Secretly, But Unable to Hide It

Chapter 54

The warm yellow light outside filtered in, casting uneven shadows on Duan Jiaxu’s face. The light and dark contrasts made his face even more gentle, with his eyelashes casting a faint shadow under his eyes, and the color of his pupils naturally soft.

He let out a light cough, as if holding back laughter, and responded with a meaningful hum.

Sang Zhi stiffly added, “You should hang up now.”

“Wait a moment.” Sang Yan’s voice softened slightly, sounding a bit cryptic, “Duan Jiaxu, you’re older than me, aren’t you?”

Duan Jiaxu calmly replied, “What about it?”

Sang Yan said, “My sister’s boyfriend is also older than me.”

“Mm.” Duan Jiaxu said, turning the steering wheel without even blinking, “Same age as me.”

There was a brief silence.

Sang Yan seemed to laugh angrily. “Don’t tell me—”

As if she had guessed what he was going to say next, Sang Zhi felt her scalp tingle and completely lost the courage to admit it. She quickly interrupted, “No, definitely not. Brother, what are you thinking?!”

Sang Yan coldly said, “I didn’t even say anything and you’re already denying it.”

Sang Zhi tried to calm herself and said irritably, “When you say it like that, who wouldn’t guess what you’re about to say?”

Sang Yan asked, “You two are out to eat?”

Sang Zhi answered confidently, “Yes, it’s Brother Jiaxu’s birthday, so I’m taking him out for dinner. Unlike you, acting all indifferent and even claiming the gift I bought was from you.”

Duan Jiaxu quietly listened to the sibling quarrel from the side.

Sang Yan mocked, “What’s an old man doing celebrating his birthday? So sentimental.”

“……”

Realizing that his earlier suspicion might have been absurd, Sang Yan dropped the subject. “Then you go ahead and eat. Also, Little Brat, remember to get back to school early. I’m hanging up now.”

The car fell silent instantly.

Sang Zhi wasn’t sure if it was just her imagination, but without Sang Yan’s voice, the awkwardness in the air seemed to peak.

She slumped back in her seat, pretending to be absorbed in her phone.

Judging from their conversation, Sang Zhi suspected that every time she told Sang Yan something, he would turn around and tell Duan Jiaxu. This old man must have been pretending not to know anything in front of her.

He was probably laughing at her pretense every day.

So annoying!

As expected.

Before long, Duan Jiaxu asked, his tone casual, “What boyfriend?”

Sang Zhi didn’t want to lose her momentum and sat up straight, explaining seriously, “I only told my brother that I might start dating, not that I was already dating.”

He chuckled softly. “A graduate student?”

“……”

Duan Jiaxu asked, “If I take the exam now, will I still make it?”

Sang Zhi felt embarrassed and continued to pretend to be oblivious.

“If I don’t take the exam, what should I tell your brother later?” Duan Jiaxu’s tone was slightly teasing, “Should I say that you didn’t end up with that graduate student, but with me instead?”

Sang Zhi struggled to come up with a response and finally said, “What do you mean ‘ended up with you’?”

Duan Jiaxu smiled. “You’ve already come clean to your brother, but you still won’t admit that you have feelings for me?”

Sang Zhi replied, “Can’t I just be interested in a graduate student?”

Hearing that, Duan Jiaxu raised an eyebrow and said slowly, “I really only have a bachelor’s degree.”

“……”

Each word carried a subtle implication.

The person you like, even if his appearance, age, and background you described do not match mine, is still me.

Sang Zhi stared at him, feeling a bit deflated. She lowered her voice and asked, “Did you know all along?”

Duan Jiaxu glanced at her. “Know what?”

Sang Zhi didn’t reply.

While waiting at a red light, Duan Jiaxu glanced at her a few more times.

She had her head down, the corners of her mouth slightly turned down and her eyelids drooping. It was hard to tell what she was thinking, but it was obvious that she was a bit unhappy.

Her feelings were so transparent.

Yet he still had to pretend not to notice.

Duan Jiaxu found it amusing. “Let me ask you something seriously.”

Sang Zhi responded in a small voice, “What?”

“Do you really not have any feelings for me?”

Sang Zhi turned her head to look at him, her expression easing slightly. After several seconds of silence, she looked out the window and finally admitted in a barely audible voice, “A little.”

“Okay.”

Sang Zhi’s tone was odd. “That’s your reaction?”

“Hmm?”

“Why aren’t you asking why,” Sang Zhi grumbled, feeling a bit petty, “even though I like you, I didn’t agree and just waited for you to chase me every day?”

“You said it’s just a little, right?” Duan Jiaxu didn’t seem to mind, offering her an excuse, “Then maybe it’s not enough to start a relationship yet.”

Sang Zhi remained silent.

Without noticing, they had already arrived near a supermarket close to Duan Jiaxu’s home. He parked the car and teased, “Our Zhizhi is dating for the first time, so it’s normal to have concerns. I understand.”

Sang Zhi couldn’t help but ask, “What if I never agree?”

Duan Jiaxu unbuckled her seatbelt, raising an eyebrow. “Then you’ll just have to wait for me to chase you every day.”

“……”

Duan Jiaxu thought for a moment, then smiled softly. “This might be the only relationship you’ll have in your lifetime.”

Sang Zhi didn’t deny it, her expression a bit uneasy.

Duan Jiaxu lowered his gaze, meeting hers, his eyes curving into a beautiful crescent shape. Then, he spoke, his voice gentle, as if coaxing her, “So, whatever other girls have……”

“……”

“Our Zhizhi should have too.”

———pr

They entered the supermarket together.

Duan Jiaxu was only planning to buy some vegetables and meat to make dinner at home. He headed towards the fresh produce section, while Sang Zhi didn’t follow him, instead heading to the snack aisle and grabbing a bunch.

Then she came back to him and tossed it all into the shopping cart.

She repeated this several times.

By the fourth time Sang Zhi appeared in front of Duan Jiaxu, the shopping cart was already half full, mostly with things she had picked. He added a box of chicken wings to the cart and casually remarked, “Are you planning to move in with me?”

Sang Zhi choked. “I bought these for you.”

Duan Jiaxu took the jelly from her hands. “For me?”

“When you’re craving snacks, you can eat these. If you’re not, you can save them for me when I come over.” Sang Zhi shamelessly explained, “I like eating these too, so they won’t go to waste.”

Duan Jiaxu laughed out loud. “Too?”

“What?” Sang Zhi said defiantly, “I’ve never seen you eat snacks, so I don’t know what you like. I can only buy the ones I like.”

Duan Jiaxu glanced down at the items, then commented, “These are all things girls would eat.”

Sang Zhi was silent for a couple of seconds before reluctantly saying, “Then I’ll put it all back.”

Duan Jiaxu pushed the cart towards the vegetable section. “Why would you put them back?”

Sang Zhi trailed after him like a little shadow, muttering, “Didn’t you say these are things girls would eat?”

Duan Jiaxu calmly replied, “Hmm, and my family happens to have one.”

Sang Zhi froze, her steps halting and her ears inexplicably growing warm. She quickly followed after him and didn’t go back to the snack aisle, instead sticking with Duan Jiaxu as he picked out vegetables.

Duan Jiaxu lifted his eyelids and asked, “Not getting any more snacks?”

Sang Zhi replied, “There’s nothing else I need.”

“Then shall we go check out?”

“Mm.”

Looking at the items in the cart, Sang Zhi asked, “Brother Jiaxu, do you know how to cook?”

Duan Jiaxu replied, “A little.”

Sang Zhi thought for a moment and said, “I’ll make you some longevity noodles later.”

“You know how to make it?”

“……” Sang Zhi innocently replied, “You just boil water and throw the noodles in. Isn’t that it?”

Duan Jiaxu’s eyebrow’s twitched. “Will that even taste good?”

“It’s more about the ritual than the flavor.” Sang Zhi felt she made a good point and turned to walk in another direction. “You go queue up. I’ll buy the noodles.”

“……”

After leaving the supermarket, the two returned to Duan Jiaxu’s place.

Worried that the cake might spoil, Sang Zhi quickly switched into indoor slippers and hurriedly put the cake box in the fridge. Duan Jiaxu sorted through the things they had just bought and then went into the kitchen to wash the rice and start cooking.

Sang Zhi followed him in to help.

Duan Jiaxu asked, “Are you hungry?”

Sang Zhi shook her head. “Not really.”

Duan Jiaxu washed a box of cherry tomatoes, popped one into her mouth, and then handed her the fruit plate he was holding. “Hold this and go watch some TV for a bit.”

Sang Zhi refused. “I want to make longevity noodles for you.”

She took out her phone and searched for a recipe online. “You do your thing, don’t worry about me.”

“……”

Seeing how serious she looked, Duan Jiaxu didn’t stop her. His lips curved into a smile and he couldn’t help but chuckle a few times.

The two went about their tasks separately. Sang Zhi occupied the induction cooker in the kitchen and occasionally used the cutting board and knife. Whenever Duan Jiaxu tried to help, she would unhappily shoo him away.

It didn’t take long to cook the noodles.

But Sang Zhi had never cooked before. From childhood to now, she hadn’t even made instant noodles. She took her time, being extra cautious when chopping vegetables, afraid that on such an auspicious day, she might cut herself.

By the time the rice was done and Duan Jiaxu had finished preparing three dishes and a soup, Sang Zhi had finally, albeit messily, completed a bowl of longevity noodles that didn’t look very appetizing.

She hadn’t tasted the noodles herself, so she nervously placed the bowl in front of Duan Jiaxu.

Duan Jiaxu’s eyes crinkled with a smile. “I’ve already served you some rice. Hurry up and eat.”

Sang Zhi couldn’t bear to imagine the taste of the noodles. She hesitated and said, “You don’t have to eat it, just think of it as a ritual. I heard from my classmates that you usually make this for birthdays……”

Duan Jiaxu gently replied, “I’ll try it. If it’s not good, then I won’t continue eating. Is that okay?”

Sang Zhi sat down, reluctantly agreeing. “Okay.”

The small living room, illuminated by a bright light, felt incredibly warm and cozy.

Sang Zhi took a bite of her rice, her gaze fixed on Duan Jiaxu, wanting to see his reaction after eating the noodles. She watched as he picked up some, put it in his mouth, and chewed.

His expression didn’t change much.

After a moment, Duan Jiaxu smiled and said, “It tastes pretty good.”

Sang Zhi didn’t believe him at all and asked suspiciously, “Really?”

Duan Jiaxu hummed.

Sang Zhi said, “Then I’ll try a bite too.”

Duan Jiaxu raised an eyebrow. “Indirect kiss?”

“……” Sang Zhi replied, exasperated, “I’ll use a new pair of chopsticks.”

“Nope.” Duan Jiaxu gently refused, “Don’t take advantage of me.”

“……”

After the meal, Sang Zhi took the cake out of the fridge. She was smiling as she was bringing out the candles. “Brother Jiaxu, take out the cake from the box. There’s something written on it.”

Duan Jiaxu pulled the cake out and read aloud, “Happy 26^th birthday, Duan Jiaxu.”

Sang Zhi blinked. “I even asked the shop assistant for an extra pack of candles.”

“Oh, right.” Sang Zhi picked up another plastic bag. “This shop also gave a birthday hat as a gift. You should wear it.”

Duan Jiaxu laughed. “What is that?”

Sang Zhi put it on his head. “It’s shaped like a crown. Today, you’re Queen Duan.”

“Hmm?” Duan Jiaxu chuckled and played along, “Why not Princess Duan?”

Sang Zhi teased, “You’re too old to be a princess.”

The cake already had the number ‘26’ written on it, so Sang Zhi didn’t insist on placing 26 candles. She lit one, sang the birthday song as per the routine, and then seriously said, “Make a wish.”

Duan Jiaxu thought for a moment and softly said, “I wish next year would also be like this.”

Then he blew out the candle.

Before Sang Zhi could react, the room fell into darkness. “What do you mean, ‘also be like this’?”

Duan Jiaxu stood up and turned the lights back on, lazily saying, “Next year, come and celebrate my birthday with me again.”

“What kind of wish is that? It’s not like I wouldn’t know your birthday.” Sang Zhi found his wish a bit strange and handed him the prepared gift. “Here’s your present.”

Duan Jiaxu accepted it, his peach blossom eyes lifting as he said, “Thank you.”

After a few quiet seconds, Sang Zhi hesitated, then suddenly thought of a possibility. She looked up and awkwardly said, “Brother Jiaxu, can I ask you something?”

“Mm?”

“Just hypothetically, if we did get together but later realized it wasn’t working out and broke up,” Sang Zhi asked softly, “would we stop contacting each other after that?”

Duan Jiaxu’s eyelids twitched slightly at that question.

Quickly realizing this wasn’t the right moment to bring it up, Sang Zhi hastily added, “I’m just asking casually.”

Duan Jiaxu cut the cake, his voice calm and clear, “You don’t trust me?”

“……” Sang Zhi stayed silent for a moment. “It’s not like that.”

“Do I seem too unreliable?”

Sang Zhi didn’t respond.

Duan Jiaxu smiled instead. “Seems like I do.”

Sang Zhi stammered, “That’s not what I meant.”

“Sang Zhi, if you think we’ll break up someday, then maybe this isn’t right for us. If you don’t want to, I won’t force you.” Duan Jiaxu lowered his gaze, meeting her eyes. “But if you do, and then still talk about breaking up……”

“……”

His voice trailed off, his eyes subtly lifting as he smiled wickedly, “Have you ever seen me get angry?”

Sang Zhi clenched the hem of her clothes and looked up at him.

Duan Jiaxu lowered his voice and affectionately pinched her cheek.

“It’s really scary.”

The topic ended there.

Duan Jiaxu didn’t bring it up again and Sang Zhi pretended she hadn’t asked. It was like a small, insignificant episode that no one paid much attention to.

Seeing that it was getting late, Duan Jiaxu took Sang Zhi back to her school.

After freshening up, Sang Zhi returned to her desk to continue her schoolwork. Her thoughts were scattered, making it hard to focus as she mulled over that sudden thought she’d had earlier.

She knew exactly what her concerns were.

Sang Zhi wasn’t worried at all that Duan Jiaxu would treat her poorly.

She knew what kind of person he was.

But she was worried that maybe he wouldn’t like her for long.

Even if he fell out of love, Duan Jiaxu most likely wouldn’t suggest breaking up. Instead, he would treat their relationship as a responsibility.

Which could lead to an outcome that would make them both miserable.

Was she being too sensitive?

Even though she had looked forward to being with him for so long, now that it was actually happening, she found herself overwhelmed with anxiety, too scared to even accept it.

She tried hard to push these thoughts away and continued interacting with Duan Jiaxu as she had before. Many times, she had finally made up her mind to be with him, but when the words were about to leave her lips, she held them back.

Duan Jiaxu seemed to sense something was off, so he started visiting her more often than before.

Sang Zhi didn’t know how to tell him her thoughts.

After all, she didn’t want to tell him that she had liked him since she was 13.

She didn’t know how to stop herself from getting stuck in this endless loop of thoughts.

Before she knew it, May had come to an end.

After finishing her classes on Friday, Sang Zhi made plans to have dinner with some schoolmates at 7:00 PM. She was walking out of the school, arm in arm with a girl from her department when she noticed Jiang Ying standing under a tree.

Sang Zhi paused, staring at the other party in confusion.

Their eyes met.

But Sang Zhi quickly looked away, not even considering that Jiang Ying might be there to see her. She just found it odd. Continuing the conversation with her friends, she walked toward a barbecue restaurant outside the school.

At this hour, and with the weekend approaching, the restaurant was quite busy.

Someone from her department had already claimed a seat in advance, so Sang Zhi walked over and sat down. After a while, she noticed that a two-person table had been cleared, but only one person sat there.

It was Jiang Ying.

Their eyes met again.

Sang Zhi hesitated as she looked at the other party, suddenly feeling that Jiang Ying had come specifically to find her.

But why would Jiang Ying do so?

And how did she even know she would be there?

Sang Zhi couldn’t figure it out and decided not to bother with the other party, lowering her head to sip some water.

Jiang Ying seemed to be there just to eat and didn’t approach Sang Zhi directly to cause trouble. However, the other party’s gaze occasionally landed on Sang Zhi, carrying a scrutinizing look that made her feel uncomfortable.

Sang Zhi eventually switched seats with the friend sitting opposite her and gradually forgot about Jiang Ying’s presence.

After finishing dinner, Sang Zhi got up and went to the restroom. She only intended to wash her hands and touch up her makeup, nothing more.

But before she reached the sink, she caught sight of Jiang Ying entering the restroom behind her through the mirror. Sang Zhi glanced at the other party but remained silent, squeezing some hand soap onto her palm.

Jiang Ying took out a lipstick from her bag and, as expected, took the initiative to speak, “Are you Duan Jiaxu’s new girlfriend?”

Sang Zhi didn’t respond.

“Indeed, college students are really easy to deceive.” Jiang Ying said with a smile, “Since I happen to run into you here, let me give you a heads-up. He’s been on hundreds of blind dates before. Do you know why none of them worked out?”

Sang Zhi’s expression remained impassive as she replied, “It’s not a coincidence. You came here on purpose to say these things to me.”

“I’m just trying to prevent a young girl like you from making a mistake.” Jiang Ying said calmly, “Do you know that he has a father who is still in a vegetative state in the hospital?”

The movements of Sang Zhi’s hand paused.

“Looks like he never mentioned it to you.” Jiang Ying said, noticing her reaction. A smirk tugged at the corner of her mouth. “Let me tell you another secret. His father was a drunk driver who killed someone.”

“……”

“It costs nearly a hundred thousand yuan a year in medical expenses to keep that scum alive.” Jiang Ying continued, “Which girl has that much money to stick it out with him? He doesn’t even have his own house.”

Sang Zhi finally looked up, completely unaffected by the comment. She replied matter-of-factly, “I have money.”

“……” Jiang Ying’s expression instantly darkened, clearly not expecting this reaction from Sang Zhi. “His father killed someone. He’s a murderer— didn’t you hear me?”

Sang Zhi’s tone was slow and unhurried, “Am I supposed to marry his father?”

“……”

Not wanting to stay in the same space with Jiang Ying any longer, Sang Zhi lost all interest in touching up her makeup. She grabbed a tissue and headed for the door.

Jiang Ying could no longer maintain her calm facade. She angrily threw her lipstick at Sang Zhi. “Can’t you understand human language? Do you have a problem with your brain? Don’t you get it when someone talks to you nicely?”

The lipstick was small and didn’t hurt when it hit Sang Zhi.

But it instantly ignited her anger.

Sang Zhi lowered her eyes, staring at the lipstick rolling on the floor before looking up at Jiang Ying. She let out a cold laugh, yanked her bag off her shoulder, and hurled it at Jiang Ying’s face. She stretched her neck slightly, her tone extremely unfriendly, “Who spoiled you into having such a nasty attitude?”

“……”

Jiang Ying staggered back a step from the hit. After a moment of silence, she instead laughed. “Who do you think spoiled me?”

“……”

“Duan Jiaxu, of course.”

There was a brief standoff.

Sang Zhi’s dark eyes locked onto Jiang Ying’s. “Auntie, if you were truly spoiled, would you need to come find me today?”

“……”

“If you have time to do such things,” Sang Zhi picked up her bag from the floor, her tone sharp, “you’d be better off spending it on skincare. Otherwise, when you stand next to Duan Jiaxu, I might mistake you for a friend of his mother.”

With that, she left the restroom.

Jiang Ying, now furious, quickly followed her out. She grabbed Sang Zhi’s arm and raised her trembling hand in anger.

Just then, Liang Jun walked by on his way to the men’s restroom. Seeing the situation, he was momentarily stunned, then quickly pulled Sang Zhi, shielding her behind him, and shouted angrily, “What are you doing?!”

“……”

Jiang Ying said nothing, her eyes fixed on Sang Zhi. After a moment, she turned and returned to her seat.

Liang Jun asked a few questions, but Sang Zhi gave vague excuses. She returned to her seat and absentmindedly glanced at her phone, Jiang Ying’s words echoing in her mind.

After the meal, everyone decided to go to a nearby bar to play games.

Sang Zhi didn’t object and followed along. But she couldn’t focus, her mind drifting back to the night Duan Jiaxu stayed at her place, standing alone on the balcony smoking.

She remembered him saying, “The money you earn in the future should be used to buy pretty dresses for yourself.”

She recalled the string of part-time jobs he took during college.

She thought about how he never went to the hospital whenever he was sick and how he spent every holiday alone.

She reflected on how his life seemed to have brightened recently.

She remembered him smiling indulgently at her, saying, “Whatever other girls have, our Zhizhi should have too.”

The barrier that had always been there seemed to suddenly clear. Sang Zhi, in a moment of heated impulse, abruptly stood up and said goodbye to the others, “I have something to do. I’m leaving first.”

When she arrived downstairs at Duan Jiaxu’s apartment, someone happened to open the building’s entrance door.

Sang Zhi followed inside, her mind blank as she took the elevator up to Duan Jiaxu’s floor. She stood in front of his door, took a deep breath, and rang the doorbell.

The door opened quickly.

Duan Jiaxu seemed to have just finished taking a shower. His hair was still wet and a strong scent of mint clung to him. His expression was a bit surprised, clearly not expecting her to come at this hour.

Staring at her, Duan Jiaxu bent down and hesitantly asked, “Why did you come over?”

Sang Zhi stared back at him, not answering his question. It seemed like she was acting on impulse, or perhaps she had held it in for a long time. She suddenly blurted out, “Can you keep liking me?”

After all, it was me who liked you first.

It was me who liked you more.

So I want to stay with you.

Even if one day, you don’t like me anymore, I still won’t feel like I’ve lost.

Duan Jiaxu hadn’t fully processed what was happening, almost feeling as if he were dreaming. He lowered his eyes and instinctively voiced his thoughts, “I can.”

Sang Zhi sniffed. “Then—”

“Wait.” Duan Jiaxu interrupted with a smile, “What are you up to?”

Before Sang Zhi could respond, Duan Jiaxu had already grabbed her wrist, pulling her into the apartment. “Come in first.”

“……”

“Tell me,” Duan Jiaxu said patiently, “what’s going on?”

“I just felt that today was the right time,” Sang Zhi said softly, “so I didn’t want to wait.”

Duan Jiaxu’s breath caught, finally realizing she wasn’t joking. “Did you drink?”

“No.”

“You’re agreeing to be with me?”

“Mm.”

There was a brief silence.

Duan Jiaxu suddenly pinched her chin, tilting her face up. His eyes were deep, gazing into her clear and nervous eyes. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he asked again, “Are you sure?”

Sang Zhi didn’t look away, meeting his gaze as she replied with another hum.

Finally, he had her confirmation.

The proximity, the rising tension, and the dreamlike atmosphere made Duan Jiaxu’s eyes darken. He stared at her lips and, in a husky voice, said, “Open your lips.”

Sang Zhi didn’t quite understand and let out a confused sound, her lips parting.

The next moment, his voice reached her ears.

It was accompanied by an intense, warm sensation.

“Let me teach you how to kiss.”