Don’t Pick Up Boyfriends From the Trash Bin

Chapter 5 - Genius Cannonfodder’s Counterattack Record (5)

translator: baumkuchen editor: serefina

When the dishes were done, Chi Xiaochi didn’t leave the kitchen. He continued to call for the system: “System, system.”

The system said, “We don’t sell rat poison.”

Chi Xiaochi: “……”

The system then continued, “We also don’t sell sleeping pills and weed killer.”

Chi Xiaochi comforted him, “Don’t be scared, I was just going to ask about the Hypnosis cards.”

The system: “……How long-lasting do you want them to be, and what effect do you want?”

Chi Xiaochi: “How long-lasting can they be, and what effects do they have?”

The system said, “Like with the other cards, Hypnosis cards are split into three grades: low, medium and high. The difference is in the effect duration. Low-grade ones last 60 minutes, mid-grade ones last 90 minutes, and the high-grade ones’ duration is customisable but cannot exceed 6 hours.”

“That works,” Chi Xiaochi said, “Two cards, one high-grade, and one low-grade.”

“14 points.”

Chi Xiaochi didn’t hesitate, “Done.”

The system didn’t immediately make the exchange. “What do you want these Hypnosis cards for?”

Chi Xiaochi replied bluntly, “I’m worried about that surnamed Yang going into heat.”

The system expressed his understanding.

Chi Xiaochi was his eleventh host. Almost everyone had raised similar concerns to system 061 in the first world.

After all, in every world, most of the original hosts had some relationship with the target, and the public grain still needed to be dispensed.

His first ten task-takers had all circled around the target, basically never breaking away from the original plotline. They would only use the original plotline to avoid pitfalls when appropriate, expressing all kinds of goodwill to the target. When the goodwill level of the target reached 100, they would fake their deaths and leave the world.

Most of the time at this point, the regret level of the target would reach its peak.

Out of so many task-takers, Chi Xiaochi was the only brave person willing to break away from the original plotline in the very first world.

But on the issue of public grain, his attitude was extremely resolute, shockingly stubborn.

The system said, “We provide free evacuation services.” At such times, when intimate relations were about to occur, they would extract the host’s consciousness and awareness from the original host’s body, minimizing the discomfort of the task-taker.

Leaning against the fridge, Chi Xiaochi lightly pinched the bridge of his nose, “That’s not the problem.”

The system thought of a possibility, “……You object to the position?”

Chi Xiaochi let out a single scornful laugh, “I object to the person.”

The system, “Yang Baihua……”

Chi Xiaochi tilted his head, “Don’t make me insult him.”

The system understood. He said, “Alright. Then you’ll be using the low-grade Hypnosis card on him today?”

“Use both.” Despite saying this, Chi Xiaochi then continued, “First use the low-grade Hypnosis card to put him to sleep. It’s already night anyways, if no accidents occur, he’ll stay asleep for the entire night.”

The system asked, “The other card?”

Chi Xiaochi answered, “Use it on me.”

The system paused.

Chi Xiaochi closed his eyes, using Cheng Yuan’s face to let out a smile that was purely Chi Xiaochi’s; frivolous, careless, and containing a little self-mockery. “……Or do you guys have any sleeping pills for sale?”

Following Chi Xiaochi’s instructions, the system redeemed two Hypnosis cards, and successfully put them to use.

Having sent Yang Baihua to sleep, Chi Xiaochi set himself a 6 hour time limit, and then followed him into a deep sleep.

After he fell asleep, the system sent the main system a permission signal, “Number 61-101, requesting permission to log into the main system.”

A second later, a mechanical voice sounded, “Number 61-101 has log-in permissions, request approved.”

Immediately after that, the originally stable streams of data suddenly started to go out of control, flowing madly like a waterfall, glowing as brilliantly as starlight.

The waterfall-like sheets of starlight gradually filtered into brilliant bodies of light, forming physical entities.

Under the flowing light curtain, a man in a white shirt and black pants appeared. He stood barefoot in a spacious, tall, domed hall, surrounded by a crowd of people in similar clothing milling around him.

A few people recognised him, greeting him familiarly, “061, you’ve come. Did you pick up a new host?”

061 answered, “En.”

“Didn’t you only just finish up with one? It’s only been two universal days, why don’t you take ten days or half a month off to reward yourself?”

“No time,” 061 replied.

The person asking was number 666, a newcomer. Hearing this, he asked, confused, “‘No time?’ What are you rushing for?”

061 didn’t answer.

He stared at the ground, slightly perplexed, as if trying his hardest to remember something.

Next to them, another young man with an elegant nose and deep eyes seemed to understand. He frowned slightly, then gave 666 a meaningful glance. Changing the subject, he asked 061, “What did you come back here for?”

061 said, “I’m looking for 023.”

“He recently moved offices. You should head southwest and look for room 1008.”

061 smiled.

061 had the appearance of a refined and gentle young man. Straight-backed, eyes bright with stars, when he smiled, he was like the early morning sunlight reflecting off snow, looking very approachable. “Thanks.”

After saying his goodbyes and walking off a fair distance away, he could still hear 666 complaining, “……Don’t even mention that host of mine to me. What else is good about that guy aside from having a big and lively dick? He holds on with a deathgrip, refusing to let go, and he used up all the condoms in the shop!”

The man found the southwestern room 1008 and knocked on the door. Only after a long wait, did he hear a chilly “please come in.”

He opened the door and entered.

As he pushed open the door, the insides of the room loaded in.

The surrounding light dispersed, before gathering together once more, coalescing into a giant, human-brain-shaped quantum computer. On closer inspection, the flowing neurons and peristaltic synapses in the brain were all bytes orbiting in a sea of data.

This was the main God’s system’s “brain”, which connected the databases of various worlds.

A teenager with snow-white skin sat in front of the giant quantum computer, two long, slender, silvery-white data cables laid out on the table before him. He was playing Tetris on a old-fashioned video game console, his pale fingernails moving like lightning over the red and green controller buttons.

He had albinism, so his hair and skin were all the same shade of white.

061 said, “023, it’s me.”

023 didn’t raise his head. He let out a single “oh”, followed by, “You again.”

He successfully eliminated a few more lines of blocks, making the console in his hands ring out with consecutive “didi” noises of blocks disappearing.

061 stepped into the room, standing barefoot on the matte ceramic tiles, patiently waiting for him to finish his game.

As he played, 023 asked, “What did you come here for?”

061 said, “I want to download a few movies.”

023 held up his console, “Ah.”

061: “……”

Operating the game console with a single hand, he picked up the data cables on the table with the other.

The thin plug of the data cable morphed in shape as it approached his temple. Cobweb-thin silver filaments extended from the top of the cable, intertwining as they entered his temple, connecting directly to his brain.

Soon after, dense strings of binary code flashed across 023’s eyes.

023 shot out, “Serial number?”

061: “……” What damned serial number.

He answered, “All the movies Chi Xiaochi has acted in.”

Hearing these eight words, the teenager who had been engrossed in his game suddenly looked up, as if he had seen a ghost.

His finger flexed involuntarily, activating fast drop. By the time he noticed and tried to salvage the situation in a panic, Game Over had already filled the screen.

023 swore, then tossed the video game console back onto the table. He turned towards 061, arms crossed, “Your new host? What are you downloading all his movies for?”

061 said, “And everything else we have on him.”

“What do you want those for?”

061 said, “To deepen my understanding of him, to facilitate faster completion of tasks.”

023’s snow-white brows furrowed tightly, as if discontent, “061, let me remind you, don’t get too close to your hosts. You have no idea how dirty human’s hearts are. If you don’t want to be reformatted again, do as I say. Don’t disobey the rules laid down by the main God.”

061 knew 023 meant well.

When he was on his eighth host, he was reported once by his own host and was punished with a reformatting.

After being forcibly reformatted, 061 forgot a lot of things, even forgetting the very reason he’d been reported. His database only retained some basic information about past tasks.

This didn’t have too much of an impact on 061. He was still the most excellent employee of the year, and his diligence and efficiency still left all the other systems behind in the dust.

It was just that even he didn’t remember the reason behind his diligence anymore.

He seemed to have been in a hurry to catch an appointment, to find a person. But as to who that person was, their name, or even where to look for them, that information had all become fragmented garbage data.

061 said: “This is the fifteenth time you’ve reminded me.”

“If you don’t want to be destroyed, just do your job well,” 023 said, “……It’s the sixteenth time now, I’ve made it an auspicious number. No need to thank me.”

061 good-naturedly rubbed the tip of his nose, “Are you done downloading the movies yet?”

023, “……It’s done. Check your inbox.”

“So fast?”

023 knocked on his forehead, falling silent for a moment, “I’ve downloaded it before, it was still saved in the database.”

061 was curious, “En?”

“It was someone who’d come from the same world as Chi Xiaochi, they were one of his brainless fans,” 023’s words carried a slight undertone of ‘hating iron for not becoming steel’, “They downloaded every single one of Chi Xiaochi’s movies. Their entire life just revolved around him, really immature.”

061 didn’t think anything of it. He pulled out a cartridge from his chest and tossed it to 023.

“Pacman, produced in 1983,” 061 said, “Thanks for your help.”

023 was as if he had gained the most precious treasure. He used his sleeve to give the cartridge a quick clean, trying his best to stop his mouth from grinning and hide his happiness, “I suppose you do have a conscience.”

061 said, “Help me out with another thing.”

Having gotten a present, 023 was in a much happier mood, “What?”

When 061 said his request, blue veins bloomed on 023’s forehead, “Do you have any idea how troublesome that is?”

061 gave a slight bow, expressing his request.

Gazing at the cover of his new game cartridge, 023 casually waved his hand, “Got it, got it. I don’t have any problem with helping, but this is too difficult to locate so I definitely can’t get it to you by today.”

“Two days is also fine.”

023 pulled the data cable out of his head and picked up his console once more, “Okay, if there’s nothing else, then let this imperial court session adjourn.”

061 warmly laughed, “As your Majesty orders.”

Walking to the door, 061 stopped and turned around to ask, “By the way, 023, does the shop stock rat poison?”

023 raised his eyebrows, “Ha?”

061 coughed lightly, “……Just a casual question.”

Chi Xiaochi spent the night sleeping while the system spent it watching movies.

When the effects of the Hypnosis card wore off, Chi Xiaochi promptly woke up.

The system checked the time, “It’s only 5am, the sun hasn’t risen. You should sleep a little longer.”

Chi Xiaochi got up, leaving Yang Baihua alone on the bed. He walked over to the piano bench in the living room and sat down, “After waking up, I can’t fall back asleep.”

With this piano, the originally decently-sized living room became rather cramped.

Chi Xiaochi ran his hands absently over the piano cover, lost in thought. It was unknown what exactly was on his mind.

The system took the initiative to start chatting with him, “The shop doesn’t stock any rat poison.”

Chi Xiaochi lifted up the piano lid, “……You actually remembered? I was just kidding.”

He silently stroked the black and white piano keys, feeling the raging creative impulse and endless inspiration in his body. It was an unique treasure solely belonging to Cheng Yuan which had been stripped down until there was practically nothing left because of Yang Baihua, who still disparaged it as being superfluous.

“A mouthful of rat poison, and that’s the end of it? That’s letting him off too easy,” Chi Xiaochi said, “If he didn’t get to personally experience everything Cheng Yuan had to go through, wouldn’t that be too unfair?”

Upon waking up, Yang Baihua wanted to pull Cheng Yuan into his arms and bask in their shared warmth for a while, but he’d woken up somewhat late and didn’t have any more time to rub their heads together. He could only give Cheng Yuan a hurried hug before rushing out the door with his computer.

Before heading out, he grabbed the keys of their new car, saying, “I’m going to see a client at noon, so no need to send me lunch today. I’ll buy dinner for us tonight, your favourite braised chicken liver. Right, don’t forget to eat breakfast.”

The good thing about Yang Baihua was that he was truly a tender person. He’d never lost his temper at Cheng Yuan before.

During those years when Cheng Yuan was suffering from depression, he was still as good-tempered as ever, still indulging and spoiling Cheng Yuan as he always had as if nothing could ever make him truly angry.

——To put it bluntly, as long as Cheng Yuan’s interests didn’t conflict with those of his family, he would have been able to forever continue to treat him so tenderly.

Right after Yang Baihua’s foot stepped out the door, Chi Xiaochi followed on his heels.

He’d checked the route ahead of time and got on the bus to Cheng Jian’s company.

Cheng Yuan really got motion-sickness. The long, bumpy ride made him sick to his stomach. He could only hug the grab pole in a death grip, unable to even speak.

The moment the bus reached his stop, he immediately rushed off and found the nearest trash bin. He began to retch incessantly, vomiting till his small face turned pale.

The system originally wanted to help him adjust, but suddenly thought of something and held back. Instead, he just helped him by lowering his heart rate to alleviate some of his internal discomfort.

Chi Xiaochi easily straightened back up. He wiped away the involuntary tears that had formed in the corners of his eyes and took out his phone. Facing the entire office building occupied by the Cheng family company, he dialed a phone number. His eyes were red and his small face was deathly white as he smiled, “Ge, it’s me. If you’re not busy, come down for a bit.”

The author has something to say:

Today’s about the main plotline qwq