Last Born Of The Desdemona

Chapter 309: Chapter 309: Hidden Thoughts

Chapter 309 – Hidden Thoughts

The first year had won. All of them screamed out in joy and pride, having beaten older, more experienced students.

This was something most of them hadn’t expected, especially after Sky’s pitiful loss, but fortunately Cassius had saved the day.

He’d won the third match without even rising from his chair, then won the fourth and final match by proving just how dreadfully strong he really was.

Combining both wins, the first year — and even the second and third years — could now fully understand why Cassius Desdemona, now called White Snake, was truly the Palatine.

It was far too obvious now. After the Opening Ceremony, none of them could imagine a better Palatine than him.

And that, Emrys Stormblessed had no choice but to acknowledge, though laced with intense, bitter resentment.

He stood off to the side, in front of a large boulder, Theophane beside him, watching his classmates celebrate their win.

No one bothered to call him over or even spare him a glance. Something he’d never experienced before, having always been the center of attention wherever he went.

Not this time.

And it wasn’t because he’d lost, Emrys realized, watching his own teammates being openly welcomed into the small celebration.

The real reason was how he’d reacted to that loss.

It was one thing to lose. It was another entirely to beat his own teammate for losing, especially when Emrys wasn’t blameless himself.

That realization hit him hard, leaving him almost breathless.

Emrys clenched his fist, still stained with Tiger’s blood, tightening it further.

His blue eyes never left Cassius’s face, even as the man himself was surrounded on all sides by friends and others like Cassandra, Aaron, and even Nicole.

Slowly, he replayed everything Cassius had done throughout his battles, comparing it against his own performance.

The gap was staggering.

’This is bad.’ Emrys thought, closing his eyes to steady himself against acting rashly again, ’This is very bad. Nothing has gone my way since the Academy started. What am I doing wrong? And what exactly is Cassius doing right? This is bad. Emrys, think. Think, damn it. Clearly, strength alone isn’t enough. It’s no longer enough.’

Sky forced himself to analyze the situation, and how he’d ended up here, and the answer was painfully obvious.

’I lost my temper because I couldn’t accept defeat. Who would ever smile at me after I beat my own classmate? Who would welcome me if I’m seen as a villain instead of a hero?’ He cursed himself inwardly, ’And in front of everyone, Love kissed another man. Sure, my aunt told me to discard her, but how did we even reach this point? I ignored her because I grew impatient, frustrated that I wasn’t getting what I wanted from her. Impatience, damn it. I’m impatient. Impatient to win, impatient to please, impatient to collect more women as if having more would somehow make me feel better...look at Cassius, Emrys. Look at him!’

And he looked at Cassius again, his heart pounding like thunder in his chest.

’Do you see impatience in him? No, of course not. Think, Emrys. You have to think. Your strength alone is no longer enough. Not against Cassius, accept that. You must accept it and think, damn it!’

But accepting that fact was hard. Since when had his strength stopped being enough? Since when?

Still, he knew he had to accept it. Only by learning to see Cassius as little more than an obstacle could he ever hope to overcome him.

Until then, he’d keep underestimating him, and that could cost him even more than he’d already lost today.

He had to accept that...

’...Cassius can stand against me. Skyburner...’

He clenched his fist so tightly the blood drained from his palm, leaving it bone white.

’...can burn the Sky.’

At that realization, something inside Emrys shifted subtly. He regained his composure, reminding himself to be patient, then withdrew even further from the others, standing in the shadow of the massive boulder.

Theophane slowly turned to look at him, catching his eyes, clearer now than she’d seen them in a while.

He noticed her watching and spared her a glance. Without smiling, he nodded curtly.

"I’m sorry, Aunt. I acted like a child earlier. I won’t do it again." Emrys apologized, arms crossed over his chest, before closing his eyes again, steadying his breath.

Theophane felt a shiver run through her, seeing this side of Emrys. She pressed her lips together and turned her gaze back to Cassius.

’I don’t know which of you I hate more.’ She thought, tears suddenly welling in her eyes, ’But I hate you so much I feel nothing but hatred inside me. I am hate. Hate is me. I ask myself every single day, every step closer to death...what did I do to deserve being sacrificed for you? What did I do for your goddess to give me your fate of death, killing my own Fate in the process, all so you wouldn’t have to die? Did I express some envy of dying, perhaps? Did I deserve it? And now you smile as though you deserve the life you’re living! A life built on the ending of mine!’

Hate. So much hate that Theophane began to weep.

She covered her face and moved further from the others, slipping behind Emrys’s boulder, into a darkness where no one could see her, and crouched down, head buried against her chest.

In her whole cursed life, she’d been abandoned, sacrificed, and now manipulated.

By her sister, who’d left her for love. Yet the very man her sister had loved so deeply was willing to do anything to sleep with her.

By the goddess of fate, who’d deemed her life meaningless, dooming her to save her Blessed, eighteen years ago, when Theophane had been only three.

By the gods themselves, who believed she’d be better off as a slave to their Chosen Hero.

Every single time, the world had proven exactly why Theophane Celeste carried the word "forbidden" in her Aspect’s name.

She’d stayed strong all these years, alone, forcing her emotions shut just to survive.

Now, all of it came crashing back at once, flooding through her at the worst possible moment, reducing her to a weeping girl hiding from the world.

Hate. Hate. Hate.

’I hate them all.’ She sobbed to herself, ’I hate what I have to become, just to hate them.’

But it was too late. She was already too deep in this hell. She couldn’t see any light out of it, and even if she could, Theophane would never choose to be saved from it.

She was damned. But only through being damned could she achieve her goal. Only by shedding morals, salvation, everything else she still had to lose...could she truly break free.

For now, though, while it was still possible, let the tears fall. Let her weep until nothing remained inside her.

Then she would rise, smile venomously, manipulate, and destroy them all.

But for now. Just for now.

’Let me cry.’

And the world, for once, granted her that much.

...

After the first year’s official victory, the students returned to their classroom, Teacher Jade standing before them once more.

All the students had regained consciousness by now. Beside Cassius, Klaus sat eerily silent, expression flat.

Natalia remained the same as always, only occasionally responding to Keisha. Even Keisha eventually fell quiet, sensing the tension in the room.

A short distance away sat Love, head down on the table, as though hiding her face out of shame.

Anesthesia sat nearby, wearing a tight frown, watching Raven being sweet and gentle toward the wounded Sarah. Her patience visibly thinning.

Not forgetting Esmeray, present among them, though always feeling apart, like a spectator watching from a distance, disconnected.

Her mind wandered often, and her expression would sometimes twist with fear and deep unease whenever she caught her brother’s eye.

Because only he might guess something about her state. Only he knew her well enough to sense that...she seemed strangely stable. Stable in a way pills had never managed to achieve.

How would she even explain that?

And how could she look her brother and cousin in the eye now, knowing she’d done exactly what her mother had so thoroughly forbidden?

Esmeray’s mind churned in chaos. The weight of keeping the secret proved far heavier than she’d first believed.

She was afraid. And growing increasingly paranoid.

The first year had only gone through one Opening Ceremony, and already it felt as though everyone had changed.

Teacher Jade smiled, deciding it was time to hand out the rewards.

"First, congratulations on your splendid victory over the second year." He said, drawing everyone’s focus, "You’ll each receive EP based on your performance, before the end of the day."

The students murmured, pleased at the prospect of earning points during such turbulent times.

"But beyond those points, we also have the 10 chosen students who’ll be heading to the Wastelands. However, given the exceptionally high performance across the class, narrowing it down proved difficult, so we’ve decided to add two more, bringing the total to 12 students. Note that we didn’t select purely based on strength, but also considered whose Aspects might prove especially valuable. So..."

Everyone listened as Teacher Jade pulled out a notebook and began reading:

"...here are the 12 students: Anesthesia Amaris, Raven Hood, Omm Min Jambar, Love de Bayard, Klaus Silicin Handoff, William Castria, Nafissatou Blanche, Jeanne Safara, Natalia Glassscion, Laya Bint Aicha, Cassius Desdemona, and finally..."

He closed the book, slowly lifting his head toward the students.

"...Emrys Stormblessed."

—End of Chapter 309—