Read Novel Full Chapters 81 – 85
Chapters 81 – 85
Chapter 81
Just like with falling in love, Lin Yujing didn’t have much faith in marriage.
When she said this, it dawned on her that she and Shen Juan would likely have a child in the future—a soft, round little one with their blood running through its veins, looking a bit like both of them.
She had once thought she would never like children or want to have any, due to her distrust of love and family. Given this instability, she wasn’t sure if she could provide her child with a complete and happy upbringing.
But this person was Shen Juan.
She didn’t want to fall in love, but she wanted to with him; she didn’t want to believe in love, but she wanted to believe in Shen Juan.
With him, anything was possible.
She lacked a sense of security, and so did Shen Juan. She feared their feelings would change; he feared she would run away again. Lin Yujing wanted to give him some sense of security too.
She wanted to put his mind at ease, to make him understand her affection. Shen Juan understood.
Her words shattered all his rational thoughts, leaving his mind blank for a moment. This girl, because of her past experiences and upbringing, had entrusted him with the most insecure, the most resistant part of herself.
She had exposed her softest and most vulnerable parts to him, showing him without reservation.
Shen Juan felt as if a knife had been plunged into his chest, slicing through his heart.
He wanted to treat her well, to embrace her forever and be good to her.
As soon as Lin Yujing finished speaking, she practically jumped up from him, her face flushed, and took a step back before she could steady herself.
Shen Juan grabbed her wrist and pulled her back forcefully, causing her wrist to ache. She was pulled forward, falling back into his arms.
Shen Juan flipped over, pressing her into the sofa. Lin Yujing stared at him in confusion.
Shen Juan said nothing, holding her chin and half-forcing her to open her mouth before kissing her.
Lin Yujing blinked, and after a couple of seconds, she wrapped her arms around him voluntarily.
It was a kiss both familiar and different—entwined and deep, fierce yet gentle.
It contained so many of his complex emotions that she couldn’t decipher them all.
Shen Juan silently kissed her chin, sucked her earlobe, and bit down her collarbone.
Lin Yujing closed her eyes, tilted her head back, and traced her fingers through his hair, feeling the bones of his shoulder blades through his clothes.
Suddenly, Shen Juan picked her up and carried her into the bedroom, placing her on the bed.
He knelt on one knee beside the bed, bending down to kiss her lips.
Lin Yujing opened her eyes and watched him straighten up, about to leave. Realizing this, she reached out to grab his hand, pulling him back.
Shen Juan turned around.
Lin Yujing sat up on the bed, holding his hand and looking up: “Are you planning to… do something on the plane?”
She didn’t dare to look at his expression and complimented him, “Boss Shen, you’re really at the forefront of fashion.”
Shen Juan: “…”
Lin Yujing’s surprising words always managed to amaze people.
Clearing her throat and looking away uncomfortably, she said, “Actually, I don’t really mind… just seventeen or eighteen… after all, it’s just a difference of a few days…”
Shen Juan paused, looked down at her: “I’m going to put the cat in the carrier.” Lin Yujing: “…”
She stared at him blankly: “Huh?”
“It sheds and runs around everywhere,” Shen Juan said.
…?
Lin Yujing let go, staring at him in disbelief: “Shen Juan, are you sick? You’re halfway through kissing me, and you tell me you’re going to put the cat in the carrier? Because it runs around and sheds?”
The cat was squatting at the foot of the bed, watching them with wide eyes, curious about what was happening.
Shen Juan walked over, grabbed it, and put it in the carrier, securing it in place. He even turned the carrier around so its door faced the cabin wall.
The cat, unable to see anything now, meowed angrily twice.
Shen Juan turned back to her and said, “This cat is only three months old, still a child. Some things it shouldn’t see.”
Lin Yujing was speechless, unable to find the right words to argue.
Shen Juan, seeing her expression, chuckled, walked over, and covered her eyes. In the darkness, she heard him get on the bed, felt the mattress sink beside her: “You too. Some things you shouldn’t see, shouldn’t do, and shouldn’t say, understand? Little girl.”
Covering her eyes, he whispered in her ear, his voice hoarse: “If there’s a next time, I really won’t hold back.”
Upon arriving in City A, Lin Yujing planned to go straight back to school. School started the day after tomorrow, and she had a pile of unfinished assignments.
Unlike Shen Juan, she wasn’t very ambitious and hadn’t considered doing her homework while away. She had left all the necessary materials and books at school and expected to be coding all night for the next couple of days.
After sticking together for a few days, they each began to focus on their own tasks. Shen Juan went back to his studio soon after.
After entering the city, they first dropped off the cat. The cat, much like its owner, was cool. Its master, leaning lazily against the front of the Land Rover, looked even more imposing than Shen Juan. His profile was sharply defined, with deep-set eyes and muscles radiating testosterone.
Lin Yujing, sitting in the car, whistled a long, rogue whistle.
Shen Juan glanced at her, then got out with the cat carrier, handing it over to the man. They exchanged a few quiet words.
Lin Yujing rested her head on her hand, watching the cool guy carry the cat carrier to the Land Rover and drive off in a cloud of dust.
Shen Juan returned, expressionless: “Was he cool?”
Lin Yujing still seemed a bit enthralled: “I’ve never seen anyone so cool.”
Shen Juan clicked his tongue, squinting unhappily: “Am I not cool?”
Lin Yujing turned to him, blinking: “Juan, you’re the best-looking.”
Shen Juan glared at her: “Why didn’t you have this reaction when you first saw me?”
Lin Yujing didn’t understand why he was suddenly bringing up old issues and decided to play along: “You weren’t very enthusiastic when you first saw me either. You thought I was there for a tattoo.”
“Hey,” she suddenly asked, “Do you have any tattoos?” Shen Juan paused, then said calmly: “No.”
Lin Yujing was surprised: “Why not? All the tattoo artists I know are covered in them. At least one sleeve, like Wang Yiyang.”
“Want to know?” Shen Juan turned the steering wheel as they drove onto a bridge. He was driving his cousin’s car, handling it skillfully. Lin Yujing had no idea he could drive, mainly because she never thought he had a car.
Lin Yujing nodded.
She was waiting for some amazing, dramatic, cool, and boastful answer from him. Shen Juan remained calm: “My mom wouldn’t let me.”
Lin Yujing was taken aback: “What?”
“My mom wouldn’t let me,” Shen Juan said coolly. “My uncle does tattoos, and she didn’t approve. There wasn’t much I could do. Luo Qinghe is very stubborn, and it just passed over time.”
Lin Yujing didn’t know what to say.
There was a moment of silence in the car. Lin Yujing paused and then said softly: “There’s nothing you can’t get over.”
She always told herself this.
Shen Juan noticed her mood, smiled: “And my mom is very reasonable, very democratic. She would oppose it, but she wouldn’t stop it. If I really wanted to do it, I could, but I’d have to never come home again or acknowledge her.”
“…”
Lin Yujing suddenly realized that this was indeed a very democratic mother.
“And I don’t have anything specific I want to tattoo,” Shen Juan continued, “Tattoos are something that you carry from life to death; they accompany you to the grave.”
Carved into the skin, permeating the bones, born from you, and dying with you.
Shen Juan kept his eyes on the road, not looking at her: “I never had anything like that before.”
Lin Yujing laughed: “Do you have something now?” Shen Juan smiled slightly: “Seems like I do.”
“What do you mean ‘seems like’? Why are you so reluctant,” Lin Yujing rolled her eyes at him and suddenly had an idea, “Shen Juan, why don’t you give me a tattoo?”
Shen Juan glanced at her: “What do you want?”
“I don’t know,” she propped her head up with her hand, elbow resting on her leg, thinking seriously, “Something that would remind me of you at first sight.”
Shen Juan was momentarily stunned.
Lin Yujing tapped her chin with her fingers, genuinely contemplating, muttering to herself: “Maybe I should tattoo your name. Would that be too common? And just the pinyin of a name seems silly.”
The car stopped at the gate of University A. Shen Juan parked by the roadside and turned to look at her.
Lin Yujing turned her head to seek professional advice: “Where do you think it would look best?”
Shen Juan focused on her: “You want to tattoo my name?” Lin Yujing nodded.
He unbuckled his seatbelt, leaned over, and asked in a low voice: “Aren’t you afraid of the pain?”
“Yes,” Lin Yujing also unbuckled her seatbelt, leaned in, and supported herself on the edge of the passenger seat, tilting her head to kiss him, “So you’ll have to share the pain with me.”
Shen Juan raised his hand and pinched her earlobe: “Okay.”
Lin Yujing thought for a moment, but it wasn’t enough: “You have to pick a place that hurts more than mine.”
“Okay,” Shen Juan complied, “Whatever you say.” —
Shen Juan spent the whole day at the studio. He hadn’t worked there properly for a long time. Since Luo Qinghe died, he felt like the last bit of support had been taken from him.
He didn’t want to do anything or think about anything and had been in a slump for a long time.
Most of the appointments were canceled by his mother. Since returning to the country, he had been taking jobs by chance, doing them if they came up and not caring if they didn’t.
Shen Juan sat in the empty studio, staring into space until three in the morning.
For twenty years, almost as long as he could remember, he had been tied to this small, shabby old house.
He had tried to carry on, tried to break free, but with little success. Exhausted and drained, Shen Juan only felt tired, very tired.
He looked up at the ceiling, seeing the paintings on it in the darkness.
The light was too dim to make out the details, but the contrast was clear: one side heaven, one side hell. He had painted it stroke by stroke the day Luo Qinghe was hospitalized, finishing the entire ceiling over several days without closing his eyes.
Shen Juan had thought he knew every detail by heart, but now he realized he couldn’t remember.
He thought of what Lin Yujing said today.
Nothing is insurmountable.
Shen Juan leaned back on the sofa, covering his eyes with the back of his hand. No one owes anyone anything.
Early the next morning, before Shen Juan got up, Jiang Han and Wang Yiyang arrived, making a racket.
Wang Yiyang, bored out of his mind during the long vacation, studied at a university in the suburbs, requiring over two hours of bus and subway rides to get into the city. He had eagerly awaited the long break to return and find his buddy, only to find him gone.
According to Jiang Han, Shen Juan seemed to have quickly found a girlfriend at University A.
Wang Yiyang’s first reaction was disbelief.
Jiang Han, a few years older and no longer in school, wasn’t aware of the situation between Lin Yujing and Shen Juan in class ten.
Wang Yiyang knew.
He had seen Shen Juan’s state clearly after Lin Yujing left.
Shen Juan ignored them, his lack of sleep putting him in a foul mood. He slept until noon.
After taking a shower and stepping out of the bedroom, he found Wang Yiyang sitting on the sofa, staring at him.
Shen Juan had no intention of acknowledging him. Wang Yiyang continued to stare.
Shen Juan wiped his hair, walked into the workroom, came out with a sketch pad and pencil, and after ten minutes of ignoring Wang Yiyang, finally turned to him impatiently, pencil in hand, and looked at him expressionlessly.
Wang Yiyang eagerly approached: “Dad, when did you come back? Why didn’t you tell us?”
Shen Juan yawned: “Yesterday.”
“Back to drawing right away,” Wang Yiyang muttered, trying to ease into the main topic without being too direct.
Shen Juan had little patience for anyone other than Lin Yujing, especially this idiot. He glanced at him: “Got something to say, spit it out.”
Wang Yiyang bluntly asked: “Are you dating someone?”
Shen Juan raised an eyebrow and looked up without speaking. Wang Yiyang’s heart sank; it was true.
As Shen Juan’s friend, Wang Yiyang had naturally been upset when Lin Yujing left. He had even blacklisted her contact.
Later, he recalled the day she left, coming back to pack her things.
The calm and unruffled fairy of class ten had stood there, tears streaming down her face as she looked at Shen Juan’s books and empty seat.
Wang Yiyang had then removed her from the blacklist and tried to talk to her, but all his messages sank without a trace.
He had genuinely hoped they would end up together. Wang Yiyang suddenly felt melancholic.
Even someone as carefree as him felt a pang in his heart. It seemed like everything was like this—the first person you meet always ends up becoming a regret in your life.
He nodded: “Alright, good for you. I’m genuinely happy that you found someone you like.”
Shen Juan looked at him with an expression of disdain, lowered his head, and the pencil moved swiftly across the paper.
Wang Yiyang didn’t notice; he was used to that look.
He sighed and said wistfully: “Do you think the best person you meet in life is just meant to become a regret?”
Jiang Han shuddered at his words, unable to tolerate it: “Wang Yiyang, didn’t I tell you to stop watching those stupid idol dramas? They make you dumb.”
He glanced at Shen Juan.
Jiang Han knew that during the summer break, Lin Yujing had called Shen Juan.
After that person left, what happened next, and whether there was any follow-up, Jiang Han didn’t know. Shen Juan didn’t say, and Jiang Han couldn’t ask.
Wang Yiyang kept babbling on. Probably too idle during this long National Day holiday, he watched a lot of idol dramas, spouting a series of non-mainstream romantic lines. He got so excited that he went out to buy a bunch of snacks and beer, starting a drinking session with Jiang Han.
Shen Juan put on headphones, sat on the floor holding a drawing board, and spent the entire afternoon drawing without moving an inch.
When he got absorbed in his work, he couldn’t hear anything. The two were used to this. When Jiang Han went to the bathroom, he glanced at the paper and saw the rough outline, which looked like a fish or something similar.
As night fell, Shen Juan finally put down his pen, set his things aside, and joined them for food.
Jiang Han and Wang Yiyang had been eating all afternoon and weren’t hungry. The few of them sat on the carpet in front of the sofa, with the studio door open. The early autumn night breeze blew in through the door. Shen Juan propped up one leg, holding a bottle of beer, leaning against the sofa, listening to Jiang Han and Wang Yiyang’s chatter, feeling unusually relaxed.
His phone buzzed in his pocket. He took it out, swiped it open, and saw a message from Lin Yujing.
[Boyfriend, what are you doing?]
Shen Juan paused.
Lin Yujing rarely used this tone when messaging him.
Usually, it meant she was either about to trick him or needed his help with something. Shen Juan paused before replying: [Not much, why?]
Lin Yujing, accustomed to his concise replies, asked: [Are you at the studio?]
Shen Juan responded: [Yeah.]
Lin Yujing didn’t reply again.
Shen Juan assumed she was busy with homework and didn’t think much of it, setting his phone aside.
He didn’t notice when Jiang Han and Wang Yiyang stopped talking.
When Shen Juan looked up, he saw the two of them staring at him.
Wang Yiyang said, “Did my dad just smile?”
Jiang Han added, “How come your dad suddenly seemed more lively?”
Wang Yiyang, excited, said, “And he’s texting! Is it my mom? Is it?”
“Hey, Juan, when are you bringing your girlfriend to meet us?” Jiang Han laughed loudly, like a duck.
It was just like this, whether they knew the ex-girlfriend or not, the past was the past. Since their friend had moved on, so had they.
Jiang Han, slightly drunk, blurted out, “I’m really curious, what kind of person could pull you back from that eighteenth level of hell?”
Wang Yiyang speculated, “Definitely beautiful, the kind that would make fish sink and birds alight, moon hide, and flowers blush. I bet fifty cents, she’s like a fairy, gentle enough to drip water, speaking softly and delicately, and she must have a bit of a fairy- like temperament, with beautiful eyes and long eyelashes.”
Wang Yiyang slapped the table, adding, “And she must play basketball!!” “…”
Jiang Han felt something was off.
Shen Juan glanced at him: “Curious?”
They both nodded.
This time Shen Juan genuinely smiled: “One day, be prepared.”
What kind of deity? Of course, a god.
His god.
“Dad, I—” Wang Yiyang, excited, was about to ask more when he glanced at the door. His voice stopped abruptly.
Jiang Han followed his gaze, freezing in place. Shen Juan looked up, following their gaze.
Outside the door, under the bright moonlight, a young man stood with his back to the light, his features softened by the warm light of the room, appearing gentle and harmless.
Shen Juan paused.
The last time he saw Nie Xinghe was at the hospital entrance.
He had caught a fleeting glimpse of the boy standing there indifferently, there to see Luo Qinghe for the last time. At that moment, Shen Juan was in such a bad state that he wasn’t even sure he really saw him.
Since that day, Nie Xinghe had disappeared.
Until now, he stood at the door, his voice still soft: “It’s so lively here.”
Jiang Han leapt up, glaring at him.
“Don’t be so scary. I’m not here to do anything,” Nie Xinghe said, pursing his lips, looking over, “Shen Juan, I heard you’re joining University A’s shooting team.”
Shen Juan said nothing, leaning against the sofa, watching him with dark eyes, his emotions unreadable.
“Are you really going back? I thought you’d given up. You haven’t lost hope; you still dare to go back,” Nie Xinghe quietly tilted his head, “Did you forget why Luo Qinghe died? Do you not remember?”
“If you don’t remember, I do. So I came to remind you,” he said calmly, “I said you would never—”
Before he finished, Wang Yiyang cursed and rushed to the door: “Fuck—”
“I’ll fucking—damn you,” Wang Yiyang’s curse was interrupted. A female voice came from the door, accompanied by a large plastic bag that landed on Nie Xinghe’s head with a thud.
It sounded heavy.
Wang Yiyang, halfway to the door, was stunned by the scene and froze, unable to react.
“Are you crazy? What does Shen Juan’s going anywhere have to do with you? Never think? Never think what?” Lin Yujing threw a bag of snacks at Nie Xinghe’s face. Items spilled out, causing him to stagger back two steps, bewildered. He turned his head to look.
Lin Yujing casually tossed the bag aside, grabbed his collar, and pulled him close, staring at him at a very close distance: “I don’t care what you remember or want to say. Shen Juan doesn’t remember anything now, and you’d better forget it all and keep your mouth shut.”
She narrowed her eyes at him, lowering her voice: “If you really want to find trouble, remember that your father is ready to beat you up today. Got it?”
Shen Juan: “…”
Wang Yiyang: “…”
Jiang Han: “…”
Author’s Note:
Your Lin Yujing is exceptionally cool today. Xiao Nie, come and get your boxed lunch.
Ah Jian habitually pulls the male lead and his cat from “Rose Tart” out for a stroll, writing about a cat-raising cool guy who’s all testosterone.
Chapter 82
Lin Yujing was in a pretty good mood. From yesterday until tonight, she had finally finished all her homework for the long vacation.
School starts tomorrow, and remembering that Shen Juan said he would return to school tonight, she sneaked out to find him.
Shen Juan always had beer, but Lin Yujing didn’t like the brand he had, so she usually bought her own. She lugged a bag of snacks as she walked into the old alley.
It had really been a long time since she last came here. Standing at the pitch-dark entrance, she felt a momentary sense of unfamiliarity.
But that feeling of unfamiliarity vanished entirely when she saw the person standing at the doorway.
Lin Yujing thought her temper had improved significantly over the past two years. Life is full of disappointments, so why get angry?
Many sources of worry stem from one’s inability to let go of things.
But what if it’s not you who’s being hard on yourself, but someone else who won’t let you go?
Then you shouldn’t let them go either.
At first, Lin Yujing didn’t recognize Nie Xinghe. She had only seen him once and had barely noticed him at the time.
It wasn’t until he finished speaking that even a fool could guess who he was. Lin Yujing genuinely didn’t understand what this person was thinking.
She grabbed his collar and tried to drag him out. Nie Xinghe reacted for a moment, raising his hand to grab her wrist, but quickly realized and remained motionless, letting her drag him. His expression only showed surprise at first, but soon it turned calm and quiet.
He lowered his hand, looked her over, and displayed a curious expression. “Have we met before?”
Lin Yujing glanced at him, closed the door to the studio, and dragged Nie Xinghe to the iron gate.
Even though Nie Xinghe appeared to be the weaker one, he remained unhurried. “Oh, it’s you,” he said with a smile, in a gentle tone, “Lin Yujing?”
Lin Yujing wasn’t curious about how he knew her name. She pursed her lips and yanked his hair, smashing his face against the door with a bang.
Nie Xinghe didn’t make a sound.
Lin Yujing pulled his hair up sharply, looking at him as she said, “You were planning to fight back just now, weren’t you?”
“Why did you hold back? You wanted to provoke Shen Juan, so you deliberately said those things. Then what? Accuse him of intentional harm?” Lin Yujing tilted her head. “Do you think you can succeed?”
“Do you think I need to succeed?” Nie Xinghe slowly wiped the blood from his nose, his sleeve slipping down to reveal a red mark on his arm. “As long as this incident exists, he can’t go back. His shooting team won’t take him back.”
He smiled. “No need to make a big deal, just like last time.”
Lin Yujing didn’t have time to think. Her attention was pulled back by his words, her gaze turning cold as she pressed his head against the cold iron door again.
Just as the two finished speaking, the studio door opened, and Shen Juan stood at the entrance.
Lin Yujing looked up and turned her head to look over.
Nie Xinghe was right; if Shen Juan fought, he’d be done for. An athlete hitting someone? There’s no need to even think about it, regardless of the reason.
She looked at him indifferently, her tone a bit harsh, “Go inside.”
Shen Juan hesitated for a moment, then closed the door behind him and walked straight over.
Lin Yujing didn’t even want Nie Xinghe to come within five meters of Shen Juan. She pushed him away, causing Nie Xinghe to stagger a couple of steps, steadying himself by grabbing the electric pole outside.
Lin Yujing noticed the red mark on his arm.
It looked like a cut, the wound was hideous, and the blood seemed to have just coagulated. He hadn’t even bandaged it and acted as if nothing had happened.
She narrowed her eyes.
Shen Juan had already walked over.
Lin Yujing quickly went over to pull him, urgently saying, “Shen Juan.” Shen Juan turned his head.
“Forget it,” Lin Yujing took a deep breath. “For now, forget it. He’s just here to provoke you. You can’t go over.”
Shen Juan said nothing.
Lin Yujing looked up at him. “Let’s lock the main gate and not let him in.” He paused for a moment, then finally agreed with a heavy nod.
Lin Yujing went to close the door. It was an old-style door with an iron bolt as thick as half her wrist. She fastened the two bolts tightly, then turned around, walked over, and held his hand, squeezing it. “Just pretend you didn’t see him. Today, except for me, no one else came.”
Wang Yiyang’s feelings were complicated at this moment.
He sat quietly on the sofa, looking at Shen Juan, then at Lin Yujing beside him, not knowing what to say.
Lin Yujing had returned.
He never expected Lin Yujing to return in this manner, suddenly at this moment.
But what should be done now?
Shen Juan already had a girlfriend!!
Wasn’t this forcing his brother to choose between the two?
Just thinking about it made Wang Yiyang worried. He privately favored Lin Yujing a bit since they were old friends, but what had the new girlfriend done wrong?
They were just dating, so why should the ex suddenly return? That would be too unfair. Moreover, Shen Juan wasn’t that kind of person.
Wang Yiyang had always trusted Shen Juan’s character, feeling a sense of regret that if Lin Yujing had come back a month earlier, none of this would have happened.
He sighed, looking at Lin Yujing and Shen Juan sitting on the sofa. Lin Yujing had her hand behind her back, sneaking it over bit by bit, lightly scratching Shen Juan’s back with her fingertips.
Shen Juan, with an unchanged expression, reached his hand back and held hers. Lin Yujing tried to pull her hand away.
Shen Juan didn’t let go.
They were making small moves behind their backs.
Wang Yiyang: “…”
Wang Yiyang was speechless.
Did they think he was blind and couldn’t see what they were doing? Wang Yiyang thought this wasn’t good.
He was straightforward and usually spoke and acted without much thought. He had also had a bit to drink, so he frowned at Shen Juan, leaned in, and lowered his voice, thinking only the two of them could hear, but possibly because of the alcohol, his voice was loud enough for everyone to hear. “I don’t think this is good. How are you going to explain this to your girlfriend?”
Lin Yujing raised an eyebrow.
Even Jiang Han admired his intelligence, muttering, “Idiot.”
Shen Juan looked at him expressionlessly. “Should I get you a megaphone?”
Wang Yiyang didn’t get it and still whispered loudly, “Why would I need a megaphone?”
“Take it and shout it out on the street so everyone knows,” Shen Juan said.
Wang Yiyang stared at him, dumbfounded.
Jiang Han couldn’t stand it any longer. He grabbed Wang Yiyang by the head and started dragging him out. “Alright, Shen Juan, you stay busy. I’ll take this guy back.”
Wang Yiyang and Jiang Han left.
Now only Lin Yujing and Shen Juan were in the room. Lin Yujing sat on the sofa, lifted her eyes, and glanced at him. “Girlfriend?”
“Let me think,” Shen Juan said.
Lin Yujing glared at him. “Think about what?”
Shen Juan leaned back into the sofa, lazily saying, “Think about how to tell my girlfriend.”
His demeanor was relaxed, and he even had the mood to joke with her, seeming unaffected by Nie Xinghe.
Lin Yujing was still worried. Shen Juan wasn’t the type to let someone harass him at his doorstep and just leave it at that.
She watched him clean up the stuff Wang Yiyang and the others had eaten and drank, then turned to him. “You…”
Lin Yujing knew what he was about to ask. She kicked off her shoes and lay down on the sofa, as relaxed as an old lady. “I’m tired.”
Shen Juan looked at her with amusement. “Alright, I’m not kicking you out. Go sleep inside.”
Lin Yujing opened her eyes, lying on the sofa sideways, watching him. “I want to sleep here.”
Shen Juan said, “I’ve noticed you really like this sofa of mine. Every time you come, you want to sleep here?”
“I think this sofa has a childhood feel to it,” Lin Yujing said, pulling his gray blanket over herself and making things up. “This blanket is exactly like the one my grandma knitted for me when I was little.”
Shen Juan walked to the sofa, looking down at her. “Lin Yujing.”
Lin Yujing hugged the blanket, closed her eyes, and lazily hummed, “Hmm?” “Are you guarding me?” Shen Juan asked.
Lin Yujing opened her eyes.
She cleared her throat and slowly got up from the sofa. “I’m a bit afraid you…”
“Afraid I’ll sneak out at night to find Nie Xinghe?” Shen Juan tilted his head slightly. “What would I find him for, to beat him up?”
Lin Yujing thought of the wound on Nie Xinghe’s hand, hesitated for a moment, and asked, “Does his father still hit him?”
“How could he?” Shen Juan moved around the coffee table, sat next to her, and pulled the small blanket over her legs and feet. “His father is still in prison, serving a life sentence.”
Lin Yujing opened her mouth. “What was the reason?” Shen Juan glanced at her.
Three days after Luo Qinghe took in Nie Xinghe, the police received a report from a neighbor.
In the dilapidated ten-square-meter house, a woman lay on the ground, long dead. The stench in the midsummer air alerted the neighbors, who then called the police.
Nie Xinghe’s father was on the run for a month before being caught. He confessed readily, saying his only regret was not killing Nie Xinghe as well.
Nie Xinghe’s expression at the time was calm.
No joy, pain, or fear—he just stood there, emotionless. When everyone looked at him, he pursed his lips and lowered his eyes. Years of abuse had left him malnourished, much shorter than his peers, and his body covered in wounds, appearing fragile and delicate.
Shen Juan briefly explained to Lin Yujing, keeping it concise to avoid scaring her. He didn’t want her to know about such things at all.
Unexpectedly, Lin Yujing listened quietly, processed the information, and calmly asked, “Do you think he has mental issues?”
“He’s sick, but can you tell?” Shen Juan reached for the cigarette box on the coffee table, habitually tapped out a cigarette, and then paused.
Since college, Lin Yujing had never seen Shen Juan smoke. Or at least, he had never smoked in front of her.
In fact, she quite liked watching him smoke. He would squint his eyes, bite the cigarette, lift his chin, elongating the lines of his neck, looking both dissolute and sexy.
He put the cigarette back, intending to toss the pack onto the coffee table, but Lin Yujing reached out, took one, and handed it to him. “Boss Shen, do what you want. Don’t hold back.”
Shen Juan didn’t take it.
So Lin Yujing lowered her head and bit the cigarette herself, lighting it.
Shen Juan watched her.
Lin Yujing leaned over to grab the lighter from the coffee table. With a soft click, the flame flickered, and she lit the cigarette, the red glow flaring briefly.
The warm, small flame cast a circle of light on her long eyelashes.
“Did you tell your family about him?” Lin Yujing asked.
“No,” Shen Juan stared at her. “How can I talk about something without evidence?”
Lin Yujing threw the lighter back onto the coffee table, leaned back, and exhaled a smoke ring, hesitating. “Shen Juan, I think Nie Xinghe—”
Has a tendency for self-harm.
Lin Yujing paused but didn’t say it out loud.
Nie Xinghe reacted quickly. The moment she touched his collar, he reacted with considerable strength. He wasn’t as powerless as he appeared, and could potentially be very dangerous.
The law protects mentally ill patients who do not cause harm by allowing voluntary admission to hospitals. However, if there is evidence proving self-harm tendencies or direct harm to themselves or others, they can be forcibly admitted to a mental hospital.
But this is entirely her speculation. Shen Juan would be very busy after the start of school, juggling his studies and commitments with Rong Huai, and Lin Yujing didn’t want to distract him further.
Lin Yujing snapped back to reality and nodded, “He indeed has a condition.”
Shen Juan said nothing, just watching her.
When she was thinking, she habitually tilted her head and frowned, occasionally biting her lips. The cigarette left behind by Jiang Han was strong, and her actions were smooth and practiced, without even a frown.
Shen Juan took the cigarette from her fingers, stubbed it out in the ashtray, leaned down, and asked in a low voice, “What else have you learned behind my back?”
His question was abrupt, leaving Lin Yujing somewhat confused, “Hmm?”
Shen Juan squinted, “Undoing a belt with one hand, smoking a cigarette, it seems Little Teacher Lin has become quite adept?”
Lin Yujing realized, “Ah…”
She blinked, “It’s not a habit, just occasionally, when I’m annoyed.”
Shen Juan looked at her intently, sighed after a while, “I still have to hold back in front of you, but you haven’t been behaving.”
“That’s why I told you, don’t hold back,” Lin Yujing laughed, “And how is this misbehaving?”
After the eleventh, Shen Juan indeed became busy. Rong Huai sent him to the World University Shooting Championship in mid-March, giving him five months to train.
He had five months to reclaim what he had lost over four years. Returning to his previous form was almost impossible.
He had wasted the best four years.
Lin Yujing was also busy. They started professional courses in their freshman year, and after the initial simple period, it only got harder. She spent every day in the library, feeling like she was going bald.
There were also many other things to deal with. During this time, she called Yan Heng a few times to inquire about Nie Xinghe’s situation and consulted Fu Mingxiu for some checks.
Nie Xinghe wasn’t attending school. After high school, he went to a vocational school and now worked as a kindergarten teacher. He had simple social interactions, was solitary, had no friends, and never got into conflicts with anyone.
He had completely lost contact with his father’s side of the family. On his mother’s side, there was only an uncle left. Nie Xinghe visited his uncle’s house twice a month for dinner.
His mother’s family name was Ning, and he had a cousin named Ning Yuan. Lin Yujing had an “ah…” moment.
So Ning Yuan knew everything and hated Shen Juan intensely at the time, so Nie Xinghe knew about her, even knew her name was Lin Yujing.
It seemed his relationship with this cousin was quite good.
But how much sincerity was mixed in this goodness was unknown.
Lin Yujing waited for more than a week. Since Nie Xinghe knew Shen Juan was eager to return to the shooting team, he wouldn’t give up easily.
He was deeply obsessed with Shen Juan, the type to feel at ease only if Shen Juan was doing poorly, so it was impossible for him to let Shen Juan peacefully return to training.
Nie Xinghe wouldn’t let Shen Juan go. As long as he was free, Lin Yujing couldn’t rest easy.
So, Lin Yujing actively turned into a social butterfly, had Li Lin add her to the senior group chat of Eighth High School. In the large group of a thousand people, every class was represented, and she specifically noticed Ning Yuan was also there.
She used a pseudonym, posing as Wang Yiyang, and spammed the group chat with messages like “Shen Juan is so damn cool when he trains, I’m about to turn gay for him.” Amidst the group’s astonished reactions, she waited until mid-October. Shen Juan’s training gradually fell into place after a week of adjustments.
She received a call from an unknown number.
Nie Xinghe finally couldn’t hold back.
Eighth High School Grade 1X Group Chat:
[Class 10 – Wang Yiyang]: Damn, my dad is so damn cool!
[Class 10 – Wang Yiyang]: Damn!!! Shen Juan is too cool!!!!!
[Class 10 – Wang Yiyang]: Sigh, Shen Juan is truly a natural-born sharpshooter. He’s made for shooting.
[Class 10 – Wang Yiyang]: Ahhhhh, why is Shen Juan so cool? I’m about to turn gay for him. Don’t stop me.
[Class 10 – Song Zhiming]: ???? Isn’t life good enough?
Chapter 83
Lin Yujing got up, made a gesture to Gu Xia beside her, and walked out of the library to answer the phone.
The sun was still blazing hot in the afternoon of October in City A, not much different from summer. Standing outside for a long time would make anyone feel scorched. Lin Yujing moved to a shaded area on the side of the library and answered the call, greeting with a polite “Hello.”
“Hello, who is this?” she asked calmly and politely.
There was a moment of silence before the other person introduced himself: “Hello, I’m Nie Xinghe.”
Hearing his voice, Lin Yujing couldn’t associate this person with his actions. She was silent for a moment, then spoke in a low voice, carefully choosing her tone: “You still dare to contact me?”
“I want to talk to you,” Nie Xinghe said.
“I advise you not to waste your efforts. Shen Juan has no time for you now, and neither do I. I have nothing to discuss with you. It’s your luck that he didn’t kill you before. You’d better stay away, don’t inquire about him, don’t be curious. I won’t tell you anything about Shen Juan, and you won’t get anything from me,” Lin Yujing said coldly. “If you appear again, I’ll beat you every time I see you.”
“I’m not curious about his affairs at all,” Nie Xinghe replied slowly, “but aren’t you curious?”
Lin Yujing didn’t respond.
“You’re not curious about his past, but what about yours?” Nie Xinghe continued. “After you left high school, aren’t you curious why he never looked for you?”
Lin Yujing paused.
“You stayed in City A for the college entrance exam because of him. You came to A University to find him, and he was here. If you could come to find him, why couldn’t he go to the capital to find you?”
Lin Yujing’s voice turned completely cold: “What exactly are you trying to say?”
Nie Xinghe smiled and said, “If you were really that important to him, he should have left everything behind and gone to the capital to find you.”
Lin Yujing remained silent.
Nie Xinghe’s voice was gentle: “If you want to listen now, we can meet and talk.”
Lin Yujing checked the time; it was three in the afternoon. She took a deep breath and said, “Alright, let’s meet at A University.”
Lin Yujing hung up the phone, returned to the library to pack her things, and informed Gu Xia.
Gu Xia was reading a book and didn’t look up, only asking, “Should I save your seat?” “No need, I won’t be coming back,” Lin Yujing said, patting her shoulder.
Her voice sounded distant. Gu Xia looked up and said, “Okay.”
Lin Yujing left the library with her bag and arranged to meet Nie Xinghe at the north gate of A University. The main entrance was the south gate, and the north gate was more secluded, often empty.
She walked slowly to the meeting point. Nie Xinghe hadn’t arrived yet. She waited for about ten minutes before she saw him. He wore a thin jacket over a plain white shirt, standing slightly over 170 cm, looking harmless and even approachable at first glance.
Thinking about such a person working in a kindergarten gave Lin Yujing a chill.
She watched him approach with an expressionless face, while Nie Xinghe seemed to be in a good mood: “Would you like something to drink?”
“No need, let’s just talk,” Lin Yujing said, indicating with a nod that she didn’t want to waste words.
She looked around, walked a bit further to a desolate area within the school grounds, which was usually empty and overgrown with weeds.
They reached a clearing where no one was around. Lin Yujing leaned against a tree and looked at him. Nie Xinghe followed.
After a few seconds of contemplation, before Nie Xinghe could speak, Lin Yujing said: “No one comes here. Say what you want. What do you want from me? What’s your purpose?”
She paused and added, “I must tell you upfront, I dislike you very much. Whatever you say will not affect my relationship with Shen Juan. The only reason I came here—” She pressed her lips together, unable to finish the sentence, as if she couldn’t find a reason.
Nie Xinghe lifted his head and smiled: “Of course, I only state facts. How you interpret them is up to you. I cannot control your thoughts. As I said before,” Nie Xinghe continued, “you should be a smart person. Have you never thought about the question I asked?”
Lin Yujing didn’t speak, her hands in her pockets, her expression wavering.
Noticing this, Nie Xinghe continued: “I truly dislike Shen Juan, so I want you to know what kind of person he is. He is heartless, can’t you see that?”
He said calmly, “If you hadn’t come back to find him, there would be no future for you two. He would never give up anything for you.”
His mood had rarely been this good.
The things he said must have affected Lin Yujing.
No one could hear all this without some doubt, and Lin Yujing must have thought about this question before.
If I hadn’t come back to find you, would we still have a future together?
People fear most that the effort and reward in a relationship are disproportionate. What if I’ve invested more feelings than you, or what if you don’t care about me as much? What if you can easily give me up for other things?
He was implying to Lin Yujing that, to Shen Juan, she was dispensable. But this level of hinting was not enough.
Far from enough.
“He must have told you about his uncle,” Nie Xinghe said.
Lin Yujing paused, her expression hesitant: “He didn’t tell me much. I don’t really understand. He just said it wasn’t his fault.”
“Of course it wasn’t his fault. How could Shen Juan be at fault?” Nie Xinghe sneered. “His uncle adored him, gave him the best of everything, treated him like his own son. And what did Shen Juan do? He took everything for granted.”
“He never considered whether he needed to repay such kindness. He did whatever he wanted without thinking about Luo Qinghe’s feelings.”
“He didn’t know his uncle was ill, didn’t know he was on medication, didn’t care about his mood,” Nie Xinghe’s voice softened. “Shen Juan didn’t know, but I knew everything. He just left, and still had everything. Why?”
“They’re blood relatives,” Lin Yujing said slowly. “An uncle treating his nephew well is natural. What right do you, a stranger with no blood relation, have to interfere in their family affairs?”
Nie Xinghe seemed to have hit a nerve. His voice rose sharply: “There’s no such thing as natural kindness!”
He stared at her intently, his gaze unfocused: “Even parents don’t naturally treat you well. There’s no such thing. This kind of kindness shouldn’t exist.”
“There’s no such thing as natural kindness in this world. Whoever treats me well, I will treat them well. If I’m good to him, he must repay me. Isn’t that right? Shouldn’t it be that way? He did wrong, and I can correct it.”
Lin Yujing didn’t respond.
His emotions were somewhat out of control, and he seemed to realize it. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
Lin Yujing had been waiting for his outburst. She quickly said: “But Shen Juan has everything now. What do you have? He got into a good university, returned to his team to continue training. Your presence hasn’t affected him at all. Haven’t you noticed?”
Nie Xinghe opened his eyes.
Lin Yujing leaned against the tree, her gaze sweeping over his hand, which had a thick bandage wrapped around the web between his thumb and forefinger.
A week ago, it wasn’t there.
“What you didn’t have before, you still don’t have now, and you never will.” “Shut up…”
Lin Yujing continued, “Shen Juan is different. He is naturally luckier than you. He always gets what you can never have, no matter how much you want it, right? He has a complete family, a kind uncle. He gets everything easily, doesn’t he? You also want him to suffer, to experience having nothing, right?”
Nie Xinghe bit his lip, his left hand gripping his right hand’s web, clawing at it unconsciously. Fresh blood slowly seeped through the white bandage, looking alarming.
Lin Yujing instinctively stepped back, her back against the tree trunk.
She calculated the time and reached into her pocket, gripping her phone.
Suddenly, Nie Xinghe stopped his actions, irritably tearing off the bandage on his hand.
The wound was exposed, with a fresh, gaping cut on the web between his thumb and forefinger, connected by a thin layer of skin. It was new, bloody, and even faintly showed the texture of the flesh and bone.
Nie Xinghe lowered his hand, raised his head, tilted it slightly, and suddenly said: “Do you know Shen Juan’s reaction when he found out Luo Qinghe committed suicide?”
Lin Yujing felt a chill run down her spine, like an icy wind piercing her body.
When Shen Juan arrived at the north gate of A University, the scene was bustling. Many students were gathered, looking toward the gate where a police car was parked outside.
Lin Yujing was sitting on the ground, talking to a police officer.
Shen Juan had been in the middle of training when Gu Xia suddenly rushed in, holding a phone that was on a call in speaker mode, recording familiar voices.
Shen Juan froze instantly.
Gu Xia, panting and flustered, said, “Lin Yujing told me not to bother you. She said she could handle it, but I felt… something was off…”
Shen Juan didn’t wait to hear the rest; he dashed out the door: “Where?”
“She enabled her location!” Gu Xia replied. “She’s at the north gate of the school!” Shen Juan’s mind was blank until he saw Lin Yujing.
Ignoring the police officer’s attempts to stop him, Shen Juan strode over to her. Lin Yujing heard the commotion and looked up, seeing him. She was startled but didn’t stand up.
Shen Juan stopped in front of her.
Lin Yujing had a deep, smooth-edged cut on her left leg, bleeding profusely and staining her jeans red.
Shen Juan’s awareness snapped back.
He was still wearing his A University’s shooting team uniform, the back soaked with cold sweat. His ears were ringing, and his fingertips were icy and stiff.
Lin Yujing’s lips were pale. She blinked and asked, “Why are you here?” Shen Juan opened his mouth but couldn’t speak.
The police officer glanced at him, understanding the situation: “Hey, since you’re her family, help stop the bleeding. We’re in a hurry here,” he said, gesturing to another officer, “It’s pretty serious. Let’s get her to the hospital.”
Lin Yujing, realizing what was happening, glanced at Gu Xia in the crowd. Gu Xia, frowning with worry, looked at her, unable to focus on anything else.
Lin Yujing sighed, turned her head to look up at Shen Juan, and quietly reached out to squeeze his hand, asking softly, “I’m going to the hospital. Will you come with me?”
Shen Juan finally spoke, his voice hoarse: “Yes.”
Lin Yujing’s wound was deep and long. On the way to the hospital, the pain turned her eyes red, and her lips were colorless. Her first question was, “Will this leave a scar?”
The doctor, likely accustomed to such questions, coldly replied, “You will definitely have a scar.” He paused, seeing her dejected look, and added, “But it depends on your skin type. If you’re not prone to scarring, it might not be noticeable.”
It was clearly a kind lie.
Lin Yujing had prepared everything without telling Shen Juan.
She had no proof of Nie Xinghe’s mental issues and self-harming behavior. To force him into a hospital, he had to exhibit violent behavior and pose a threat to others’ safety.
She had informed Gu Xia in advance, gave the location, and enabled her phone’s GPS.
She deliberately chose a deserted place to meet Nie Xinghe, showing distrust in Shen Juan, making him relax and sink into his emotions.
Lin Yujing even considered that she might not be able to defeat him and brought a stun baton, pondering if she should have people hidden nearby.
Ultimately, she abandoned that idea because she needed Nie Xinghe to harm her. Unexpectedly, he did not disappoint. He carried a knife with him—what a psycho.
The risk was certainly there, but Lin Yujing couldn’t afford to think too much at the time.
After Nie Xinghe re-entered Shen Juan’s world, she was so uneasy and anxious that she didn’t have time to consider more. She even thought of asking Lin Zhi for help, but dismissed the idea as impossible.
Lin Yujing never expected Fu Mingxiu to be the first to visit her.
Fu Mingxiu seemed furious, standing at the door, pointing at her nose, and scolding her. Afterward, he angrily made phone calls to pull some strings, telling her she didn’t need to worry about it.
Yan Heng arrived in City A from Huaicheng the next day, bringing along a bunch of friends. Nie Xinghe’s psychological evaluation came out quickly.
Actually, Yan Heng wasn’t needed. Nie Xinghe was covered in wounds, some fresh, some old. Whenever he couldn’t control his emotions, he would self-harm to force himself to calm down and regain his sanity.
Nie Xinghe’s self-harm was severe, and he had committed violent acts endangering public safety. After legal procedures, it was determined that he was a mentally ill patient not responsible for his actions, and he was forcibly hospitalized for treatment.
Fu Mingxiu leaned against the wall, sneering: “Treatment? I’ll make sure he stays there for life.”
Lin Yujing blinked, looking at him admiringly: “Brother, you’re so cool.”
Fu Mingxiu got angry just looking at her and started scolding her again: “Don’t talk to me! Who’s your brother? You made such a big decision without telling me? I’ve never seen anyone like you, looking so timid but daring to do anything. Who do you think you are?”
Lin Yujing: “…”
Lin Yujing really hadn’t thought about Fu Mingxiu.
Then, not only was Nie Xinghe forcibly hospitalized, but she was too.
She took a leave of absence from school, and Shen Juan stayed with her every day, refusing to leave no matter how much she tried to persuade him.
In the evening, after Fu Mingxiu left, Shen Juan sat silently by her bed, leaning his head against the wall, watching her without saying a word.
Lin Yujing turned her head. During the day, there were many people around, but now it was just the two of them. Lin Yujing, feeling sad, pouted: “Shen Juan, the doctor said this will leave a scar. My leg won’t be beautiful anymore.”
Shen Juan didn’t speak. He bent down, pulled her hand to his lips, and gently kissed her fingertips.
Lin Yujing looked at him. The painkillers were still working, so she didn’t feel any pain and was quite alert: “You must be very angry.”
Shen Juan’s voice was hoarse and deep: “Yes.”
“You’ve been holding it in for a long time, right?”
“Yes.”
Lin Yujing’s finger touched his lips as she lightly poked them: “I didn’t mean not to tell you. If I did, you wouldn’t have let me go.”
Shen Juan didn’t respond, his eyes red.
Lin Yujing sighed, raising her hand to stroke his head, just as he had done to her countless times, and softly said: “It’s alright now, Teacher Lin will protect you.”
Chapter 84
After the subsequent events, Lin Yujing didn’t make many appearances unless necessary.
She was on the phone with Gu Xia, and asked her to record the conversation. This way, Gu Xia would know immediately if there was any danger, and there wouldn’t be any errors in the recording, making it relatively safer. Shen Juan listened to the recorded backup from start to finish.
When he heard Nie Xinghe’s questioning at the beginning, saying “He wouldn’t give up anything for you,” Gu Xia instinctively looked up and glanced at Shen Juan. Shen Juan remained silent, standing with his head against the wall, staring at a spot in the corner for a long time without moving.
Gu Xia couldn’t help but admire Lin Yujing, thinking that she could be very impressive at times. At least at that moment, when she heard Nie Xinghe’s words over the phone, she was shaken.
Just like Nie Xinghe said, one would definitely think about this question, it was impossible not to care or to stop thinking about why. She wanted to ask Shen Juan why, but seeing Lin Yujing’s calm and composed face, she refrained from asking in the end.
There are always many unknown situations between two people that an outsider like her shouldn’t meddle in. Women’s thoughts are more delicate, while men are different; they don’t think as much. Fu Mingxiu’s impression of Shen Juan was extremely poor after listening to it.
If he were Lin Yujing’s brother, he would never agree to her being with such a person. Was Lin Yujing blind???
This guy, who had been treating her poorly since high school, not cherishing her, calling her out in the middle of the night without sending her back home, not taking the initiative to win her back after their separation, waiting for her to come to him while letting her get hurt—what was good about him other than being handsome???
Fu Mingxiu was so angry that he could barely contain himself. Fu Mingxiu was utterly speechless.
Unable to listen any longer, Fu Mingxiu frowned and waved his hand, “Alright, alright, what’s so good about listening to a broken recording? I’ve heard it three times at the police station.”
Gu Xia, who was inexplicably scolded: “…”
“The kindergarten that lunatic was previously in has already been shut down. The principal must be deeply regretting it, bringing in a mentally ill person and now all the parents are putting pressure on them,” Fu Mingxiu said, “It’s said that this person was quite popular at that kindergarten, and the children all liked him.”
Lin Yujing nodded, “He does have the kind of look that kids like.”
“Since we’ve gone through the proper legal procedure to have him forcibly admitted, things will be much easier from now on,” Fu Mingxiu said, glancing at Shen Juan.
Despite his poor impression of Shen Juan, this person was indeed efficient in handling things. Silently, he had arranged everything beforehand. “And what’s that psychologist’s name again?”
Shen Juan finally reacted when he heard these four words, lifting his eyes sharply.
Fu Mingxiu continued, “He said that in cases like this, there won’t be much treatment effect. It’s too late, and it’s basically equivalent to lifetime isolation and confinement.”
Gu Xia pouted, “He’s really gotten off easy…”
Lin Yujing said, “That’s why I plan to send him photos and videos every now and then in the future. I’ve already thought of the titles and contents.”
It would be called “Shen Juan’s Happy Life,” mainly documenting Shen Juan’s training and daily reading, capturing excellent and wonderful moments, making a compilation or something.
If Shen Juan wins some kind of award or scholarship at school in the future, Nie Xinghe must be the first to know.
If they get married, they must send him a wedding invitation along with a couple of boxes of wedding candy.
They can’t miss out on the baby’s one-month banquet, right?
He must know when the child starts elementary school, middle school, high school, university, gets married, and has children!
Lin Yujing was very thorough in her thinking, making full preparations and mental notes for things that would happen even eight hundred years later.
While thinking about this, she glanced at Shen Juan standing beside her.
She didn’t really want to repeatedly bring up Nie Xinghe in front of Shen Juan, but some things had to be said.
Fu Mingxiu and the others stayed for a while before leaving. Shen Juan stood in the same position the entire time, hardly moving.
Lin Yujing cleared her throat.
Shen Juan looked over, walked to the bedside, and asked, “What’s wrong?”
Lin Yujing felt a bit helpless.
If Shen Juan showed her a cold face or lost his temper like Fu Mingxiu, she could handle it.
But he didn’t. He just held it in, neither losing his temper nor scolding her. He stayed silent every day, not saying anything, which made Lin Yujing very uncomfortable.
Lin Yujing sighed, looking up at him, “Don’t hold it in. If you want to lose your temper, just let it out. You’re making me feel bad by being like this every day.”
Shen Juan sat by the bed, looking at her, his voice low and hoarse, “I don’t know what to say.”
Shen Juan had always avoided the topic of Nie Xinghe.
Although he could tell himself he owed no one and hadn’t done anything wrong, the facts were the facts. What happened had happened.
Just because he wasn’t wrong didn’t mean he could detach himself from it. Shen Juan never thought that Lin Yujing would do such a thing.
The girl who constantly retreated now stood in front of him with all her courage when he covered his eyes, clearing the thorny path for him, holding his hand gently, saying, “I’ll protect you.”
He couldn’t imagine what would happen if something really happened to Lin Yujing, if she got hurt because of his avoidance and negativity.
He couldn’t think about it.
Thinking about her situation at that time made Shen Juan feel a wave of fear, his body stiffening and turning cold, his mind and body going blank.
She was so good that she should have been protected by him.
But now he had hurt her.
Shen Juan wanted to be good to her all his life, to give her everything he had, but now he had done nothing and only brought her harm.
Shen Juan closed his eyes, leaned over, and gently held her in his arms, his movements slow and hesitant, careful.
He felt he wasn’t even qualified to hold her.
Even touching her made him nervous.
Lin Yujing’s forehead rested against his collarbone, feeling his hand on the back of her neck, his fingertips cold and slightly trembling.
She wrapped her arms around his waist, patting his back soothingly.
Shen Juan bent slightly, buried his head in her neck, and suddenly called her, “Lin Yujing.”
Lin Yujing responded.
“I am not omnipotent,” Shen Juan said.
His voice was very low, somewhat muffled.
Lin Yujing was taken aback.
“So in the future, don’t do this again.”
He spoke very slowly, each word difficult to pronounce, “If something happens to you, what am I supposed to do?”
Lin Yujing tightened her grip on his back.
Shen Juan lifted his head, touched his forehead to hers, and then separated.
He lowered his eyes, his eyes red, almost pleading as he looked at her, hoarsely saying, “Lin Yujing, you can’t do this to me.”
I am not omnipotent.
—I can’t live without you.
The words he didn’t say, she probably understood.
Lin Yujing felt a sudden pang in her heart.
She withdrew her arm, hooked it around his neck, pulled him down, and lifted her head to kiss his lips.
His lips were cold, and he seemed lost in thought, not reacting.
Lin Yujing softly rubbed her tongue against his lips, enticing for quite a while, but he didn’t move, only gently kissed her lips, instinctively adjusting his posture to make her more comfortable.
Lin Yujing got annoyed, pulled back a bit, glared at him, and said irritably, “Do you know how to kiss? You have to use your tongue.”
Shen Juan silently stroked her hair, his fingers threading through the back of her head, pressing her down to kiss.
He gently held her lips, swept past her teeth, and explored inch by inch, delicate and lingering.
After a long while, Shen Juan let her go, his thumb slowly brushing over her lips moistened with fluid, and softly said, “Like this?”
Lin Yujing’s ears turned red, and she struggled slightly.
There was an injury on her thigh, and the movement pulled the muscle, causing her to wince in pain and stiffen.
Shen Juan paused, realizing, and pursed his lips.
Lin Yujing didn’t want to seem too delicate, so she rested for a while, propped herself up on the bed, and casually sat back against the headboard, wanting to change the subject to distract herself.
But Shen Juan spoke first, “About what Nie Xinghe said, I didn’t know you would mind,” he paused, seemingly unsure of how to put it, frowning slightly, “I hadn’t thought about it.”
Lin Yujing took a few seconds to realize what he was talking about, then made an “ah” sound.
Lin Yujing hadn’t thought about it either.
The fact that Shen Juan went to the capital to find her never crossed her mind; she never considered it a possibility.
As Yan Heng said, Shen Juan would get tired of always chasing her.
But since he brought it up.
Lin Yujing, being adept at seizing opportunities, looked at him, thought for a moment, and asked, “Then at that time, did you ever think about coming to find me?”
Shen Juan glanced at her, sat in the chair by the bed, and said, “No.”
Lin Yujing: “…”
Lin Yujing: ?
Friend, aren’t you too honest?
Your answer is really straightforward and blunt!
It’s a strange feeling; something that didn’t matter before suddenly feels bothersome when denied so cleanly.
Lin Yujing stared at him expressionlessly, her voice dangerous, “So if I really went back to the capital, you wouldn’t come to find me?”
Shen Juan leaned back, his arm resting on the chair’s armrest, supporting his head, his voice a bit lazy, “Do you think that’s possible?”
Lin Yujing squinted, “I hadn’t thought about it before, but now it seems highly likely.” The young girl, even injured, didn’t lose her temper, looking like she could jump up and beat him at any moment.
Shen Juan wanted to laugh but was afraid she might move and hurt herself, biting her lip in pain without saying anything.
Lin Yujing was always like this, no matter how much it hurt, she would never admit it. Back in high school during the sports meet, it was the same.
Shen Juan sat up straight, leaned over the bed, and gently touched her head, trying to soothe her.
Lin Yujing slapped his hand away.
Shen Juan wasn’t angry, he looked down at her and slowly said, “Lin Yujing, I don’t mind chasing you, I can chase you for a lifetime, but our relationship shouldn’t be like this.”
“I don’t know if you can understand what I’m saying, I’ve been pulling you, and you’ve been pushing me, this isn’t right,” Shen Juan patiently explained, “I can let you go for a while, give you time, but I hope you come back on your own, you need to want to hold on to me too.”
Lin Yujing was stunned.
Yan Heng said that only when you also want to walk towards him can you start an equal love.
Shen Juan seemed to think of something, lowered his head, and suddenly smiled, “So, although you left me a message that sounded like a farewell, I still want to take a chance and see if my little whale will swim back on her own.”
Lin Yujing blinked, “What if I don’t swim back?”
Shen Juan raised an eyebrow, “Then of course, I’ll catch you, you stole my things, where do you think you’re going?”
Lin Yujing immediately perked up, “What did I steal from you, your heart?”
She blurted out, mocking him without hesitation, “Shen Juan, isn’t your sweet talk a bit too cheesy?”
At this moment, she felt she finally had a bit of the upper hand.
Shen Juan paused, looking at her with a half-smile, “I meant my book.”
Lin Yujing: “…”
Lin Yujing felt embarrassed, wanting to dig a hole and bury herself, wondering why he didn’t follow the script.
She seemed to see seven big words on Shen Juan’s face.
—What self-indulgence.
Author’s note:
Mr. Juan, hello, I am Xiaoxi, a reporter from “Daydream” Daily. I heard that your girlfriend Lin Yujing questioned your ability to kiss. Do you think this also questions your sexual ability?
Xiaoxi, out.
Chapter 85
Shen Juan’s obsession with this book was something Lin Yujing never expected.
But thinking about it, it’s understandable. After all, he’s someone who’s too lazy to write a few extra words on exam papers but is willing to sign his name on every one of his books. He probably cares deeply about things that he considers “his.”
However, this didn’t stop her from being angry.
Lin Yujing was really fed up and didn’t want to pay attention to him anymore. She turned over, covered herself with the blanket, and prepared to sleep.
She hadn’t been sleeping well these past few days. Without painkillers, her wound throbbed painfully, making it hard to sleep. Shen Juan stayed by her side, squeezing her hand, patting her, and helping to distract her.
Now the girl was sleeping soundly, and the smile on Shen Juan’s face faded.
He leaned back in his chair, quietly watching her.
Her thick eyelashes cast shadows, her lips pressed together, and her brows slightly furrowed.
Shen Juan raised his hand, his fingertip gently smoothing her furrowed brow from top to bottom. He sighed softly and kissed her fuzzy eyes. “Fool.”
This little girl, Lin Yujing, always seemed so clever, but sometimes she was really foolish.
How could he not want to find her?
Every day, he was going crazy wanting to find her.
When Luo Qinghe left, after Shen Juan returned from abroad, for a long time, he didn’t know what he was doing.
Having lived for nearly twenty years, he had never stuck to anything, never been able to protect anything, never succeeded in protecting anyone. He finally met someone he liked, and he ended up losing her.
He had never seen someone live so miserably.
In that daze, he eventually went to Huai City.
Finding out where Lin Yujing went wasn’t difficult. Huai City No. 1 High School had a closed management system. That day, Shen Juan squatted by the school wall, smoking a whole pack of cigarettes.
When the class bell rang, voices gradually emerged from behind the tall walls.
Shen Juan thought, among those voices, was there one that belonged to her? A voice that was soft and unhurried, mingling with hundreds of others.
Did she have a new deskmate? Did they chat after class? When she needed something, did she act coy to get it, only to become impatient and cold a moment later?
She never had much patience. Would she make it to the college entrance exam? Would she still remember him?
Shen Juan felt like a madman, knowing he couldn’t see her, but still thinking about every detail of her new life without him, just a wall away.
When the class bell rang again, silence returned beyond the wall. Shen Juan took a final drag on his cigarette, stubbed it out, and stood up.
He would wait.
There was nothing he couldn’t wait for. He had patience and time. She said she would come back, and he believed her.
The meaning between her coming back on her own and him tying her back was completely different.
After all, she couldn’t escape. Once she stepped into his territory, there was no coming and going as she pleased.
These were things he couldn’t tell Lin Yujing.
The injury on Lin Yujing’s leg wasn’t severe enough to damage muscles or bones, just a superficial wound. She could get her stitches removed in about ten days. While it was impossible to avoid scarring, her skin healed well. The doctor said with good care and scar ointment, it wouldn’t be too noticeable.
However, the location was tricky. Moving or walking could easily tug at the wound.
Her birthday came too soon, and she ended up spending her eighteenth birthday in the hospital.
On the day of her discharge, Shen Juan saw Yan Heng again.
Gu Xia was inside helping Lin Yujing pack her things. Shen Juan stood leaning against the door of the hospital room, waiting. After a while, Yan Heng came out.
Shen Juan straightened up and looked at him.
Yan Heng smiled, “I knew you were waiting for me. Want to talk?”
Shen Juan didn’t say anything.
Yan Heng tilted his head slightly. He was in his forties, well-maintained, showing hardly any signs of aging, exuding a mature and gentle aura.
After a moment, he asked, “Did Lin Yujing tell you about her previous condition?” Shen Juan paused, his eyes dark, “No.”
“Then I have to protect my patient’s privacy,” Yan Heng said patiently. “Since she hasn’t told you, I’m afraid I can’t tell you much either.”
Even though Shen Juan had already guessed, hearing Yan Heng confirm it and say “my patient” made him tense up.
Yan Heng kept his gaze on him, eyes gentle yet sharp. After a while, he sighed.
“These are the answers I can give as her psychologist. But I have my own concerns. I like that child very much,” Yan Heng said warmly. “As her elder and friend, there are things I want you to know.”
Shen Juan stayed silent.
After a long pause, he replied hoarsely, “Go ahead.”
“Lin Yujing showed early signs of mild depression after spending some time in Huai City.”
Shen Juan’s fingers subconsciously tightened, his fingertips digging into his palms.
“Her mother brought her to see me when they noticed it early on. She was very aware of her condition and cooperated well. She took medication for a while and adjusted over a year. Now, it has little impact.”
“You’ve probably noticed that sometimes her thinking can be quite negative, and she tends to avoid issues. These problems didn’t develop overnight. Her past thoughts, including her views on love and family, were very negative. She’s stubborn, and once she believes something, it’s hard to change her mind.”
Yan Heng looked at him, “So when I found out about you and that she wanted to change for you, to correct some of her rigid thoughts, I was very curious about what kind of person you are.”
Yan Heng said a lot, his speech was calm and unhurried, as if he were narrating a story.
Shen Juan leaned against the wall, listening carefully to every detail and process Yan Heng described, each word feeling like a knife slicing through his heart.
He suddenly recalled the time in the hospital room when he mentioned what Nie Xinghe had said and the bewildered reaction of Lin Yujing.
She never thought Shen Juan would come looking for her.
She had borne everything alone for so many years, long accustomed to doing things without relying on anyone. She wouldn’t ask for help, wouldn’t depend on others, and wouldn’t place her hopes on anyone else. In Lin Yujing’s world, there was no possibility of “someone sacrificing something for her.”
So she didn’t complain, didn’t doubt, and didn’t even consider whether Shen Juan would come looking for her.
Because no one had ever been good to her, she couldn’t imagine what it would be like if someone were wholeheartedly good to her.
When he was abroad, Lin Yujing had called him once. When the call didn’t go through, she must have felt so uneasy, so scared, so much wanting to escape, give up, and retreat.
But she still came.
She proactively and earnestly sought him out, approached him, admitted her mistakes, and apologized, coaxing him to reconcile.
At that time, she might not have even been sure if he still liked her.
Thinking of this, Shen Juan felt as if the last drop of blood in his body had been drained.
At that time, he had actually gotten angry with her. He was weighed down by many things, felt stifled waiting, was angry and aggrieved, but never considered what Lin Yujing had overcome in the past year to reach this point. What seemed like a simple process to him required her to muster immense determination.
His little whale, so earnestly and desperately, swam back to him. Yan Heng finished speaking and glanced at him, saying no more.
This area was full of VIP wards, so the corridor was quiet and deserted.
After being discharged, Lin Yujing didn’t return to school. The dormitory had bunk beds, which were inconvenient for her, so Shen Juan found an apartment complex near the school.
The area around University A was quite nice, and the apartments were not cheap. Mr. Shen probably picked the best one. Shen Juan drove the car in, and Lin Yujing observed that the landscaping was no worse than that of the Fu family’s villa area. At night, the lights could probably create a light art festival.
After parking the car, Shen Juan wanted to carry her, but Lin Yujing refused. It was just a few steps, and she wasn’t crippled.
Lin Yujing got out of the car slowly, watching him take things out of the car. They both took the elevator, and she couldn’t help but glance at Shen Juan.
He was unusually silent, and Lin Yujing couldn’t describe the feeling, but something was off.
The elevator doors opened to a floor with only two apartments. The entrance was behind the elevator, providing a strong sense of privacy. Lin Yujing followed Shen Juan to the left apartment, watching him swipe his fingerprint and enter a password.
It was her birthday.
Lin Yujing blinked, walked in, and Shen Juan followed, closing the door behind him.
She was someone who cared a lot about her appearance, even dressing nicely upon discharge. She had asked Gu Xia to bring a new pair of Dior boots from the dorm. Before she could react, Shen Juan had squatted down, untied her shoelaces, removed her shoes, and put on her slippers.
So far, everything seemed normal.
Lin Yujing changed into slippers and looked around. Before she could take in the layout of the apartment, she felt Shen Juan pulling her back and leaning down to kiss her.
Lin Yujing didn’t even have time to react.
His actions were sudden. She thought his kiss would be fierce, but it wasn’t. Shen Juan kissed her gently, his movements slow and tender, making Lin Yujing inexplicably feel a bit embarrassed.
Lin Yujing’s ears turned red as she shrank back, pushing him away slightly, and looked up.
When their eyes met, Lin Yujing was stunned and tugged at his sleeve. “What’s wrong with you?”
Shen Juan covered her eyes and silently kissed her again.
In the darkness, Lin Yujing heard their lips and tongues entwining, his breath, and felt him trembling, his fingers and palms cold against her eyelids.
“Shen Juan…” Lin Yujing called his name anxiously, struggling to speak amidst the kiss, but he didn’t seem to hear, his muffled voice swallowed by the kiss.
She had no choice but to grab his sleeve, panting as she spoke vaguely, “Brother, my leg hurts…”
Shen Juan’s actions abruptly stopped.
His heart felt like it was being tightly squeezed by a cold hand, each pulse painful. He carefully picked her up, carried her to the bedroom, and placed her on the bed.
Lin Yujing propped herself up, and Shen Juan pulled a pillow to prop up the headboard. She sat on the bed, looking at him, touching her numb lips, feeling a bit dazed. “What’s really wrong with you?”
Shen Juan sat by the bed, looking at her for a long time before finally speaking, “I regret it so much…”
He leaned down and gently kissed her eyes, his touch cautious and devout, his voice hoarse and raspy. “Lin Yujing, I haven’t been good to you.”