If You Don't Fall In Love, You'll Die

Chapter Ch96.1 - Side Story (5) – He Didn’t Want Love Anymore, He Only Wanted Gu Xi.

Editor: Amaris

After they graduated, Gu Xi became extremely busy. Although he was still together with Shen Jiaze, they seemed to only be able to meet at night.

Gu Xi felt really tired when he got home, yet Shen Jiaze still pestered him. He simply wanted to get an early rest.

Shen Jiaze felt distressed for him, thus he didn’t mess with Gu Xi much. Most of the time, they only kissed and hugged each other to sleep.

Gu Xi joined the Gu Family Group. He worked really hard because he wanted to achieve success and to prove himself to his father.

Why was he in such a hurry?

The reason was that he wanted to come out of the closet. He wanted to start his future with Shen Jiaze.

Gu Xi wanted to live up to his father’s expectations by working hard to take over the Gu Family’s responsibilities. By doing so, he wished that his parents would be able to accept things easier when he confessed later.

With that in mind, Gu Xi gave up his hobbies and everything he had studied for years. Instead, he steadfastly did the dull, tedious, and unenjoyable things in the company.

But he wasn’t troubled nor tired, he was full of energy.

As long as he came home and saw Shen Jiaze, he felt that anything he had done was worth it.

Shen Jiaze knew that Gu Xi was tired, thus he helped him with tidying this and that and even helped him a lot with his work.

Even though Shen Jiaze hadn’t entered the business world, his environment was quite connected to it, which instinctively gave him talents in these fields.

During this time, Gu Xi still felt completely content even though it was exhausting. He felt happy because he was doing this to plan their future together.

Until they moved house for the first time.

Shen Jiaze was worried because Gu Xi had to be stuck in a traffic jam for nearly an hour before he could get to the company every morning. Hence, he suggested that they move to a place near Gu Xi’s company.

Gu Xi said, “Then you’ll be the one who would be late for school.”

Shen Jiaze replied, “I’m not in a hurry to go to school, what are you worried about?”

Shen Jiaze insisted that they move. He even took the initiative to choose a house and hastily clean it up. Gu Xi could only comply with him after the other had done that much.

Gu Xi was busy with work, so Shen Jiaze handled most of the move.

Shen Jiaze’s ‘Great Young Master’ temperament had been disciplined a lot by Gu Xi in the past two years that most of them had nearly vanished away.

Although he was still stubborn and liked to mess things up, Shen Jiaze could be himself and do anything in front of Gu Xi.

He carefully tidied up their memories in these two years filled with sweetness and warmth. The two years seemed to be completely filled with all the wonderful things.

Shen Jiaze accidentally found a photo album while moving one of the boxes.

He had never seen it before, and he was sure that it was not his, so it must be Gu Xi’s.

He opened the album happily, with high expectations, wanting to see Gu Xi’s photos.

Once Shen Jiaze opened the album, he saw a photo of a familiar, yet somewhat unknown little fatty.

One could slightly notice that he was Gu Xi from the boy’s facial features, but his chubby cheeks and plump arms were…

Shen Jiaze chuckled, feeling amused by the fair-skinned little fatty in the photo.

So Gu Xi used to be fat before.

It was difficult to imagine that Gu Xi who was currently living a strict life, paying attention to every little detail, and had high self-esteem—was this adorably fat.

Shen Jiaze looked at each of the photos and grew to love them the more he looked at them.

Most people would become like this when they were in love. Their taste would be divided into two: one was others, another one was their significant other.

Therefore, no matter what Gu Xi was like, he would still be beautiful in Shen Jiaze’s eyes.

After looking at the photos, Shen Jiaze felt that the Gu Xi now was somewhat too thin. His waist was too slim, though his butt was pretty plump&#k2026;ehm&#k2026; Shen Jiaze hurriedly collected his train of thoughts, not daring to let his imagination run wild.

This photo album was supposed to be Gu Xi’s &#k2018;secret’, so Shen Jiaze wouldn’t let Gu Xi know that he had looked at it.

He carefully took a photo of a lonesome Little Fatty Gu and put it in his wallet.

As he flipped the last page of the album, he unexpectedly saw someone he was familiar with…

Uncle?

Shen Jiaze was slightly startled. In the photo, a man with facial features really similar to Shen Jiaze could be seen. However, his aura was completely different from Shen Jiaze: he was smiling faintly; looking mature, steady, graceful, and charming.

Standing beside him was the fat Gu Xi. He looked somewhat nervous, his eyes were sparkling, and he smiled nervously yet adorably at the same time.

Shen Jiaze’s heart throbbed. He couldn’t tell what he was feeling, but to put it simply…he felt somewhat uncomfortable.

It was only a picture, that was all. Shen Jiaze vaguely remembered that back then, Uncle and Grandpa used to get into arguments, resulting in his uncle running away to the school they were in and becoming a lecturer there for a year.

He must have coincidentally taught Gu Xi…

What a coincidence.

Shen Jiaze closed the photo album, inexplicably feeling slightly dejected as he did so.

This was only a small ‘lump’ that had grown in Shen Jiaze’s heart, yet to turn into a ‘cancer’.

Afterwards, Gu Xi was busy as always. Regardless, Shen Jiaze had always waited for him to come home every night.

Gu Xi always came home late, thus he told Shen Jiaze, “You should go to sleep first, don’t wait for me to come back.”

Shen Jiaze asked, “Don’t you miss me after not seeing me for the whole day?”

Gu Xi had a sharp tongue like usual, he wouldn’t say that he missed Shen Jiaze even if he had. Instead, he teased Shen Jiaze, “Why would I need to miss you?”

Shen Jiaze from before wouldn’t think that there was anything wrong with Gu Xi’s words. He would just kiss him and say that he missed him instead. But recently, he felt uncomfortable with those kinds of words for some reason.

He didn’t say anything, so Gu Xi continued to tease him, “Do you want me to miss you for blowing up the kitchen? Or should I miss you for washing the clothes but not drying them and leaving them in the washing machine for a day?”

Shen Jiaze frowned. “That was in the past.”

Noticing that Shen Jiaze seemed to be truly dejected, Gu Xi coaxed him, “Mm-hm, Shen Jiaze is impressive now. He could cook, wash clothes…he could literally do anything!”

Upon saying that, he kissed Shen Jiaze again. As a result, Shen Jiaze felt much more peaceful and the ‘fog’ in his heart had mostly dispersed. However, the ‘lump’ was still hidden in a dark place.

One month later, Shen Jiaze went to a birthday party.

It was his uncle, Shen Qingxu’s birthday party.

He was almost the same age as Shen Qingxu. He called him Uncle, but they were actually more like brothers.

However, Shen Qingxu had always been a calm person. He was also extremely brilliant at a young age, literally the most outstanding person in their generation. He was the ‘other’s child’ that every parent would always talk about.

Shen Jiaze was close to his uncle, so it was only a matter of course for him to attend his birthday party.

He didn’t really pay attention to it before, but now that he looked carefully, he noticed that he looked a lot similar to Uncle, especially their facial features.

Right at this time, a relative complimented Shen Jiaze, “Jiaze and his uncle looked more alike now. He has matured a lot, he’ll definitely be able to achieve great success in the future.”

Mother Shen made a modest remark, “This child had always been bad-tempered since young. Although his temper has become better in these two years, he’s still nothing compared to Qingxu.”

The uneasiness in Shen Jiaze’s heart intensified a lot more as he listened to these small talks.

He wasn’t tolerant enough to deal with these distant relatives, so he simply hid on the side to goof off.

Shen Jiaze swiped his cellphone boringly. Gu Xi was still busy at this time, so he wouldn’t want to disturb him by sending messages.

Having nothing to do, Shen Jiaze recalled the little fatty in his wallet. He couldn’t help but take the photo out and take a look at it.

Lately, he always took the photo out to look at the familiar yet unfamiliar Gu Xi as he imagined his life before.

He loved Gu Xi; be it now, the future, or the past.

Shen Jiaze knew that he was hopeless.

But that was fine. He had given up all remedies long ago to love Gu Xi.

“Eh… This is Little Fatty Gu?” A frivolous voice could be heard from Shen Jiaze’s back.

Shen Jiaze closed his wallet in a hurry.

A man who was holding a glass of red wine behind Shen Jiaze blinked his eyes. “What are you hiding it for?”

Shen Jiaze said calmly, “Hello, Brother Miao.”

The man was Shen Qingxu’s close friend and business partner, Chen Miao.

Chen Miao smiled as he said, “Hello.”

Shen Jiaze exchanged a few greetings with him.

Chen Miao wasn’t much interested in the party either, so he thought of hiding somewhere and coincidentally came to where Shen Jiaze was.

They had known each other before, so they could strike up a conversation.

As they talked, they somehow began to talk about Gu Xi.

Shen Jiaze didn’t want to ask, but couldn’t help it in the end, “Brother Miao, you know Gu Xi?”

“I do,” said Chen Miao, “your uncle used to teach him.”

Shen Jiaze gave a hollow laugh. He suddenly didn’t feel like asking anymore.

But Chen Miao continued to reminisce about the past. He laughed and said, “That little fatty is very amusing. He lost weight for your uncle, he went from being a little fatty to a stunning beauty.”

With a thump, the sound of the glass falling into the carpet was as dull as a drumstick.

Startled, Chen Miao looked at Shen Jiaze. “What’s wrong?”

Shen Jiaze’s expression was as cold as ice. He asked Chen Miao, “He lost weight for my uncle, yeah?”

Chen Miao replied, “Erm…uh…” He realized that he had committed a slip of tongue, but he had not the slightest idea about Shen Jiaze and Gu Xi’s relationship, he only thought that he had exposed Gu Xi’s sexual orientation.

But Shen Jiaze said straightforwardly, “I know that Gu Xi likes men. Does he like my uncle?”

“So you knew.” Chen Miao sighed, but replied short after, “You two…aren’t dating, are you?”

Shen Jiaze’s face had turned extremely sour. He asked, “Brother Miao, please tell me whether Gu Xi liked my uncle or not.”

Chen Miao hesitated for a moment, but ended up telling whatever he knew.

Gu Xi liked Shen Qingxu.

Gu Xi lost weight for Shen Qingxu.

Yet after he slimmed down, Shen Qingxu left the school.

Soon after that… Shen Jiaze—who looked very much like Shen Qingxu—appeared before Gu Xi.

Shen Jiaze left without saying goodbye. He let himself get blasted by the cold wind outside in the middle of the night.

He kept telling himself: I mustn’t let my imagination run wild, I mustn’t!

However, the train of thought just wouldn’t stop.

How could it be such a coincidence?

Gu Xi had changed so much for Shen Qingxu. Could he just forget about Shen Qingxu that easily?

If Gu Xi hadn’t forgotten about Shen Qingxu, then just what was Shen Jiaze?

Shen Jiaze recalled their first encounter. Before, he would feel delighted whenever he recalled that dramatic event. But now…everything felt different.

What did Gu Xi think of at that time? Why would he make fun of an unfamiliar guy like him?

If he didn’t look so much like Shen Qingxu, would Gu Xi still fall in love with him due to ‘an unexpected turn of events’?

Gu Xi hadn’t liked Shen Jiaze in the first place; he had only been teasing him, Shen Jiaze knew that very well.

But later, Shen Jiaze thought that Gu Xi had fallen in love with him bit by bit. He thought that they were a harmonious couple.

But now… everything became a big question mark.

Shen Jiaze didn’t get a blink of sleep that night. He slowly analyzed everything that had happened in these two years; contemplating and studying them little by little. As he kept going, his heart grew colder.

The only similarity between Shen Jiaze and Shen Qingxu was their facial features; their personalities were the complete opposite.

But what Gu Xi liked was someone with a personality like Shen Qingxu’s.

Mature… Steady… Meticulous…

Gu Xi’s catchphrase suddenly popped into Shen Jiaze’s mind.

“Shen Jiaze, can’t you grow up a little!?”

Shen Jiaze’s heart turned entirely cold in a split second. He stared blankly at the pitch-black sky, feeling overwhelmed by the immense amount of darkness that he couldn’t breathe.

Shen Jiaze ‘went missing’ for two days.

In these two days, many people were so anxious they were going crazy. Grandma Shen laid awake the whole night, thinking about her obedient grandchild all the while she was awake. She was so worried that she beat her chest and stomped her feet.

Gu Xi could still manage on the first day, but he became extremely anxious the next day that he couldn’t stay in the company and left the pile of work to go out and look for Shen Jiaze everywhere.

This angered Father Gu. He told someone to fetch Gu Xi back and he got a severe dressing down in the end.

Gu Xi didn’t get a blink of sleep at all, with the addition of how worried he was about Shen Jiaze and his nerves being on edge, he accidentally confessed.

He came out of the closet at the worst timing.

Father Gu instantly went apeshit on the spot and drove Gu Xi out of the house.

Gu Xi couldn’t care less about this. He went everywhere to look for Shen Jiaze and finally found him in his very own house.

Shen Jiaze came back by himself. He had thought about it for two days and nights and had finally figured it out.

Let the past…be the past.

It was alright even if Gu Xi had liked Shen Qingxu. It didn’t matter even if he treated Shen Jiaze as Shen Qingxu’s substitute. He had time; he still had a lot of time.

As long as Shen Jiaze was with Gu Xi, he would definitely only look at him and love him as time went by.

Shen Jiaze didn’t want to lose Gu Xi. He couldn’t bear to lose him even after he was aware that all the sweetness in these two years might only be an illusion.

Shen Jiaze told himself: It will be alright, everything will be alright. Gu Xi would definitely love him soon.

T/N: Yo, yo, have you seen how many times I break down and cry throughout the chapter… Hahaha…

potats translating side story 5:

Using gdoc’s comment feature to put T/N and footnotes ❌❌❌

Using gdoc’s comment feature TO VENT BREAKDOWN ✔✔✔

im really sorry, Amaris-san and reader-tachi, for u have to see all my shits…