Incurable Pain

IP Chapter 80

Incurable Pain | Chapter 80

Yu Luoyin originally thought that this trip to Puerto Rico would be just a rare episode of escapism in his life.

But he didn’t expect it to change his life so profoundly.

After arriving in New York, Yu Luoyin discarded his connecting flight ticket to Puerto Rico and stayed there for a week.

Actually, he had been to New York many times before and had no specific plans. He just wandered aimlessly and ended up going to many hospitals.

Yu Luoyin didn’t understand why he became so obsessed with hospitals. Perhaps it was mainly because this was the “turning point” between him and Bai Xunyin.

In any case, he was very grateful for those three months they had spent together.

At least he was single-minded and immersed in it.

So many places that others were afraid to approach, he instead lingered there.

A week later, Yu Luoyin returned to Linlan.

Because the semester in Lan University was about to start.

During his week away, apart from Zhou Xinsui sending him messages to check on him, he heard nothing from anyone else.

It was as if his presence or absence would never affect the mood of Yu Yuan and Gu Yan, let alone… let alone anyone else.

After the plane landed, Yu Luoyin turned on his phone, which had been turned off for a week, and scanned through the hundreds of messages. There was no sign of Bai Xunyin, as expected.

He chuckled self-deprecatingly.

University life, compared to the chaotic mess of high school, could almost be called “enjoyable”. There were no endless piles of exam papers, exercise books, tactical cramming, the “death gaze” of teachers behind their backs, and endless pressure…

But for Yu Luoyin, such days were no different from being a “salted fish”.

Even though his major was astronomy, something he had once worked hard for and loved, and even though there were still many things to do in university.

Yet Yu Luoyin still felt an unbearable emptiness in his heart.

It was a kind of inexplicable feeling, even if he kept himself busy every day with rigid schedules, it couldn’t fill the void.

It was like a big hole had been torn open in his heart.

But Yu Luoyin knew he shouldn’t be like this.

What kind of education had he received from childhood to adulthood? 

What kind of character had he developed through hardships?

Even though he had lost Bai Xunyin and temporarily felt defeated, he shouldn’t be like this now.

So Yu Luoyin stepped back into the Anxin Psychological Clinic, a place he hadn’t visited in a long time, and sought out Lu Ying.

“I feel like I’m being torn apart by a profound contradiction.”

Sitting in front of Lu Ying’s large desk, the young man lowered his eyes slightly, his long eyelashes covering his intricate black eyes. 

Then he laughed awkwardly, “Sister Lu, I don’t know what to do.”

He spoke vaguely, and even he himself didn’t understand what he was trying to express.

But Lu Ying, looking at the young man’s fluffy, messy black hair, pale complexion, and bewildered eyes, knew that Yu Luoyin’s current state was terrible.

Even though he seemed normal on the surface, his scattered gaze was already a sign of abnormality.

Lu Ying’s heart pounded wildly. She tentatively asked, “Is it because of something? Is it about relationships or academics?”

Yu Luoyin laughed self-deprecatingly, “It’s all a mess.”

Lu Ying’s eyebrows twitched, and she subconsciously said, “How is that possible?”

She knew how outstanding Yu Luoyin was as a young man. The words “all a mess” were almost impossible to associate with him in Lu Ying’s mind.

But Yu Luoyin insisted on saying that he… was all a mess?

“Sister Lu,” Yu Luoyin looked somewhat hollow-eyed at the desk, as if murmuring to himself, “What if I have to make a decision that the whole world will oppose?”

He said “have to make” instead of “want to make,” and Lu Ying instantly understood that Yu Luoyin already had plans in his heart.

Although she didn’t know exactly what he was going to do, but…

“You should still remember what I told you, as long as it’s not illegal.” Lu Ying smiled. 

“Be carefree, the sky won’t fall down.”

Yeah, the sky won’t fall down anyway.

Yu Luoyin smiled, feeling refreshed when he left.

The next day, he went to the school leadership and submitted his application for withdrawal from school.

This was in the second month of his freshman year.

It was rare for a student who had entered the C9 and was in a key department to apply for withdrawal, so the school naturally refused to agree easily. They kept asking Yu Luoyin why, even suspecting that he had psychological problems and needed to see a therapist.

Then, they brought Gu Yan and Yu Yuan in.

But no matter how everyone pressured him, persuaded him, or looked at him as if he were a monster, Yu Luoyin’s answer was always the same—

“I want to repeat another year.”

That’s right, he was so ‘crazy’ and stubborn. He wanted to repeat the year and became a senior high school student again.

From then on, even though he lost the advantage of being a “fresh graduate”, he would never regret his decision.

Yu Luoyin was such a person, ruthless and decisive, always leaving no room for doubt.

And no regrets.

He withdrew from school simply because he didn’t want to go to Lan University, didn’t want to study astronomy. 

It was as simple as that.

And the reason he wanted to repeat the year was that he wanted to apply for medical school, and become a doctor. The cause and effect were clear at a glance.

There’s a saying that goes ‘persuading someone to study medicine is asking for a bolt of lightning’. 

It shows that the daily life and future of medical students will be more bitter than sweet.

But the sweetness that comes after several days of suffering from a successful surgery easily outweighs the bitterness. So this was Yu Luoyin’s goal.

Studying in medical school will undoubtedly be much harder than in Lan University. Countless courses and internships make one feel like a spinning top that can never stop. But even so, he still thought of Bai Xunyin.

Occasional yearning, or sometimes overwhelming thoughts in the sleepless night.

When he entered university again in his freshman year, Yu Luoyin was a year older than others, slim and reserved, with a kind of ‘self-imposed authority’ aura.

Clearly refined and elegant, but the indifferent and aloof void on his body made everyone fear him.

During the New Year’s Day period, when he went out with Li Yuan and Zhou Xinsui, the latter were a little surprised—

“Brother Yu, are medical students so busy that they don’t even have time to eat?”

Yu Luoyin then realized that he had become so thin, with his wrist and knuckles clearly visible.

But he did eat well.

This was most likely because he was suffering from ‘lovesickness’.

So the next day, Yu Luoyin booked a ticket to the north, as resolute as when he originally wanted to go to Puerto Rico, without hesitation.

Since you miss someone so much, why wait in pain?

Since Bai Xunyin didn’t come looking for him, he would go find her.

But when he arrived in the north and stood outside the school gate, seeing the rare bright and healthy smile on the girl’s cold face, Yu Luoyin dared not approach her.

He took out a cigarette, stood by the tree, smoked for a while, and greedily looked at Bai Xunyin through the hazy frost.

The winter in the north was extremely cold, and the smoke dissipated in an instant. The frost was all his breath.

But when he saw Bai Xunyin, he didn’t feel cold anymore.

I won’t disturb you for now. 

I’ll wait a little longer.

Yu Luoyin muttered to himself, his eyes full of sinister confidence.

For some reason, he always felt that Bai Xunyin would eventually be his. As for the reason, it wasn’t difficult to understand—Yu Luoyin felt that this girl didn’t look at anyone else.

And he himself didn’t look at anyone else.

Yu Luoyin’s mouth twitched slightly, and then he picked up his phone and snapped a photo of the distant girl.

Baby, consider this a recharge for me.

This was the second year they had been apart, and Yu Luoyin learned to secretly make a few fly-by visits to see her.

What’s missing when he has money to fly and see Bai Xunyin?

With more ‘recharge’ time, time passed quickly, and before he knew it, five years had passed.

In the sixth year, there was an ‘accidental’ encounter at a family gathering.

Yu Shitian, that girl, happened to be from the same university with her, and after graduating, she worked in her family’s company. She complained about the life of an office worker every day.

Yu Luoyin felt bored listening to such trivial matters and didn’t bother asking.

He didn’t want to expose his feelings in front of his family, so he restrained himself from asking anything about Bai Xunyin from Yu Shitian.

Even though he knew that even if he deliberately inquired, he probably wouldn’t get any information, because that girl had always been overly low-key.

Until this family gathering, Yu Luoyin accidentally saw a photo of her and Bai Xunyin on Yu Shitian’s phone.

That day, he had a little too much to drink and felt like his breath was stopping for a moment.

In medical terms, this was a state of stress caused by excessive excitement—Yu Luoyin could only stare blankly at that photo, unable to move his eyes away.

Yun Shitian thought he was drunk. “Brother, what’s wrong with you?”

Yu Luoyin didn’t answer, just stared blankly at the photo, a faint hint of red in his eyes that was hard to detect.

Gradually, Yu Shitian noticed his gaze and smiled knowingly.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t it? When the boys at our school see my sister, they all stare dumbfounded.” Yun Shitian casually waved her phone. 

“But I didn’t expect my brother to be stunned too. Indeed, my sister is the most beautiful girl in the world.”

Yu Luoyin’s voice was somewhat hoarse, “…Sister?”

“Yes, our school’s beauty, the top student, the goddess with a full scholarship, an existence that ordinary people can only look up to.” Yun Shitian patted her chest. 

“But I’m super close to her, so I call her sister.”

Yu Luoyin had been silent, quietly listening to Bai Xunyin’s experiences over the years from others. After a while, he smiled faintly.

He said softly, “Is that so?”

In fact, he knew better than anyone else how outstanding Bai Xunyin was.

It’s just that all this excellence being seen by everyone made him jealous to the point of going crazy.

“Yeah.” Yun Shitian nodded matter-of-factly. 

“The most surprising thing is that her hometown is also Linlan. She’s coming back soon. I told my sister she must come to my birthday party…”

At this point, she paused, then looked at Yu Luoyin with a meaningful smile.

“If you’re willing to come and pay for me, I could introduce my sister to you.”

Actually, Yu Shitian was just joking like this, and she never thought Yu Luoyin would agree.

After all, she knew that Yu Luoyin harbored a ‘moonlight’ in his heart.

But perhaps tonight was an unexpected night. After hearing her words, Yu Luoyin paused for two seconds and actually nodded.

He didn’t know if he was drunk. With a misty layer in his black eyes, he smiled and nodded. 

“Okay.”

Bai Xunyin might be a bird chasing freedom in the wilderness, but he would be her home in the sky.

After six years apart, welcome back.

The bird returns

Sleepyblue’s corner:

As a hopeless romantic, I sincerely wish for everyone to have someone destined for us. I wish for us to also have that kind of love that’s once in a lifetime. This world is already as hard as it is, so I hope we can all find that safe harbor at the very end.