I Woke Up Piloting the Strongest Starship, so I Became a Space Mercenary

563「Why. You Have the Whole Imperial Guard Fleet, Use One of Their Ships.」

「I demand a do-over.」

Serena looked down at me where I was sitting on the sofa, her whole attitude screaming ‘I am not satisfied’, as she said that. I see.

「Personally, I’m not opposed, but isn’t first thing in the morning pushing it a bit? And this is a borrowed room. Inside the Imperial Castle, no less.」

「Th-that’s not! what I! meant! You know that, don’t you!?」

Serena stomped her foot in fury. Yeah, I knew. I was just playing dumb. Serena with her face all red and angry is cute, so I got carried away.

「Even I think that was a bit much…」

Elma gave me a flat stare as she chimed in.

She is radiating displeasure, though she hasn’t hit full-blown rage yet. That said, it feels like we are getting dangerously close.

「Look, can’t you accept it as you letting Chris go first, as their seniors in these matters? Like you two said yesterday, there’s no way I can take on three body-enhanced girls head-on and come out of it in one piece.」

As I said that, I gently stroked the head still pressed tight against my chest.

「……」

And who was the one clinging to me like that and staring up at my face without blinking?

That’s right, it was Chris.

Ever since she woke up, we’d showered together, gotten dressed, and she’d been like this the whole time. So this is what they call hardcore-crush distance? I could practically see little heart marks shimmering in the depths of her eyes as she silently stared at me.

「Christina, I do think it’s about time you let go of him…？」

「……」

Serena’s tone had just a hint of anger in it, but Chris completely ignored her. At this point, I’m literally the only thing she can see. She has slipped fully into her own little world. Serena, having been stonewalled, was smiling in a way that said she was about to snap.

「You need to learn moderation, you know…」

「Honestly, I didn’t think it’d end up like this…」

I’d knocked Serena and Elma out of action early, coaxed the trembling Chris, whispered as many sweet nothings as I could while treating her as gently as possible, and proceeded from there. This was the end result. I didn’t use my Psionic powers at all this time, unlike when I was dealing with Serena and Elma.

「Whatever the case, you can’t just leave her like that. It’s going to cause problems. Do something.」

「But she’s cute like this…」

She was like a kitten that had been utterly tamed and doted on. When I stroke her head or cheek, she narrows her eyes happily and rubs against me. Extremely cute.

「Just do it.」

「Yes ma’am.」

I obediently began telepathic mental interference at Elma’s low, dangerous growl. She was about one step away from losing it completely. Terrifying. I took that raw ‘wow that’s scary’ emotion and poured it straight into Chris.

「…Ah!?」

Chris, whose expression had been all soft and melty as she gazed at me, suddenly shuddered and sprang away from me like she’d been shocked. Onii-san is sad.

「Uh, huh？ What… what was I just…?」

「Welcome back, Chris.」

「I-I’m back…?」

While watching Chris flail in confusion as she tried to make sense of the situation —she’s cute like this, too—Serena and Elma dropped down on either side of me with heavy thumps.

「I demand a do-over.」

「I expect proper compensation, okay?」

「…Yes.」

I’ll comply with your demands, just please stop clamping down on my arms like you’re trying to crush them. They’ll snap.

☆★☆

「So, did you all enjoy yourselves last night?」

「「「……」」」

We’d finished getting ready and were on our way through the Imperial Castle to catch a tram and head back to the Black Lotus when we ran into Her Highness Princess Luciada, accompanied by four female palace guards.

Or rather, she ambushed us. She’s been lying in wait at the tram station you use to move around inside the castle. And she’s grinning from ear to ear.

「We’re grateful to His Majesty for allowing us to stay in the castle, of course… but what exactly is all this about, Your Highness?」

At my question, Princess Luciada’s smile deepened. If I had to put it into words, it went from a simple ‘smile, smile’ to a full-on ‘smiiiile’. That smile is pure evil. I have a bad feeling about this. A very bad feeling.

「As it happens, I’ll be attending your wedding in the Dareinwald territory as His Majesty’s proxy.」

「Son of a…」

Sure, I’m sure Her Highness has her own schemes at work, but I bet anything that Fucking Emperor approved this mostly because he thought it sounded entertaining. What is that bastard thinking?

「Did you say something?」

「Notsayinanythingatall… So, Your Highness, you came all this way just to greet us?」

My real thoughts slipped out, but I papered it over with a smile and asked why she’d gone to the trouble of ambushing us here. I mean, I already have a pretty good guess, you know? But you’ve got to at least put up token resistance.

「Yes. Since we’re headed for the same destination anyway, I was hoping you’d let me accompany you on your ship.」

「Why. You have the whole Imperial Guard Fleet, use one of their ships. Why the hell are you going out of your way to ride on mine.」

「Ah, yes, that’s it. That’s how you should talk. You absolutely must speak like that. Let’s keep it rough and uncouth, just like a mercenary. Rough and uncouth.」

Princess Luciada’s eyes sparkled as she said that. Her outfit was… how to put it… clearly ‘I tried my best to alter a dress to look mercenary-ish’.

The reason the three of us were all struck speechless from the very first thing out of her mouth was because her whole getup was blatantly screaming, ‘I am totally planning to sneak onto your ship disguised as a mercenary’.

If you’re going incognito dressed as a merc, the first thing you should do is put that ridiculously huge sword on your back somewhere far, far away. I beg you.

For the record, the lady palace guards were still better by comparison. They were wearing combat armor that looked like it had been ‘borrowed’ (or maybe just flat-out stolen) from the Imperial Space Navy rather than guard-uniform gear. That said, the jeweled, ostentatious swords at their hips ruined the whole effect. Regular navy troopers or mercenaries do not wear stuff like that. And a noble officer wouldn’t be caught dead in standard grunt combat armor in the first place.

「After the ceremony, you’ll be heading off on your honeymoon, correct? I thought I’d accompany you on your travels to broaden my horizons.」

「Don’t you think it’s a little weird for some random person with nothing to do with our honeymoon to tag along? Even if that person is a princess? Isn’t that just a tiny bit presumptuous???」

「Captain Hiro, our relationship is hardly that of two ‘random people’, isn’t it?」

「That matter hasn’t been officially recognized or anything, so yeah, we’re randoms.」

At our back-and-forth, the palace guards and Chris started getting flustered, eyes darting around, and in at least one case a hand drifted to the hilt of a sword after wildly misunderstanding the situation.

Hey. No. Stop that. I have not laid a hand on Princess Luciada. If those swords come out of their sheaths, it’s not going to be pretty.

What Her Highness meant was that Mimi is the emperor’s grandniece, and I’m married to Mimi. Therefore, as the emperor’s granddaughter, she and I are distant relatives by blood and thus not ‘random strangers’.

On paper she’s not wrong, and His Majesty does acknowledge Mimi as his grandniece—his little sister Celestia’s granddaughter. But that fact has never been made public, and the Imperial Genealogy—the royal family’s version of a family registry—hasn’t been updated. Mimi’s name is nowhere in it.

Therefore, as I said, Princess Luciada and I are, officially, total strangers. QED.

「Enough quibbling. You’ll be letting me come along. Here, this is His Majesty’s edict.」

「FUCK.」

Princess Luciada dramatically unfolded something that looked like old-fashioned parchment, and a certain word slipped out of me before I could stop it. I haven’t actually read it yet, but I know—know—it has to be something bad for me. There is no way it isn’t. I’m absolutely certain.

「Waaah! A live ‘fuck’! A live ‘fuck’ in the wild! This is the first time I’ve ever actually heard someone use such a vulgar word!」

「Can we not have a princess shouting ‘live fuck’ at the top of her lungs???」

The ladies behind you are silently putting their hands on their sword hilts again, so seriously, please stop.

Yes, I’m the one who let the f-bomb slip in front of a princess, that’s on me, but how was I supposed to know she’d get that excited about it? You’re like an elementary school boy giggling over ‘dick’ and ‘poop’, Your Highness.

「Time out. What do you three think? Is there any way we can turn this down?」

I turned around, pressed my forehead to Elma’s, Serena’s, and Chris’s, and started whispering with them.

I really, really don’t want this. Not just having her tag along on the honeymoon—just having Princess Luciada aboard my ship at all is a headache I don’t need this.

「Until we see what’s written in the edict, I can’t say for sure, but I seriously doubt His Majesty and Her Highness left us any legal room to refuse…」

「Frankly, as subjects, refusing not only an imperial edict but even a direct request from a princess is… pretty much out of the question to begin with…」

「And if there’s an edict on top of that, I don’t think we have any way to decline… Besides, Her Highness is coming to bless our marriage. Turning that down would go past disrespect and straight into treason…」

Yeah. That’s despair for you. There was no escaping her accompanying us.

But.

There is no reason she has to ride on my ship. I still haven’t gotten an answer on that part.

「Having you ride on my ship is what doesn’t make sense here. I really don’t think it’s appropriate, either. An unmarried princess boarding the ship of a mercenary with a whole harem of women, even with guards in tow? Pretty sure that’s going to do bad things to your reputation. Also, I would very much like to avoid ending up on the Crown Prince’s shit list, or in his sights, or under his glare, or whatever.」

「In regards to this little excursion, no matter what happens, neither my father nor any other member of the imperial family will hold you accountable. His Majesty has already arranged matters that way. You can relax.」

Princess Luciada gave me a thumbs-up as she said that. That’s not reassuring, that’s terrifying.

「That’s what’s scary. What, exactly, is he planning to make us do?」

「You’ll be touring Marquis Holz’s territory on your honeymoon, right?」

「I don’t know the details, but that’s what Marquis Holz told me, yeah.」

And I’m pretty sure he also said something along the lines of ‘it probably won’t be apeaceful, uneventful trip’.

Odds are good there’ll be space pirate hunts and smackdowns for misbehaving nobles on the itinerary.

「Officially, I’ll be travelling incognito alongside you on that pilgrimage as a way of broadening my horizons. That’s the pretext.」

「If that’s the cover story, what’s the real reason?」

「It sounds like fun. Like I said yesterday, I’ve gotten really into the stories about the Rampaging Emperor and Lady Celestia lately.」

「That’s an incredibly personal motivation, you know that, right…？」

At my comment, Princess Luciada just smiled sweetly.

But would His Majesty really issue an imperial edict just for that? And there is no proof Her Highness is being entirely honest about her motives either. There has to be some other agenda in play.

「So the reason you’re so set on riding on my ship is the ‘incognito’ part, yeah?」

「Exactly. If I toddled after you in a ship from the Guard Fleet, the cover would be blown instantly.」

「Of course it would.」

I sighed.

Nothing good is going to come of this. I can feel it in my bones.