Heart Flutter

Chapter 1

Tang Yan’s summer vacation had ended.

Uncle Zhang from the village had gone to the county town to buy daily necessities and had taken the opportunity to bring back a train ticket for her to Huadu. Luckily, there was still a seat available, although it was a hard seat, and she had heard it would take over twenty hours.

The ticket cost of more than two hundred yuan had been sent by her mother, who had already married and moved to Lin County, directly to her uncle’s account. Tang Yan still did not have her own bank card, and the only phone she used was a second-hand one. Her uncle had used it, then given it to her cousin, who after using it, had given it to her for free.

As far back as she could remember, Tang Yan’s childhood had been almost entirely connected to this village. She had come here when she was five with only a small suitcase. Her mother had placed her in her uncle’s home to raise her. Apart from sending sporadic living expenses each month, her mother had rarely visited her and had only come back once a year during the New Year. After her grandmother had passed away, her mother had come home even less often.

At that time, Tang Yan hadn’t understood much. She had simply thought her mother was too busy with work to take care of her. Indeed, her mother, a single woman working away, had found it inconvenient to raise a child nearby.

As Tang Yan had grown older, she had learned that her mother had given birth to her out of wedlock. Her grandmother had felt ashamed and had not liked her coming home. Tang Yan had then understood why her grandmother had always disliked her since she was little and had only favored her cousin. Whatever she had, it had always been second to her cousin.

It had been said that her mother was one of the few college students in the village and had studied in the capital. Whenever this had been mentioned, her grandmother had muttered curses at Tang Yan’s father, whom she had never met, blaming him for ruining her daughter.

Tang Yan had been unfamiliar with the word “father.” The only concept she had was what she had read in books. The only certainty had been that her father was an irresponsible man, which had made her despise him.

Her mother had had to drop out of school to have her, completely ruining her prime years and academic career. Over the years, Tang Yan had not known much about her mother’s situation until two years ago when her mother had met a man from Lin County, married him, and had had a child. As a result, Tang Yan had now had a half-brother, although she had not yet met him.

She had packed her luggage the night before. Her uncle had said that since she was now an adult, she could take care of herself. After saying that, he had secretly given her two hundred yuan. Tang Yan had understood that this had been her aunt’s intention. She had had no complaints, after all, she had stayed in this family long enough.

Because of this, she had worked twice as hard as her classmates during school. Her efforts had paid off, and she had been successfully admitted to Huadu University.

Today, she was leaving.

At the village entrance, there had been a bus to the county town. To maintain the family’s reputation in front of the villagers, the Tang family’s send-off ceremony had been very grand. Her uncle, aunt, and her three-year-old cousin had all come to send her off.

Her cousin had not been admitted to university. After graduating from high school, he had stayed at home playing for three years. Aunt Pam had spoiled her uncle, so he had dared not complain.

The four of them had walked slowly to the village entrance, attracting many onlookers who had whispered and discussed.

“This is the Tang family’s niece going to university, just like her mother, so promising.”

“Her mother’s reputation was ruined by having a child out of wedlock. How can that be called promising? Don’t talk nonsense.”

“Hey, Tang Jun, your Tang family has another university student!”

Uncle Tang Jun had worn a full smile, wrinkles forming at the corners of his eyes. In his heart, he had felt a slight sense of pride.

Aunt had not been pleased to hear this; she had muttered to herself, wondering how Tang Yan could be considered part of the Tang family. To her, she had been a bastard from outside, only bearing the Tang surname, but she had still had to maintain a superficial smile.

Tang Yan usually had not had the chance to spend a long time with the three of them, and she had not wanted to. After all, they had not shared a deep bond. When they had parted, she had not been able to feign attachment, only adding to the awkwardness.

Perhaps heaven had heard her inner thoughts. Just as they had walked to the village entrance, the bus had arrived.

After bidding farewell to each of them one by one, Tang Yan had grabbed her heavy suitcase and boarded the bus. The bus had sped away quickly, and she had barely had time to look back. It had already moved far away. The only thing she had been able to see had been the small, shrinking figure within her line of sight, getting smaller and smaller until it had been the size of a fist.

Would her uncle and others have missed her?

“Probably not.”

Thinking of this, Tang Yan had turned her head and sat upright like a piece of wood on the seat.

Shortly after Tang Yan had boarded the bus and left, Aunt had returned to her original self. She had crossed her arms and scolded Uncle, asking if he had secretly taken the two hundred yuan meant for Tang Yan.

Uncle had said, “That girl has had a hard life. Now she’s venturing out alone. As her uncle, I can only give her a token amount.”

Aunt had glared and shouted, “Has that girl been freeloading at our home all these years? She’s not easy, and neither are we.”

“I send money every month, don’t I? You always bring this up. Besides, you know the family’s financial difficulties. Why don’t you let your son go out and find work?”

“Just sending that little bit of money every month to fend off beggars!” Aunt had gritted her teeth, being a fierce and unapproachable person.

Uncle Tang had looked around at the people nearby, controlled his temper, and put a hand on his back.

“I don’t want to argue with you here. If you don’t mind the shame, why should I care?”

After saying this, he had lifted his foot and walked towards the village carelessly.

Aunt had pointed at his back, muttering, “Luckily, that girl left today. If she hadn’t left, I would have had to kick her out without mercy!”

Uncle Tang had ignored her.

At the end of August, the weather had still been very hot. Tang Yan had sat by the window and opened it to the maximum. The passing wind had rushed in, mixed with the heat, barely alleviating some of the summer heat.

There had been three hours left before the train departure. The bus would have taken an hour and a half to reach the county town. Thinking of this, Tang Yan had taken out her phone and made a call.

The busy signal “beep beep…” had circled in her ears for a moment before someone had finally answered.

Tang Yan’s throat had choked, and she had managed to say, “Mama…”

“It’s Yan Yan,” the woman on the other end had paused, as if recalling something, then had suddenly said, “Have you left?”

“I’m on the bus.”

She had paused and then asked, “Will you come to send me off?”

She had almost given up hope, though there had still been a faint expectation, a small one.

“…Mama can’t come. Your brother will cry and fuss when he doesn’t see me.”

The woman had continued, her voice mingling with sounds of a woman coaxing a child, as if holding and comforting him.

“Take care of yourself on the train.”

“Oh…” Tang Yan had still felt disappointed, though she had already guessed the answer.

“By the way, Mom has one more thing to tell you. After you go to Huadu, Aunt Ji will come to pick you up. From now on, your tuition and living expenses will be handled by her, so you won’t have to trouble Uncle’s family anymore. On weekends after school, you will stay at Aunt Ji’s place. She is a local and will help you adapt to life there quickly. Mom has a good relationship with her; she will help you.”

“I understand,” Tang Yan had paused, “Mama…”

Just as she had been about to say something, the woman on the phone had interrupted, “Alright, Mama won’t talk to you anymore for now. Your brother needs a diaper change. I’m hanging up.”

The call had been abruptly ended, leaving the busy signal “beep beep…” ringing in her ears once again.

Tang Yan had silently put away her phone, tightly gripping it in her hand.

Her brother should have been happier than her, at least he had both a father and mother by his side.

Having grown up without ever leaving the province, the farthest place Tang Yan had been had been the county town, and that had only been because her college entrance exam had been held there.

After taking the bus to the county town long-distance bus station, due to unfamiliarity with the route, she had been ripped off by a dishonest driver. It had taken thirty yuan to get to the train station, which had not been very far, while the bus had only cost her ten yuan.

The train station had been crowded with people, including many students like her who were leaving for school. Most of them had been accompanied by their parents and had been visited by a stream of street vendors. Tang Yan had had to put in a lot of effort to hold her ticket and ID to enter the waiting area.

Due to limited seats being already taken by people and their luggage, Tang Yan had had to stand and wait. When she had been tired, she had leaned on her suitcase to rest for a while.

She had not known how her journey would have unfolded. She had never imagined, with her limited perspective, what a big city was like. She had only seen it on television. The future awaiting her had been like a thin fog, needing her to actively and slowly disperse it, feeling both anticipation and fear towards the path ahead.

The over twenty-hour hard seat ride had felt as long as a year. Tang Yan had not dared to play with her phone, fearing that her phone would run out of battery when she was alone in a different place, making things even more troublesome. When bored, she had only been able to rest her face on her hand and look out the window at the scenery: vast golden wheat fields and harvesting farmers, blue skies with white clouds and birds. At night, she had slept on a small table, eating only one box of instant noodles because the food on the train had been too expensive for her to consider.

She had simply endured until she had reached her stop. By the time Tang Yan had been on the train, she had already seen the tall buildings along the way, making her feel a faint fear in her heart. As the time to get off had approached, she had felt increasingly nervous.

When she had gotten off the train, a scorching wind had hit her face. The ground beneath her feet had seemed to be a completely different world from the one on the train. Dragging her heavy suitcase, Tang Yan had hardly been able to tell the direction. She had had no choice but to follow the crowd, as the stifling, hot air had made her sweat profusely, and her hair had stuck wetly to her forehead, making her extremely uncomfortable.

Upon reaching the exit, Tang Yan had imitated others by inserting her ticket into the machine for verification. As the exit had opened, she had felt a hint of joy. It had turned out she could manage such a small task on her own.

Facing the vast crowd outside the exit, Tang Yan had tightened her grip on the handle of her suitcase, with fear and unfamiliarity about the unknown occupying her mind.

Finally, she had caught sight of a sign with her name written on it within the crowd and had couldn’t help but quicken her pace.

What had greeted her had been a woman dressed in urban style. The white short-sleeved shirt had been simple, loose, and fashionable, paired with a beige A-line skirt, high-waisted to make her look slimmer, accentuating her perfect figure.

The woman’s face had made Tang Yan almost unable to guess her age. Her skin had been fair and flawless, with light makeup and arched eyebrows. She had smiled at her warmly.

“You are Tang Yan, right? You look exactly like the photo.”

The woman had said, holding up her phone to compare.

Tang Yan had nodded stiffly, having just snapped out of her daydream.

Then, the woman had taken the suitcase from Tang Yan’s hand, her voice gentle and graceful, her smile unwavering.

“I am of the same generation as your mother. From now on, you can call me Aunt Ji.”

“Aunt Ji,” Tang Yan had murmured, staring blankly at the woman.

She had felt very timid, both about the big city she had never set foot in and about the woman she was about to live with day and night.