Read Novel Full Chapter 476 Me, Myself and I
Chapter 476 Me, Myself and I
"Where am I?" Premier dazedly wondered, looking about the space he found himself in.
Instinctively, he knew he was inside his brain. In his own consciousness.
Still, there was nothing to look at. Everything was just a purple light that surrounded him from all sides, clinging to his body like sweat on skin.
The purple light was especially dense. So dense that, in fact, it was liquefying, sipping down like water on walls, flooding beneath the feet of Premier.
Premier's eyebrows softly knitted together, looking at the pool of purple essence slowly increasing, threatening to swallow him whole.
He said nothing. Instead, he raised his hand and dipped his index finger into the essence, confirming his thoughts.
"Foxy." Premier muttered, closing his eyes. "So it was not a dream..."
He didn't know if he should be happy or not.
The fact that his memory of Foxy coming down like a falling meteor to save him was true meant that all the other things he went through - all those tortures, life and death at the hands of Soleil - were equally
true.
That realization sent a vicious blow to his psyche as the face of Soleil unceremoniously appeared in his mind, making him stagger, then fall into the pool of Dream essence with a splashing sound.
He yelped, his eyes widening in obvious fear and horror, thinking he was in the process of death once more.
But, in a sense, it was far worse.
The moment the Dream essence of Foxy touched his head, Premier's eyes blanked out completely.
His body went limp, floating above the essence of purple light like a jellyfish.
His very consciousness went deeper. This time it was not in his consciousness realm, but deeper, deeper, and deeper.
Premier was in a space no one ever delved into. He was in the realm of unconsciousness, the dark side of the brain that affects all of a being's decisions but remains completely inaccessible to most.
Yet that day, Premier Vaelgrim accessed it. And what he saw threatened to completely shatter his now weak mind.
...
Simultaneously, in the world of Laeh, Foxy was sitting on a chair beside Premier.
They were in his room.
His body was now completely cleaned, free from all the blood that had bathed his body. However, the scars were still very much visible.
His left eye didn't regenerate, blocked by Soleil's power. Even his severed legs received the same fate.
Premier looked like a half being, and that made Foxy unable to even properly look at her brother.
Yet she did.
She stretched her hand, caressing his face softly, noticing the constant shaking of his closed eyelids.
"It has begun." She whispered, knowing what her brother was likely going through.
"You need to go through this, brother." Foxy said, lips trembling lightly. "You need to remember who you are, that's the only way."
Premier's psyche was so broken that it was horrendous to look at. Foxy knew, with certainty, that he would reach a point of no return even if he had been saved if he lost his own self.
"You think he will succeed?" Fated suddenly appeared behind Foxy, looking at the sorry state of her big brother.
She had never seen him, but Fated couldn't help feeling sad for him.
"He has to." Foxy said, eyes hardening. "He has no choice but to succeed. And he is the one who wished to follow father's footsteps." "Then he needs to wake up. He needs to go beyond this hurdle to be able to follow father."
"You well know," Fated said, "that no one can follow the footsteps of father. Isn't the best choice for him to create his own? There are multiple paths to the top. Not only father's path."
"He is simply stubborn for no reason." Foxy caressed his face. "And as the firstborn, he always wished to be an example, to be something I
would look up to..."
Here, Foxy smiled forlornly.
"...The burden...it is that burden that put him in this state."
Fated fell silent.
She understood the situation well. And with her long life, she was doubtlessly aware of how the greatness of a father could lead to the son destroying himself only to follow him.
Sometimes they succeeded, but most of them never did.
'Will big brother succeed?' Fated wondered, yet she already knew the
answer.
He would never.
Not because he would not try enough. Not because he was weak or untalented.
But because another being's path was not his own. Yet more than that, it was because his father was Noah Vaelgrim.
Oh...
'A curse and a gift: Fated thought, looking at Foxy. 'Depending on one's mindset, being the children of father could be a curse or a gift!
Foxy was gifted. Premier was cursed.
How about her?
That question didn't manage to breed a response as Premier's body
began to violently shake, a surge of exponential power erupting
outside of him.
"What is happening?" Fated bellowed, while Foxy looked at Premier
with wide eyes.
...
Back deep into the unconscious part of Premier's brain, hundreds of years had passed, as the man himself witnessed - or rather relived - everything he went through since he was born.
From the day his father created him, to the time Foxy was born looking like a small cute golden fox, then to everything else until this
point.
But the memories were inaccurate. Instead of the exact memories, Premier went through altered ones.
Memories where he always doubted about his utility; wondering if he
was worthy of being the first or even if his father would one day
abandon him by creating a better beast.
It was not a difficult task for him, after all.
And with the recent events of him being tortured helplessly, unable to do anything...Premier couldn't help but believe that maybe...just
maybe he was not worth-!
"No."
Premier halted his own restless thoughts, closing his eyes to calm his
mind.
The memories had been replaying in loop so many times it became sickening to see his own self. But with it, he managed to find the
source of his constant insecurities.
It was embarrassingly simple.
Premier had never once looked for a clue to prove to himself that he
was worthy and instead was adamant in finding the reasons why he
was not.
And those were what his neurons inside his brain would retain,
making it poison his whole self.
"Why was I acting like this?" Premier wondered, clenching his fists.
Now that he was looking at this from an outside point of view, he noticed how pathetic and abnormal he was.
"Why was I so motivated to prove that I am not worthy instead of
doing the opposite? It's obviously not by doing that I will improve and
become a version which I would be proud of; which my father would
be proud of."
As that understanding dawned upon him, Premier was shocked to
notice how obvious it was.
His problem, since the beginning, was so simple it was laughable.
'You become what you think about the most.'
And if the only thing inside his mind was unworthiness, then no matter how good he would become, he would remain unworthy. Not because his father told him so. Not because the world or even the
universe told him so.
But because he told himself that. And his brain would always believe
what he himself believes.
A brilliant crimson light, coming from nowhere, began to shine about
his consciousness.
Premier knew immediately what this light was.
The Light of Enlightenment.
He closed his eyes, letting the light bathe his mind, as something
clicked, like a box finally opened after years of effort.
Mercy.
Foxy was wrong. He didn't need to remember who he was. He needed
to redefine who he was.
He needed...to be reborn.
"In the same way I am gentle to my family and people, I have the right
to be gentle to my own self."
BADUM-!
"In the same way I would listen to my siblings, making them believe
they are worthy...I have the right to do that to my own self."
BADUM-!
The light intensified exponentially.
"And all of these would be impossible if I cannot do that to my own
self."
After all, you can hardly save someone if you yourself are about to die.
So,
"To have mercy upon others..."
Premier's lips curled up, a peaceful and merciful smile painting his
face.
"...I need to first have mercy upon myself - me, I, - Premier Vaelgrim, Firstborn of Noah."
BADUM! BADUM! BADUM!
"And so..."
Outside, Premier's body was like a beacon of light. And whoever felt
this began to feel inside of them an eerie amount of mercy. His voice echoed outside, reaching Foxy and Fated and everything
between heavens and earth.
"This am I."
-End of Chapter 476-