Read Novel Full Chapters 61 – 65
Chapters 61 – 65
Chapter 61
For a long time afterward, whenever Lin Yujing thought about her high school years and Shen Juan, she couldn’t help but think of this particular day.
As winter set in, the cold air seeped through the gaps in the windows and doors. The room was chilly without the heater on.
Shen Juan’s fingers and lips were cold, making her shiver at their touch. One of his hands gently squeezed the back of her neck in a soothing manner.
Lin Yujing felt enveloped in tenderness.
She closed her eyes and quickly adjusted her emotions, feeling his fingers, his breath, and his scent mixed with disinfectant and tobacco, giving a confusing sense of cleanliness.
When she opened her eyes, Shen Juan was looking at her. He leaned back a bit, creating some distance, and moved his hand from her neck to ruffle her hair.
He didn’t look well, with faint dark circles under his eyes and his eyelids drooping slightly in fatigue.
She hadn’t noticed it earlier.
Lin Yujing wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, controlling her previous state of confusion and near-despair within minutes.
Clearing her hoarse throat, she hesitated for a moment before asking, “Did you go to the hospital? How is Uncle…”
She stopped mid-sentence.
Shen Juan reached up to touch the corner of her still slightly red eyes, “Not good. I didn’t think it could get any worse. He’s been lying there for a long time, with lower immunity and poor health. Now he has a lung infection, and his heart is starting to fail.”
Lin Yujing sat stiffly, unable to speak, her lips turning pale. She didn’t know what to say. Shen Juan continued, “I ran into Nie Xinghe.”
The hairs on the back of Lin Yujing’s neck stood up. The mere mention of Nie Xinghe’s name sent a chill through her.
“Is he planning something bad again? Did he say anything to you?” She grabbed his hand anxiously, “Whatever he says, don’t listen to him. Don’t let him influence you.”
“I won’t be easily influenced. Don’t worry about that,” Shen Juan rubbed his forehead with one hand, his fingers sliding down her soft hair, wrapping a strand around his finger and playing with it, “I’m telling you this because I want you to know that I can tell you anything.”
Lin Yujing was stunned.
Shen Juan’s eyes were downcast, his voice tired and hoarse, “And you too, whether it’s something that makes you happy or unhappy, just tell me, and I’ll listen.”
Lin Yujing remained silent.
She could never talk to Shen Juan like that.
Lin Yujing had been this way since she was a child, not good at expressing herself and already used to it. It wasn’t something that could change easily.
Moreover, after Shen Juan told her these things, it made it even harder for her to open up.
He had his own issues, his uncle, Nie Xinghe, all pressing down on him. She didn’t want to add her problems to his burden. She had to handle her own matters; there was no reason to let him bear them too.
Besides, the conflicts and issues between her and Lin Zhi weren’t just about Shen Juan.
He had his issues, and she had hers, like a small, calibrated table where each matter’s importance, at least for now, outweighed “their relationship.”
No one could abandon their life and live recklessly.
At least not now.
Lin Yujing took a deep breath and stood up, “I’m leaving.”
Shen Juan didn’t speak, just looked at her with dark eyes.
Lin Yujing pressed her lips together and said softly, “You should sleep early. After I leave, go to bed. Don’t stay up late.”
Shen Juan still didn’t speak, reaching for a cigarette from the coffee table and putting it in his mouth.
His dark eyelashes lowered, hiding his emotions. Lin Yujing sniffled and turned to leave.
Shen Juan looked up, watching her walk to the door, open it, then bit the cigarette and threw it aside.
Shen Juan laughed in anger.
He felt like he had used up all his patience in this life, trying to enter her world bit by bit, but still couldn’t break through her shell.
Every time he thought he had succeeded, she would withdraw again.
“Lin Yujing,” he leaned back against the sofa armrest, “do you plan to push me away for your entire life?”
Lin Yujing paused, turned around, and called his name softly, “Shen Juan.” “I might have to go home.”
Shen Juan squinted his eyes.
“I have to go home,” Lin Yujing repeated.
Shen Juan finally realized something, his fingers lifting unconsciously as he sat up straight, staring at her, “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you might have to find a new deskmate and maintain a long-distance relationship until graduation,” Lin Yujing tried to sound cheerful, “It’s not that long, at most a year… and a half?”
Shen Juan understood.
Her earlier odd behavior at the school gate, today’s events, and what she wanted to say.
He should have realized it earlier.
Shen Juan closed his eyes, “I don’t agree.”
Lin Yujing softly said, “Boyfriend, there are some things that neither you nor I can decide. Just consider this as me using up the opportunity you gave me in advance.”
“I’m not a very brave person. Many times, I just want to escape. I don’t know if one day I might just run away.”
Lin Yujing paused and continued, “But I remember what you said.”
Shen Juan looked at her, his eyes a bit blurry, his voice hoarse, “What did I say?”
When Lin Yujing returned, no one was home. Meng Weiguo and Guan Xiangmei were not there, and Fu Mingxiu had gone back to school in the afternoon. She went upstairs, sat on her bed, and stared into space.
From the moment she saw Shen Juan, all her lost rationality began to return, and she gradually calmed down.
She knew better than anyone how strong-willed and stubborn Lin Zhi was.
She couldn’t out-stubborn her.
Handling a school transfer, custody, and taking her away were easy for Lin Zhi.
What could a sixteen-year-old girl do? Resist hysterically? Starve herself? Skip school and run away from home?
There was no way out.
When she calmed down, she realized things weren’t that bad.
She was in her second year of high school now. Transferring schools would mean getting through the second semester of her second year and then her third year.
It would take no more than a year and a half.
Lin Yujing couldn’t anger Lin Zhi now. Lin Zhi’s opposition was because of her young age. She insisted that Lin Yujing must stay focused. Anything that might affect her grades, she would stop.
But if she had a fallout with Lin Zhi, not only would it be futile, but Lin Zhi might also start opposing Shen Juan.
She couldn’t act impulsively. She had to yield temporarily.
It was only a year and a half; it wasn’t a big deal. They had phones, could video chat, and meet on weekends and during holidays.
These weren’t the issues. What made Lin Yujing so resistant was her anxiety.
A year and a half wasn’t long but wasn’t short either. To her, it felt interminable.
She wasn’t confident she could maintain such a fragile connection over the distance. She didn’t know if Shen Juan could hold on, and she didn’t know what she would be like in a year and a half.
With her eyes closed, Lin Yujing groped for her phone on the bed, aimlessly scrolling until she found Lin Zhi’s number.
She called, and Lin Zhi answered quickly. It was quiet on her end, no sound at all.
“I’ve made up my mind,” Lin Yujing said softly, “I don’t want to live with my dad. I’ll go back with you.”
Lin Zhi sounded a bit surprised, “I didn’t expect you to come around so quickly.”
“Do I have a choice?” Lin Yujing asked calmly.
Lin Zhi was silent for a moment, then said quietly, “Xiaoyu, you may resent me or hate me now. I admit, as a mother, I haven’t fulfilled my responsibilities over the years. But I am your mother, I can’t sit by and do nothing.”
“I was young once too, many things will fade. What you feel is intense now, but with time, you’ll realize that there’s nothing you can’t forget. When you meet a better boy in the future, you’ll see how childish your current persistence is.”
Lin Yujing lay on the bed quietly for a moment.
Lin Yujing didn’t expect Lin Zhi to act so quickly, almost as if she was afraid Lin Yujing would change her mind.
She quickly explained her purpose to Meng Weiguo. Initially, Meng Weiguo put on a big show and had a huge argument with her, but in the end, he didn’t refuse, so it was decided.
Lin Yujing felt like a ball, kicked back and forth.
When she thought of this metaphor, she almost wanted to laugh, not even having the desire to be sad.
She couldn’t cry anymore.
The custody procedures weren’t quick, so Lin Zhi first handled the transfer procedures at school.
During the whole process, Lin Yujing didn’t show up.
Lin Zhi had a house in A City. She moved all of Lin Yujing’s belongings there, locked the door, and took her phone. Lin Yujing was isolated at home for two days.
Lin Yujing didn’t make a fuss. The next night, while Lin Zhi was taking a bath, she sneaked into Lin Zhi’s bedroom and found her phone in the wardrobe.
There was no internet at home, and the SIM card was removed, but the phone still had all her data.
Lin Yujing first opened her chat history with Shen Juan. They didn’t chat much since they spent all day together at school and had separate things to do on weekends. They weren’t the clingy type, just chatting a bit before bed.
She quickly ran back to her room, took out her Polaroid, and took pictures of their chat history, then opened her photo album.
There weren’t many photos, the most recent ones were of food.
Further up, there were pictures from the day Liu Fujiang called them to the office.
The boy in the photo stood in the hallway, wearing a white school jacket, unzipped, looking casual. A sky-blue cartoon bear band-aid was on his chin. His eyelids drooped lazily, looking dazed and sleepy, head slightly tilted as he looked at the screen.
His pupils were dark, his eyes slightly raised, even the curve of his drooping eyelashes was beautiful.
Seeing this photo, Lin Yujing finally broke down.
She squatted on the floor with her phone, her eyes gradually turning red.
On the third day, Lin Yujing convinced Lin Zhi to let her go to Eight High to pack her things.
Lin Zhi dropped her off at the school gate. Lin Yujing didn’t think about anything else, she ran from the gate to the teaching building, eagerly taking the stairs three at a time to the fourth floor, to the end of the hallway.
She wanted to see him.
She had to see him one last time.
The classroom door was open, inside was quiet, no one was chatting, and a pop quiz was underway.
Lin Yujing stood by the wall at the door, suddenly hesitant.
She took a deep breath, walked in, and gently knocked on the door.
Wang Konglong turned his head, looked at her, and nodded, “Go ahead.”
Lin Yujing turned and looked towards her seat.
Shen Juan’s seat was empty, just as he had left it on Friday, with a couple of books and a pen.
She remembered him grabbing two papers, casually folding them and stuffing them into his bag, smirking as he looked at her, smiling roguishly, leaning in to whisper, “Want to go home together?”
It happened just a few days ago, yet suddenly everything is different.
Lin Yujing sniffled, biting her lip and trying hard to hold back the urge to cry. She slowly started organizing her books at her desk, one by one.
She found the book that he had slipped the dormitory application receipt into.
Lin Yujing placed that book on Shen Juan’s desk and then secretly took one of his. She opened the first page and saw the large characters—Shen Juan.
She remembered how he looked when he wrote his name, lazily leaning against the wall, scribbling on the paper with a non-standard writing posture, his thumb lightly tapping his index finger.
Lin Yujing put his book into her bag and found a lollipop hidden in a corner at the back of the desk drawer, which she had forgotten about.
She had bought a bunch to coax Xu Ruyi, kept them in her desk, and ate them herself when she had nothing else to do. She thought she had eaten them all.
But somehow, one was still left.
A white stick with a pink candy ball wrapped in cellophane.
Peach-flavored.
She thought there were no peach-flavored ones left.
She remembered picking just one of each flavor and giving the peach one to Shen Juan.
Lin Yujing blinked, and suddenly tears splashed onto the desk.
She placed the lollipop on Shen Juan’s desk.
The classroom was silent. In the early winter morning, the sunlight was thin and bright, but almost without warmth.
She had arrived in September.
The summer was long in the south, and Lin Yujing had come to this unfamiliar city at the end of summer. In the midst of anxiety and confusion, under the scorching sun, she met a boy.
A lazy, unrestrained, proud, yet gentle boy.
He would instinctively bend slightly and raise his hand to gently shield when he saw children running across the road, tender and meticulous.
He would also stand in the brightly lit basketball gym, retreating with a smile, telling her, “Master Juan can do anything,” full of rebellious spirit.
He always shone, always invincible.
He had the most steadfast soul.
When Lin Zhi told Lin Yujing she would meet better people in the future, Lin Yujing didn’t argue.
But she knew what she thought, and so did Lin Zhi.
In just a few months, Shen Juan made her feel like she had seen the best scenery of her life.
She would never meet someone like him again.
There would never be anyone better.
Chapter 62
Lin Zhi did not return to the capital. She took Lin Yujing to Huai City.
The new branch of the Lin family company had been developing in Huai City for the past few years. Lin Zhi was now focusing all her attention there. She used her connections to get Lin Yujing into Huai City No. 1 High School, the provincial science experimental base.
This school was famously known for its prison-like exam-focused education. The college entrance exam success rate and the rate of students getting into top universities were incredibly high. The learning atmosphere here was incomparable to any other, not even the affiliated school could match it.
Boarding was mandatory, with students going home once a week. Evening self-study sessions lasted until eleven at night, and morning exercises started at six. Second-year students were already immersed in the study atmosphere of the third year.
It was a new, unfamiliar environment that required re-adaptation.
Lin Yujing considered herself quite adaptable to new environments, at least outwardly, but switching to a new environment so quickly still caused some discomfort.
While listening to her new homeroom teacher and Lin Zhi talking seriously in the principal’s office, Lin Yujing suddenly remembered her first day at No. 8 High School. She had stood in Liu Fujiang’s office, and the homeroom teacher, who seemed completely unfit for the job, had cheerfully told her, “Do you know our school’s college entrance exam success rate? Ninety-eight percent!”
Seeing her classmates for the first time, Lin Yujing thought Liu Fujiang was bluffing.
Shen Juan had taken three days off from Liu Fujiang, and on the third morning, he went to school on time.
At the school gate, he encountered Song Zhiming and Wang Yiyang, who were eating breakfast as they walked. After Ning Yuan had crashed into Wang Yiyang’s leg, he had racked up a significant amount of medical expenses for various checks, even a brain CT, claiming he might have a concussion.
The results showed only a knee sprain, and he was already bouncing around energetically.
Seeing Shen Juan, Wang Yiyang ran over immediately, shouting “Dad” at the top of his lungs, spraying his taro bun all over the field. People in the school yard turned to look, creating a scenic view of the morning.
Shen Juan ignored his “obedient son.”
When Wang Yiyang and Song Zhiming reached him, Wang Yiyang hooked an arm around his shoulder, “Dad! Where the hell have you been? Not answering calls, not replying to messages, no one at the studio, I was so worried I almost got hemorrhoids.”
Shen Juan looked up and responded nonchalantly with a “Hmm.” His voice was raspy.
Wang Yiyang and Song Zhiming were stunned for a moment. Recovering, Wang Yiyang exclaimed, “Damn, did you drink paint?”
Shen Juan smiled, exhaustion from lack of sleep evident on his face. Wang Yiyang frowned, “How long has it been since you slept?”
“I don’t know,” Shen Juan replied hoarsely.
Song Zhiming immediately handed him his soy milk, “Here, drink this.”
Shen Juan took it, thanked him, and gulped down the whole bag of soy milk, then casually tossed it into the nearby trash can.
The plastic bag hit the edge of the trash can and fell to the ground. It missed.
Wang Yiyang gave him a look, picked up the soy milk bag, and threw it in the trash can, then ran back.
Shen Juan stood still and sighed.
See, even the humble sniper Shen Juan isn’t perfect.
Since the day Lin Yujing left, he had been called to the hospital by a phone call.
Shen Juan had thought things couldn’t get worse, never imagining he’d be this down in his life.
He wondered if he had been too optimistic about life before.
Luo Qinghe’s condition was not good—heart failure, severe lung infection, and a lot of fluid and pus were drained this time. The doctor said she had about two to six months left.
After receiving the news, Shen’s mother dropped her work and flew back home, crying for several days, then fell ill with a fever.
There were a few clients at the studio, but Shen Juan postponed everything, forcing himself to call each one to reschedule.
Things kept piling up in his mind, leaving no time for peace. Shen Juan tried to remember how long it had been since he had a good night’s sleep.
It seemed he had barely slept since Sunday night when she left.
When she left.
“Go to bed early. Once I’m gone, you have to sleep, no staying up late.” Damn.
His head throbbed, his temples pounding as if they would explode. Shen Juan lowered his head, covering his right eye with one hand, and after a few seconds, he raised his head, “Let’s go.”
Wang Yiyang and Song Zhiming exchanged a glance but said nothing, following him.
As they reached the entrance of the teaching building, Wang Yiyang couldn’t help but speak, “Dad, Lin Mei left last week. I heard from Old Liu that she transferred—”
Wang Yiyang didn’t finish his sentence before Song Zhiming, behind him, kicked him. Wang Yiyang shut his mouth and turned to glare at him.
Song Zhiming mouthed silently, “Are you an idiot?”
Wang Yiyang ignored him and turned back, “Shen Juan, you know my personality, I can’t hold things in, I just can’t help it,” Wang Yiyang sighed, “What’s going on between you and Lin Mei? I saw her crying when she came back to pack her things.”
He only called him by his full name when he was serious.
Shen Juan pursed his lips, his mouth turning down slightly, “Ah,” he rasped, “I don’t know either.”
He truly didn’t know.
Lin Yujing was like a scoundrel, offering no explanation and making no plans to discuss anything with him. She made her decision and directly told him, “I’m leaving, going back to my old school. We’ll be in a long-distance relationship.”
It caught him completely off guard, with no time to buffer or adapt. Shen Juan hadn’t even reacted at the time.
Several hours later, sitting in the hospital room and listening to the various machines’ soft sounds, his mind finally started to clear.
It felt like being dumped.
But not quite.
Shen Juan had called her countless times, but her phone was always off. He was fuming inside.
He was truly angry.
He nearly smashed his phone. Once the anger passed, he felt a bit lost.
Unable to contact her, he didn’t even know if they had broken up or were still together.
She wouldn’t tell him, but Shen Juan wasn’t stupid. Considering her family situation, her reaction on Friday night, and what she said that day, he could piece things together.
That wasn’t the problem.
If she needed to leave, he could wait. If now wasn’t the right time, he’d wait until she grew up.
What made him angry was not understanding how Lin Yujing’s extreme lack of security developed. No matter what, she always seemed to think she was on her own.
Crying alone, laughing alone, solving every problem alone, making decisions alone. She never thought about sharing burdens with him.
She never even thought about discussing things with him, making decisions together. Shen Juan suddenly felt an unprecedented sense of helplessness.
He believed he had enough patience and could tirelessly pull her out of her shell again and again.
But it was useless. Shen Juan realized all his efforts were in vain.
She didn’t want to come out.
She had never truly trusted him.
When Shen Juan entered the classroom, Li Lin and the others swarmed him, all with a bunch of questions. Seeing Shen Juan’s state, they didn’t ask a single one.
Only Wang Yiyang, the idiot, did, and Shen Juan felt a sense of comfort. He was too tired to even speak.
His seat was still in the front row by the door. The two desks were pushed together, and the outer one was now empty.
The desk was clean, and there was nothing inside it.
Lin Yujing hadn’t left anything behind.
Shen Juan reached out and pushed her chair in, then sat in his own seat.
No one had touched his things; they were just as he had left them the previous Friday. Wang Yiyang had saved all the worksheets given by the teachers over the past few days.
A thick stack of papers lay on the desk, one sheet on top of another.
In the middle of the stack, something small bulged up, as if there was something underneath.
Shen Juan lifted the thick pile of worksheets and saw what was underneath.
A lollipop lay quietly on the desk, wrapped in pink packaging. It was peach-flavored.
Memories instantly surged back to a few months ago when they were not very familiar with each other. He had helped her write a receipt, and she was so awkward that she couldn’t even say thank you.
The girl had pursed her lips and looked at him for a long time, but in the end, she couldn’t say anything. She sighed, stammered, and asked him to stretch out his hand, giving him a piece of candy as if trying to dismiss him.
The scene was so vivid, as if it had just happened a second ago.
The first thing she gave him was also the last thing she left behind.
This way of saying goodbye.
The emotions that had been tightly suppressed by too many things suddenly surged up without warning.
Shen Juan closed his eyes, gritting his teeth, and laughed out of anger, his eyes stinging. This really is…
Huai City No. 1 High School was a fully enclosed school located in the suburbs, and the school strongly opposed parents giving their children mobile phones.
In the words of Lin Yujing’s new homeroom teacher, children couldn’t resist temptation, so don’t put temptation in front of them. Once they relax, it becomes very difficult to tighten up again.
Lin Zhi had no intention of giving her the phone. When Lin Yujing realized this, she couldn’t help but argue with her.
However, no matter how much she argued, Lin Zhi’s expression didn’t change much: “Give you the phone so you can contact that boy? Then what’s the point of bringing you here?”
“I won’t talk to him all the time,” Lin Yujing closed her eyes, feeling very tired, “I just want to tell him. I didn’t see him when I left. I have to tell him.”
Lin Zhi was unmoved.
Lin Yujing finally broke down: “I’ve already come with you. What more do you want? I’ve already given up.”
Lin Zhi looked up and said calmly, “You’re not giving up; you’re afraid I’ll find him.” Lin Yujing stiffened.
“Xiaoyu, you think you know me, and I also know you. I understand what’s on your mind. If you want to protect him, then study hard here,” Lin Zhi said, “I personally think Huai City No. 1 High School’s teaching quality is higher than the affiliated school. I’ve found you an experimental class. The provincial top scorers for the past three years all came from here.”
Lin Yujing nodded indifferently.
Lin Yujing quickly immersed herself in a new life.
She boarded at school. Every Friday, Lin Zhi would come to pick her up. This time, she no longer had a room to herself. The dormitory had four people, each fitting the image of a student at this school—focused solely on studying.
Her card was a supplementary card of Lin Zhi’s, and the school was off-limits. Lin Yujing also observed whether her roommates and new classmates had mobile phones, but they didn’t. It seemed their minds were only on studying.
The amount and difficulty of the assignments were more than double compared to before. Every morning, she opened her eyes to worksheets and closed them to exercises. The people here seemed not to know what fatigue was, and the one thing they had in abundance was intelligence.
Lin Yujing began frequently fluctuating among the top three in her grade, often not securing the first place. The competition among the top ten was fierce, and often there were ties. She had to exhaust everything in her mind to make progress because others were also progressing.
The second year was treated like the third year.
Lin Yujing discovered that when you fully immerse yourself in something, you can indeed forget a lot of things.
She became more silent, rarely thinking of Shen Juan. To ensure she achieved the highest efficiency in the shortest time, she no longer wrote out every detail in simple questions, skimming through them quickly and spending most of her time on the relatively difficult ones.
Her new deskmate was a round-faced girl who looked soft and spoke in a sweet, almost coquettish voice, somewhat like Xu Ruyi.
Perhaps lacking something made her like it. Lin Yujing wasn’t soft herself, so she always had a good feeling towards cute girls, and their relationship was quite good.
This girl was probably one of the few who didn’t study desperately every day. Her grades were above average, good enough to get into a decent university. She was relatively lively and would sometimes slack off a bit after finishing her homework during evening self-study. While Lin Yujing was working on her worksheets, she would turn her head to watch her, blinking her big eyes: “Hey, Lin Yujing, why don’t you do the big questions?”
“Hmm?” Lin Yujing didn’t look up, “Saving time.”
“But the teacher said we should write out the process during practice, otherwise, when the actual exam comes, we’ll forget out of habit,” the soft girl tilted her head to look at her paper and said, “But you probably won’t forget. You top students can get the answer just by marking the questions.”
“And your grip on the pen seems a bit off,” the soft girl took out her own pen and adjusted her grip, trying to write two words, “Does this grip make writing faster?”
Lin Yujing paused, stunned.
She looked up at the two big questions, the key information underlined, the important points marked, and two auxiliary lines drawn casually on the diagram, directly writing the answer.
Shen Juan always did his questions like this.
Without even realizing it, she had unconsciously tried to become like him.
As if it could prove something.
She rarely thought of him now.
Just a year and a half, once it’s over, she could go back. It’s no big deal.
Nothing significant at all.
Lin Yujing buried her head and picked up her pen to finish the last question: “It won’t,” she sniffled, her voice a bit hoarse, “Writing like this is really ugly, don’t imitate it.”
That night, Lin Yujing had a dream.
The dream was long, yet short. When she woke up at three in the morning, she couldn’t remember what she had dreamed.
The dormitory was quiet, everyone else was asleep, the curtains weren’t drawn tight, revealing the pitch-black sky and a half-faded moon.
Lin Yujing, unable to sleep, sat on her dorm bed. For the first time since coming here, she recalled her months at No. 8 High School.
The homeroom teacher, completely unfit for the job, was the best teacher she’d ever met. Li Lin’s endlessly brewed hell broth chrysanthemum tea.
The unexpected results of the first monthly exam.
The perpetually last-place health freak’s blackboard drawings.
The second-rate yet enthusiastic team slogans at the sports meet. The hard-won victory at the basketball game.
Lin Yujing deliberately avoided all memories involving Shen Juan, trying to recall events where he wasn’t the main character.
But she realized that every moment, every bit, involved him.
She wasn’t avoiding him at all. She was desperately searching for him in all her memories.
Chapter 63
A month after coming to Huai City No. 1 High School, Lin Yujing felt that something was off.
She began experiencing frequent insomnia.
Lin Yujing thought she was pretty calm now. She genuinely wasn’t thinking about anything, her mind filled with schoolwork and assignments every day, leaving no time for other thoughts.
She didn’t know why, but she just couldn’t sleep.
Insomnia is a painful experience, different from staying up late. The feeling of lying there, closing your eyes, trying to empty your mind but tossing and turning, unable to sleep, waiting for time to pass and for dawn to break—over time, it makes a person very anxious.
She placed Shen Juan’s book under her pillow, and it seemed to have some effect, though she wasn’t sure if it was a psychological thing.
But even when she did fall asleep, it wasn’t restful. She often had a bunch of chaotic dreams and couldn’t remember any of them when she woke up in the morning, only feeling a heavy heart.
This was followed by a loss of appetite.
She didn’t want to eat anything, her stomach churned uncomfortably, and forcing herself to eat resulted in dry heaving for half a day until there was nothing left to vomit.
This situation, averaging two or three hours of sleep per day and loss of appetite, lasted for about half a month. Even her deskmate, the soft little girl, noticed and asked her, “Haven’t you been losing weight a bit too quickly lately?”
Lin Yujing sometimes felt that her incredibly easygoing deskmate was like a blooming sunflower in this oppressive study environment. Listening to her talk made her feel somewhat relaxed.
She lowered her head, working on her English paper, her eyes quickly scanning the reading passages without stopping: “I don’t know. I haven’t weighed myself in a long time.”
She felt that she was quite remarkable now. No matter how poor her sleep quality was at night, how many hours she slept, or how uncomfortable her stomach was, as long as she was in the classroom during the day, holding a pen and opening a test paper, she could fully concentrate her energy and attention.
The little soft girl sighed: “Do you not look in the mirror either? I think your complexion doesn’t look good. Here—” She pinched her own chubby face, “It’s all gone.”
Lin Yujing looked up at her: “Next period is English class.”
The little soft girl: “I know.”
Lin Yujing asked: “Have you finished memorizing the vocabulary?”
The little soft girl was quiet for a second, then screamed and started flipping through her English book, mumbling about how she was doomed.
In the evening, after returning to the dormitory from night self-study, Lin Yujing took a shower, wiped the steam off the mirror, and looked at herself seriously.
She did seem to have lost a lot of weight. Her eyes looked a bit bigger than before, with heavy dark circles, and her chin was as sharp as if she had gotten a face-slimming injection.
She looked haggard, like a stray child who didn’t know where their next meal was coming from.
In the second year of high school, students could still go home once a week. Later, in the third year, they would have classes on weekends, with only one day off every half month. On the weekend, Lin Zhi came to pick her up.
Lin Zhi had looked unhappy for the past two weeks, especially today. Usually, she would ask about Lin Yujing’s studies and weekly test scores in the car, but today she didn’t say a word, and the two of them remained silent.
Until they were almost home.
Lin Zhi suddenly swerved the steering wheel, and the car screeched to a halt on the side of the road.
Lin Yujing was still looking out the window. It took her a few seconds to react and slowly turn her head.
Lin Zhi looked at her through the rearview mirror, her gaze cold: “Who are you putting on a show for?”
Lin Yujing looked at her, seemingly confused.
“Look at what you’ve done to yourself. What’s the meaning of this? Trying to get back at me?” Lin Zhi sneered, “You don’t think this will work, do you? You know what I’m like. Do you think this will affect me? Let me tell you, Lin Yujing, you don’t need to put on a show. It won’t work on me.”
Lin Yujing understood.
She turned her head back, looking out the car window again.
Outside the window was winter in Huai City. People on the street were wrapped in thick coats, walking along the walls with their heads down.
She didn’t know what A City was like at this time, but Huai City’s winter was warmer than the capital, though still cold.
That kind of damp, bone-chilling cold could be felt even through the thick car door, a cold that was hard to grasp.
“Mom,” Lin Yujing looked out the window and said, “I can’t eat or sleep.”
Lin Zhi didn’t say anything, her lips pressed together, her eyes slightly red, as if trying to suppress anger or something.
“Every day is like this. I try hard to make myself better, but it doesn’t work,” Lin Yujing said quietly. “Can you find me a psychologist?”
The psychologist Lin Zhi found for her was named Yan Heng, who ran a private practice. He appeared to be around forty years old, wore glasses, and had a handsome, gentle demeanor with a slow speech pattern.
The clinic was on the top floor of an office building. When Lin Yujing pushed open the door, the man put down the book he was holding and looked up. “Lin Yujing?”
Lin Yujing greeted him politely, “Hello.”
Yan Heng smiled, “You look a lot like your mother.”
“Ah,” Lin Yujing was taken aback, “Ah…”
“When she was sixteen or seventeen, she looked exactly like you,” Yan Heng said as he closed the book and stood up. “Is your mom a bit annoying?”
Lin Yujing: …?
Lin Yujing felt that his way of speaking was strangely nuanced.
She cleared her throat, not knowing what to say.
Yan Heng pointed to a single sofa by the floor-to-ceiling window, “Have a seat.”
Lin Yujing walked over, sat down, and watched him take a cup from a cabinet by the wall. “Do you drink coffee? Someone gave me some Geisha coffee, and I just brewed a pot,” he turned around and winked at her. “I’ve never had such expensive coffee. They say it has a fruity taste.”
Lin Yujing smiled, feeling a bit more relaxed, and watched him bring over two cups of coffee. She couldn’t help but say, “High-calcium tablets, fruity flavor.”
Yan Heng paused, then laughed as he sat down across from her. “You’re more interesting than your mother. When she was your age, she was a spoiled princess with a superiority complex.”
Lin Yujing couldn’t help but ask, “You and my mom…”
“High school classmates,” Yan Heng sat down across from her. “But you don’t need to worry. I won’t tell her anything you say to me. I have professional ethics, and honestly, I quite dislike her.”
Lin Yujing didn’t respond, sipping the supposedly expensive coffee. It did have a bit of a fruity taste.
“Your mother briefly told me about your situation. You were in A City before, right?” Yan Heng switched to a dialect.
Lin Yujing was stunned, looking up.
“I’m from A City,” Yan Heng smiled. “I went to high school in the capital and then came back.”
Lin Yujing didn’t catch what he said next. Hearing that familiar dialect, her mind became muddled.
Shen Juan sometimes spoke in it too.
He had a pleasant voice, deeper and more sensual than his peers. When he spoke the dialect, it had a bit more softness, low and gentle.
He had taught her a few commonly used phrases before. When she spoke them imperfectly, he would lean against the wall, supporting his head, laughing at her clumsy pronunciation, lazily teasing, “Are you an A City person from Xinjiang?”
The young girl would glare at him, “School bully, you’re so arrogant. I have a hundred ways to make you unable to stay in our school. Do you believe it?”
Lin Yujing quickly lowered her head, wiping her nose.
Yan Heng was the kind of person who easily made others feel close. Maybe all psychologists were like that; they had their ways to build trust quickly.
After Lin Yujing finished speaking briefly, Yan Heng didn’t interrupt much, occasionally asking a question. Finally, he looked at her gently and asked, “Do you want to call that little friend of yours?”
Lin Yujing didn’t respond. She did want to.
When she first arrived at No. 1 High School, she desperately wanted to. But now?
Although the dormitory didn’t have a phone, each dormitory building had a landline in the dorm supervisor’s room, which students used to call their parents occasionally.
Lin Yujing discovered this half a month ago but hadn’t made a call. Yan Heng looked at her intently. “You’re afraid, right?”
Lin Yujing lowered her eyes, “I don’t know. I feel like if I hear his voice, I might not be able to hold on.”
When she couldn’t hear his voice, she thought just hearing it would be enough. But desires grow.
If she really heard it, wouldn’t she start wanting to see him?
Wouldn’t she desperately want to escape this prison-like place?
“I still hope you can be honest with me,” Yan Heng said. “Your fear isn’t just about that, right?”
Lin Yujing didn’t respond.
“You’re also afraid of your little friend’s attitude, aren’t you?” Yan Heng said. “You two haven’t seen or contacted each other since then. You think enough time has passed for someone to change. From the beginning to now, you’ve had little confidence in your relationship. Plus, the oppressive environment at your current school adds to your anxiety. The combined pressure has led to your current anxious state; you’re under too much stress.”
Lin Yujing remained silent, pressing her lips together.
Yan Heng leaned back on the sofa and couldn’t help but say, “What kind of misfortune did Lin Zhi cause to make a good child like this?”
Lin Yujing took another sip of coffee, strangely finding herself in the mood to smile at his remark. “I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe someone in this world would… always like me. People always change.”
If even parental love is unattainable.
How can I expect someone else to love me?
“I rarely see someone your age thinking so… rationally and pessimistically,” Yan Heng sighed. “Do you want to hear my advice?”
Lin Yujing took a deep breath, “Go ahead.”
“I actually think your separation for a year and a half was good.”
“Have you noticed that the main conflict between you and your little friend isn’t your mother, not about whether you’re separated now, but about you? Even if you hadn’t transferred schools, you would still hold these thoughts, and your issues would persist, eventually erupting.”
“You lack security; he’s been holding onto you, but you refuse to move. Over time, he’ll definitely feel tired.”
“So you can’t be both fearful and expect him to keep holding onto you until he finally pulls you out one day. He can hold onto you, but ultimately, you have to be willing to step out yourself.”
Yan Heng spoke slowly, looking at her gently. “Little friend, you have to try to believe that you can be loved continuously.”
For some time now, the forums and bulletin boards of Ba Zhong had been buzzing with excitement. A new post appeared every few minutes, all discussing the love story of the school bully.
There wasn’t much to it; the main topic was that a certain Shen, whose full name could not be revealed, was caught cheating.
The reason? The poor female lead, betrayed and heartbroken, had transferred schools in despair.
Ba Zhong had lost a promising student who could have been the provincial top scorer, or at least the city’s top scorer. The teachers, especially the head of education, were disheartened for quite some time.
Particularly Class 10’s head teacher, Liu Fujiang, who was deeply grieved. He had always liked Lin Yujing, and seeing his favorite student leave suddenly was a significant blow to this new yet aging head teacher.
Despite this, he decided to believe in Shen Juan. After the last CP fanfiction incident involving Shen and Lin, Liu Fujiang had learned to browse forums and bulletin boards. After the scandal of Shen’s cheating broke out, Liu Fujiang called Shen Juan to his office and, in a dazed state, said, “Shen Juan, you don’t need to feel pressured. I believe in you.”
Shen Juan kept his eyes down, silent, somewhat distracted.
Liu Fujiang, still indignant, continued, “You and Lin Yujing are both good kids. Don’t listen to those people. They’re just stirring up trouble because they’re bored and not studying. I didn’t see anything inappropriate in your relationship with Lin Yujing!”
He banged the desk, “You two have such a good, pure deskmate relationship! Helping each other study every day! Those people are just spreading rumors!”
Shen Juan: “…”
He Songnan, one of the few sensible people, started wondering if his friend had been cursed or something because he seemed unusually unlucky lately.
“Look at you,” He Songnan said during lunch, scooping a few bites of fried rice, “Your girlfriend is gone, whereabouts unknown, solidifying the fact that you cheated.”
Song Zhiming slapped his right hand with his left, “Confirmed, case closed.”
The small restaurant allowed smoking. Shen Juan sat inside, leaning against the wall, a cigarette in his mouth, his fried rice untouched.
The ash hung precariously from the cigarette, but Shen Juan didn’t care, lost in thought.
Lately, he often appeared like this. Although he didn’t show obvious signs of depression, he rarely spoke, and his gaze was cold and indifferent, as if something inside him had sunk.
He Songnan and Song Zhiming exchanged glances. He Songnan sighed, “Juan, eat first. Even without a girlfriend, you can’t be so unapproachable every day, meditating.”
Shen Juan lifted his eyes slightly, “Who told you I don’t have one?” “Then tell me where she is,” He Songnan said. “In your thoughts?”
Shen Juan took the cigarette from his mouth, tapped the ash into the plastic ashtray filled with several cigarette butts, and extinguished it, “I’m having a long-distance relationship with my heartless girlfriend through telepathy. Is that not okay?”
Song Zhiming: “…”
He Songnan clasped his hands together, “Very okay.”
A little over a month after Lin Yujing left, Ba Zhong’s winter break began, and Shen Juan started spending his days between his studio and the hospital.
Luo Qinghe’s condition remained dire, and Shen’s mother had canceled all her work abroad to return to A City.
As a mother, Shen’s mother could immediately tell that something was off with Shen Juan.
The hospital was quiet. Shen’s mother sat by the bed, looking at Shen Juan leaning against the window. In a low voice, she asked, “Besides your uncle, has anything else happened recently?”
Shen Juan didn’t reply, leaning against the windowsill, his head resting against the white wall, looking at Luo Qinghe on the bed with a blank expression. After a long time, he said, “Nothing much, just a cat ran away.”
Shen’s mother was taken aback, “You had a cat?”
“Yes, I picked it up,” Shen Juan straightened up, looking down, recalling the girl who had stood bewildered at the studio door that afternoon. “It just wandered into the studio.”
“If it’s gone, it’s gone. If you like, you can pick one from a cat shelter,” Shen’s mother said. “Stray cats are usually hard to tame. It’s normal for them to run away.”
Hard to tame?
Shen Juan squinted, “If it’s hard to tame, then I’ll catch it and tie it up later.” —
Three months after Lin Yujing left, the new semester began at Ba Zhong.
Shen Juan had left most of his stuff at school last semester. With the new semester’s books, he pulled out the old books he didn’t need from his desk.
The books and papers formed a thick stack, which he piled up on the desk.
Wang Yiyang rushed into the classroom like the wind and the first thing he did was try to give Shen Juan a hug, “Dad! Dad! Long time no see! Ah!”
As he bumped into the desk, the top few books fell off the tall pile on Shen Juan’s desk, some hitting the ground and one landing on the empty desk next to his, pages fluttering.
Shen Juan sighed, glancing at Wang Yiyang, “When will you stop making me worry?” Wang Yiyang, bending over to pick up the books from the floor, said, “Dad, I swear—”
Shen Juan picked up the book that had fallen on Lin Yujing’s desk, noticing that the first page didn’t have his name on it.
He paused.
He always wrote his name on his books, not for any particular reason, just a habit of marking his things.
Shen Juan lowered his eyes, flipping through the book that clearly wasn’t his. There were words occasionally scribbled in the margins, the handwriting lazy and familiar.
Shen Juan was stunned, standing there flipping a couple of pages, until a piece of white notebook paper fell out.
He picked up the paper, seeing a hastily written poem, the handwriting messy and rushed. It was Yan Jidao’s “Linchangxian.”
Shen Juan thought Lin Yujing must have copied her top scores from somewhere. Leaving him with such an incoherent poem?
He stared at the paper for a long time, his shoulders suddenly slumping.
The fire inside him kept burning, growing stronger, unable to be expressed, just smoldering.
Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the face of the girl looking at him with red eyes.
“You can allow me to leave for a while, but you will pull me back.”
“You can’t abandon me. You won’t let go.”
Even her eyelashes were vividly clear.
Shen Juan leaned back, collapsing into the chair, tilting his head back, covering his eyes with his hand, and let out a laugh, “I must owe you from a past life.”
Angry, yet helpless. What else could he do? Just wait.
Chapter 64
Huai City No. 1 High School started shortening holidays from the second semester of the second year. Both winter and summer breaks were cut in half, leaving only about ten days for the New Year holiday. By the third year, even those ten days were gone. They only got a break on New Year’s Eve and returned to school by the third day of the new year, making the winter break barely a week long.
During the winter break of their third year, Lin Yujing and Lin Zhi didn’t return to the capital; they spent the New Year in Huai City instead. Just before the New Year, Lin Zhi had undergone surgery to remove her uterus. This surgery had been delayed for almost a year, and Lin Yujing sometimes felt that Lin Zhi completely disregarded her own health, seeming entirely unconcerned about it. However, it was still a significant operation. Lin Zhi stayed in the hospital for over a week before going home after having her stitches removed.
On New Year’s Eve, all the housemaids had been given the holiday off to spend with their families. The cook, a local, knew that they ate dumplings for New Year’s in the north, so she had prepared and frozen a whole refrigerator full of dumplings and kept the cooked dishes in the fridge.
Lin Zhi was usually very busy. Apart from picking Lin Yujing up from school every two weeks without fail, they rarely saw each other and spoke even less. Lin Yujing had assumed she would spend the New Year alone this year.
However, at eleven o’clock, while Lin Yujing was sitting on the sofa watching the New Year’s Gala with a plate of hot dumplings, she heard the sound of someone unlocking the door. Lin Zhi walked in, and they stared at each other for a good ten seconds.
On TV, Cai Ming and Pan Changjiang were performing a plaza dance version of the tango, calling each other affectionate nicknames, breaking the silence in the room. Eventually, Lin Yujing cleared her throat and changed her posture from squatting to sitting. “Mom, happy New Year.”
Lin Zhi quickly lowered her head and changed her shoes. “Mm, happy New Year.”
Thus, the mother and daughter awkwardly and politely spent a New Year that was too complex to describe with words. When the New Year’s Gala ended, and the song “Unforgettable Tonight” played, Lin Zhi turned to look at Lin Yujing until she also turned to look back. Lin Zhi stared at her for a long time, seemingly wanting to say something.
Lin Yujing felt that her mother’s gaze had gone from a stare to a glare, almost piercing her. Finally, Lin Zhi moved her mouth and asked, “How is your exam preparation going?”
“Ah,” Lin Yujing put the empty plate on the coffee table, “it’s okay.” Lin Zhi nodded. “Last time—”
“I was first in the most recent weekly exam,” Lin Yujing quickly said.
The two-person New Year was quiet. On the third day of the new year, Lin Yujing returned to school. She arrived early, and half the class hadn’t shown up yet. As she walked in, she saw the class monitor updating the timetable and flipping several pages on the countdown board at the front of the room.
There were two countdown boards at the front, one for the final exams and one for the college entrance exam.
- Only 110 days left until the college entrance exam.
The bright red characters were impossible to ignore. Lin Yujing stared at the numbers, a bit dazed. Time passed quickly and slowly at the same time; every day felt like a copy of the previous one. Sometimes she felt like Makoto Konno from “The Girl Who Leapt Through Time,” waking up every morning to the same day.
After the New Year, they began the second round of comprehensive reviews, weekly tests, monthly tests, followed by the first and second mock exams. Surrounded by endless piles of exam papers, even her usually daydreaming and lazy deskmate was now focused during self-study sessions. The classroom was silent from morning till night, filled only with the sounds of pens on paper and the occasional rustle of turning pages.
Sometimes, Lin Yujing would take a moment to rest and wonder what Class 10 was like now. Was Li Lin still scoring sixty in math? Those students didn’t like studying much, aiming just to pass. She wondered if they were making an effort in the third year, taking things more seriously. Perhaps Shen Juan would help them?
Shen Juan…
Lin Yujing sighed, thinking that now that she was gone, no one would compete with Shen Juan for the first place scholarship. She looked up again at the countdown board next to the blackboard.
- Only 33 days left until the college entrance exam.
The day before the college entrance exam, the entire Huai City gave third-year students a break to rest and adjust. Lin Yujing visited Yan Heng’s psychology clinic. Lin Yujing’s anxiety had never been severe. She recognized it early and was very cooperative with various treatments and adjustments, understanding that her state wasn’t right.
Initially, it was because she needed to see a doctor. Later, as she gradually got better, she still visited once a month just to chat. Yan Heng was very good at “drawing out” stories from others, making him an excellent listener, and Lin Yujing had always lacked someone to talk to. Growing up, she had no one to talk to; there was no one around her who could play the role of a listener, so she never talked and eventually didn’t know how to. After so many years, she had long been accustomed to it.
When she arrived, Yan Heng was playing with a bird. They were already quite familiar with each other, so Yan Heng just greeted her and continued playing with the bird. The small white bird quietly perched on its cage, with two tufts of yellow feathers on its head, round eyes, and two red cheeks.
Curious, Lin Yujing walked over. “What kind of bird is this?”
“A cockatiel,” Yan Heng said, stroking the bird’s wings with his finger before turning around. “Your exam is tomorrow, right?”
Lin Yujing nodded. “Yes.”
Yan Heng sat down on the sofa. “How do you feel? Nervous?”
Lin Yujing smiled. “Do I look nervous to you?”
“Of course, I think you won’t have any problems with the exam,” Yan Heng laughed. “I’m asking if you’re nervous about seeing your little friend soon.”
“Ah,” Lin Yujing blinked, “I’ve actually thought of 1800 ways to meet him.”
“You young girls really have vivid imaginations,” Yan Heng laughed. “Do you have any particular favorite option?”
“I do,” Lin Yujing replied. Actually, she just wanted to rush to his studio and meet him directly.
“Actually,” Lin Yujing paused and said, “I called him before the New Year this year.”
At that time, she had recovered physically, and with Lin Zhi undergoing surgery, she called Shen Juan on a Sunday evening.
“And then?” Yan Heng asked.
“He didn’t answer. Maybe he was busy. He’s always busy on weekends,” she said, lowering her eyes. After a while, she sighed and pouted slightly, feeling a bit dejected. “Is he angry?”
After a pause, she muttered softly, “Why is he so petty…”
Yan Heng laughed. Lin Yujing looked up at him expressionlessly.
The man laughed so much that he had to cough. “Sorry, I just think that you only seem your actual age when you talk about your little friend.”
“He didn’t answer, and then?” Yan Heng asked.
“I sent him a message,” Lin Yujing turned her head to look out the floor-to-ceiling window. The June sunlight was fierce and blinding, so she squinted her eyes. “If he really ignores me, I will—”
“You will?”
The girl sighed long and deeply. “I don’t know. I’ve never had to coax him. Usually, it’s…”
He coaxed me. He pampered me.
Clearly, he was supposed to have a bad temper, but when he was with her, he seemed infinitely patient, even suppressing his anger, always listening to her.
The school bully didn’t act like a school bully.
Shen Tong, how could you be like this?
Yan Heng started laughing again.
Lin Yujing couldn’t help but look at him. “Mr. Yan, you seem to be in a great mood today.”
“I am. You’ve changed a lot over the past year,” Yan Heng said. “The first time I met you, your state was so bad that it made me want to drag Lin Zhi over here and give her a good scolding.”
Lin Yujing stayed at the clinic for lunch and left after that. As Yan Heng saw her off at the elevator, he said, “You’ll probably go back to City A after the college entrance exam, right? I go back there sometimes too. Maybe we can have a meal together, and you can bring your little friend along.”
Lin Yujing stood in the elevator, pressing the door open button, and turned her head. “This past year, I really…” She bowed low. “I’m not very good at saying thank you, but thank you.”
That June, the cicadas were noisy, and the college entrance exam’s science papers were said to be the hardest since the hell-level difficulty of 2003.
On the day of the exam, June 9th, Lin Yujing returned to Huai City No. 1 High School. Even in such a school, the senior year building was filled with the sound of drums and firecrackers.
In the corridors, some students hugged their books and ran, screaming. Some threw their exam papers out the windows into the playground, and the grade director below shouted angrily, “Hey! Which class are you from!? Didn’t I say not to throw your papers!? Who’s your class teacher!!”
The boy leaned over the corridor railing and boldly shouted back, “Go find our class teacher yourself!”
The grade director stood with hands on hips, looking up, about to speak when another pile of papers floated down, making him laugh angrily.
The classmates had developed some feelings for each other over the past year. They had spent over a year together, seeing each other daily and sharing the most challenging period of senior year.
As soon as Lin Yujing entered the classroom, her soft and cute deskmate hugged her, crying loudly. “I thought I was going to die. Wuwuwu, Whale, did I finally survive? Did I make it through? Hit me. Is this real? Wuwuwu ahhhh.”
Lin Yujing patted her head, amused, then turned around to see the class monitor standing on a desk, holding a thick stack of papers, face contorted with joy, shouting out the window, “Die, Physics!!!”
“…”
Lin Yujing realized that even the class monitor didn’t actually love studying that much.
There were places in the school for recycling old books and papers, so Lin Yujing didn’t take her books. She went back to the dormitory to pack up. She didn’t have many belongings; a suitcase was enough when she arrived, and it was enough when she left.
She packed her desk items, climbed into bed, and retrieved a book from under her pillow. She sat on the bed, looking down at it. The book was a bit worn, its corners frayed from daily use, and someone had carefully taped them with clear tape.
Lin Yujing opened the first page, revealing a name written in black pen, with a Polaroid photo tucked underneath. The white edges of the photo had yellowed slightly. The photo
was taken against a phone screen, showing the phone’s narrow borders. The image was of a boy, looking tired but handsome.
Lin Yujing couldn’t remember how many days and nights she had held on, driven by this photo.
She stood up and walked to the dormitory balcony, standing there for a while. The sky was azure, the tree shadows swayed, and the wind was warm and light. Cheers and cries filled her ears.
Senior year.
She didn’t even know how she had survived the past year and a half, but she had. Nothing was insurmountable.
After the college entrance exam results came out, Lin Yujing spent three days negotiating with Lin Zhi.
Lin Zhi’s intention was simple: she wanted Lin Yujing to apply to B University and return to the capital. Lin Yujing’s refusal was equally clear: she wanted to apply to A University.
Lin Yujing had never asked Shen Juan which school he would attend, but she knew. She always remembered Shen Juan’s words: “I can’t leave. I’ll be here for the rest of my life.” Every time she thought of it, her heart ached.
Shen Juan wouldn’t leave. He would definitely stay in City A. He would attend the best school in City A. City A was also a great place, and A University wasn’t much worse than B University. Lin Yujing was almost unwavering in her decision.
Lin Zhi had a strong desire for control in certain matters, and the two were at a stalemate for three days without any result. This time, Lin Yujing was determined and refused to budge even a bit.
Unable to convince Lin Zhi, Lin Yujing secretly contacted Lin Qingzong. Lin Qingzong, in his late sixties, was healthy and spent his days at home gardening, playing with birds, and playing chess with Lin’s grandmother, hardly concerning himself with worldly matters. He let Lin Zhi do as she pleased.
Lin Yujing hadn’t seen them much growing up and didn’t have deep feelings for them, so Lin Qingzong found it quite surprising when she called.
“You’re much softer than your mother. I always thought you two were the same, stubborn to the end, never coming to me for anything,” Lin Qingzong said leisurely. “I’m old now, and besides your mother, I only have you, my granddaughter. Give me a reason why you won’t come back. Let this old man hear it.”
“Grandpa, you have Grandma with you. You can’t be so selfish as to not let me find a grandson-in-law for you,” Lin Yujing said without hesitation.
Lin Qingzong paused for a moment, then laughed sinisterly. “Chasing after love, huh?” Lin Yujing replied, “Yes.”
“You dare mention that to me,” Lin Qingzong said. “Do you know how many times I fought with your mother over her relationship with that Meng guy?”
Lin Zhi’s relationship with Meng Weiguo was vehemently opposed by her parents. Meng Weiguo came from a poor rural family, his father had never returned after going to the city, and his mother raised him along with an older brother and sister. Lin Qingzong had only two things to say about him: “It’s hard for a poor family to produce noble offspring. And that boy’s shifty eyes, you can’t marry him.”
Lin Zhi’s stubborn personality never changed over the years. She believed Meng Weiguo was the best person she had ever met and was determined to be with him. Lin Qingzong, being strong-willed himself, fought fiercely with her, almost severing their father- daughter relationship.
In the end, as parents, they compromised. Lin Zhi married Meng Weiguo and gave birth to Lin Yujing. Since then, Lin Qingzong no longer interfered with their lives, letting them be.
Lin Yujing had heard her grandmother mention this once when she was young. She paused and said, “Mom’s eyesight was poor. She liked what you disapproved of. She doesn’t like my prospective husband, so I think you’ll definitely like him. Grandpa, I absolutely trust your judgment.”
“…”
Lin Qingzong knew about the recent conflict between Lin Yujing and Lin Zhi. At nearly seventy, he had seen it all, and such matters were minor to him. The children of the Lin family should handle their issues, or they didn’t deserve to carry the Lin name.
Upon hearing Lin Yujing, Lin Qingzong found his granddaughter different from her mother. Her twisted logic and nonsensical arguments seemed reasonable and convincing, making him strangely happy.
He immediately called Lin Zhi. “The child is an adult now. Let her study wherever she wants,” he said, not holding back. “I didn’t interfere when you got married, so why are you trying to control where your daughter goes to college?”
Lin Zhi was silent for a moment.
Lin Zhi finally compromised, hanging up the phone and looking at Lin Yujing. “You’re determined to find that boy, right?”
Lin Yujing said nothing.
Lin Zhi continued, “You will regret it.”
Lin Yujing calmly replied, “Mom, I am not you, and he is not Meng Weiguo.”
In her heart, Lin Yujing added, “I’m not blind. We both have 20/20 vision.”
Lin Zhi said no more. Lin Yujing finally breathed a sigh of relief. But then she started worrying again.
One major reason for Lin Qingzong’s opposition to Meng Weiguo was his poverty. What about Shen Juan? He didn’t have money either…
Author’s Note:
Lin Yujing: What should I do if my family disapproves of my boyfriend because he’s poor?
Shen Juan: ?
Please don’t worry about Little Whale crying by the roadside. She might just be drunk and sprained her ankle.
Shen Juan, why didn’t you answer your phone? Don’t you want your wife anymore?
Chapter 65
After receiving the admission notice, Lin Yujing didn’t immediately return to City A; she went back to the capital city first.
She didn’t take anything with her. Her suitcase was empty except for a book, and inside the book was a photo.
She got a new phone and a new SIM card. She couldn’t remember her old WeChat password, and her account was bound to her old phone number. Lin Yujing created a new WeChat account and thought about searching for Shen Juan’s phone number.
But his WeChat didn’t come up.
Sitting in the airport waiting lounge, Lin Yujing called Shen Juan.
It was strange. She realized they had never actually talked on the phone before, and she hadn’t paid much attention to his number. But somehow, she remembered it.
Lin Yujing attributed this to her excellent memory.
With a score of 721, Lin Yujing, you’ve unknowingly developed a photographic memory.
People were coming and going in the airport. A pretty girl pulling a silver suitcase sat next to her. Lin Yujing moved her suitcase a bit to the side and continued calling.
The phone rang three times before it was answered.
Lin Yujing’s breath caught.
A boy answered the phone with a loud, “Hello, who is this?” It wasn’t Shen Juan’s voice.
Lin Yujing was stunned and didn’t respond right away.
The boy asked again, “Who is this?”
Lin Yujing blinked. “Hello, is this Shen Juan’s phone?”
“Yes, but he’s busy right now. He can’t come to the phone. If it’s urgent, I can pass on a message. If not, call back after six,” the boy said, probably checking the time.
The voice sounded a bit familiar, but Lin Yujing couldn’t place it.
“It’s not urgent,” she said, looking at the electronic clock in the airport. “It’s fine, let him be. Thanks.”
“No problem. Happy to help a girl—” The boy suddenly went silent.
The next second, Lin Yujing heard the boy shout, his voice muffled as if covering the phone to avoid being overheard: “No way! Shen Juan! It’s a girl!”
Lin Yujing couldn’t help but laugh and hung up.
The flight number rolled across the screen at the boarding gate, and the airport announcement came on. Lin Yujing turned off her phone and stood up to board the plane.
In City A, Jiang Han rushed to the workspace holding a phone, eyes wide: “Shen Juan, it’s a girl.”
Shen Juan, wearing black gloves, was busy cutting lines.
The guy chose a flashy spot on his waist, and the design was quite bold—a pair of flaming red lips.
When the guy first brought the design, Jiang Han didn’t want to comment on it. It was straight out of the ’90s. Shen Juan must have thought so too and modified it to lips burning in blue flames, giving it a cold look.
After Jiang Han spoke, the guy lying there turned his head with a playful expression: “Isn’t it normal for a girl to call Boss Shen? If I were a girl, I’d chase him too.”
“It’s not like that, bro. You don’t get it,” Jiang Han laughed. “Our old Shen has renounced worldly desires. No girl knows his number, except—”
He stopped mid-sentence, stunned.
Shen Juan paused, the line-cutting tool still in his hand.
Jiang Han, still holding the phone, hesitated: “Shen Juan, now that I think about it, the voice did sound a bit…”
Shen Juan put down the tool, stood up, and bent one knee. With his black mask on, his voice was muffled and cold: “Does it hurt?”
The guy, sensing the change in atmosphere but not understanding why, answered honestly: “Not really, just a bit numb.”
Shen Juan nodded, pulling off his gloves and throwing them into the trash. He hooked his finger under his mask and pulled it down: “Take a break.”
The guy was puzzled: “Ah… okay.”
Shen Juan took the phone from Jiang Han and walked out, closing the door behind him.
The guy, still confused, turned to Jiang Han: “Did I say it didn’t hurt?”
“It’s not about you,” Jiang Han patted his shoulder, comforting him. “In this story, you’re destined to remain nameless.”
The guy looked bewildered: “Ah…?”
Outside, Shen Juan dialed the number from the call log, stepping into the small courtyard.
The phone rang, but the female voice on the other end was cold: “The phone is off.”
Three beeps later, it went silent.
Shen Juan exhaled, lowering the phone. He took out a cigarette, lit it, and leaned against the door, looking up at the sky.
The small, rundown alley was silent, the exposed sky overcast with clouds, crisscrossed by tangled wires.
The weather wasn’t great today.
The day Luo Qinghe left, the weather wasn’t good either. It was damp and oppressive. Maybe it even rained.
He couldn’t quite remember.
Lin Yujing bought an afternoon flight ticket, and the pretty girl with the suitcase from earlier ended up sitting right next to her.
The girl looked very quiet and sweet, like a delicate little sister. Unexpectedly, she was very helpful. As soon as they got on the plane, she pursed her lips and lifted Lin Yujing’s suitcase, quickly putting it in the overhead compartment.
They chatted a bit. The girl was traveling alone to the capital city. Despite looking young, she turned out to be several years older than Lin Yujing and was studying medicine.
Lin Yujing casually asked, “Being a doctor must be very busy, especially with the tense doctor-patient relationships nowadays.”
The girl blinked her big eyes and looked at her: “I don’t treat the living.” “Huh…?” Lin Yujing asked, “A… forensic doctor?”
The girl nodded: “I deal with the dead.”
Lin Yujing: “…”
The flight was on time, landing at 5:30 PM sharp. Lin Yujing walked out of the airport and immediately saw Cheng Yi waiting for her.
It had only been about two years since they last saw each other, but he was still as cheeky as ever. He held a big sign with a pink heart drawn on it and bright yellow words in the center: “Lin Yujing, Daddy’s Forever Little Girl.”
The color combination was as tacky as it could get.
Lin Yujing rolled her eyes.
Most boys develop late and grow quickly. In the past year or so, Cheng Yi had grown taller. He greeted her with a playful fist bump: “What’s the deal? I went to No. 8 High School to look for you last year, and they said you left early. Didn’t even tell us?”
“It was sudden,” Lin Yujing said with a smile. After a pause, she asked, “Have you seen Shen Juan?”
“Your bigshot desk mate? Yeah, I saw him,” Cheng Yi said. “I didn’t dare to talk to him. He looked so intimidating back then.”
Lin Yujing was taken aback.
“I can’t really describe it, but he just seemed really down,” Cheng Yi said, changing the topic. “Where should I take you, to Grandpa Lin’s place?”
Lin Yujing pressed her lips together and nodded.
She was able to stay in City A thanks to Lin Qingzong. The old man didn’t ask for much, just that she come back for a while during the summer and spend some time with him.
Lin Yujing wasn’t in a hurry at first, considering she had already waited a year and a half. But after Cheng Yi’s words, she felt restless.
She decided to stay for a week and then go back to City A to find Shen Juan.
But Lin Qingzong seemed completely oblivious to her anxiousness. He leisurely spent each day teaching her to play Go, gardening, and walking the dog. Anything but letting her go.
Lin Yujing felt hopeless, gritting her teeth as she listened to the old man teaching the parrot to say one sentence over and over for days: “What’s so good about falling in love! What’s so good about falling in love!”
A week before school started, Lin Yujing gave up struggling. As the parrot kept repeating, “What’s so good about falling in love!” she muttered, “Grandpa, you’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”
The old man laughed heartily, his bright smile making him look ten years younger: “You ungrateful girl. How many times have I seen you since you were little? Why don’t you ever come to see me?”
Grandma Lin shot him a glance: “Who was it back then that refused to acknowledge their little granddaughter?”
Grandma Lin was from Jiangnan. She spoke slowly and gently. Turning to Lin Yujing, she continued: “When you were little, just learning to walk, I knitted a pair of tiny socks for you. When your grandpa saw them, he snatched them away and wouldn’t let me give them to you. That night, I secretly went to check—”
Grandma Lin raised her hand, gesturing: “Such tiny socks, he put them on his fingers and admired them.”
Lin Qingzong’s face turned stern, his ears a bit red: “Nonsense!” Lin Yujing was stunned.
She rarely came back to the old house except for holidays. She hardly saw them, and as a child, she remembered Lin Qingzong always having a stern face, sometimes not even looking at her. To a child, he seemed serious and scary, very distant.
Lin Yujing always thought Lin Qingzong didn’t like her. Growing up, she rarely contacted him.
“Your grandpa, he’s always been like this, never admitting his mistakes or showing his feelings,” Grandma Lin continued. “When he was young, he was poor. My family was well-off. When we dated, he wanted to break up, saying he didn’t like me anymore, making me chase after him.”
“I didn’t want you to suffer with me,” Grandpa Lin said, a bit helpless, scratching his nose. “Ah, the past. Why bring it up again?”
Grandma Lin rolled her eyes: “I’ve always held a grudge. You were terrible.” Lin Yujing: “…”
Watching her nearly seventy-year-old grandparents flirt and bicker in front of her, she couldn’t tell if it was moral decay or human nature’s demise.
Leaning back on the sofa, Lin Yujing watched them talk about old grievances and complaints, her lips unconsciously curving into a smile.
In the first two days back in City A, Lin Qingzong called Lin Yujing into his study to talk a lot.
The old man stood by the bookshelf, his slightly hunched figure still showing a hint of his younger self’s vigor: “Your mother is like me, too stubborn, strong-willed, and extreme. She inherited all my bad traits.”
“But she wasn’t as lucky as I was. I met your grandma. Your grandma came from a well- off family, pampered and inexperienced. Yet she ran off to the north to find me. Back then, there were no phones, nothing. She wasn’t afraid and just came. I thought then that I had to treat her well for life and listen to her.”
“With your grandma guiding me, I didn’t stray too far. But your mother didn’t have that. She never met the right person.”
“No one guided her, told her what’s good or bad, so she kept making mistakes. She wronged you. And I, I said I wouldn’t interfere, so I didn’t. I waited for her to soften up, but for years I watched you coldly, wronging you too.”
Lin Yujing looked down, her feelings mixed: “I don’t blame you.”
“You’re not much like us, more like your grandma. You’re tough but gentle, a little girl with strong opinions,” Lin Qingzong said, looking at her with a sigh. “Do what you want, don’t be afraid, don’t hide. We Lin family, even if we have nothing, we always move forward with this spirit.”
On the day of freshman registration, Lin Yujing returned to City A, taking a morning flight.
She arrived in City A around noon, had a bowl of noodles at the airport, and then sat in the noodle shop to figure out the subway route to A University.
There was indeed a subway that could take her directly to the entrance of A University, which would take about two hours. Lin Yujing sighed, dragged her large suitcase, and struggled onto the crowded subway. It was the start of the school year, and both the airport and subway were packed. The outside was so hot it felt suffocating, but the air conditioning inside the subway gave her goosebumps.
Two hours later, she emerged from the subway station and saw a group of seniors in volunteer T-shirts holding a large foam board with hand-drawn letters that read, “Welcome to A University [Confetti] [Confetti].” The drawing skills were on par with Li Lin’s amateur blackboard art.
As soon as she came out, two boys nearby brightened up, nudging each other and running over, “Hello, are you a freshman?”
The girl holding the sign nearby rolled her eyes, “Typical.”
“Ah,” Lin Yujing replied, pulling her suitcase down the subway steps, “Yes.”
The senior was enthusiastic, immediately taking her luggage and leading her to the school while chatting, “You don’t sound local.”
Lin Yujing wondered how he could discern her accent from just the two syllables “Ah” and “Yes,” marveling at his perceptiveness. She nodded, “I’m from the capital.”
The senior was surprised, “You came all the way to A University? I heard B University’s cut-off scores weren’t much higher than here this year.”
Honestly, the senior was quite good-looking, but compared to Shen Juan, Lin Yujing now thought all other boys looked like potatoes. Moreover, this potato seemed to have an agenda, and Lin Yujing didn’t feel like continuing the conversation. She bluntly said, “My boyfriend is here.”
The senior was taken aback, “…Oh.” He was visibly disappointed but still responsibly guided her to the registration area, explained the next steps, and then walked away dejectedly.
A University’s registration lasted for two days, yesterday and today. Shen Juan was a local of City A, so he likely wouldn’t have come yesterday, which is why Lin Yujing came today.
After observing the interactions between Grandpa Lin and Grandma Lin and having a conversation with Grandpa Lin, Lin Yujing suddenly felt a mysterious sense of destiny.
When Grandpa Lin and Grandma Lin broke up, Grandma Lin resolutely moved to the capital. They had no phones, no way to contact each other, and he didn’t even know she had moved. But she still found him in the vast capital. So, finding someone in the small campus of A University seemed like a trivial task.
After lining up to register, Lin Yujing took her luggage to her dormitory, which had four beds with desks underneath. The other three roommates had already arrived. Her bed was on the left side near the balcony. After a brief introduction and without unpacking, she left the dormitory. She was eager to bump into her boyfriend on this small campus.
An hour later, Lin Yujing, who scored 721 on the college entrance exam and ranked fourth in the province, squatted under a tree, genuinely questioning if her brain had turned to mush. Or maybe all her intelligence had left with the exam papers. She didn’t know what gave her the confidence to think she could run into her boyfriend, whom she hadn’t seen in a year and a half, in the crowd of freshmen and volunteers on this small campus.
Lin Yujing gave up and decided to rely on science instead of fate. She took out her phone and called Shen Juan. Having failed to reach him on previous calls, she dialed the number smoothly and naturally, thinking about the unbearable heat until the call connected after two rings.
She paused.
No one spoke on the other end.
The surroundings were noisy with students passing by and the sound of luggage wheels rolling on the pavement. After a few seconds, Shen Juan’s deep and calm voice came through, “Lin Yujing.”
Ah.
It’s me.
Long time no see.
Lin Yujing held the phone and looked up. The sunlight filtered through the tree branches, casting shadows on the ground, and the wind made it look like shimmering water. The voice was so familiar, piercing through a year and eight months, that she couldn’t even react before tears started streaming down her face.
Lin Yujing didn’t know why she was crying. She didn’t cry the last time she saw him before leaving. She didn’t cry through sleepless nights, nausea, and significant weight loss from stress. She didn’t cry even when the pressure of the college entrance exam countdown made her roommates tear up. She didn’t feel like crying at all before hearing his voice. She was always the cool and rational Lin Yujing.
But now, she couldn’t control it. It was like something that had been supporting her collapsed the moment he called her name. She couldn’t stop the tears.
“Shen Juan,” Lin Yujing squatted under the tree, lowered her head, resting it on her knees, and cried, “I can’t find you. Why aren’t you here to pick me up?”