattoo hurt the most, and Shen Juan said it was where the skin was thinnest.

His lower abdomen had only a thin layer of skin, and the muscle lines were defined. When her fingers grazed this area, his breathing would deepen, indicating its sensitivity and likely intense pain compared to other spots.

Lin Yujing pressed her lips together, “I noticed even your tattoo placements are unique. Couldn’t you have chosen somewhere else?”

“You like this spot, don’t you?” Shen Juan laughed, “You touch it often.”

Lin Yujing tilted her head, “You secretly got a tattoo. I want one too. Why didn’t you take me?”

Shen Juan raised a hand and pinched her earlobe, “I couldn’t bear to let you feel the pain.”

Lin Yujing pushed him back two steps, pinning him against the tile, and whispered, “I want to feel the pain for you.”

Shen Juan’s muscles tensed, his throat bobbing, and he tilted her head back to swap their positions, pressing her against the bathroom’s glass partition. He reached over to turn on the shower, letting the warm water pour over both of them from head to toe.

The temperature in the bathroom kept rising, and droplets slid down the steamy glass. When they were done, Lin Yujing was carried out and pressed onto the bed, her face buried in his shoulder with embarrassment, feeling his hand move.

She flinched, whimpered, and bit down hard on his shoulder.

Shen Juan withdrew his hand, fingers glistening with a clear substance.

He casually grabbed two tissues from the nightstand, wiped his fingers, and then took hold of her wrist, pulling her down.

Lin Yujing, dazed, felt something was off.

Why was this going back to the original pattern?

Lifting her head from his shoulder, she looked at him with red-rimmed eyes, “Shen Juan…”

He licked and kissed her earlobe, his voice muffled, “Mm?”

Lin Yujing trembled as if burned, her fingers instinctively tightening.

Shen Juan let out a deep groan, tilting his head back, his neck muscles taut, and his Adam’s apple bobbing.

Lin Yujing seemed enchanted; she suddenly raised her head, lightly licking his Adam’s apple, “I don’t want this…”

He leaned down and kissed her, his voice hoarse, “What do you want?”

Lin Yujing pulled him down gently, “This.”

He closed his eyes, cursed, and rasped, “Lin Yujing, don’t push me.”

But Lin Yujing didn’t seem to hear. Her ears were flushed, and she leaned close to his ear, calling him softly, “Gege…”

Then, with a pause, she brushed her tongue over his black earring before whispering two more words.

With a bang, all the rationality in Shen Juan’s mind exploded into ruins.

Author’s note:

“XX.”

Shen Juan remarks, “The condoms at this hotel seem a bit tight ?”