Read Novel Full Chapter 548: Back
Chapter 548: Back
"...Urgh..." Looks like it’s time for me to go. My whole body is trembling and the Mana it releases is unstable. My "head" hurts. I feel like if I really had a head, it would violently explode from the released magic.
"It seems you’ve won our little game, Guardian. I couldn’t catch you before time ran out... but don’t worry, I’ll try to come visit you here in the future." I smile at the guardian who watches me from a distance.
I stay calm as my body begins to dissolve, like mist. I bring my four hands together, molding my own soul into a stable form, forcing it not to fall apart.
"[You really are a rotten being. I wonder, how did you get this far?]" The guardian speaks to me, approaching now that I can’t stop concentrating on maintaining my soul’s stability.
"How I got far... Good question. I think I got this far by clinging to extreme feelings of hatred, determination, and the will to keep on living. Emotions are pretty powerful fuel. That’s why I never tried to get rid of mine, even though I could." It’s not hard to block feelings with magic, but why would I do that? It’s simply stupid.
"[Aren’t you afraid of making a mistake and deforming your soul? Soul and body are united, with the soul shaping the body’s form. If your soul deforms, your body deforms too.]" She questions with a morbid curiosity.
"Afraid... No, I’m not afraid of anything." It’s true. I "practically" don’t fear anything. It’s just my body that tends to feel fear when it senses something far stronger and dangerous to my life. But psychologically, I have no deep fears.
Only instinctive fears. That’s why I’m bold to the point of now molding the form of my own soul, even though I only have theoretical knowledge about souls and have never truly practiced.
"[You are the most repugnant being I’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing here. But I cannot wish you the worst. So, I hope you get what you want. My duty is merely to observe.]"
"Hahahahahahahahahahahaha that’s so funny!! Hahahahaha!"
"[Is something funny about what I said?]"
"Very. It’s hilarious, actually. Because one day, I’m going to kill you."
"[...?]"
"Everything that exists must one day die and be replaced. That’s how existence works. Only beings like the Primordial Goddess escape this rule. But you, little guardian, do not escape it."
"If I survive long enough, one day I will come here to kill you." Or one day she will die on her own, simply because I exist.
"[W-Why this, all of a sudden? I haven’t even done anything major to you! I don’t understand this strange threat.]" She speaks with a tremor in her voice she can’t hide.
"Why? Obviously, because destruction is all I know how to do best. And because as long as I am alive, the end of all things is inevitable."
"It’s what I learned here. Many of the things that exist are connected to the goddesses who created them, and they represent their end and their beginning. The [Apocalypse] never fully materialized because the goddess who represented it died."
"So the concept lay dormant and inactive, even though it existed as something to be known. However, now that I have assumed the position, the ’gears’ of the universe that represent this have started turning again."
"As long as I am alive, the end of everything will one day come. And you are also within this rule. No exceptions." I’m speaking honestly, not just to scare her.
"[!!!!]"
"[You are completely insane. Doesn’t that mean you’ll bring about the end of everything you love?]"
"It’s part of the job."
"[Y-You don’t even care about killing everything you’ve achieved and everyone you like? Y-You disgusting, vile, hateful, horrifying, disturbing thing.]"
"You’re too sentimental, you know? Besides, it’s true that one day, everyone I love will die because of me. But that will be good for them." Immortality is painful. I gained knowledge about that.
Eternity is agonizing, extreme, and lonely. One day, all those I love will grow exhausted of living. Death will be the greatest mercy for them. However, as long as they want to live, I will do everything to keep them alive.
I won’t let them die because I don’t love them. I will let them die precisely because I love them enough to understand there is a limit to how far a mortal can go. I, as a goddess, surpass that limit, and eternity is something I will have to face if no one kills me.
But my loved ones, as mortals, won’t be able to handle it. It’s harsh, but the reality is that one day I will be alone. And it will be even worse for me than for other goddesses, since my existence means that even the goddesses will one day have to perish.
For something new to be created in their place, while I remain alive to see it. So, as long as I survive and grow strong enough, I will be the last living thing besides the Primordial Goddess, before this universe completely dies and something new arises. Though I don’t understand what new thing will emerge. Perhaps a new universe, perhaps new lives, or perhaps something not even alive.
"Now goodbye, Guardian. And enjoy your limited lifespan, with the uncertainty of the day I will come to reap your life." My body completely dissolves, exiting from within the foundations of creation.
Everything turns gray as my soul and mind begin to be violently thrown back into my body. In this brief moment, I think about everything I said to the guardian.
She is wrong. I am not insane. I am lucid. So lucid that I understand everything. And because I understand everything, I am neither a cold tyrant who will end everything nor a benevolent creator who will build new things. I am like the universe’s "cosmic lubricant."
Who made an important gear start turning again. The Primordial Goddess is the one who created this path. The apocalypse needs to exist because the old needs to disappear for the new to emerge. Existence has always been and will always be like this.
My future destiny may be terrible, lonely, and full of everyone’s hatred towards me, but undeniably, I am necessary for everything to exist correctly.
And I accept this role. I am not a hypocrite, a sentimentalist, or stupid enough to try to go against what is so obvious.
"Urgh... Primordial Goddess... you gave me such a bleak future... If I really am your successor in the future, I must say you were far less neutral than you should have been..." I don’t know if she wants this or not. Everything about her is very indirect, so I’ll have to leave it for the future.
But between being forever a Goddess of the Apocalypse, or succeeding the Primordial Goddess, both choices end with me alone, having to watch the end of everything and the beginning of something. The difference is that just being a Goddess of the Apocalypse would have a power limit.
And taking the Primordial Goddess’s place, I would be omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent. Although I don’t want her place—it seems unpleasant to know everything, feel everything, and be able to do everything, knowing that nothing really matters because there is nothing you cannot do.
"Pandora?" I open my eyes and see my mother. She gives me a smile as the first thing I do is check my soul. There are some wounds, but fortunately it didn’t deform horribly.
"I... did it, Mother... I learned the foundations of creation..." I tell her neutrally, as if there’s nothing major about it.
"You seem much less excited than I expected. Did something happen, Pandora?" she asks with concern.
"Nothing major. I’m just accepting some burdens that come with power... I’m exhausted... Can I stay in your lap a few more minutes?" I ask her, feeling the comfort of her pleasant legs.
"Of course, stay as long as you want, Pandora... You seem thoughtful... You realized destiny always collects its due, didn’t you?"
"...You’re right. It’s obvious it would collect. I am a monster. It would be very ironic if I had a good future." I was always prepared to have a bad future, no matter what it was. I’ll accept it with a smile.
"...That’s normal. Beings like us never have good futures... Goddess of the Apocalypse, huh... That title is intense... You will live much longer than I have lived." She speaks confidently that she will die at some point and I will grow older than her.
"What a somewhat morbid conversation. I never expected a good future anyway. I am satisfied with what I’ve achieved and what I will achieve. After all, if my future life is just being a goddess who fulfills her function, I should enjoy life while it’s still fun."
"...Hahahaha." My mother guffaws with a smile. Her laughter is pleasant to hear.
"Only you would discover that future life is bad and decide you want to enjoy life while you still can... The top really can be very lonely, but things like this are good once in a while." She speaks as I sigh.
"Welcome back home."
"...I’m back, Mother..." I reply to her, feeling calm.
"Can I... sleep? I’m... so tired..." I haven’t truly slept in so long.
"Of course. Rest as much as you need. I’ll be here when you wake up."
"Thank you..." I take a deep breath and "close" my eye, letting everything go dark as I breathe calmly, wanting to truly sleep and rest. The feeling of having her here gives me a peace I haven’t felt in a while, making me feel sleepy.
I turn and hug her body. It’s comfortable, warm, and soft, perfect for my rest, as I enjoy this comfort that has an expiration date.