Heart of Darkness

Chapter 77 - 64

No touching. Why didn't he think of it earlier he wondered as he walked back to his room. He sensed William wandering around the castle, being in a quarter where he hadn't been for a long time. Rayven teleported there to see what he was doing.

He watched him from upstairs as the boy looked around at the dusty interior. Then he took notice of him.

"My Lord." He bowed.

Rayven descended the stairs and went to him. As much as the boy had made him feel miserable the last days, he was still bothered enough to talk to him.

"I took the freedom to look around.. I hope it is alright with you. I have always wondered what the wolf's den looked like inside." He said.

"Have you satisfied your curiosity?" Rayven asked.

"Yes. The castle has an eerie feeling. Has it always been like this?"

"It has been and is even more now because of me." He replied. He never cared to change anything about the castle. In fact, he even made it more gloomy than it already was.

William nodded. "Tomorrow will be my last day and night here." He said walking away to keep looking around.

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Rayven followed him. "Yes."

Was he sad? If he was, then he couldn't hear it in his tone or see it on his face. It could just be his bad social skills.

"Has the court tried to oppose you getting married to my sister?" The boy wondered.

"No. Not yet anyway. But that won't be a big problem." He told him.

"How so?"

"Well, with Lord Quintus planning the wedding and His Majesty approving while the other Lords remained quiet on the subject I think the others have understood that they would be on the opposing side of six powerful Lords and His Majesty if they said something." He explained.

Otherwise, Rayven already knew many illegal activities that some of these lords part took in secret. Making them quiet wouldn't be difficult.

William kept walking, slowing down now and then when he found something interesting to look at. Rayven looked with him realizing he hadn't taken his time to look around his own home. He had just moved in and then did nothing like a corpse.

Suddenly he stopped and turned to him. "I should ask my Lord. Why do you want to die? But why do I not want to ask?"

Because you would be disappointed, Rayven replied in his head.

"I should try to listen and understand why you would want to do such a thing. Do you feel the same way, my Lord?" He asked.

Rayven became puzzled.

"Do you feel like you should try to understand what my sister has been through and what she might go through after you leave?"

Understand his sister? It was actually the opposite. Rayven did his best to avoid thinking about what she could have been through and didn't even want to think about what she might go through after his death. It bothered him so he avoided it.

"If not, then should I still try to understand you and your reasons?" He was genuinely wondering. "My heart is not as big as my sister's. She always tries to understand no matter what and has hope in people until the last moment. Like she did with her father. As you know, that didn't end well. All of them left at the end."

Rayven could see that William tried to keep his logic and his emotions in balance but if he had to choose, he would choose his logic because emotions got him hurt. People always disappointed him.

Rayven looked into his eyes. Now he understood why he couldn't see emotions in them so easily. The boy had learned to distance himself from his feelings when needed. That was why his eyes could stay so calm, no matter the subject.

Rayven had done that himself and knew it wasn't easy to go back and forth. It was either to feel or not to feel but William seemed to be able to open and close the door easily. Still, this worried him. He didn't want the boy to end up like him.

"How do you do that?" He blurted.

William looked at him not understanding his question.

"Distance yourself from feelings but still feel." He explained.

"I do that?" He asked surprised.

"Yes."

William seemed to think for a while before replying. "I don't know my Lord. I am very well aware of my feelings and I don't deny them. I just don't let them control me."

Awareness? Could that be it?

Still, it must be hard to keep his feelings under control. To distance himself from them when needed. This meant that he had been disappointed in people so many times but… he also has someone who never disappointed him. His sister.

Rayven knew that this boy had no intention of accepting him unless he knew he wouldn't be disappointed. This small talk wouldn't make a change.

"Am I being coldhearted?" He asked.

Cold-hearted? The boy didn't know the true definition of that. He was doing all of this for his sister while Rayven gave away his like a piece of paper. He gave her away to a man he knew would make her life miserable. All because of his greed. He caused her so much agony that she took her own life. He… was the cause of her death.

"No," Rayven said feeling a large lump in his throat thinking of his sister. Her death still haunted him. He had nightmares about her and his mother almost every night. Two women in his life, imprisoned by the greed and pride of the men in his family. Two women whom he was supposed to protect but ended up killing instead. What worse than that could he do?

He nodded. "I don't know why you want to die. Perhaps I don't need details. What could make someone want to die? I can't think of many things." His gaze drifted away. "Like my sister. She also wanted to die at one point. But… does my sister have to be involved in your death? Why are you marrying her, My Lord?"

"Do you want the whole truth?" Rayven asked feeling exhausted from being asked the same thing.

"Yes."

"I am marrying your sister to be released from some of my punishment. Those scars…" He pointed at his face. "I have had them for so long that I can't remember what I look like. This marriage… will remove them."

"Then it is not death that you want?" The boy asked instead of being confused by his confession.

"I still plan to die," Rayven said clenching his hands into fists. "But I don't know when I will be able to, so I want my face to go back to the way it was."

William frowned and just stared at him for a long moment. Rayven saw a little bit of emotion in his eyes. Anger. "It seems like your face matters to you a lot."

Rayven hated that judgemental look. Why could he not want to just look normal?

"Should it not?"

William nodded. "It should. But what face are you getting back, My Lord? I am afraid of people who change faces."

The face of Demos. He was getting back the face of Demos. The tyrant.

The boy sighed. "Some people believe our faces are a reflection of our hearts." He said and then continued to walk.