Daydreaming about Me

Daydreaming of Me – Chapters 51 – 55

Chapter 51

Shen Juan was six years old when he first met Luo Qinghe. That year, he had just started primary school.

Luo Qinghe had returned from Hong Kong that day, and it was the first time Shen Juan heard his mother mention this uncle of his. Apparently, when Luo Qinghe was a teenager, he was rebellious and pursued interests that his family did not support. After a huge argument, he packed his bags and left for Hong Kong the next day, and he was gone for ten years.

Young Shen Juan was quite surprised when he first saw Luo Qinghe. The brief and rebellious life story he had heard didn’t seem to match Luo Qinghe’s appearance and temperament. This uncle, much like his name, was a gentle man who exuded a sense of springtime warmth.

In fact, this was true. From a young age, Shen Juan had always been indifferent. While other children were busy playing, he showed little interest in their activities. He was particularly fond of playing with slingshots and would retreat to his room to tinker with them every day after school.

Despite this, other children still liked to follow him around, often inviting him to play outside. However, Shen Juan found them childish and refused to interact with them. This behavior worried Shen Juan’s parents. Compared to other children, their son didn’t seem cheerful at all. He even appeared a bit reclusive, causing his parents much distress. They wondered if they had chosen the wrong name for him.

They regretted naming him “Juan” (which means “tired” or “weary” in Chinese), thinking it might have negatively influenced his personality. Shen Juan’s mother once tried to change his name to something more positive, like Shen Huo (meaning “lively”) or Shen Kuo (meaning “cheerful”). Although these names sounded somewhat unpleasant, their good meaning made it worthwhile if it could help him become more active and play with other children.

However, even at that young age, Shen Juan had a strong sense of his own identity and refused to change his name. His mother had no choice but to keep calling him by his original name.

This situation improved after Luo Qinghe returned. Luo Qinghe moved back into the old family house, buying the adjacent property with the money he had saved over the years.

Finally, he set up a studio.

Little Shen Juan finally learned what Luo Qinghe did—he painted on people, and the kind that couldn’t be washed off.

Shen Juan found it hard to understand his uncle. If he liked painting, why not do it on paper? He could even paint on walls. Why paint on people, where it can’t be erased? What if they didn’t like it anymore? What if it was a mistake? What if they regretted it? There was no eraser to fix it.

Although he didn’t quite understand, it was a novel thing. New and interesting things tend to attract a child’s attention. Besides, Shen Juan’s parents were very busy with work, and Shen Juan was young. Before Luo Qinghe returned, the family had hired several nannies to take care of him. Now that Luo Qinghe was back, little Shen Juan spent all his time with him.

Luo Qinghe took him to and from school, took care of his meals and clothing, taught him to paint, and shared life lessons and interesting stories from his years away. He was a very gentle and meticulous person. During the formative years when Shen Juan’s worldview was taking shape, he spent much more time with his uncle than with his parents. Many of his habits and ways of dealing with people were subtly influenced by Luo Qinghe.

One day, Luo Qinghe brought home a child. The child looked about the same age as Shen Juan, thin and small, dirty all over, with bruises and scars on his exposed skin, looking shocking.

Frowning, Shen Juan went inside to get a first aid kit and then fetched a cup of warm water from the kitchen. Luo Qinghe, focused and gentle, treated the child’s wounds: “Your name is Nie Xinghe, right?”

The child sniffed and answered softly, “Mm-hmm.”

“See, our names are quite similar,” Luo Qinghe said with a smile, “We must be fated to meet.”

…

Fated, my foot.

In the late autumn dusk, the corridor of the school building was cold and damp, always shaded from sunlight.

Shen Juan hit hard and showed no signs of stopping. Lin Yujing quickly snapped back to reality and called out to him. He didn’t seem to hear, grabbing Ning Yuan by the collar and landing another punch. Blood seeped from Ning Yuan’s fingers, dripping onto his school jacket.

Lin Yujing called out again, urgently, “Shen Juan!”

Shen Juan finally paused, not looking back, still with eyes downcast. Lin Yujing walked over, tugging his wrist and speaking softly, “There are surveillance cameras in the school. Do you want to be suspended for another year?”

Shen Juan let go. The three now stood together. Lin Yujing couldn’t help but glance at the camera’s location, then moved to a blind spot and kicked Ning Yuan in a sensitive area.

She held back a bit, but Ning Yuan still groaned and staggered back, sliding down the wall. Lin Yujing lowered her head, “Ning, let’s get our stories straight. Today you blocked me at the girls’ bathroom door, verbally harassed, and mentally attacked me. Shen Juan happened to pass by and helped. Got it?”

Ning Yuan, pale and incredulous, looked at her, cold sweat running down his temples, unable to speak.

Lin Yujing continued, “Your silence means you agree. We’ll pretend nothing happened. Even if you disagree, you have to agree because I can turn black into white and white into black. You definitely can’t out-argue me, and in the end, you’ll be the one suffering. Understand?”

Ning Yuan, leaning against the wall, looked up at her: “You’re really firm. Do you like him that much?”

Lin Yujing’s grip on Shen Juan’s wrist tightened.

Ning Yuan forced a smile, “Seems like it’s not entirely unshakable.”

Lin Yujing didn’t want to hear more, pulling Shen Juan away. Outside, the playground was almost empty, except for a few boys playing basketball in the distance. She led him to the other side of the basketball hoop.

Shen Juan remained silent, letting her lead him. When she stopped, he stopped. Lin Yujing looked up at him, feeling an inexplicable anger, “Didn’t you have enough with one year of suspension? Want to make it two and become my junior again next year?”

Shen Juan was silent for a while before he spoke, hoarsely, “I’m sorry.”

Lin Yujing glared at him. She didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t thought much at the time; Shen Juan’s reaction was too out of control, and she couldn’t let him stay there.

Lin Yujing had rarely seen Shen Juan like this, the last time being when he ran into his former deskmate on the street. Even then, she had trouble controlling herself.

All those things the other person said about liking someone and never waking up again— no matter how much she didn’t want to be affected, it was clear Ning Yuan’s words held some truth. Shen Juan’s reaction made that evident.

Ning Yuan seemed to know Shen Juan well, his words cutting like knives, each one hitting a vital spot.

Lin Yujing suddenly felt a bit lost. Was this his past, or the part of him he didn’t want anyone to find out about? She didn’t even have the standing to be shaken or influenced by it.

Neither of them spoke. After a few minutes of silence, Shen Juan sighed and leaned against the basketball hoop, “Do you have any problems—”

The bell rang, cutting off his words. Within a minute or two, students began streaming out of the school building, quickly filling half the playground.

Shen Juan didn’t speak again. They both silently went into the school building. As they reached the staircase, Lin Yujing glanced towards the restroom; Ning Yuan was gone.

The last class meeting was dominated by Wang Konglong and the math teacher, each taking half the period to discuss a recent test paper. Wang Konglong spoke quickly, covering dense topics. Lin Yujing focused on the lesson and didn’t speak to Shen Juan. It was a bit difficult to concentrate after what had just happened.

When the bell rang again, Wang Konglong kept the class a few extra minutes to finish the paper, passionately reminding them that final exams were just around the corner.

Despite their contrasting personalities, both Wang Konglong and Liu Fujiang were passionate about the students’ academic performance, firmly believing that the next exam would be the start of their hard work and success.

As Wang Konglong finally left, Lin Yujing’s phone rang. She answered to hear Fu Mingxiu’s impatient voice: “Have you finished school yet?”

His voice was loud enough that Shen Juan turned his head slightly. “Yes, I’m done. What do you need?” Lin Yujing asked.

“I’m at the old spot near your school. I want to see you in five minutes,” Fu Mingxiu said.

Lin Yujing paused as she was packing her physics book. “What? I need to go back to the dorm to get my luggage.”

Fu Mingxiu hung up.

Lin Yujing: “…”

Does this person even understand manners? Hanging up just like that?

She checked the time, folded the assignment sheets she’d been given, put them in her bag, and walked out of the classroom.

Shen Juan watched her silently.

He had heard the voice on the phone, though not clearly. If it were any other time, he would have asked. Not probably—he definitely would have asked.

At the classroom door, Lin Yujing paused and turned back, looking at him uneasily. “Are you going straight home later?”

Shen Juan, still seated, replied, “Mm.”

“You won’t go looking for Ning Yuan again, right?” she asked, confirming once more.

“Mm,” Shen Juan answered, his voice still a bit hoarse and eyes looking weary. “I’ll listen to you.”

Lin Yujing disliked having the car picking her up park right at the school gate. Fu Mingxiu, who had driven her a couple of times before, knew about this quirk and respected it.

Fifteen minutes later, Lin Yujing got into the car with her suitcase. Fu Mingxiu, looking impatient in the driver’s seat, glanced at her: “If you were a minute later, I would’ve left.”

Lin Yujing calmly replied, “There’s a subway nearby. It’s just a ten-minute walk.”

“…”

Fu Mingxiu pointed at her: “Don’t say another word, or I might really leave you behind.”

Lin Yujing obediently leaned back in her seat, quietly looking out the window, saying no more.

Along the way, Fu Mingxiu glanced at her several times through the rearview mirror.

Today, she seemed a bit down. As he drove onto a bridge, he asked casually, “Did someone dump you?”

Lin Yujing blinked, turning her head: “Huh?”

“You look like you got dumped,” Fu Mingxiu teased. “What’s wrong? The guy you like likes someone else?”

“…”

A heavy weight seemed to crash down on Lin Yujing, almost making her cough up blood. She glared at him for half a minute until her eyes hurt, then sighed.

Fu Mingxiu was genuinely surprised by her reaction: “Really got dumped?”

“Control that gloating smile of yours. It’s reaching your ears,” Lin Yujing said wearily.

“I just didn’t expect you to actually get dumped,” Fu Mingxiu continued teasing. “Too bad I didn’t see it myself. Next time something like this happens, give me a heads up.”

“Firstly, I didn’t get dumped. I don’t even have a boyfriend and don’t plan on dating,” Lin Yujing said.

Fu Mingxiu waited a few seconds, not hearing more: “And secondly?”

“There is no secondly. I haven’t thought of one,” Lin Yujing rested her head against the window, then suddenly said, “Brother.”

Fu Mingxiu’s hand twitched on the steering wheel, glancing at her warily: “What are you up to now?”

“… What do you mean ‘up to’? ”

Fu Mingxiu replied, “Every time you call me that, it’s never for anything good.”

“…” Lin Yujing decided not to argue, pausing before asking hesitantly, “Is a guy’s—like a first love—something they can never forget?”

“It’s not that absolute. No feeling lasts forever. When they meet someone more suitable, they move on,” Fu Mingxiu said. “And it depends on why that first love became unforgettable.”

“What if that first love ended up in a hospital, never to wake up again?” Lin Yujing asked tentatively.

Fu Mingxiu was silent for a few seconds before sincerely asking, “If they’ll never wake up, are they dead or not?”

“How would I know,” Lin Yujing sighed again.

Fu Mingxiu glanced at her again: “If it’s that kind of first love, I suggest you give up. They’ll never forget it.”

Lin Yujing leaned her head against the window, saying nothing. —

Fu Mingxiu drove faster than Old Li. When they arrived home, Guan Xiangmei and Meng Weiguo were both there. Lin Yujing changed her clothes and came downstairs for dinner.

Guan Xiangmei, as usual, chatted enthusiastically with her. Lin Yujing kept her responses short, feeling uninterested. They finished dinner peacefully, and she went back upstairs.

Eighth High’s weekend homework wasn’t too much or too little. She checked the time and took out her assignments, starting with the easiest for her: English. Without any listening tasks, it took less than an hour to finish the essay.

Then she took out her physics homework, reading the questions while tapping her chin with the pen cap.

It must be a girl.

There had been rumors at school that Shen Juan had beaten up his former deskmate half to death. When Lin Yujing saw him on the street, he didn’t seem to be missing any limbs.

Rumors are unreliable. You can’t take what others say at face value. Especially when it’s about someone so detestable.

Lin Yujing recalled the phrase “I’ll listen to you” from a few hours ago, said softly with a slightly softened tone.

She slapped her pen down on the desk, glanced at the half-finished physics paper, then at the time. Eight o’clock. Not too late.

She pushed back from her desk, grabbed her phone and keys, and went downstairs. The living room was empty, and the kitchen light was on, likely Aunt Zhang tidying up. Lin Yujing quietly slipped out, hugging the wall.

This wasn’t her first time sneaking out. Her body moved on autopilot as she headed to 7- 11, bought two packs of beer and some snacks, and walked to Shen Juan’s studio.

She forgot to call or text him, carrying the heavy bag like a sleepwalker until she reached the studio’s door. It was dark inside, no lights on. She paused, suddenly unsure.

What if he wasn’t home? But didn’t he live here?

Hesitating, she reached out and pushed the black iron gate lightly. It wasn’t locked and opened.

The small yard was quiet, with no lights on. The curtains were drawn, and it was pitch black inside. She walked to the door and pushed it open. This door was also unlocked.

If Shen Juan really wasn’t home, he must be pretty careless. The place would be cleaned out by the time he got back.

As soon as she stepped inside, she was almost overwhelmed by the thick smell of cigarette smoke. The dim moonlight revealed a room filled with smoke, giving the illusion of a misty fairyland.

She turned on the lights, scanned the room, and saw Shen Juan sitting on the floor, leaning against the sofa, smoking. Adjusting to the sudden brightness, he squinted at her.

The coffee table was cluttered with cigarette butts in a stylish concrete ashtray and several empty beer bottles.

A typical scene from a TV drama about a disheartened youth.

Lin Yujing almost felt like writing a slogan: “Can anyone tell me what song loneliness is singing?”

In Martian script, no less.

Standing at the door, letting the smoke out for a moment, Shen Juan finally adjusted to the light and looked at her, clearly surprised.

Lin Yujing put the bag on the coffee table, walked over, and looked down at him. “Why are you pretending to be so despondent?”

Shen Juan snapped out of it and stubbed out his cigarette. “Why are you…” His voice was hoarse, and he stopped mid-sentence.

Lin Yujing handed him a bottle of mineral water from the bag. He took it, opened it, and drank half the bottle in one go before clearing his throat. “Why did you come?”

Lin Yujing squatted in front of him, counting the empty beer bottles beside him. “Are you still sober?”

“Yeah, I’m sober.”

Lin Yujing clapped her hands. “Impressive, Shen.”

Shen Juan lowered his head, smirking, and then laughed. Leaning back, he looked at her again. “Why did you come?”

Lin Yujing pressed her lips together. “I thought about it and still have questions to ask you.”

Shen Juan stared at her, not speaking.

Suddenly feeling uncertain, Lin Yujing said, “I just didn’t feel right about it, so I came over. But if you don’t want to talk…”

“I do,” Shen Juan interrupted. “I want to. What do you want to know? I’ll tell you everything.”

Lin Yujing blinked, hesitated for a few seconds, and replied dryly, “Well—”

Suddenly, Shen Juan sat up and leaned in, pulling her into his arms. She stumbled, falling against him.

She froze, her words cut off. Shen Juan’s arm wrapped around her waist, the other hand on her head, his face buried in her neck. His breathing was slightly heavy and warm against her skin.

Lin Yujing let him hold her. After a few seconds, she moved her arm slightly.

Thinking she was trying to push him away, Shen Juan tightened his grip, pulling her closer until there was no space between them. She could feel his unusually high body temperature through his clothes.

Resting her chin on his shoulder, Lin Yujing called softly, “Shen Juan…”

“Let me hold you for a while, okay?” Shen Juan’s voice was hoarse. “Just for a while.” Chapter 52

What is it like to hug someone of the opposite sex for the first time?

It feels a bit uncomfortable.

Lin Yujing squatted in front of Shen Juan. He reached out and hugged her, and she fell forward, her whole weight pressing against him, barely maintaining her balance. To be honest, it wasn’t particularly comfortable.

But he wouldn’t let her move.

Shen Juan didn’t let go of her until Lin Yujing felt her leg cramp up.

Lin Yujing hesitated for a moment before speaking, “Shen Juan.”

Shen Juan’s head was buried in her neck, gently moving.

Lin Yujing felt a tingle shoot through her.

Did he just nuzzle her?

Did he?

Did he really?

Lin Yujing felt she couldn’t take it anymore and cleared her throat, “Are you done hugging?”

Shen Juan chuckled softly, “I thought you weren’t going to ask.”

“…If I didn’t ask, you’d keep hugging me?”

“Yes,” Shen Juan released her, leaned back, “If you didn’t ask, I’d keep hugging you. After all, the opportunity only comes once.”

Lin Yujing didn’t know what to say. Her foot had gone numb, and she sat down on the floor.

Shen Juan reached for a pillow on the sofa and tossed it to her, “The floor is cold.”

She caught it and placed it under her, curling her legs and discreetly massaging her ankle. Shen Juan noticed her small movements, “What’s wrong?”

“Your hugging posture was really creative,” Lin Yujing rolled her eyes, “My foot went numb.”

Shen Juan paused, then laughed while lounging there, “Want me to rub it for you?”

Lin Yujing retracted her foot and quickly refused, “No thanks, I’ll just rest.”

“Alright, take your time,” Shen Juan ran a hand through his hair. He smelled strongly of cigarettes and alcohol, not very pleasant. He bent his long legs, pushing off the floor to stand up, “I’m going to take a shower, wait for me.”

“…”

Maybe because their relationship as desk mates was no longer so pure, his words made Lin Yujing momentarily think otherwise.

Shen Juan went into the bedroom, and a few minutes later, the sound of water running came from inside.

The cold autumn wind blew in, airing out the smoke in the room. Lin Yujing waited a while until the numbness in her foot subsided. She got up and began to clean up the cigarette butts and empty bottles, putting them into a plastic bag and leaving it by the door before closing it.

After taking out the trash, there were still things scattered messily on the sofa. She sighed and bent down to tidy up.

As she cleaned, she couldn’t help but praise herself.

Lin Yujing, you are so considerate.

Shen Juan must have saved the universe in his past life to meet such a good…desk mate. She stacked the untouched bottles of alcohol together and turned to see a thin photo album lying nearby.

Lin Yujing paused, her gaze falling on the open page.

Shen Juan didn’t seem like someone who liked taking photos to reminisce. This album probably wasn’t his. The open page had two photos: one of a group of children, likely taken during a fall outing. Each child wore a little yellow straw hat, and the teacher at the back held a sign saying “Grade 1, Class 2.”

Lin Yujing immediately spotted young Shen Juan, the cutest one, standing at the edge of the front row, holding a small slingshot, surprisingly short.

The second photo was a two-person shot, with Shen Juan still in his fall outing clothes and yellow hat. Beside him squatted a man who looked handsome and gentle.

In the corner of the photo was a line of text: Shen Juan’s First Fall Outing.

Six-year-old Shen Juan still had baby fat, with dark eyes that were rounder than they were now, though his eye tails were always tilted up.

He pressed his red lips together, looking expressionless and world-weary, his tender face showing clear signs of boredom.

Lin Yujing stared at the photo for a moment, then suddenly realized something.

Shen Juan was in the first grade, six years old.

Her mental arithmetic was quick, and the photo had the date on it. Just a glance, and she naturally figured it out without really thinking about it.

She remembered Shen Juan previously calling her a little girl, saying he was two years older than her.

With a year off school, she thought he started school at seven, a year later than her, making him exactly two years older. But no, he also started school at six.

Ten minutes later, Shen Juan came out of the bedroom. He had changed clothes, his hair half-dry, with a towel still on his head.

The room was brightly lit, and Lin Yujing sat cross-legged on the sofa, staring at him. Shen Juan, feeling a bit uneasy under her gaze, paused while rubbing his hair with the towel, “What’s wrong?”

Lin Yujing said in a low voice, “You are truly a mysterious classmate, Shen.”

Shen Juan: “…”

The mysterious classmate looked puzzled, said nothing, and pulled up a chair to sit down. Lin Yujing had already cleaned up the room, the bottles neatly lined up by the wall, the ashtray clean, and the sofa cushions arranged tidily.

Shen Juan’s gaze paused on the photo album on the coffee table.

Lin Yujing had brought alcohol, fearing she wouldn’t be able to ask or the atmosphere would be awkward. She was not good at probing others’ secrets and didn’t like meddling. Everyone had things they didn’t want to talk about.

But she couldn’t let go of Shen Juan’s white moonlight.

It wasn’t because of some foolish notion that the person he liked couldn’t wake up. Lin Yujing didn’t care about that. It was more about the person he liked.

Both sat quietly for a while, one on the sofa, the other on a chair.

Lin Yujing pulled over the bag of snacks she had bought, “Did you have dinner?”

Shen Juan draped the damp towel on the chair and ruffled his semi-dry hair, “I did.”

He seemed back to his usual lazy and indifferent self, with no sign of the earlier desperate need for a hug. Lin Yujing wondered if she should commend him for his rapid recovery. She looked up at the bright overhead light, “Should we turn off the light? Maybe just leave the floor lamp on, dim the room a bit.”

Shen Juan paused, fingers still in his hair, then looked up at her, suddenly smiling, “Turn off the light? I’m not drunk, and I’m not that kind of person.”

Lin Yujing: “…”

“But if you’re really insistent, I can go along with it,” Shen Juan said.

“Shen Juan, for the hundredth time, be a decent person,” Lin Yujing said, “I just want to create a storytelling atmosphere.”

Shen Juan lowered his head, chuckled, and stood up to turn off the overhead light.

The room instantly fell into dimness. Lin Yujing saw his shadow move, coming over to the sofa and then standing in front of her.

He leaned down, supporting himself on the back of the sofa, lowering his head closer to her.

Lin Yujing: …?

She sat on the sofa while he stood in front of her, his arm bracing against the sofa near her ear, very close. The tips of his half-damp hair brushed against her, carrying the fresh scent of his recent shower.

In her panic, Lin Yujing asked a very silly question, “What are you going to do?”

Don’t come any closer!!

If you come any closer, I’m going to scream!!

After she spoke, she nearly bit her own tongue, feeling like a complete idiot.

Shen Juan, with a low voice and gentle breath enveloping her, tilted his head, his nose brushing past her cheek, “I want to…”

In the darkness, every touch and sound became more sensitive. Lin Yujing felt his other hand reach past her waist, probing downward along the back of the sofa, the sound of fabric rustling softly.

Under the influence of alcohol, his palm felt slightly warmer than usual.

Me?

Really?

Did I underestimate your shamelessness?

Lin Yujing was struck dumb, her entire body stiffening.

Just as she thought she might push him off the next second, Shen Juan withdrew his hand, his knuckles brushing her waist as he pulled something from behind her. At the same time, the dim light from the floor lamp flickered on.

Shen Juan straightened up, holding a small remote control in his hand, looking down at her with raised eyebrows, “Just grabbing the remote.”

Lin Yujing: …

“What did you think I was going to do?” He sat back in the chair, laughing, “Your ears are red again.”

“…”

Lin Yujing wondered if other rascals also had this skill of making grabbing a remote seem like something more suggestive. She hadn’t encountered another one like him who could make any teasing gesture seem trivial by comparison.

No matter how flirtatious anyone else might be, they paled in comparison to Shen Juan. The top student’s skill set was just too comprehensive.

Shen Juan, satisfied with his teasing, leaned back in the chair, stretching his long legs and resting his arms on the armrests, “What do you want to hear?”

He suddenly got to the point, and Lin Yujing paused, “Ah, I don’t know where to start…” She was unsure if directly asking would be too sensitive, but the questions she had in mind all seemed rather direct.

Steeling herself, she asked bluntly, “That ‘white moonlight’ of yours, I mean, the last person you liked, was it a man or a woman?”

“A man,” Shen Juan looked at her with a strange expression, “But not in the way you’re thinking.”

Lin Yujing felt a moment of guilt, “What way am I thinking…”

“It was my uncle,” Shen Juan said.

Lin Yujing was taken aback, remembering Ning Yuan’s words, “Because…” She couldn’t finish her sentence.

“Yes,” Shen Juan knew what she wanted to ask, paused for a few seconds, “because of me.”

“When I was little, my parents were busy with work. When I was six, my uncle came back from Hong Kong. He practically raised me by hand. This studio,” he tapped the armrest lightly, “was his.”

“He taught me how to draw,” he looked up, “The first drawing you asked me about when you first came was my first one, from when I was a kid.”

“I actually think your drawing is quite good, kind of like Doraemon,” Lin Yujing quickly said.

Shen Juan smiled, playing with the remote, “My uncle was a good man. Back then, a kid next door was often beaten by his dad. He’d come here for help, and my uncle would tend to his injuries and teach him how to tattoo. He took him as an apprentice and sponsored his schooling because his family couldn’t afford it.”

“That kid’s name was Nie Xinghe, the one you saw on the street before.”

“I don’t remember how old I was then, but ever since then, we were always in the same class, went to the same school, and came back to the studio together.”

“But even then, I didn’t quite like him. We were young, and I couldn’t explain why. But I didn’t hate him because my uncle liked him. Their names were similar, both had ‘he’ in them, and they even sounded alike.”

“My uncle didn’t have a girlfriend. He didn’t plan to date, marry, or have kids. He wanted to leave this studio to me, but I… When the shooting team from the sports school came to our middle school, I agreed to join.”

Shen Juan tilted his head, his gaze falling on the black dartboard on the wall, “I had an interest and a bit of talent for these things since I was young.”

Lin Yujing didn’t speak, thinking he was being modest by calling it “a bit of talent.”

“He probably wasn’t happy, but he didn’t say anything. He told me to do whatever I wanted. I stayed at the sports school for a year, which required boarding, so I didn’t come back much. He spent every day with Nie Xinghe.”

“Later, things just got worse. Nie Xinghe is a madman.”

“He was abused by his father since he was a child, which left him mentally unstable, although he hid it well.”

“But this kind of instability is contagious. He couldn’t be normal himself and didn’t want others to be either. When I left, he had no more scruples and could do whatever he wanted.”

Lin Yujing felt a chill. Suddenly, she didn’t want to hear anymore.

Didn’t want to, or didn’t dare to.

“When I came back and realized it, my uncle was already not right. He began to be anxious and world-weary. I later learned that he had a history of depression when he was in Hong Kong and had seen a psychologist for a while.”

Shen Juan almost never thought in that direction. Such a gentle and delicate person—was his mind also fragile?

“I didn’t know, but Nie Xinghe did. He brought out all of my uncle’s extreme sides. I knew nothing; I thought he was just… keeping my uncle company for me.”

“My mom later found a psychologist for my uncle, and he went a few times.”

“Then, I don’t know what Nie Xinghe said to him, but he refused to go anymore unless I came back.”

“He wanted me back, to stay with him here. He didn’t want me to go back to the sports school. So I coaxed him to see the doctor while continuing my training. This went on for a year, and then the provincial team coach came to find me.”

“I…” Shen Juan closed his eyes briefly, “I couldn’t refuse.”

“We kept it a secret from him, but he found out anyway. He didn’t agree; he thought I had been lying to him, that I betrayed him. He probably saw me as… his hope or the continuation of his dreams or something.”

“The day before I joined the provincial team, he came to find me and wanted to take me back. I didn’t agree,” Shen Juan lowered his eyes, “and when I returned, he had committed suicide.”

Lin Yujing’s mind went blank for a few seconds, a chill climbing up her spine, “What…?” “He committed suicide,” Shen Juan repeated calmly, “so I couldn’t leave. I would be stuck here for life.”

“Shen Juan…” Lin Yujing heard her own voice trembling, unsure if it was because of what he said or the calm, almost silent way he said it.

“He didn’t succeed and has been in a coma since then,” Shen Juan continued, “I came back, went back to school, and it took me a long time to realize what role Nie Xinghe played in all this. He was very proud of himself; he couldn’t hide it.”

Nie Xinghe had all the qualities to make people believe him: weak, gentle, shy, harmless. Shen Juan later confronted him, asking why he did it.

Nie Xinghe said he was jealous.

To make Luo Qinghe happy, he did everything right. He was born into a dysfunctional family, and Luo Qinghe was the first person to make him feel warmth.

When Luo Qinghe was sick, Nie Xinghe took care of him. He was always the first to notice Luo Qinghe’s joy and sorrow.

He poured all the love he had for his father and family into Luo Qinghe. He even thought Luo Qinghe was his father and that they were supposed to be the closest people in the world.

But Luo Qinghe’s heart was always with Shen Juan. He left everything he had to Shen Juan, even though Shen Juan didn’t appear for months, even though Shen Juan wouldn’t want the studio. Luo Qinghe still wanted to leave it to him.

“I was right beside him, but he couldn’t see me. He betrayed me. He treated me well and then discarded me.”

“I wanted him to feel what it was like to be betrayed by the person he loved the most. It’s okay if he can’t wake up now; I’ll take care of him forever. At least he can’t see you anymore.”

In the dark alley, the slender boy was pinned against the wall, smiling softly, “Shen Juan, do you regret it? This is all your doing, all because of you.”

The author has something to say:

Sweet romance writer Xijian is here!

Juanbao: I’m the one who shoots the best among all male leads, why don’t you let me shoot? (What?)

Chapter 53

Lin Yujing had read several books and watched related movies on this subject before.

There are many examples of antisocial personality disorder portrayed as villains in movies and books, such as Moriarty in “Sherlock Holmes” and the infamous Dr. Hannibal from “The Silence of the Lambs.”

These individuals have twisted emotions and act purely based on desires and instincts. They lack empathy, guilt, and awareness of their own personality defects. These traits typically start before the age of 14, showing early signs in childhood, influenced by genetics and family environment.

They exhibit high impulsivity and aggression, and are adept at manipulating others’ emotions through lies and deceit to achieve satisfaction in ways that normal people cannot comprehend.

It’s terrifying to realize such people actually exist in real life.

Ordinary people might be subtly influenced, but what would happen if a sensitive and depressed individual lived with such a person daily?

This is completely different from just being crazy. A high-IQ antisocial personality appears gentle and harmless, making you like and trust them. They then exploit your goodwill and trust without any guilt. They don’t see their actions as wrong.

For them, killing someone directly or indirectly might be as simple as smoking a cigarette.

Nie Xinghe differs from the typical antisocial personality described by Shen Juan; he does not exhibit direct aggressive behavior.

Lin Yujing remembered the boy on the street who seemed smaller than her, thin and light, unlikely to cause direct harm.

Perhaps he had other mental issues, or was simply a deviant. He viewed Shen Juan’s uncle as his savior or sole reliance, having never experienced familial love, so Luo Qinghe couldn’t have any either.

He couldn’t accept his unequal status in the other’s mind.

Attracted by the thrilling plots created by these villains in movies, one would feel both love and hate. But encountering someone with similar issues in real life, Lin Yujing felt only coldness.

That creepy feeling made her hair stand on end, like a bucket of ice water poured over her in the snowy depths of winter.

Nie Xinghe and Shen Juan were about the same age. When the incident happened, he was at most fourteen or fifteen, around her current age.

Shen Juan was also this young.

After Shen Juan finished speaking, no one said anything. The house was silent. When Lin Yujing became aware, she realized she had stood up without knowing when.

She stood motionless in front of the sofa for a long time, unsure of her expression, her mind filled with various thoughts, mingling confusion, fear, and incomprehension.

Shen Juan often glossed over many details; he didn’t want to elaborate. Even so, the information was overwhelming, and she had to extract and organize it bit by bit. She could feel her fingers trembling.

Shen Juan sat there watching her without moving. After a while, he sighed, tossed the remote on the coffee table, stood up, walked over to her, and gently patted her back.

Lin Yujing came back to her senses.

“Don’t be afraid,” Shen Juan’s actions were gentle, lightly stroking her back, eyes downcast, voice low, “Don’t be afraid, Lord Juan will protect you.”

Lin Yujing’s eyes turned red: “I’m not afraid, and didn’t you say it wrong?” Shen Juan responded with a soft “Hmm.”

His overly calm demeanor throughout the process made people a bit uneasy. Lin Yujing took a deep breath, striving to control her emotions.

Her voice carried emotion: “Shen Juan, although I… it might not be appropriate to say this, but you are not at fault in this matter,” she looked up, “It’s not your fault, and you didn’t cause this outcome. You don’t need to sacrifice anything for this. Do you understand what I mean?”

“I understand,” Shen Juan lowered his hands and stepped back a bit to create some distance, “I understand. I don’t think it’s my fault, and I don’t have the habit of taking blame randomly. It’s just that… I feel responsible.”

“Luo Qinghe has been taking medication since returning from Hong Kong, but I never noticed. He looked no different from a healthy person.”

Shen Juan averted his gaze and spoke slowly, “I can’t understand why he did this, but sometimes I wonder, if I had noticed he was taking medication earlier, if he had received treatment sooner, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”

“The first time I told him I wanted to go to sports school, he told me to do whatever I wanted. If I had noticed then that he wasn’t really happy, maybe Nie Xinghe wouldn’t have had the opportunity. I regret it deeply.”

“When I was younger, maybe just starting middle school, he asked me if I would take over his studio in the future, and I agreed. He thought I liked it too,” Shen Juan said.

Lin Yujing felt weak in her legs and sat back on the sofa, “Did you like it?”

“I don’t know,” Shen Juan walked over and sat next to her, “I was just used to it at the time, didn’t feel any like or dislike.”

He leaned back against the cushion, his head tilted back against the wall, staring at the painting on the ceiling, “No one in my family supported him doing this. Tattoo artistry is too abstract. Only I seemed to like it, understand him, and could inherit his legacy.”

Shen Juan chuckled, patting the sofa cushion, “Inherit his ideal place.”

“So,” Lin Yujing slowly pieced it together, “you left later, you backed out, and he felt betrayed.”

Shen Juan paused and turned his head, “Don’t you think ‘betrayed’ is a bit too strong?”

Lin Yujing could tell he was trying to make her laugh, so she smiled, albeit weakly, even though she didn’t really feel like it.

She felt like she wouldn’t be happy for a while.

“But you were just a kid then,” Lin Yujing said, “A middle schooler. I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid.”

Shen Juan turned his head away again, his voice low, “He probably felt that even his only understanding and supportive relative didn’t want him anymore.”

Lin Yujing recalled a news story she had seen about a single mother who committed suicide because her daughter wanted to attend college out of town.

She had never experienced such intense and obsessive familial love, nor did she understand the mindset of someone with depression or depressive tendencies. She couldn’t help but feel a bit resentful towards Luo Qinghe.

Even though she understood he was also a victim, she couldn’t control it. He might as well have stayed in Hong Kong forever.

Shen Juan was so innocent, this was a complete disaster, and he was incredibly unlucky to encounter such a situation.

She could even imagine his appearance at that time, full of spirit, flamboyant and proud, such a dazzling young man.

How he dealt with the situation, gave up his choice at the time, and returned here to do something he neither liked nor disliked.

Shen Juan would never say, and Lin Yujing didn’t want to know.

She sat quietly on the sofa, not speaking, unsure of what to say. Anything she said now would be inappropriate.

She regretted asking the question.

All that talk about ideal love and jealousy, she, the invincibly rational Lin Yujing, was actually disturbed by a few malicious and provocative words from a neurotic person. It was shameful.

She slumped on the sofa, letting out a long sigh. Shen Juan, next to her, also sighed, “Lin Yujing.” Lin Yujing turned her head.

Shen Juan looked at her, “This matter is over. The things that happened can’t be undone, and life can’t always be without changes. Whether I’m in the provincial team or back here studying, it doesn’t make much difference to me.”

She pursed her lips and looked at him, her eyes and eyebrows drooping, looking listless, “You’re lying.”

“I’m not lying,” Shen Juan raised his hand helplessly and rubbed her head, speaking softly, “No matter where I am or what I do, I’ll do it well. Don’t be unhappy, and don’t be afraid. No one can harm me.”

He curled his index finger and gently tapped her forehead, smiling, “Lord Juan is invincible.”

Lin Yujing was stunned.

Suddenly, Lin Yujing had a strong urge to hug him.

When he calmly talked about those hard-to-accept things, and when he looked at her with a bit of fragility and confusion for a few minutes, Lin Yujing didn’t have such a thought.

But now, this person, lazily leaning on the sofa, smiling and saying this sentence. —I am invincible.

Whatever I do, I can do it best.

No one can defeat me.

No one and nothing can extinguish his light.

“Lord Juan,” Lin Yujing tried hard to suppress the urge to do something, calling him, “Every time you call yourself that, I think you’re so immature. Can you act more like an adult and be a bit more mature?”

Shen Juan looked at her, sincerely curious, “Why are you so bold? The last person who called me immature is no longer in this world.”

Lin Yujing ignored his threat, “Everyone else uses ‘bro’ or ‘dude’, why do you use ‘lord’?”

“They all call me that, so I got used to it,” Shen Juan thought for a moment. “Maybe it’s because ‘Brother Juan’ doesn’t sound that good?”

Lin Yujing silently mouthed both terms and realized that ‘Lord Juan’ did sound a bit smoother.

“Alright.” She felt a lot better now. She pulled a bag from the coffee table, took out a can of beer, and found two sandwiches inside, handing one to him. Each of them had one.

Shen Juan watched as she kicked off her shoes, sat cross-legged on the sofa, popped open the beer can, took a few big gulps, and then unwrapped her sandwich.

He knew her alcohol tolerance was decent, so one can shouldn’t be a problem. He didn’t stop her. “Hungry?”

“A little,” Lin Yujing glanced at the clock. It was almost ten. “I didn’t eat much dinner, no appetite.”

Shen Juan also looked at the clock. “Are you going back tonight?” Lin Yujing stopped chewing and turned to look at him.

Shen Juan stared straight at her, his dark eyes glistening, the dim light from the floor lamp casting a warm hue, outlining a tender ambiguity.

She puffed out her cheeks, looking a bit dazed, with the sandwich still in her mouth, and swallowed reflexively.

Shen Juan curved his lips, leaned in closer, and looked down at her. “Hmm? Are you leaving?”

Lin Yujing snapped back to reality. “What is this, an invitation to commit a crime?”

“This is a polite inquiry,” Shen Juan glanced at the bag on the coffee table, spotting the two dozen beers inside. “You come here to drink every night, so you trust me that much?”

Lin Yujing wondered why the topic suddenly shifted to this unclear midnight drama. Even though it might not be appropriate to discuss today, there’s no better time than the present. It’s been dragging on and it’s annoying. Might as well break the pot and let it be.

She swallowed the food in her mouth, rewrapped the sandwich in its plastic, put it back on the coffee table, turned to him seriously, and said, “Shen Juan.”

“Mm?” Shen Juan replied nonchalantly.

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Lin Yujing asked.

Shen Juan’s lazy expression froze. He was quiet for at least ten seconds before asking, “What?”

“…”

Lin Yujing’s face was expressionless. “If you don’t want to, forget it.”

She leaned forward to grab her sandwich to continue eating.

Shen Juan quickly sat up straight, pushed her sandwich away, and said, “I do.”

He stared at her and repeated, “I do. I don’t not want to. Go on.”

Lin Yujing almost laughed. She lowered her head, hiding a smile, then looked up at him. “So, if you were my boyfriend now, what would you do?”

Shen Juan was momentarily confused.

He hadn’t deliberately thought about what to do next.

Shen Juan had a clear purpose; he was sure of his feelings, and he had a good grasp of Lin Yujing’s thoughts. He didn’t want to drag things out.

Simply put, he wanted to mark his name on her. His girl.

His girlfriend.

Then what? A hug?

Then a kiss?

And then… what?

When Lin Yujing asked the question, Shen Juan’s mind raced through over a thousand thoughts.

The scenes from those forbidden movies he watched with Jiang Han and He Songnan flashed through his mind.

He realized his memory was quite good.

He didn’t think he paid much attention while watching them, but now that he needed them, they were all too eager to surface.

Once these indecent thoughts appeared, they started growing like bacteria in a petri dish. The 18-year-old Shen Juan, at the height of his restless youth, began to feel unsettled.

Just as he almost couldn’t resist glancing at his pants, he caught sight of Lin Yujing suddenly leaning in from the corner of his eye.

Shen Juan raised his eyes.

Lin Yujing, still sitting cross-legged on the sofa, supported herself with one hand on the cushion, leaned over, and looked up at him from below. “Did you forget that I’m only sixteen?”

Shen Juan: “…”

Shen Juan felt like someone pressed his head into a pile of snow, instantly sobering him up.

All those movies vanished.

Not only did they vanish, but they started rewinding. Even the kiss was rolled back to just a hug.

Lin Yujing changed her posture, leaning forward, her elbows on the sofa, propping her face, tilting her head, and blinking at him with a smile. “Big brother, what can a sixteen- year-old do?”

… Damn.

Shen Juan’s eyelid twitched.

He held his breath for two seconds, looked down at her, and said hoarsely, “Lin Yujing, you should never touch a drop of alcohol again.”

Lin Yujing couldn’t hold back anymore and laughed as she collapsed on the sofa.

Shen Juan watched her curl up next to him, laughing uncontrollably, and couldn’t help grinding his teeth.

He slumped into the sofa, staring at her, feeling completely disarmed by her. “Is it fun playing with me?”

Lin Yujing finally stopped laughing and lifted her head. “I wasn’t joking. I was serious. I need to know what’s on your mind,” she paused, “Shen Juan, I don’t want to be in a relationship. I think… it’s a bit of a distraction.”

Lin Yujing looked up. “What if you stop liking me?” “I won’t,” he said softly.

“What if I stop liking you?” Lin Yujing continued, “We’re sixteen or seventeen, how long can this kind of feeling last?”

Shen Juan didn’t reply, silently staring at her.

These two questions made the atmosphere a bit tense. After a long silence, Lin Yujing moved first. She jumped off the sofa and put on her shoes. “I’m going home.”

Shen Juan glanced at the clock. It was almost 10:30. He took a deep breath, grabbed the jacket draped over the sofa, and said, “I’ll walk you home.”

“No need,” Lin Yujing said as she fixed her slightly messy hair from her time on the sofa. “My house is close by, I can go back myself.”

Shen Juan turned around, “It’s 10:30.”

Lin Yujing blinked at him, her long lashes fluttering. “I’ll send you a message when I get home.”

Juan pursed his lips and looked at her for two seconds, sighed, and compromised, saying, “Send a voice message.”

“Okay, a voice message,” she agreed readily, pushed the door open, and walked to the iron gate, turning around.

Shen Juan followed her, handing her the coat he was holding, “Wear it, it’s cold.” Lin Yujing took it slowly and put it on.

Shen Juan, with his hands in his pockets, didn’t say anything and just watched her put it on.

The coat was a bit large, and the sleeves were long. She lifted her arm and shook it, freeing her fingers from the sleeve.

The girl was satisfied and looked up.

The wind was quite strong. Shen Juan helped her adjust the collar to cover her exposed neck, “Go ahead.”

Lin Yujing didn’t move. She stood there for two seconds, then suddenly took a step forward, raised her hand, and placed her pale fingertips, just visible from the sleeve, on his shoulder, leaning closer.

Shen Juan didn’t react immediately.

He only felt her standing on tiptoe, still not quite tall enough. She pulled his collar down a bit, brought her face close to his ear, and said softly, “Good night, boyfriend.”

Author’s note:

Juan: Suddenly confused.jpg

Chapter 54

After Lin Yujing finished speaking those words, Shen Juan remained in that position, standing there without any reaction.

After about five or six seconds, Lin Yujing could feel her ears quickly heating up, the heat spreading to the tips of her ears, and her cheeks starting to feel a bit warm. She didn’t know if her face was red, but having just pulled off such a practiced and bold move, she couldn’t show any sign of weakness now.

Without looking at Shen Juan’s reaction, Lin Yujing turned and ran away. The area was bustling, and stepping out of the old alleyway led to a wide, bright street. She was wearing Shen Juan’s jacket and walked along the roadside. It took a while for her to calm down.

She glanced back sneakily, but no one was there. Shen Juan didn’t follow her. He didn’t follow her!

It was nothing like the TV dramas, no wonder he couldn’t be the leading man. Tsk.

Lin Yujing genuinely didn’t want to fall in love. There wasn’t any particular reason; she just felt that things like love and affection were unreliable.

She might buy a piece of clothing she liked a lot but wouldn’t even remove the tags before she stopped liking it. Or she’d buy a lipstick in a beautiful color only to find it just okay after a few days. She even changed her favorite celebrities frequently.

People married for many years could separate just like that. The years of bonding and even having children couldn’t withstand the overwhelming force of mutual disgust.

Feelings change in an instant; no one can guarantee anything. Especially at such a… youthful and inexperienced age.

At this point in her life, something tangible like good grades was more reassuring than fleeting emotions.

But this person was Shen Juan.

For the millionth time, Lin Yujing found herself conflicted. She wanted to ignore it, but she couldn’t be so carefree. Even after repeating to herself a thousand times that it had nothing to do with her, she was still involuntarily influenced, attracted, and drawn closer by him.

So why not give it a try?

Nothing is 100% certain; even exams could be ruined by a stomach ache.

She didn’t like love, but she liked him.

She didn’t want to believe in some silly love story, but she wanted to believe in him. Because it was him, even though she felt uncertain, she still wanted to give it a try. What a brave little girl.

Lin Yujing silently praised herself.

Brave! Face! Puppy love!

… Right.

When she returned, it was not yet eleven o’clock. The wind was strong at night, and Lin Yujing walked quickly. Shen Juan’s jacket was thick, but her ankles were exposed and she was shivering when she entered the house.

Something felt off as soon as she stepped inside.

Lin Yujing took off her shoes, walked into the room, and scanned around but didn’t find anything unusual. The floor was still clean, the lights were still bright, and the giant clock pointed to eleven. The pendulum ticked silently back and forth.

It was almost eleven.

Why were the living room lights still on?

Usually, after dinner, everyone would go back to their rooms. They rarely stayed in the living room to chat.

Lin Yujing’s brain paused for half a second, and then she saw a head slowly, slowly emerging from behind the sofa.

Fu Mingxiu looked at her eerily: “Back already?”

Lin Yujing: “…”

Fu Mingxiu said, “You still remember to come back?”

“Ah,” Lin Yujing stood still, a bit dazed, “Ah, Brother Fu?”

“Brother Fu,” Fu Mingxiu looked at her, “What, you still want to call me by my full name?”

Lin Yujing snapped out of it and suddenly felt like she had just been caught sneaking around.

I only just started this puppy love!

How did you catch me so accurately?

She cleared her throat uncomfortably: “Why aren’t you asleep yet?”

“I thought I should remind you,” Fu Mingxiu looked at her, saying, “Your room’s balcony faces the front yard, right?”

Lin Yujing nodded cautiously: “Yes.”

Fu Mingxiu also nodded: “So my room is facing the same direction as yours, right?” Lin Yujing: “…”

Her face changed.

“Exactly, seems like you’ve figured it out,” Fu Mingxiu said, “So, my balcony also faces the front yard, towards the main gate, the front door. I thought you were sneaking out to see a boyfriend every night, but from what you said the other day, you haven’t even caught his attention yet?”

Lin Yujing: “…”

She opened her mouth, wanting to defend herself, but didn’t know what to say for a moment.

After a while, she stammered: “I didn’t sneak out every night…”

Fu Mingxiu held up three fingers: “Just the times I noticed, three times.” “…”

Lin Yujing thought to herself, did I even go out three times?!

She sighed: “What do you want to say, go ahead.”

Lin Yujing had already prepared herself for Fu Mingxiu to use this to extort her. Nothing good could come of this.

“I have nothing else to say, you’re not my real sister, I can’t control you,” Fu Mingxiu said, “Just a reminder, as a young girl, be careful when choosing a guy.”

Lin Yujing was stunned and looked up.

Fu Mingxiu gave an example, looking very displeased: “Like those who call you out late at night, you shouldn’t date them.”

Lin Yujing didn’t know how to explain. Before today, she could confidently say, “No, I don’t have a boyfriend, just a regular friend.”

To make it more convincing, she could even add, “It’s a girl.” But today, she felt a bit guilty.

So she nodded and said obediently: “Brother, I think you’re right. I’ll break up with him tomorrow.”

Fu Mingxiu: “…”

Fu Mingxiu felt like a villain breaking up lovers and added: “I didn’t say you should…”

“No need to say more,” Lin Yujing, eager to go upstairs and text Shen Juan, didn’t want to argue further. She took out her phone and went upstairs, saying quickly, “I’ll break up with him now. Goodnight, brother.”

Fu Mingxiu: “…” –

Shen Juan, who had been in love for half an hour, didn’t realize that he had already been unilaterally broken up with by his girlfriend. He had been standing in the cold autumn wind for over an hour.

The young girl whispered “boyfriend” into his ear and then ran off quickly, leaving Shen Juan unable to react.

For the first three minutes, his mind was filled with “What just happened?”

Shen Juan initially thought they had had a falling out.

When Lin Yujing asked those two questions, the air seemed to freeze.

He didn’t know how to answer her. He wanted to say something, but at that moment, words felt too thin.

There are many things that just saying won’t make people believe. Shen Juan wasn’t in a hurry; he could take his time.

He would wait for her to grow up, wait for her to take her college entrance exams, wait for her to graduate.

But Lin Yujing turned around and called him “boyfriend.”

Boss Shen was stunned. In his eighteen years, he had experienced many girls’ methods of pursuing him, but he had never seen this kind of approach.

What did she mean?

Did it mean they were together now?

This thought flashed through his mind very quickly. After realizing it, Shen Juan thought about what Lin Yujing had asked earlier, what to do.

A sixteen-year-old girlfriend.

He didn’t even think about a series of inappropriate and restless thoughts and skipped them temporarily.

Can a sixteen-year-old kiss? If not, can he kiss her lightly?

Would she hit him?

Would she be unwilling?

After all, she barely endured it when he hugged her for a few minutes tonight.

Since it was barely tolerated, why suddenly this change?

Lin Yujing’s initial — or rather consistent — attitude of refusal was quite obvious, so what caused this sudden change?

Was it because he mentioned Luo Qinghe?

At this hour, most people in this area were probably asleep. The streetlights were distant and dim, trembling. The light hanging in the small courtyard behind him was the main source of light.

Shen Juan wasn’t wearing a coat and was standing at the door, feeling the cold climbing up his fingertips.

After standing for a while, he remembered Lin Yujing had said to message him when she got home. He turned and went inside, retrieved his phone from under the sofa cushion, and saw a voice message from her.

Shen Juan paused and clicked it. It was quiet on the other end, and after two seconds of silence, her voice came through, “I’m home.”

Her voice was soft, a bit light, making his heart feel a little itchy.

Lin Yujing hadn’t thought about what to do after starting a relationship, mainly because she thought Shen Juan would consider it.

This person seemed to have a face experienced in many battles and was full of tricks, so even though she hadn’t asked, Lin Yujing naturally felt he probably, maybe, had a high probability of having had ex-girlfriends.

But his response to her was very indifferent.

Lin Yujing went back to her room and sent him a message. She even took a shower, and only then did she receive a reply from him.

Just one word.

— Hmm.

And then nothing.

Lin Yujing originally wanted to chat with him a bit more. She turned around, dried her hair, lay on the bed, picked up her phone to talk, and saw another message from him: [Go to bed early, good night.]

Lin Yujing blinked, looked at the time, and found that the time she had planned to chat with her new boyfriend was now free. So she got up, went back to her desk, and finished the physics paper she hadn’t completed before leaving.

After the midterms, there was another monthly exam, and then in a blink, it would be the final exams. The homework should be done, and review and extra exercises shouldn’t be neglected.

Moreover, Lin Zhi was coming next week. With everything that had happened today, she almost forgot.

This was probably some kind of psychological shadow from childhood, making her feel immense pressure at the thought of Lin Zhi’s arrival.

In the last midterm exam, the students in the experimental class from Class One were closely trailing her in scores. If she slacked off, even second place would be uncertain.

Lin Yujing was woken up by the sound of her phone ringing the next morning.

She didn’t even remember when she fell asleep, lying on the bed reciting English texts, and dozing off in the process, having a very sound sleep without any dreams.

When she woke up, half of her English book was under her, tangled with the quilt. Lin Yujing closed her eyes, groping around for her phone, and finally found it at the edge of the bed.

With her face buried in the pillow, she answered the phone, “Hello…”

It was quiet on the other end of the line.

After a moment, Shen Juan’s voice came through: “Wake up, girlfriend.” “…”

Lin Yujing was instantly awake.

She opened her eyes wide. The curtains hadn’t been fully drawn last night, and the room was filled with light.

“Ah…” Lin Yujing sat up, her voice still heavy with sleep, dragging out the sound, “Ah.” Shen Juan chuckled on the other end: “Not fully awake?”

“I’m awake,” she yawned and said openly, “Boyfriend, good morning. You’re up so early?”

“I’m buying rice rolls for you,” Shen Juan said. “Since you’re awake, why not come over?”

“…Ah?” Lin Yujing paused. “Come over…?”

Lin Yujing had been eating the rice rolls he bought every day for a while now. Hearing those three words made her lose her appetite somewhat out of conditioned reflex.

Especially with three salted egg yolks; she was getting sick of them. Then she heard Shen Juan continue: “I added three salted egg yolks.” Lin Yujing: “…”

She felt a bit hopeless.

But she didn’t want to outright reject her new boyfriend, especially Shen Juan, who usually slept through to the third period on weekdays, yet had woken up early on a weekend to buy her breakfast.

A standard salted egg yolk rice roll cost six yuan.

Adding three more salted egg yolks would cost several more yuan.

Doing this every morning would add up to a significant amount for Shen Juan.

Lin Yujing felt she couldn’t bear to watch her poor boyfriend squander his money like this without doing something about it.

Eating something like fried dough sticks would be just as good, wouldn’t it?

She gently suggested, “I think eating a rice roll with three salted egg yolks every morning is a bit—”

She carefully chose her words: “Extravagant.”

There was a long, strange silence from Shen Juan’s end.

He didn’t know why Lin Yujing was so convinced and persistent in thinking he was poor.

Or maybe she just didn’t want to come out and have breakfast with him, and this was an excuse.

Leaning against the wall by the rice roll window, Shen Juan squinted his eyes and said slowly, “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

Lin Yujing was taken aback: “Why didn’t you sleep?”

“I couldn’t process it,” Shen Juan said calmly. “Never had a girlfriend before, so suddenly having one felt a bit overwhelming. I even called my dad in He Ye Village.”

Lin Yujing: “…?”

Shen Juan continued, “I asked him what he used to feed my mom when they were dating. My dad said on their first day together, he personally made an ancestral rice roll and delivered it to her door at five in the morning.”

“…??”

Lin Yujing’s face was expressionless: “And then?”

“Then their relationship stayed strong. They farm and feed pigs every day,” Shen Juan said casually. “Thanks to the ancestral rice roll, they’re poor but happy.”

“…”

This was truly a moving love story.

Lin Yujing didn’t understand how Shen Juan could so naturally say something that was clearly nonsense. The scariest part was his calm and genuine tone, which almost made her believe him for a moment.

Even though she couldn’t understand why they couldn’t eat something else, given that her boyfriend had gone to such lengths to get her a rice roll, she couldn’t think of a reason to refuse.

She closed her eyes, trying to suppress the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach at the thought of three salted egg yolks: “I’ll eat it. Just wait there for me.”

Lin Yujing said with difficulty: “…With your ancestral rice roll.” Chapter 55

Lin Yujing quickly washed up and rushed out of the door at the fastest speed in her life. Afraid that he would get impatient, she ran all the way and arrived half an hour later.

Shen Juan was sitting in a breakfast porridge shop next to the rice roll stand. On Saturday morning, there were fewer people than on weekdays, and at this hour, there were hardly any customers. Shen Juan was sitting alone at a table by the wall, looking down at his phone.

The sunlight near nine in the morning was different from early morning; it was quiet yet intense. Half of him was hidden in the shadows, and the other half was bathed in sunlight, with a layer of brown fluff at the ends of his eyes and hair. His lips were slightly pursed, his expression tired and lazy, having waited for half an hour, with a hint of impatience.

Sensing someone looking at him, Shen Juan lifted his head, facing the light outside the door, and squinted his eyes.

Lin Yujing suddenly felt a surreal sensation. She didn’t know how to describe it.

It just didn’t feel real.

She walked over, looking down at him.

Shen Juan, sitting at the table with his shoulder against the wall, lazily looked back at her: “You just set a new record for me — waiting for someone for half an hour.”

Lin Yujing suddenly placed her hands on the table and bent down, bringing her face closer to his.

Shen Juan straightened up: “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just looking at you,” she said, her eyes curving into a smile, “looking at my boyfriend.”

Shen Juan was taken aback, and his earlier impatience disappeared. He raised his hand and gently pinched her face: “What are you doing, trying to appease me?”

“Can’t I look at you without appeasing you?”

“Sure, look all you want,” he chuckled, “How do I look? Handsome, right?”

Lin Yujing sat down opposite him, resting her face in her hands, looking at him: “I originally wanted to sit next to you.”

Shen Juan scooted his chair over and patted the seat next to him: “Come here.”

Lin Yujing shook her head and didn’t move: “That way, I won’t be able to see you.” Shen Juan looked at her.

She had probably run all the way there, still catching her breath when she arrived. Her hair was loosely tied at the back, with a small strand not tucked in, winding down her slender neck and into her sweater collar.

A soft, cute little girlfriend.

He suddenly felt a bit itchy inside.

Shen Juan couldn’t handle it. The young girl didn’t have to do anything; just sitting opposite him and looking at him was a direct and effective way to tease him.

He leaned forward and raised his hand, wanting to do something, when the shop owner brought over two bowls of porridge, speaking in a long string of dialect, then smiling at Lin Yujing.

Shen Juan, having grown up in the area, was familiar with the shop owner. He smiled and responded.

Lin Yujing looked bewildered the whole time.

Shen Juan, seeing her somewhat dazed expression, curled his lips: “The older generation here doesn’t speak Mandarin well.”

Lin Yujing nodded: “Did you just say thank you?”

“Thank you, and that you’re my girlfriend,” Shen Juan translated without looking up.

“Hey,” Lin Yujing said softly, feeling a bit embarrassed, “Can you be a little more low- key?”

“How do you spell low-key?” Shen Juan pushed a crab roe bun towards her, “Eat up, girlfriend.”

Two bowls of porridge, a few small dishes, and a basket of crab roe soup dumplings.

The hot soup dumplings, with their soft white and glutinous skin, burst with juice when bitten into, burning the tongue and taste buds.

Lin Yujing had been a bit hungry since last night. After eating several buns, she remembered the rice roll.

With a bun in her mouth, barely breaking the skin and blowing air into it, she started teasing him: “Where’s your ancestral rice roll?”

“Didn’t buy it,” Shen Juan placed another soup dumpling in her small porcelain bowl, “You didn’t want to eat it, right?”

“Ah,” Lin Yujing said, “So you noticed.”

Shen Juan looked up: “I studied it for a long time.”

“Studied what?”

“Studied whether you didn’t want to have breakfast with me or just didn’t want the rice roll.”

Lin Yujing was taken aback: “Why would you think I didn’t want to have breakfast with you?”

Because he wasn’t sure if she was with him out of sympathy after hearing about Luo Qinghe, or if she liked him enough.

Shen Juan didn’t expect to have a day where he would think so deeply about something…

He sighed: “You sounded half-asleep on the phone.”

Lin Yujing nodded: “Then why did you conclude that I didn’t want the rice roll?”

Shen Juan raised his eyebrows: “Because even if you don’t want to have breakfast with me, you still have to. It’s non-negotiable.”

Lin Yujing: “…”

Is this some kind of domineering CEO falling in love with me script?

Lin Yujing put down her chopsticks and couldn’t help but ask: “So, boyfriend, what was the whole show on the phone this morning for?”

“To get you to come out,” Shen Juan said lazily.

Lin Yujing finally laughed: “Why did you think I would believe in some ancestral rice roll?”

Shen Juan laughed too: “Believe it or not, you still came.” –

The two of them had a full breakfast. Lin Yujing gradually processed her new identity as she followed Shen Juan out of the breakfast shop.

By this time, the stalls selling breakfast in the small alley were empty. Lin Yujing patted her stomach and couldn’t help but let out a comfortable yawn.

Her expression was relaxed and content, and Shen Juan couldn’t help but stare at her for a while.

Noticing his gaze, Lin Yujing looked up: “What’s wrong?”

Shen Juan had thought a lot about the issues he had been ignoring last night, sitting on the sofa until two or three in the morning.

He wasn’t usually someone who liked to think deeply about things, mainly because he was lazy. He rarely encountered anything he felt was worth wasting brain cells on.

Lin Yujing was probably an exception.

Putting aside whether she was with him out of sympathy, she was at an age where life was most important, and any delay or mistake could be critical.

Shen Juan wondered if he had been too impulsive and inconsiderate with her recently.

After thinking about it for a while and getting nowhere, with personal desires and rationality at odds, Shen Juan gave up on thinking about it.

Until now, when he actually saw her.

The young girl ran all the way to his side, her bright eyes smiling at him, saying she wouldn’t be able to see him if she sat next to him.

Sitting across from him, her long eyelashes drooping, blowing on the hot bun very seriously and attentively.

Feeling satisfied after eating, like a cat stretching lazily in the sunlight. Shen Juan thought, to hell with it.

Whatever.

This is too damn cute, who can resist this?

No matter why Lin Yujing was with him, whether out of sympathy or whatever, he didn’t care anymore.

At this hour, there weren’t many people in the old alley. Shen Juan suddenly said: “Lin Yujing.”

Lin Yujing looked up: “Hmm?”

Shen Juan stepped forward, his eyes downcast: “I really didn’t sleep much last night, I thought a lot,” he said, “I don’t care why you’re with me, but you are mine now. My things, my person will always be mine.”

His eyes were dark, with the light behind him, his emotions unreadable. Lin Yujing was stunned, opening her mouth but saying nothing.

“Now I’ll answer your question from last night,” Shen Juan leaned in closer, his head lowered: “I like you very much, don’t know how to make you feel more secure.”

He spoke slowly, as if afraid she wouldn’t understand, word by word: “Never thought about how long I’d like you, when it started, or when it would end, just thought about a future with you.”

“If you don’t like me as much now, you need to work on it because you have no chance to regret or escape. You walked into this yourself.”

“If one day you find you don’t like me anymore, I can allow you to leave for a while, then I’ll bring you back, tie you up, and bind you with me.”

Shen Juan leaned in, gently rubbing his forehead against hers, his breath surrounding her, whispering, “Lin Yujing, I won’t let go.”

On weekends, Shen Juan was always quite busy. Lin Yujing never knew this before, but now she could more or less guess.

She recalled the faint smell of disinfectant on him when she encountered him at the 7-11 convenience store.

It was her first time dating, and she wasn’t sure if they should go on a date the day after defining their relationship. However, she thought Shen Juan probably didn’t have much time, and she was already scheduled to see a movie with Wen Zihui that afternoon.

Lin Yujing didn’t know many people in this area and had a rather dull social life. However, she wasn’t very social to begin with, so it didn’t bother her much. In fact, she made a few friends because of a basketball game.

One sign of a close friendship among girls is being asked to go to the restroom together during breaks; another is hanging out on weekends.

Wen Zihui had brought Lin Yujing into her friend circle. They had gotten to know each other through a bit of conflict and realized Wen Zihui was straightforward and clear about her likes and dislikes. After the basketball incident, Lin Yujing considered them very close friends.

Wen Zihui had directly asked in their class group chat if Lin Yujing wanted to go to the movies. Since Lin Yujing hadn’t seen a movie since moving to City A, she readily agreed. Song Zhiming and Li Lin tried to join in but were dismissed with “this is a girls’ gathering.”

The movie started at 1:30 PM, a new Marvel release. Lin Yujing arrived at 1:00 PM, taking the escalator to the top floor where the cinema was located. Wen Zihui was already there, waving at her from the entrance.

Then she saw Song Zhiming and Li Lin sneak up from behind: “Are you here? Let me see what our Lin Mei is wearing today!”

Song Zhiming slapped Li Lin on the head: “Can you look at anyone like that, brother? Don’t you enjoy living?”

Lin Yujing: “Wasn’t this supposed to be a girls’ gathering?”

Li Lin replied without hesitation: “Aren’t I your most loyal desk mate and girlfriend?” With that, Lin Yujing didn’t find it unreasonable.

They queued up to buy drinks and popcorn. The timing was just right. Lin Yujing chose a seat in the last row, a bit to the right, which was her habit. She liked sitting on the right side, where she felt more comfortable.

Lin Yujing sat on the edge. Wen Zihui was on her left, and the seat on her right was empty. The movie hadn’t started yet, and they watched people gradually fill the seats. About five or six minutes later, the film began.

Lin Yujing put on her 3D glasses, which blocked most of her view of the people on either side, leaving only the screen in front of her.

When Robert Downey Jr. appeared, she heard a girl whispering, “Iron Man is so handsome!”

Looking at the close-up of the man on screen, she thought, he is quite handsome. A real charmer.

Shen Juan’s eyelashes weren’t very long, but they were dense, with the tips slightly longer than the rest.

Lin Yujing rested her head on her hand, sitting sideways, lost in thought.

She vaguely heard some rustling from the seat next to her, indicating someone had arrived. She straightened up, taking her elbow off the armrest between them.

She didn’t look that way, just sensed someone sitting down and getting settled.

After about two or three minutes.

That person suddenly moved, putting their hand on the armrest between them and slowly pushing it up, locking it in place.

The only barrier between their seats was gone. What the hell?

Is this some kind of harassment?

Or did they mistake her for someone else? Frowning, Lin Yujing turned to look.

Shen Juan was looking back at her.

In the darkness, the movie screen was the only source of light, casting changing shadows on his face.

Lin Yujing was stunned for a couple of seconds before she realized.

Considering Song Zhiming and Li Lin had come, it wasn’t surprising that Shen Juan was here too.

She had been wondering why there were still empty seats in the last row for such a good movie time on a Saturday.

The 3D glasses were too big and kept sliding down whenever she moved. Lin Yujing had to tilt her head up to keep them from falling.

In the shifting light, Shen Juan watched her tilt her head toward him, slightly leaning in. Her shoulder brushed against his, soft to the touch.

Shen Juan found it unbearable.

With the armrest between them raised, there was no barrier. Shen Juan leaned sideways, his forearm resting on the edge of her seat, and reached over with his other hand, hooking his finger under her 3D glasses and pulling them down slightly.

Her beautiful eyes peeked out from above the glasses.

She seemed surprised that he would adjust her glasses. She looked at him with her head slightly tilted up, her pale, delicate chin raised, lips slightly parted, and blinked at him.

Shen Juan squinted: “What do you mean?”

Staring straight at her, his voice was low and hoarse, “Asking for a kiss? Hmm?”

The author adds:

Shen Juan: I can’t take it anymore.

Yesterday, I saw a comment: Even Shen Juan has limitations, such as having a 16-year- old girlfriend