Secretly, But Unable to Hide It

Chapter 32

Sang Zhi started regretting bringing up this topic with them. She felt she must have drunk too much today so her brain acted a bit erratically, or perhaps she wasn’t fully awake, in a hazy state between sleep and wakefulness.

“You guys are just talking nonsense.” She waved her hand, indicating she didn’t want to continue the conversation. “Forget it, I’m going back to sleep.”

“Am I making no sense?” Yu Xin laughed as she spoke, “By the way, does your brother have a girlfriend?”

“……” Sang Zhi opened her eyes and hesitated, “I don’t think so. He hasn’t mentioned it to the family, so I don’t know if he does.”

Wang Ruolan asked, “Has your brother ever been in a relationship?”

“……”

Noticing Sang Zhi’s reaction, Yu Xin’s eyes widened, feeling her speculation was suddenly supported by reasonable evidence. “Holy crap! Could it be he hasn’t?”

“I don’t know, he doesn’t talk to me about these things.” Sang Zhi recalled, “But in high school, he seemed to have been called home because of an early romance. I don’t really remember.”

Yu Xin got excited. “High school? That was years ago. Two grown men in their twenties not dating and hanging out together every day…… Say, could there be another reason?”

“I didn’t say they definitely haven’t dated.” Sang Zhi glumly glanced at Yu Xin, speechless. “Stop speculating and read fewer novels.”

Wang Ruolan asked again, “What is your brother’s friend doing now?”

“He seems to be working at a game company.” Sang Zhi thought, “A programmer? The kind that writes code. My brother said his team is working on an online game.”

“Programmer?” Wang Ruolan was silent for a few seconds. “Is he really handsome?”

“Really.” Sang Zhi said, “Maybe I haven’t seen much of the world, but I’ve never seen a guy better looking than him.”

Wang Ruolan commented, “But isn’t that industry known for long hours and working with computers constantly……”

Sang Zhi replied, “Maybe he cares about his appearance and goes to the beauty salon for maintenance.”

“……” Yu Xin commented, “That’s pretty gay.”

Wang Ruolan asked, “You said he’s quite flirtatious, does he talk like that to everyone?”

Sang Zhi thought about how he interacted with people like Sang Yan and said, “Pretty much. He talks that way with peers and younger people.”

Wang Ruolan made a sound. “Isn’t that just casting a wide net? I don’t think that’s appropriate. Guys like that might cheat in a relationship.”

Sang Zhi frowned. “No, he wouldn’t.”

“I’m just making an assumption. After all, I haven’t met him.”

“He’s not like that.” Sang Zhi said softly, “He’s nice to everyone. And it’s pretty clear that he’s just joking when he talks like that, teasing.”

At that moment, Ning Wei came out of the bathroom after showering. Seeing the dorm’s somewhat tense atmosphere, she asked while drying her hair, “What are you guys talking about?”

Wang Ruolan quickly summarized what had just been discussed.

Ning Wei suddenly understood. “Hey, Sangsang, you’re so good-looking, there’s no need to hang yourself on that tree. Maybe if you stop thinking about him, you’ll find that there are many better people out there.”

Sang Zhi was silent for a few seconds. “Maybe.”

“If you still can’t let go, then try it out. After all, he’s single and you’re single. He might see you as a sister now, but you two aren’t related by blood.” Ning Wei added, “As for whether he’s been in a relationship, don’t worry about it, it’s not worth stressing over.”

Sang Zhi asked, “……You want me to pursue him?”

Ning Wei replied, “Yeah.”

“Impossible.” Sang Zhi couldn’t imagine what Duan Jiaxu’s reaction would be if she really did so. She didn’t dare to fall in the same place twice. “Forget it, I’ll just live my comfortable life.”

Yu Xin commented, “Actually, you don’t have to pursue him, just show some signs.”

Sang Zhi asked, “What kind of signs?”

“You said he always teases you and talks flirtatiously, right?” Yu Xin suggested, “Then respond in the same tone.”

“……”

It seemed to make some sense.

Sang Zhi slowly nodded, imagining it.

She would curve her lips, stare at Duan Jiaxu, and say in a drawn-out tone, “Brother, what’s wrong with you? You blush whenever you see Zhizhi.”

“…………”

It was terrifying.

She felt suffocated just imagining the scene without even putting it into action.

Yu Xin felt her idea was great. “What do you think?”

“Forget it.” Sang Zhi pulled the blanket over her head and said slowly, “Let’s not talk about it. Just consider me drunk and made up a BE^[1]bad ending romance novel for you.”

“……”

That was what Sang Zhi thought.

She wanted to forget that day’s encounter and act as if nothing had happened. After all, in such a big city, the chances of running into Duan Jiaxu again were low.

She wanted to go back to treating him distantly until she completely got over him.

But because Duan Jiaxu told her that he was all alone, when Sang Zhi fell asleep again, she inexplicably had a dream.

She dreamed of his life from a third-person perspective.

Because of that one sentence, she imagined his entire life.

Every day going to work, eating alone, going home alone.

Even at home, he was still alone.

Doing everything alone.

Then, Sang Zhi dreamed of the beginning of her second year of middle school, when she went home with a few girls from her class. Since it was still early, they took a detour to a snack shop near Nanwu University and each bought a piece of fried chicken.

She happened to see Duan Jiaxu working part-time there.

His life seemed completely occupied by studying and earning money. Apart from that, there didn’t seem to be anything else that interested him.

But she had never heard a word of complaint from him.

Not even once.

That time, he didn’t refuse her money like at the dessert shop.

Instead, he packed her portion very full.

Duan Jiaxu folded the bag closed. It was opaque, so it wasn’t visible from the outside.

The other girls had already gotten their portions and were eating and waiting for Sang Zhi, not noticing what was happening.

Duan Jiaxu put the paper bag in a plastic bag and handed it to her. “Kid, here.”

Sang Zhi took it. “Thank you, Brother.”

“Brother thinks you’re the cutest.” He said, wearing the snack shop’s apron, his exceptionally handsome face smiling. Then he bent down slightly and whispered, “……So I secretly gave you more.”

———pr

The next day, Sang Zhi woke up early.

Perhaps because of a guilty conscience or maybe other emotions, she tossed and turned in bed for a while, quickly picked up her phone from beside her, and replied to Duan Jiaxu with, 【Got it.】

Sang Zhi thought he would still be asleep at this hour. After all, they had both gotten home late last night and it was just now past six in the morning. Holding her blanket, she hesitated whether to offer to buy him a meal.

But unexpectedly, Duan Jiaxu had already replied, 【Up so early?】

The phone’s vibration startled Sang Zhi.

The sky was still dark, the dorm was pitch black, and only her phone emitted a faint light. The surroundings were quiet and she could almost hear the sound of air moving.

Sang Zhi, a bit flustered, didn’t know what to reply, but not wanting to keep him waiting, she quickly sent a nod emoji.

【Duan Jiaxu: Are you feeling uncomfortable after drinking?】

【Sang Zhi: No.】

【Duan Jiaxu: If you go out to play, try not to drink if you can avoid it.】

Sang Zhi pressed her lips together and typed, 【Okay.】

There was no further response from the other side.

Sang Zhi stared at the screen, hesitating as she pondered her words, 【Brother Jiaxu, when will you be free? If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to treat you to a meal to thank you for bringing me back yesterday. If you’re busy, that’s fine too. You can decide the time. If you can’t think of a good time, how about next month on Thanksgiving? I’d like to use that day to express my gratitude to you.】

After typing it all out, Sang Zhi reviewed her message for quite a while, then hesitantly changed all the instances of ‘you^[2]你 – nǐ’ to the more formal ‘you ^[3]您 – nín. While she didn’t usually mind in conversation, using the informal ‘you’ in written language seemed a bit disrespectful.

Sang Zhi continued to check the message. Seeing the phrase ‘express my gratitude’, she felt it was awkward and deleted it altogether.

It took her half an hour to write the message. After repeatedly checking that there were no mistakes, Sang Zhi finally sent it with her heart pounding.

Perhaps surprised by her sudden long message, Duan Jiaxu took a while to reply, 【Thanksgiving?】

【Sang Zhi: Mm.】

【Sang Zhi: Or you can decide the time, too.】

This time, Duan Jiaxu sent a voice message.

Sang Zhi’s earphones were not on the bed. She lifted the blanket, tiptoed off the bed, and ran to the balcony to listen.

He seemed amused, speaking with a low, breathy voice, “Thanksgiving it is then, but that’s at the end of next month. Brother isn’t sure if I’ll be free that day.”

Sang Zhi asked hesitantly, 【Do you have other plans?】

Duan Jiaxu: “Mm, I might have to work overtime.”

Before she could respond, Duan Jiaxu sent another voice message, “Let’s leave it at that for now. It’s still early, go back to sleep. When the time comes, Brother will take you to fix your phone.”

Sang Zhi was a little confused. 【My phone isn’t broken.】

Duan Jiaxu: “Hmm? It’s not?”

【Sang Zhi: Yes.】

Duan Jiaxu: “Brother thought your phone couldn’t type the word ‘you^[4]你’ anymore.”

Sang Zhi: “……”

Duan Jiaxu: “Where did this ‘you^[5]您’ come from? You never used to be so respectful. Now you say ‘you’ one after another.”

Sang Zhi looked at their chat history and felt she had been a bit silly. She thought about how to salvage the situation, her fingers frozen on the screen.

The next second, Duan Jiaxu dragged out a long “Ah” sound and said, “Does this mean I’m your dear brother?”

His tone was lazy, with a slight upward inflection, and he spoke with a smile like he was casually petting a cat passing by.

Sang Zhi had been teased by him like this since she was young.

After so many times, it started to get annoying.

She tightened her jaw, put on a stern face, and immediately sent a voice message, “This is what my dad has been telling me lately. When talking to people over 25, I have to use honorifics.”

“……”

“Good morning, Brother Jiaxu. ‘Your^[6]您’ voice sounds very young.” Sang Zhi continued, “I hope ‘your’ appearance matches ‘your’ voice.”

“……”

———pr

The unexpected meeting had slightly eased their relationship.

Sang Zhi no longer avoided Duan Jiaxu’s calls and would chat with him on WeChat when they both had time, usually him reminding her about things like an elder.

She consciously placed herself in the role of a ‘little sister’, pretending her remaining feelings didn’t exist.

Thanksgiving falls on a Thursday.

The day before, Duan Jiaxu told her he wasn’t sure if he’d have to work overtime and asked her to wait at campus. He’d call her when he was on his way.

Sang Zhi had no classes and spent the afternoon in her dorm drawing on her computer.

She got up at around six o’clock, changed into a dress, and carefully applied makeup, even putting on eye shadow, false eyelashes, highlighter, and blush.

Soon, she felt something was off and removed everything.

Sang Zhi stared at her bare face in the mirror and struggled internally for a while.

Sigh.

She decided to leave it as it was.

Otherwise, with Duan Jiaxu’s personality, he’d probably say, “Little Sang Zhi dressed up so nicely just to see Brother?”

Dream on!!!

She’d rather look less pretty than give him the satisfaction.

Sang Zhi returned to her computer.

Time passed slowly, and before she knew it, it was already eight o’clock. Sang Zhi was getting hungry and sent him a WeChat message asking if he was busy.

He didn’t reply for a long time.

Sang Zhi hesitated and called him.

No answer.

She thought he might be working overtime and hadn’t seen his phone, but she also felt he would have informed her in advance if he did. She hesitated again and called him once more.

This time, he answered after seven or eight rings.

Sang Zhi finally relaxed. “Brother Jiaxu, are you working overtime?”

“Sorry, Sang Zhi, Brother just saw your call.” Surprisingly, his voice was hoarse, and he spoke slowly, as if with difficulty, “Can we reschedule? Go eat something on your own, don’t go hungry.”

Hearing something wrong, Sang Zhi whispered, “Brother, are you not feeling well?”

“It’s nothing.”

His response was as good as an admission.

And judging from his tone, it sounds serious.

Sang Zhi immediately grabbed her bag and headed out, asking, “In what way are you feeling sick?”

He paused as if thinking. “It seems like a stomachache. Maybe I ate something bad yesterday. It’s fine, Brother will just take some medicine.”

Sang Zhi frowned. “Aren’t you going to the hospital?”

Duan Jiaxu chuckled softly. “No need, but thank you for caring about Brother, little Sang Zhi.”

Quickly leaving the dormitory building, Sang Zhi happened to catch a new bus. As she sat down, she asked, “Brother Jiaxu, where is your company located?”

“Are you planning to come over?”

“Yes.”

Duan Jiaxu didn’t say much and calmly gave her an address.

Sang Zhi noted it down and asked seriously, “Brother, are you feeling very unwell?”

His voice was light, “It’s manageable.”

Sang Zhi thought for a moment and said, “Stay seated for a while. I’ll come find you and take you to the hospital. If you’re really feeling bad, we can call an ambulance, okay?”

Duan Jiaxu smiled. “It’s not that serious.”

“If you’re not feeling well, you need to go to the hospital.” Sang Zhi inexplicably felt a bit angry and her tone turned stern, “You can’t just endure it and expect to get better. Maybe you can see if any of your colleagues are around to take you to the hospital.”

“Why are you getting angry?” Duan Jiaxu seemed amused and there was a hint of indulgence in his tone, “Little Sang Zhi, don’t be mad. Brother will be good, okay?”

“……”

“Brother will be right here,” Duan Jiaxu went on, “waiting for you to come and pick me up.”

———pr

Duan Jiaxu’s company was located in Gangbei Tower, a large office building.

Sang Zhi could take the subway directly there.

Following her phone’s map, she found the location and walked inside. This office building didn’t restrict entry so she was about to ask which floor Duan Jiaxu was on when she saw him sitting in the first-floor lobby.

Opposite the reception desk was a sofa where he sat.

His face was exceptionally pale and his usually vibrant red lips were devoid of color. He was leaning against the sofa with eyes half-closed, his hand resting on his lower right abdomen.

It was unclear if he was in real pain because Duan Jiaxu’s face showed no expression.

Sang Zhi walked over and called out, “Brother Jiaxu.”

Hearing her voice, Duan Jiaxu opened his eyes. And seeing her, his eyes curved into a beautiful crescent, then he stretched out his hand lazily. “Help Brother up.”

“Let’s go to the hospital.” Sang Zhi grabbed his wrist and pulled him up forcefully. “Brother Jiaxu, do you have a fever too?”

Standing up straight, he replied slowly, “Seems like it, a little.”

Sang Zhi moved her hand up to support his arm. “Is there a hospital nearby?”

Duan Jiaxu thought for a moment. “There’s a community hospital.”

Sang Zhi said, “Then let’s take a taxi there.”

Duan Jiaxu complied, “Okay.”

Afraid he was in pain, Sang Zhi dared not walk too fast, taking two steps at a time.

After several meters, Duan Jiaxu turned his head and asked, “Little Sang Zhi, are you helping an old man here?”

“……” Sang Zhi looked at him.

“I don’t think of you as a kid.” Noticing her gaze, Duan Jiaxu remembered her earlier words and said in a drawn-out tone, “Brother can’t change his ways, can I keep calling you that for now?”

——”I don’t think of you as a kid.”

Who was he fooling?

Sang Zhi decided not to argue with him. “Call me whatever you want.”

Leaving the building, there was a bus stop beside the subway station nearby. The area was crowded, so Sang Zhi didn’t dare to go too close, fearing he might get jostled. She looked ahead and then back. “Brother Jiaxu, wait here. I’ll go flag a taxi and call you once I get one.”

She was treating him like a little princess.

Duan Jiaxu followed her, nonchalantly saying, “I’ll go with you.”

The area was bustling, surrounded by office buildings. Several groups of people had just finished working overtime and some headed to the subway station while others waited for the bus.

Hearing his words, Sang Zhi turned back, intending to help him. Just then, a bus arrived at the stop.

People rushed over to catch it, and one person, in their haste, accidentally pushed Sang Zhi. Caught off guard, she instinctively leaned forward, trying to steady herself, her palm landing on Duan Jiaxu’s abdomen.

The next moment, Sang Zhi heard him inhale sharply, almost imperceptibly.

His body reflexively bent over.

Sang Zhi’s breath hitched and she immediately withdrew her hand, realizing she might have touched the area where he was feeling pain. She looked up and her lips moved slightly, wanting to ask how he was.

But before she could speak, Sang Zhi felt a warmth on her forehead.

A soft, warm sensation.

If Sang Zhi wasn’t mistaken, it seemed to be his lips that were touching her forehead.

From this angle, she could only see Duan Jiaxu’s Adam’s apple moving, forming an attractive line. Accompanied by the scorching breath of the man, it engulfed her completely.

References[+]