The Husky and His White Cat Shizun

Chapter 59: I Only Have Such Ambition

There was nothing to be done. Even if Little Junior Brother sneezed repeatedly, they still had to set out. The Feathered people led them eastward, arriving at the Yangtze River port where they summoned an autonomous ship protected by a barrier as it sailed across the sea.

This night, Mo Ran experienced for the first time being away from his Master and spending time with Shi Mo outside, but strangely, he wasn't as excited as he expected to be.

Xue Meng and Xia Sini had already fallen asleep. Mo Ran lay alone on the deck, his arms propped behind his head, gazing at the stars above.

Shi Mo emerged from the cabin, holding some dried fish he had bought from the fishermen. He sat down beside Mo Ran, and the two of them munched on the small fish while chatting leisurely.

"Aran, once we reach Peach Blossom Spring, we might not make it in time for the Spirit Mountain Sword Debate. I don't mind, but you and Young Master are both incredibly talented. If you miss this chance to showcase your abilities, will you regret it?"

Mo Ran turned his head and smiled. "It doesn't matter. Reputation is just empty fame. If we can learn skills at Peach Blossom Spring to protect those important to us, that's more significant than anything else."

Shi Mo's eyes shimmered as he said gently, "If Master knew you think like this, they would surely be very happy."

"What about you? Are you happy?"

"Of course, I am."

The sea waves battered the boat, causing it to rock on the surface of the water.

Mo Ran lay on his side, gazing at Shi Mo for a while, desiring to tease him but unsure how to begin. In his eyes, Shi Mo was an incomparably pure figure, seemingly out of reach.

Perhaps it was precisely because of his purity that the lewd thoughts that emerged when he was with Chu Wanning didn't easily surface when he was with Shi Mo.

Mo Ran fell into a brief reverie.

Noticing that he was being watched, Shi Mo turned his head, brushing aside the long hair that had been tousled by the sea breeze behind his ear, and smiled gently. "What's the matter?"

Mo Ran's face flushed, and he turned away. "Nothing."

He had originally planned to seize this opportunity to confess his feelings to Shi Mo cautiously. But every time the words were on the tip of his tongue, he found himself unable to speak them.

To confess.

And then what?

In front of someone so clean and gentle, Mo Ran couldn't bring himself to be rough or dominant. He feared rejection, and even if accepted, he was unsure how to navigate a relationship with Shi Mo.

After all, in his previous life, he had truly handled his brief relationship with Shi Mo poorly... Apart from that intimate moment in the Ghost Conductor's illusion, he hadn't even kissed him.

Not to mention, after experiencing events of this lifetime, he was uncertain if the person in the illusion was Chu Wanning or Shi Mo.

Shi Mo still smiled. "But you seem to really have something to tell me."

Mo Ran felt a rush of warmth in his heart, and for a fleeting moment, he was tempted to recklessly confess his feelings.

But for some reason, an image of a pure white figure flashed before his eyes. This person had a clear, unsmiling face, often wandered alone, and seemed very solitary.

Suddenly, his throat felt choked, and he couldn't utter another word.

Mo Ran turned his head, staring at the starry night sky.

After a while, he whispered quietly, "Shi Mo, you're truly important to me."

"Mm. I know, you are to me too."

Mo Ran continued, "Did you know? I had a nightmare earlier, where... where you weren't there anymore. I was very sad."

Shi Mo smiled. "You're quite naive."

Mo Ran replied, "…I'll protect you well."

"Alright, then I'll thank my dear junior brother in advance."

A thought stirred within Mo Ran, and he couldn't help but say, "I…"

Shi Mo asked gently, "Is there something else you want to say?"

The sound of the waves was loud, and the boat rocked. Shi Mo looked at him quietly, seemingly waiting for him to finish his sentence.

But Mo Ran closed his eyes. "Never mind. It's chilly at night. Go back to the cabin and sleep."

"…" Shi Mo fell silent for a moment before asking, "What about you?"

At times, Mo Ran could be genuinely clueless. "I… I'll watch the stars and enjoy the breeze."

Shi Mo didn't respond at first. After a while, he chuckled. "Alright, then I'll take my leave. Get some rest early."

He turned and left.

The vessel sailed across the sea, with the sky high and the clouds vast.

The fellow lying on the deck was completely unaware of what he had missed. In truth, his mind had been wandering, as he tried to delve into the depths of his true feelings. He pondered for a long time, but being rather slow-witted, by the time the sky began to lighten with the first hues of dawn, he still hadn't come to any conclusions.

Mo Ran had spent every day and night with Shi Mo, their bond deep and sincere. He had expected that when they were alone together, he would be unable to contain his desire to confess his love to Shi Mo. But now that the moment had arrived, he found it wasn't so simple. Perhaps he was just too clumsy; confessing abruptly would likely frighten Shi Mo, and even if it didn't, he wouldn't know how to properly handle their relationship.

With Shi Mo, he seemed to prefer the subtle, ambiguous atmosphere between them. Occasionally, when his heart swelled with affection, he would casually take Shi Mo's hand, and a warmth like honey would overflow from within his chest.

The sensation was so natural that he didn't actually want to disrupt it immediately.

When it was very late, he returned to his cabin, where everyone else had already fallen asleep. Mo Ran lay back on his mat, gazing at the night sky through the narrow window. Slowly, the image of Chu Wanning appeared before his eyes, sometimes with closed eyes in silence, and other times with an intense frown.

Of course, Mo Ran also recalled the sight of that person sleeping curled up, gentle and solitary, like a spring flowering crabapple that had bloomed too high for anyone to notice.

Putting aside their enmity, Chu Wanning's entanglement with him in his past life surpassed that of anyone else in this world.

He had taken many firsts from Chu Wanning, regardless of the latter's consent.

Like their first kiss, the first time cooking, and the first time shedding tears.

And Chu Wanning's first night.

Goodness, just thinking about it made his body heat up, his blood rushing downward.

In contrast, he had also given Chu Wanning some of his own firsts, regardless of whether the latter desired them or not.

Like his first time taking a disciple, his first time coaxing someone, his first time presenting flowers.

His first time being utterly disappointed in someone.

And also, his first time falling in love.

Yes, his very first time.

When he arrived at the Summit of Life and Death, the first person he actually took a liking to wasn't Shi Mo, but Chu Wanning.

Under that peach blossom tree that day, the young man in white was so captivatingly beautiful that the moment Mo Ran laid eyes on him, he knew he would refuse anyone else as his master.

But when did everything change?

When did the person he cared for become Shi Mo, and the one he despised become his Master?

He had pondered this for the past few months and concluded that it was likely after that misunderstanding.

It was the first time he was punished by Chu Wanning with a whipping from willow vines. The fifteen-year-old returned to his chambers, bruised and battered, curling up on the bed alone, his throat constricted, and tears glistening at the corners of his eyes. The wounds on his back were secondary; what pained him most was his Master's cold demeanor. The descent of the Heavenly Question was like a lash on a homeless dog, showing no mercy.

Yes, he had indeed plucked the peony from the medicinal garden, but he was unaware of its rare value or how much effort Madame Wang had put into nurturing it for five long years before it finally bloomed.

All he knew was that upon returning under the moonlight that night, he spotted a snowy-white bloom nestled on a branch.

Its petals were cool in hue, and its fragrance was subtle and delicate.

He admired it for a moment, thoughts drifting towards his Master. In that instant, an inexplicable flutter stirred in his heart, making his fingertips tingle. Before he could react, he gently plucked the flower, handling it with utmost care, afraid of even displacing a single drop of dew from its petals.

Through his thick eyelashes, he gazed at the peony, still dewy under the moonlight, unaware that the tenderness and affection he showed Chu Wanning in that moment were so pure, something that would never be replicated in the following ten, twenty years, or until his very last breath.

Before he could present the flower to his Master, Xue Meng, who had come to gather herbs for his mother, stumbled upon the scene.

The young master stormed up to drag him before his master. Chu Wanning, holding a scroll in hand, turned back with an icy and piercing gaze. Glancing at Mo Ran's face, he asked what he had to say for himself.

Mo Ran replied, "I picked the flower to give it to..."

He still held that apricot blossom, its petals glistening with dew, exuding an indescribable charm and delicacy.

But Chu Wanning's eyes were too cold; so cold that the fiery heat within Mo Ran's chest cooled down bit by bit.

The word "you" got stuck in his throat.

This feeling was all too familiar to him. Before he returned to the Summit of Life and Death, when he moved between musicians and their patrons with his small, thin frame, every day he had endured such gazes...

That contempt, that disdain...

Mo Ran suddenly shuddered, chilled to the bone.

Could it be that his master looked down on him?

Faced with Chu Wanning's cold interrogation, Mo Ran felt his heart turn cold. He lowered his head and said in a deep voice, "I... have nothing to defend myself with."

Fate Was Sealed.

All because of that one flowering crabapple, Chu Wanning struck Mo Ran forty times with a cane. He struck until the initial kindness Mo Ran had shown him was utterly shattered.

But if back then, Mo Ran had been willing to give just one more explanation, or if Chu Wanning had been willing to ask just one more question, perhaps everything would have turned out differently. Perhaps these two master and disciple would not have taken that first irreversible step.

But there were no such "ifs."

It was at this turning point that the warm and gentle Shi Mo appeared by his side.

After returning from Chu Wanning, Mo Ran didn't go to eat. He curled up in bed without lighting any lamps.

Shi Mo pushed the door open and saw that stiff figure standing in the darkness. Gently placing the plate of chili oil dragon dumplings he had brought on the table, he walked over to the bed and softly called out, "Aran?"

At that time, Mo Ran's feelings for Shi Mo weren't deeply rooted. Without turning his head, his bloodshot eyes remained fixed on the wall, and his voice was hoarse and heavy when he spoke.

"Leave."

"I came to bring you…"

"Get out of here."

"Aran, don't be like this."

"..."

"Master's temper might be rough, but you'll get used to it eventually. Get up and have something to eat."

Mo Ran was stubborn as a mule that not even ten horses could pull back.

"I'm not hungry. I don't want to eat."

"…Just have something to tide you over. If you don't, your master will be—before he could finish, Mo Ran shot up, his dewy eyes filled with both hurt and fury, his lashes quivering slightly.

"Angry? What right does he have to be angry? It's my own mouth, and whether or not I eat is none of his business. Truth is, he doesn't really want me as his disciple anyway. It'd serve him right if I starved to death; it would save him the trouble and make him happy in his old age."

Shi Mo: "…………"

Not expecting his words to hit such a raw nerve, he was momentarily at a loss, staring blankly at his junior apprentice brother.

After a long while, Mo Ran's emotions had somewhat subsided. He lowered his head, and the long hair at the side of his face fell, obscuring half of his features.

Mo Ran said, "…I'm sorry."

Shi Mo couldn't see his face clearly, only noticing the trembling of his shoulders as he suppressed his sobs, his fists clenched with veins visible on the back of his hands, a pale blue tinge.

Fifteen-year-old boys were still too young, after all. He held it in for a while but eventually couldn't bear it any longer. Curling up, he hugged his knees and buried his head, weeping loudly. His voice was hoarse and fragmented, filled with madness and confusion, pain and sorrow.

He cried with all his heart, repeating the same few phrases over and over again:

"I just wanted a home… these past fifteen years, I really… just wanted a home… why did you have to look down on me… why did you have to treat me like this… why did all of you… why did all of you look down on me…"

He cried for a long time, and Shi Mo accompanied him, sitting there for a long time.

When Mo Ran had cried himself out, Shi Mo handed him a clean handkerchief and brought over a plate of cold red oil dumplings.

In a gentle voice, Shi Mo said, "Stop talking such foolishness about starving to death. Now that you've returned to the Peak of Life and Death and become an apprentice under our Master, you're my junior brother. I lost my parents when I was young too, so if you're willing, think of me as family. Come, let's eat."

"…"

"These dumplings are mine. Even if you don't want to show respect to Master, you should at least give me some face, right?" Shi Mo's lips curled slightly as he scooped up a plump and translucent dumpling, offering it to Mo Ran's lips. "Give it a taste."

With reddened eyes still brimming with tears, Mo Ran gazed at the figure beside the bed. Finally, he parted his lips, allowing the gentle youth to feed him.

In fact, that bowl of wontons had long gone cold and had soaked for too long, missing its optimal moment to be consumed.

In that moment, amidst the flickering candlelight, it was this bowl of food sent from afar, alongside that peerlessly enchanting face with its gentle gaze, that imprinted itself deeply into his heart. It was a memory that would remain eternally unforgettable, both in life and beyond.

It was probably from that very night onwards.

His resentment towards his master deepened with each passing day, and it was from that day on that he firmly believed that Shi Mo was the most significant person in his life.

After all, people were naturally drawn to warmth.

Especially a stray dog like him, who had been frozen and abandoned, trembling even at the sight of salt being scattered, fearful of the approaching winter and the falling snowflakes.

Heaven-Stepping Lord appeared glamorous, but only he knew the truth.

In reality, he was merely a wandering stray, a wild dog searching for a place to curl up and find solace, a place he could call "home." Yet, despite searching for fifteen long years, he couldn't find it.

Thus, his love and hate became simple and amusing.

If someone lashed him with a rod, he would bear a grudge against them.

If someone offered him a bowl of meat soup, he would fall in love with them.

That was the extent of his aspirations.