The Rebirth of Han Yuxi

Chapter 0816 The Dream (3)

The night seemed to have a life of its own, as if a pair of invisible hands were tightly strangling someone. The oppression and pain were so intense that someone could have been suffocated to death at any moment.

Suddenly, the lanterns hanging from the distant trees pierced and dispelled the surrounding darkness. Although the lantern flames flickered between bright and dim, they added a trace of warmth to the silent, desolate night.

Seeing that Yuxi had remained silent for a long time, Yun Qing said, "If you don't want to talk about it, then don't. Don't force yourself." At first, he thought it was nothing more than a dream and paid it little attention. However, as Yuxi's account grew more detailed, unease began to grow inside him.

Yun Qing's words pulled Yuxi back to reality. Turning slightly to look at him, she said, "When those bandits broke into the estate, I happened to be on the mountain behind the village. Only when I saw the village with firelight soaring into the sky did I realise something was wrong. The old maidservant accompanying me had her family in the village, so she went back, but I didn't dare return. I left the estate directly and prepared to make my way back to the capital."

Yun Qing had by now put aside the fact that the two of them were supposedly discussing a dream and simply followed Yuxi's account as though it were real. "From what you've said, it was a time when soldiers were in chaos and horses in disorder. How could a woman travelling alone get from the estate to the capital?" If it were the Yuxi of today, perhaps it would not have been a problem. But Yuxi had said that the person she was in the dream was someone who never stepped beyond the main gate or crossed the second gate and was as timid as a mouse. Someone with such a temperament would not have been safe alone outside, even in peaceful times, much less in an age of chaos.

Thinking back on it now, even Yuxi found it hard to believe. "Perhaps when someone is driven into a desperate situation, they will think of every possible way and devise every possible means to stay alive! The village was very remote, and it took me four days to walk to the town. For those four days, I survived on wild vegetables and wild fruit. While travelling along mountain paths, I had to watch out for wild animals at night. To protect myself from being attacked, I found a foul-smelling medicinal herb that I recognised, crushed it up, and smeared it all over my body. I dirtied my face as well. That herb smelt so awful that even insects and flies avoided it, not to mention man-eating animals. Those few days were extremely difficult. Not only did I have nothing proper to eat, but I also had to sleep outdoors at night. Fortunately, it was only early in the tenth month, and the weather wasn't cold. Had it been winter, I would have frozen to death in the wilderness long before."

Yuxi, who loved cleanliness so much, had actually been forced in her dream to disguise herself as an old beggar woman whose stench smoked up to the heavens. Yun Qing found even speaking somewhat difficult. "What happened afterwards? Did you walk all the way back to the capital?" Since the place was so remote, it couldn't have taken only a short time to walk back to the capital.

Yuxi nodded. "When I reached a town, I didn't dare hire a carriage in case someone took notice of me, and I might lose my life. Instead, I exchanged a pair of gold earrings for a packet of dry rations and left the town." After a pause, she explained, "Because there had been severe flooding in Jiangnan, great numbers of refugees were pouring towards the capital, so food had become outrageously expensive. Even my pair of gold earrings only bought me six jin of dry provisions." And even those six jin of food were something she had used every last bit of thought to keep safe. Otherwise, someone would have robbed her of them long before.

Yun Qing also knew what prices were like during times of unrest: they could become so high there was no measure for them.

Remembering that period of flight, Yuxi's eyes revealed an indescribable calm. "There were so many refugees that even the wild vegetables had all been eaten. Those six jin of food only lasted me four days. When I was starving, I had to dig up tree roots and pick leaves to fill my stomach. Eventually, there weren't even any tree roots left. Some of the refugees were so hungry that they couldn't endure it any longer and actually started eating people. Quite a few children among the refugees met a cruel or deadly end at the hands of others." Fortunately, the foul stench clinging to her made her unappealing to them. Otherwise, they might well have eaten her too.

Reflecting on her past life, Yuxi realised that she had actually been very tenacious. Even after experiencing something like that, she hadn't been too frightened and had somehow managed to walk all the way to the capital's gates.

Yun Qing himself had eaten tree roots before, so how could he not know what they tasted like? They were bitter, astringent, and almost impossible to swallow. But when someone was starving and wanted to stay alive, they had to swallow them no matter how dreadful they tasted.

Yuxi said, "At the time, I still had a gold necklace and a silver bracelet on me. I secretly exchanged them for food several times and managed to hold out until I reached the capital. But the capital gates had been sealed. People were allowed out but not in. So I couldn't enter the city." She had broken the gold necklace into several pieces and exchanged each piece for a little food. Otherwise, she certainly would have starved to death on the road.

Yun Qing said nothing, merely listening quietly to Yuxi. In truth, what she had just said was enough to show that the Yuxi in her dream had not been foolish. If she had been, she could never have travelled safely on foot from the estate to the capital. The Yuxi in the dream had fallen into such a miserable situation because she had been raised crooked.

Recalling what had happened when she reached the capital's gates, Yuxi's eyes flashed with hostility. "The city gates were sealed, so I had to stay in the refugee camp. The next day, I approached the officials who were delivering grain to the camp and begged them to deliver a message to the Han family for me. I wanted Eldest Aunt to send someone to take me back to the residence. However, one of the officials told me that the Jiang family had announced to the outside world that bandits had already killed me, and that they had even held a funeral for me. From the beginning, I had never expected anyone from the Jiang family to save me. I only wanted to beg Eldest Aunt to save me. Unfortunately, I was still too naïve. That official told me that if I remained in the refugee camp, I might still survive, but if I returned to the capital, there would be only one road—a road to death. I had been wandering outside for half a month, and in those people's eyes, I had long since ceased to be a chaste woman. The Jiang family would never let me live, and the Han family, as the Empress's maternal clan, would never tolerate a stain like me either. Just as that official said, even if I returned to the capital, there would still be only one road—a road to death."

Yun Qing's expression turned extremely ugly. "Are you saying that in your dream, Han Yuchen also became Empress? Since she held the exalted position of Empress, why didn't she support you?" If Han Yuchen had shown even the slightest care towards Yuxi while she was the Empress, Yuxi in the dream would never have had to live so miserably.

Yuxi spoke very calmly. "As her younger sister, I was someone she couldn't bring onto the stage, and she wished I didn't even exist, so why would she ever look after me? But, truthfully, I can't blame her either. I couldn't stand on my own feet, so it was only natural that people looked down on me." Han Yuchen had been raised by the Old Lady Han, and was similar to her in her very bones, placing the greatest importance on gains and losses. Of course, Han Jianming, whom the Old Lady Han had also raised, was much the same. The difference was that Han Jianming had a little more human flavour to him.

Yun Qing no longer knew what to say. In Yuxi's dream, aside from Qiu Shi, not a single member of the Han family was kind-hearted and innocent. "If you couldn't return to the capital, then what did you do?" In such chaotic times, it was extremely difficult for a frail, homeless woman to survive.

What came next was the deepest pain Yuxi had ever experienced. "After half a month of exhausting travel, followed by such a blow, my body had reached its limit. That night, I came down with a high fever. To make matters worse, it began raining that very night. The thatched shelter I was staying in was no taller than Zaozao and was leaking in several places. The next day, the people in the refugee camp found me unconscious and thought I was dead. So they prepared to burn me to prevent the bodies from being left for too long and causing an epidemic. However, I woke up at that moment, crying and begging them not to burn me alive. But those people ignored my pleas. They placed me among the other corpses and set fire to them."

Yun Qing's entire body stiffened when he heard this. "They burned you to death?" Even though he had not experienced it himself, he knew how agonising it must have been.

Yuxi gave a soft sound of acknowledgement as she continued, "I begged them. I told them that burying me would be fine, too. Unfortunately, no one listened. The great fire scorched every inch of my skin. It hurt so much. I curled myself into a ball because of the pain…"

Hearing Yuxi describe it in such detail, Yun Qing felt that something was not quite right and immediately interrupted her. Cupping her face in both hands, he said, "Yuxi, don't think about it anymore. It was only a nightmare. It wasn't real."

Tears fell from Yuxi's eyes. "I know it was a dream, but that pain went deep into my very marrow, and I will never be able to forget it. Over the years, I have often dreamt of myself being burned to death. Every time, I have to experience that pain all over again." Whenever something triggered her, she would dream of being burned.

Hearing this, Yun Qing shuddered. No one would ever want to experience being burned alive a second time after enduring it once. Yet Yuxi had repeatedly experienced that kind of pain. The fact that she had not gone mad and could still function normally was a testament to her strength and resilience. "Isn't there any way to get rid of this lingering trouble?"

Yuxi said quietly, "Before the me in the dream was burned to death, I swore a poisonous oath that I would repay Jiang Hongjin twice over for all the suffering he had inflicted upon me, and then I would grind his bones and scatter his ashes."

Hearing this, Yun Qing replied without even thinking, "Then why don't you just k!ll him? Maybe once he's dead, you'll never have this nightmare again." If it had been him, he would have k!lled Jiang Hongjin anyway, even if it had only been a dream. He wouldn't have waited this long; he would have found a way to take Jiang Hongjin's life long ago. Only then would he have truly cut off the future trouble.

Yuxi lowered her head and pointed out, "What happened in the dream wasn't real, after all. In reality, he never tried to take my life, so I couldn't bring myself to do the same. But when I had that nightmare yet again and could no longer endure it, I asked Yang Duoming to teach him a lesson. I suppose that counted as taking revenge for the me in the dream who had suffered so much torment. Even saying it aloud sounds almost unbelievable, but I felt as though I had personally experienced everything that happened in the dream. Even now, I remember it with extraordinary clarity. It feels as though it wasn't a dream at all, but something I truly went through." After a pause, she continued, "But it was also because of that dream that I no longer dared to remain weak. Once I had recovered from smallpox, I begged Eldest Aunt to send me an old maidservant who could read. After that, I learnt to read from her."

Yun Qing was astonished. "You couldn't read in the dream?" Weren't the daughters of wealthy and distinguished families expected to receive a good education? How could she possibly have been illiterate?

By this point, Yuxi had calmed down and explained, "In the dream, I was considered slow-witted and lacking in aptitude, so I wasn't qualified to study reading and writing with San Jie under Teacher Song. Because of that dream, I wanted to learn more and gain a skill or knowledge I could depend on. So even though Teacher Song disliked me, I still persevered."

Yun Qing knew quite a lot about Yuxi's life from childhood onward. In truth, he had once wondered about something himself: Yuxi was simply too fond of learning, so much so that it seemed somewhat abnormal. What Yuxi had told him today had resolved his doubts.