Heart Flutter

Chapter 30

In mid-autumn October, in the southern countryside, it was the prime season for harvesting. Every household was fully engaged in farmwork from dawn to dusk. In the fields, the roar of the harvesters rumbled, blending with the evening birdsong. The sun dipped low as wisps of smoke curled upward.

Tang Jun had labored all day and came home drenched in sweat, his face flushed from a fever. He trudged into the courtyard with his farming tools slung over his shoulder, panting heavily, and found the yard in disarray. The house rang with loud voices. Without a word, he walked inside and saw his son sitting barefoot in a chair, eating an apple while the television blared. Apple cores and trash lay strewn across the floor.

His anger flared. Pointing at his son, he shouted, “All you ever do is eat and laze around, turning this place upside down. Besides stuffing yourself and loafing, is there anything else you’re good at, huh?”

Tang Jun’s yelling drew Hu Chunhua in from the outdoor kitchen, where she had been cooking dinner. She rushed in like a shrew and jabbed her finger at his temple, scolding him. “Have you got nothing better to do than pick on our son? He’s still your child, no matter what—there’s no getting around that!”

If Tang Jun tried to argue back, what happened next would have played out as follows:

Hu Chunhua would have thrown herself onto the floor, tears and snot covering her face as she wailed, “I refused to listen to my parents back then, insisted on marrying a poor nobody like you, cut ties with my family, and struggled to give you a son. Now this is how you treat me and our boy? Why is my life so miserable?”

Every time Tang Jun heard that, he would soften and swallow his anger. He would try to reason with her. “Then could you please not indulge him without limits? Look at how he’s turned out—there’s hardly any difference between him and a layabout.”

When he heard this, Tang Ya-wen grew indignant. He hopped off his chair and said irritably, “Dad, I don’t like that. What do you mean I’ve turned out worthless? Mom never let me leave, as if I wanted to stay in this nowhere village.”

Tang Jun pointed at him and slapped a hand down hard. “Where do you want to go? I won’t stop you.”

“Why could Tang Yan, that country bumpkin, go to the Hua Capital, while I was stuck here? I wanted to go there too and make a name for myself.” With that, Tang Ya-wen came into the main room, brimming with confidence, ready to challenge his father.

“Ya-wen, what’s so bad about staying home?” Hu Chunhua asked. “Whatever you want, I do my best to provide. Why would you go to some place where we don’t know anyone?”

“Isn’t Tang Yan already there?” he answered with a mocking smile. “My aunt married into a wealthy family in the neighboring county, so I’m sure she gets plenty of money each month. You think she wouldn’t take care of her cousin?”

“How dare you say that after all you’ve done to her,” Tang Jun snapped in anger.

“Tang Jun, why are you yelling at your son?” Hu Chunhua scolded. “Tang Yan ate at our place for free all those years, and we never treated her badly.”

Tang Jun shook his head in frustration and pointed at her. “Fine, keep spoiling him, see who else can tolerate that temper out in the real world.”

At that, Tang Ya-wen rolled his eyes.

Fretting that the argument would continue, Hu Chunhua hurried to pull her son aside. “Listen to me, don’t bother going to the Hua Capital. If you really need to leave, I’ll ask Uncle Zhang in the village to find you some good work when he gets back from the provincial capital.”

“Mom, just stop. The provincial capital is nothing compared to the nation’s capital,” Ya-wen replied impatiently, shrugging her off.

“Wash these clothes properly. If you don’t, forget dinner.” The boy’s arrogance showed in every word.

Tang Yan crouched there, scrubbing the laundry under the scorching summer sun. She was drenched in sweat and longed for water. When she tried to sneak a drink while her cousin looked away, he caught her, kicked her wrist, and sent the ladle flying, spilling water everywhere.

Her aunt noticed and rushed out to hurl more insults. Tang Yan had no choice but to hold back tears and keep washing clothes in the blazing heat. Behind her, she heard:

“Ya-wen, wash up for dinner. I made your favorite chicken with potatoes.”

“Why isn’t Yan-yan eating with us?” asked Tang Jun.

“She hasn’t finished her chores,” said Hu Chunhua, barely giving Tang Yan a glance.

Tang Yan was washing clothes not too far from the dining area, so she could see them at the table just by turning her head. The delicious aromas, the rumble of empty stomachs, the sound of them chewing and sipping porridge—all of it made her even hungrier. She rushed through the washing as quickly as she could because she wasn’t allowed to eat until she finished.

Sure enough, by the time she finally went in, everyone else had left the table. Hardly any food remained. The chicken was completely gone except for the head, with a bit of comb still on it, and two bare bones. There was half a plate of cabbage leaves on the side. As Hu Chunhua passed her, she gave a cold parting remark. “Make sure you clean everything up once you’re done.”

Tang Yan said nothing. She got herself a bowl of porridge, which turned out to be mostly water with very few grains of rice, and sat at the table. Before she had even taken her first spoonful, Tang Ya-wen showed up, looking at her with a ridiculing smirk.

She tried to ignore him, but he only got more riled up. Reaching out, he flipped her bowl, spilling the watery porridge down her front.

“What was that for?” Tang Yan glared, her eyes fierce.

“Oh, look who’s got an attitude, little stray,” he taunted.

“Who are you calling a stray?” she demanded, fists clenched in anger.

“Why, you, of course. Little stray with no dad and no mom!” He let out a mocking laugh.

“I’m not…I’m not…I’m not…” Tang Yan repeated helplessly.

At that moment, Ji Yuqing woke up from her dream. She quickly switched on the bedside lamp and gently patted the restless, sleeping Tang Yan beside her. “Yan-yan, Yan-yan, what’s wrong?”

Tang Yan slowly opened her eyes. She felt a dampness near them and spoke with a thick nasal tone. “I dreamed about my childhood again.”

“Was it…something bad?” Ji Yuqing asked softly.

Tang Yan nodded, hesitating to say more.

Ji Yuqing got up and headed to the bathroom, wet a towel, wrung it out, then came back. By then, Tang Yan was huddled against the headboard, knees pulled tight to her chest, lost in thought.

“If you want to talk, I’m here,” said Ji Yuqing gently, dabbing the sweat from Tang Yan’s forehead. “If you trust Auntie Ji.”

Tang Yan looked up with a hint of vulnerability. “Really? Are you sure?”

“Of course,” Ji Yuqing reassured her with a warm smile.

“I grew up differently from most kids,” Tang Yan began. “They loved vacations and long breaks, but I only wanted to stay in school. Once I set foot in that house, the nightmare started again.” Even recalling it now made Tang Yan break into a nervous sweat.

“Mom had me without being married, so she fought with Grandma a lot. We hardly visited, and Grandma disliked me. Uncle treated me okay, but he was terrified of Aunt. He spent his days out in the fields, while Aunt either cooked or played cards. I had to wash clothes for the whole family, clean the house, and feed the pigs. Sometimes Aunt forgot to come home, so I had to cook as well. Still, no matter how hard I tried, nothing satisfied them. I got the leftovers, and my cousin wouldn’t even let me eat those—he’d flip my bowl, and sometimes he’d gather the neighborhood boys to bully me.”

Tang Yan paused to sniff back tears.

Unable to hold back, Ji Yuqing slid an arm around her shoulders. “You poor child…”

“So every year, what I looked forward to most was going back to school. My teacher said knowledge could change your fate, so I studied harder than anyone and always got first place. I wanted to escape that environment, to go somewhere nobody would call me a stray ever again.”

Ji Yuqing stiffened in disbelief. “They…actually called you that?”

Tang Yan nodded, letting out a self-mocking laugh. “I never had a father around, and my mother didn’t seem to want me. Otherwise, why would she have left me behind? As a kid, I hated her for it, but she was still my mom. Once I got older, my cousin stopped beating me, but he never showed me any kindness either, and I stayed out of his way. Getting accepted into Hua Capital University was the happiest thing that ever happened to me.”

With sympathy in her eyes, Ji Yuqing looked at Tang Yan. “Your mother must have had her own reasons. But trust me—somewhere inside, she must love you.”

“I hope so. I remind myself of that a lot,” Tang Yan murmured.

After a moment, she glanced at Ji Yuqing. “Auntie Ji, thank you for hearing me out. I guess my story sounded really cliched, didn’t it?” She laughed, but it sounded forced. Ji Yuqing saw the sorrow underneath.

“It didn’t sound cliched at all.” Ji Yuqing’s heart went out to her. She reached over, pulled Tang Yan close, and rested her chin on Tang Yan’s head, speaking softly. “When there’s time, Auntie Ji will share my story with you, too.”

“Alright,” Tang Yan replied.

She inhaled a faint fragrance from being held that way. Auntie Ji always seemed to have a comforting scent.

“Do you feel any better after letting it out?” Ji Yuqing asked gently.

“A lot better,” Tang Yan said with a small smile.

“From now on, as long as I’m here, nobody will bully you again. You can always come to me,” Ji Yuqing promised.

Tang Yan thought Auntie Ji was the warmest person she had ever known. No one else had ever shown her such kindness and gentleness. Being held like that, hearing those soft words of comfort, felt even more blissful than the day she was accepted into Hua Capital University.