Cleaver Of Sin

Chapter 663: Emotions

Asher could be seen walking down the hallway of the Wargrave family building; he had just finished his meeting with Azaron, so now he was walking back to his room. But this time, Asher’s footsteps were noticeably slower as he walked; upon his face, a small smile hung as though he was happy, quietly and almost absentmindedly lost in thought, his usual composure softened by a rare and unfamiliar warmth.

The reason Asher was smiling was simply because of the time he had just shared with Azaron; his perfect memory couldn’t help but replay it endlessly and obsessively at the moment, each word and subtle gesture looping within his mind with almost unnatural clarity. He had never known the love of a father; despite giving up on his parents in his past life as Ethan, just as much as they had given up on him, his emotions couldn’t help but stir, rising in quiet contradiction to the indifference he once believed he had accepted.

Although he had never experienced the love, care, and attention of a father, he had now experienced it, and he was lost in his emotions and thoughts of it; after all, one couldn’t exactly control which emotions they had and which thoughts appeared within their minds in times like these, especially when such feelings arrived uninvited yet strangely welcomed.

’I hope it is not a one-time thing,’ a thought flickered into his mind, a cautious side of him giving him insight that Azaron might only be this open just today alone, and that was because he was almost mentally manipulated by the Emperor, and Azaron couldn’t kill said Emperor due to reasons beyond his control, reasons that likely extended far deeper than he currently understood.

Asher shook his head at the thought; it didn’t matter, he would find out the next time he met with Azaron, and until then, speculation would serve him no purpose.

He continued to walk in silence, only the sound of his footsteps echoing faintly as he moved; after a moment, another thought occurred to him, ’I wonder how Lily was,’ he thought to himself, unable to use the word ’mother’; after all, she was dead, and she hadn’t been here to build a relationship with him since his transmigration in the last year, leaving behind only fragments of identity and unanswered questions.

Asher couldn’t help but consider the type of woman she was; at the same time, he couldn’t help but imagine if there was a conspiracy behind her death. After all, according to the information he had, she was a Crownstar Life Ranker, and a Crownstar Life Ranker dying from childbirth seemed like a cruel joke, almost contradictory to everything such a rank implied.

Even in his past life as Ethan, back on Earth, there were women who gave birth to even more than ten children without complications, and they were just normal people. As Asher thought about it, he sighed and shook his head; as someone who had been with Jennifer and had read immense medical books, he understood that biology was both mysterious and miraculous at the same time, a field that often defied even the most logical expectations.

’Not everything has some kind of grand scheme behind it,’ Asher thought to himself as he walked in calm, measured steps, and indeed, not everything had some grand scheme behind it; ’and also knowing Father and Elder Brother, if Lily’s death had been fishy, they would have done something about it eighteen years ago,’ he concluded to himself as he walked, allowing logic to briefly steady his wandering thoughts.

’A dying wish to protect me, huh?’ his mind still refusing to leave Lily; ’it seems my thoughts that Father was going to have me banished and that I was going to be assassinated the moment I left the Ducal Wargrave territory were just my own imagination from the too many novels I’ve read in my past life,’ Asher mused to himself as he walked, faintly amused at how fiction had once shaped his perception of reality.

But he couldn’t be blamed; he had just been transmigrated at the time, so it was simply best to assume the possible worst; after all, the novel tropes always seemed to follow this line of cliché writing, and caution had felt like the most reasonable approach in an unfamiliar world.

For the first time since his transmigration, Ethan couldn’t help but feel a bit of pity for Asher... the real Asher who had committed suicide, whose life had ended before it truly had the chance to unfold.

When he had transmigrated, Asher had zero feelings for the guy; he didn’t judge him for committing suicide, nor did he pity him in any way. Ethan had simply been on the fence regarding Asher’s case, but now... something couldn’t help but stir within him, something subtle yet persistent, refusing to be ignored.

The mother’s dying wish, it was now useless, as Azaron, who had spoken about protecting Asher, had failed at it precisely a year ago, simply because he didn’t want his children to grow up delusional and like other spoilt noble brats, blinded by comfort and false security.

Ethan felt like an imposter for the first time in a whole year of his transmigration, the realization settling uncomfortably within him as his thoughts continued to spiral.

If Azaron hadn’t made any mention of Lily’s dying wish, Ethan wouldn’t be feeling this way; after all, he had always known right from the start that he was somewhat of a selfish person, which was why he had been able to assume Asher’s identity immediately... well, not like he could simply remove himself from Asher’s body to begin with.

But... although he was selfish, he wasn’t a monster.

His mind flickered back to Asher’s suicide letter; he had torn it apart at the time and hadn’t bothered reading it. After all, he had Asher’s memories and already knew the content; his thoughts then shifted to the drugs Asher had consumed to end his own life, a quiet and desperate act that now carried far more weight than it once had.

Ethan couldn’t help but sigh as thoughts and emotions he had never experienced before towards Asher consumed him, all because of a mother’s dying wish that refused to fade even in death.

But would Asher suddenly stand up and walk towards Malrik or Azaron and tell them that he had taken over their son and brother’s body? The answer was not "probably not"; the answer was a resounding "never," firm and absolute.

Malrik would be the first to decapitate him, perhaps taking him for an Emovira capable of transferring its soul or memories into a human body, seeing the mentally weak and emotionally broken Asher as the perfect target. Azaron, the ever calm and composed figure, would likely imprison him, perhaps indefinitely, until he found a way to bring the real Asher back, regardless of the cost.

So, even if a century from now, in the event that he could fight Azaron, Malrik, and all Wargrave family members alone and still win with extreme ease, Ethan would never make any confession, no matter the circumstances or consequences.

With consuming thoughts weighing heavily upon his mind, he stepped into his room as the door opened with calm ease; as usual, he walked towards the window, where he simply stood and gazed at the ever-expanding Wargrave territory that seemed endless from his vantage point, stretching far beyond the horizon like an empire that knew no bounds.