I Became the Strongest With The Failure Frame【Abnormal State Skill】As I Devastated Everything

Chapter 453 - Touka's Reason

Sogou reacted with a startled “Eh?”.

After a brief silence, I said,

[……I have my relationship with Seras here. And, well, this world seems more comfortable for me anyway.]

Thereupon, Hijiri spoke.

[That latter part doesn’t sound like your true feelings though?]

Right.

Hijiri could see through lies.

[If I had to put it into words…… you could say it’s my own personal circumstances.]

[For example——— does it have anything to do with the fact that you killed someone in this world?]

[I don’t regret any of the killings I’ve done here. I don’t carry the guilt or self-reproach that Sogou does. I simply followed my own judgment and killed those who deserved to die. But……]

“When it comes to doing “that”———- You hesitate far too little.”

Hijiri.

You once said it was rare to see me shaken.

But even if I didn’t show it, when your younger sister said that to me……

I was shaken.

I realized…… we were the same.

[Saying it’s related to killing…… wouldn’t be entirely wrong. But like I said, it’s my own issue. Something deeply personal and emotional.]

With a faintly reproachful look, Hijiri spoke.

[With those tainted hands…… you think you can’t stand beside that uncle and aunt of yours?]

[……Not exactly, but close enough.]

At that, Sogou planted both hands on the table and half rose from her chair.

[Mimori-kun, that’s———-]

[It’s fine, Sogou. I told you, it’s a very personal problem. Besides———- I do have my promise with Seras.]

Sogou fell silent and slowly lowered herself back into her seat.

Hijiri chose her moment and asked.

[Are you okay with that?]

[……No. It’s not like I’m okay with it.]

[I figured.]

[But———– thinking about my uncle and aunt, this is better. In other words…… I don’t think I could endure it.]

With an exasperated tone, Hijiri spoke.

[You’re too serious.]

[No. I’m just being a realist…… and a little cowardly.]

Sogou still looked like she couldn’t quite follow our conversation.

Well———- I had been rather roundabout.

Hijiri let out a soft sigh.

Then she turned her gaze out the window, its curtains drawn open.

Gentle light streamed into the room, and the sky beyond was calm and clear.

After a moment, Hijiri murmured,

[Amazing Grace.]

[……?]

[Personally…… in your case, I think it wouldn’t hurt if you were granted a measure of grace.]

[……………………]

I didn’t really understand what she meant.

But perhaps, in her own way, Hijiri had been trying to be considerate.

……Even so.

When it comes to my uncle and aunt, I———

I really am this fragile.

Perhaps to spare me further discomfort, Hijiri changed the subject.

[By the way…… besides me, Itsuki, and Sogou-san, is there anyone else who will keep their memories?]

[Yeah…… there’s also Kashima.]

Last night, after talking with Loqierra and the others, I met Kashima.

Right, she’d been entrusted with something.

From Ikusaba Asagi, on the brink of death, about her mother.

So even though I could guess the answer, I confirmed her intentions anyway.

When I explained that……

[I see. If that’s the situation, then Kashima-san has to retain her memories as well.]

Incidentally, Sogou seemed to have already heard about Asagi’s death from someone.

Whether she heard it through Kashima or from Hijiri, I didn’t know.

But her reaction made it clear she already knew.

If she’d just learned of it now, she would’ve reacted very differently.

[According to Loqierra, going beyond ten people might be pushing what they can allow. Even so, with Kashima included, that makes four. There’s no problem.]

Hijiri asked another question.

[I’ll ask just in case, when we return, what happens to our Hero Skills?]

[They’ll disappear too. As far as skills go, there’s no way to retain them.]

[Didn’t Vysis research that?]

[It seems she believed the power of the Deities was something inherent, so it wouldn’t vanish. On the other hand, the Goddess’ Blessing we received…… in other words, the Hero Skills, are more like something borrowed. Same with the status corrections.]

[So what’s borrowed must be returned. Well, if we went back to our original world with those abilities and status boosts intact, that would cause quite a disaster.]

If their existence were exposed to the public, the consequences would be obvious.

[So, by Hero standards, returning to our original world would be almost the same as becoming powerless.]

Even Sogou’s so-called Limit Release relied on status corrections to function.

[It’s less “losing” them…… more like we’re returning to our original state.]

[Yeah.]

Silence settled over the room.

……Now then.

That meant there was one final matter we had to discuss.

No——— one issue whose intentions needed to be confirmed.

Both of them were surely aware of it.

And then———

The one who spoke first was Hijiri.

[What’s gonna happen to Kirihara-kun?]

[Right now, Kirihara is still in a “Frozen” state, being transported to this royal capital by carriage. Since he was kept in Mira, it’ll take time before he arrives.]

[If he’s sent back while still like that, what happens?]

[Just like with skills, <Freeze> will properly disappear, and he’ll return to the original world.]

[And his memories of this world will be erased as well. Naturally, his skills too, right?]

[According to Thesis, yes.]

[……I see. There’s no way to confirm it with the Deity in this world, after all.]

Hijiri sank into thought for a moment, then continued.

[Even so…… even if, hypothetically, he could retain his memories and skills, he wouldn’t be able to run wild in the other world either. For one, there are no golden-eyed monsters there, so he couldn’t use his skill to control them and build a massive army. That would leave him close to isolated and unsupported. More importantly, the risk of exposure just from using his skills would be far too high. At best, he could only use them in secret. If his existence became publicly known, like we said earlier, society would be thrown into chaos. And then…… even if Kirihara attempted to resist using his skills, he’d eventually be cornered by the problem of MP, making a prolonged battle difficult. Without the ability to rotate combatants, he’d have to sleep somewhere eventually…… in which case, numbers alone could surround and corner him———– no…… long-range sniping would be more than sufficient to deal with him……]

……She really simulated it that far.

But she wasn’t wrong.

Our original world might actually be more restrictive.

Things that were natural here would become outright “unnatural” there.

Most skills would stand out by their very existence.

In that sense, Hijiri’s truth-detection skill would blend in far more easily, and be far more useful.

Glancing at Sogou, I spoke.

[There’s also the option of waiting for <Freeze> to be lifted in this world, and dealing with him once it is. Or———- we can just sink him into a volcano or the sea like that.]

The moment it’s lifted, that’s the end of him.

……Does she think she has no right to speak?

From a certain point on, Sogou had clearly grown quiet.

At last, she opened her mouth, head slightly lowered.

[……Mimori-kun.]

[That was only my opinion. Just as you’re listening to ours right now——– we’ll listen to yours too.]

She already had all the necessary information.

What remained was———- what she wanted.

Sogou began quietly.

[When Kirihara-kun returns to the original world, I don’t think he’ll necessarily become the same as he was here——— that he’ll be dangerous. I think the possibility is low.]

[……Do you have enough grounds to convince me?]

Faltering for a moment, Sogou continued.

[Since coming to this world…… haven’t you felt that several of our classmates clearly changed? Myself included.]

[It’s not unusual for some people placed in extreme conditions to undergo drastic change. But it might simply be that their original nature was exposed. Unlike you, the others didn’t give the impression of being blatantly brainwashed.]

[……For example, just hypothetically.]

Tension entered Sogou’s shoulders.

[I’ve been wondering if our essence…… or our true nature…… what Mimori-kun called our “original nature”…… was drawn out by the very act of being summoned to this other world.]

Hijiri interjected.

[You mean the summoning itself had that kind of effect?]

[Unn. Or rather…… people who had been hiding their true selves, or weren’t even aware of them…… had them dragged out…… or stripped bare. So…… maybe those who weren’t like that were less affected……]

Hijiri leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms.

[I see. So not everyone “changed”, only the classmates who fit those conditions had their true nature brought to the forefront——— or made to emerge.]

[Hijiri-san and Itsuki-san didn’t seem to change much…… so maybe…… it’s because you’re not the type to hide who you are, or to unconsciously suppress your true nature…… something like that……]

……Sogou didn’t say it aloud, but……

If her theory were correct, then Shogo Oyamada might fall into that category too.

In truth, he might not have changed much from before the summoning.

As for the others who “changed”, however———–

They may indeed have shown signs of something abnormal.

[—————]

In that case……

The same goes for me too.

A lingering sense of unease that had long remained at the corner of my mind.

One’s true nature———- ……

Hijiri seemed to notice my current state.

Yet she deliberately chose not to touch on it and continued speaking.

[Because those who changed greatly and those who didn’t were mixed together…… In other words, since it wasn’t everyone, we never thought to attribute it to the summoning itself———- well, a hypothesis like that isn’t impossible.]

As she spoke, Hijiri’s gaze remained fixed on me.

[……………………]

I had always thought something was strange.

“Mimori Touka”

Yes, that is my name.

Yet on the status display, it appears as:

“Tokka Mimori”

I had assumed it was simply how names were converted in this world.

Like a kind of error, a “mistranslation”.

But……

Who…… is that?

Back in the original world———- who was it that called me “Tokka”……?

Yes, that would be……

“———You b*stard, Tokkaaa! Don’t you go existing on your own!———-“

“———Tokka, you know…… you might end up dying in an “accident” someday.———-“

Those people.

My real parents———— those pieces of trash.

They never even called me properly by the name they themselves had given me.

They always called me “Tokka”.

(T/N: Didn’t know this novel had this setting, so I just typed all mentions of his name as Touka. Kinda hard to type it in words, but you can just see it as this. Touka’s real name is originally pronounced softly, depicted in the original with hiragana, those roundish Japanese characters. The way the status and his parents call him is pronounced sharply, filled with edge, depicted in the original with katakana. Dunno if the english translation of the LN depicted this, haven’t bought the book.)

The memories of those who lived with me and actually called me “Touka”……

Almost all of them belong to my uncle and aunt.

……I see.

Because of the summoning……

It had been dragged out———- stripped bare.

If that’s the case……

Then that change had already occurred within me the moment I was summoned.

Inside the Disposal Ruins———–

In the battle against the Soul Eater……

The fact that I bared my true nature…..

That I came to recognize it wasn’t mere coincidence.

It could be called inevitable.

……If so……

Then it really is ironic.

Because of the summoning’s influence……

That is precisely why I survived.

Because that influence turned me back into “that guy”.

Because I became someone capable of trampling others.

“When it comes to doing “that”———- You hesitate far too little.”

She seemed to sense something, but Hijiri still deliberately avoided touching on my change and continued speaking.

[Monsters strongly influenced by the Tyrant’s Miasma turn golden-eyed and become violent. But those without that twisted, violent potential don’t. For example, Mimori-kun’s companion slime is unaffected by it, right?]

Sogou’s expression shifted as if something had clicked inside her mind.

Hijiri went on.

[The Great Demon Emperor, and the monsters born from it, were all golden-eyed, so maybe gold is an unlucky color. And of course, Vysis was also golden-eyed———– but Loqierra-san and Thesis-san are golden-eyed too, right? If gold itself were inherently evil, then they’d be evil as well.]

In addition, Kirihara also falls into the “golden” Hero category.

However, at least when it comes to Loqierra———– I feel it’s different.

At the very least, my own keen sense for “evil” didn’t react to them.

Hijiri, still with arms crossed, looked thoughtfully at the table.

[From ancient times to the present, gold as a substance and concept has always been fascinating. It’s an auspicious color, and also a sacred one.]

[Well…… temples and shrines do have a lot of gold after all.]

[Not just as a color, but materially, it occupies a special position. During the gold standard era, of course, and even now, it remains a precious metal of great significance. As a material, as a so-called safe asset. Yet at the same time…… it’s something that can drive people mad. Historically, people have sought gold———— sometimes fighting and stealing just to obtain it.]

[In fiction, even dragons are drawn to it.]

Hijiri gave a faint smile.

[Originally, it’s a lucky color with high material value———- but simultaneously, it can act as a harbinger of misfortune. It has a sort of magical influence that can make people act strangely.]

“That is gold”, Hijiri concluded.

I probed her intent.

[Are you saying that because of the golden-eyed goddess Vysis, some of our classmates were affected———— acting strangely, in part?]

[Rather, it’s just my own analysis…… I’ve attached some reasoning to it. It’s difficult to prove, so it remains purely a hypothesis, an interpretation.]

[I wonder. From my point of view, it also sounds like a bit of support for Sogou.]

Hijiri gave me a half-lidded, slightly displeased glare.

[You’re mean.]

“No”, I smirked.

[I’m not condemning you. I’d noticed for a while that you tend to be lenient with Sogou. Anyway, returning to the topic…… in other words, you’re saying that if Kirihara Takuto returns to the original world with his memories erased, he wouldn’t be a particularly dangerous individual…… The reason he acted strangely here was due to the summoning. But———-]

[With my reasoning, that doesn’t change the fact that this is Kirihara-kun’s true nature.]

Sogou herself pointed that out.

……I see.

If she already understands it without me saying it, then it’s worth listening to her.

[So——– what do you want to do with Kirihara?]

[I want to understand him.]

[I see.]

It connects.

Here.

With the previous conversation.

[You want to know the kind of person Kirihara Takuto is.]

[……Unn.]

Sogou lifted her gaze.

[I want to “observe” him———– to understand what kind of person he is. Once his memories and skills disappear and he returns to his original world…… it’ll be easier to “observe” him.]

[You want to discern whether he’s truly an evil being?]

She nodded.

[And…… if he really is evil, I think he could also serve as a subject for me to learn a lesson.]

Unlike me, she can’t just “decide” things without evidence.

Truly…… this is the serious, conscientious approach typical of Sogou Ayaka.

[I think finishing him off in this world could be an option too…… but, as I’ve said before, if you weren’t there for the Vysis fight, we might have lost———- well, in that situation, defeat seemed highly likely. So, as I said earlier…… you made the difference. You contributed more than enough to settle your past mistakes.]

[That’s why, right now, Sogou Ayaka has the right to insist on her own opinion.]

I then turned to Hijiri.

[What about you? Do you agree with Sogou’s current stance?]

[Well…… rather than agreeing outright, as you said———– considering her contributions in the Vysis fight, she does have the right to push her opinion. In that sense, I agree as well.]

I remembered something and asked her.

[At one point, you were able to control Kirihara to some extent, weren’t you?]

[That’s only true for a certain period though.]

[For example———– if it’s Kirihara after his memories are erased and he returns to the state he was in before the summoning?]

[Then…… it might not be impossible.]

……So it seems we could take preventive measures to protect Sogou.

Above all…… once he returns to the original world, he is no longer the “current” Kirihara Takuto.

No——— he cannot remain the “current” Kirihara Takuto.

Hijiri asked.

[But, Mimori-kun, is that okay with you?]

[Unlike with Oyamada, with Kirihara I could stay beside Seras from the start. Sure, it might feel better to just deal with him…… but to be honest, I almost have no grudge against him. Judging by his attitude and actions right before the disposal, he’s no different from our other classmates. So on that point…… I honestly don’t really care. In fact…… rather than waiting over 200 days for the skill to wear off while he’s frozen, personally, I’d prefer if he just disappeared from this world as soon as possible.]

Still, some problems remain.

[Speaking of grudges, if anyone would hold a strong grudge against him besides me——— well, the first person Kirihara killed was the Great Demon Emperor. I doubt anyone holds a grudge about that now, and I don’t care either. So the real concern is still———— the White Wolf Knights and their commander.]

They were killed by Kirihara.

[The people of Magnar, right? Currently, the White Wolf King, the commander’s brother, is heading to this royal capital, isn’t he?]

[It might sound heartless, but…… I’ve never met the White Wolf Knights or their commander. So I don’t feel any special emotions toward them. If anything, Hijiri, you probably feel more about them since you know them.]

[That’s true…… they fought with us during the Great Demon Emperor army’s invasion. Even though they were part of the Sacred Alliance centered on Vysis, they weren’t bad people. But———– whether they’d hold a grudge….. is something difficult to say. Saying this might make me sound a little heartless too.]

She had no attachment towards them strong enough to override Sogou’s will either.

[So…… it all comes down to how the people connected to the now-deceased White Wolf Knights will act———– what they want. Whether Kirihara can return to the original world depends on that. Sogou.]

She straightened herself once more and faced me.

[You need to talk to them…… and convince them yourself. With your own words.]

Sogou nodded, determination in her expression.

[Understood.]

[If necessary, I’ll sit in as well.]

[……Thank you, Mimori-kun.]

I smiled, letting out a small snort.

[Still…… our class president really is a good-hearted person.]

Sogou looked down again, hands resting on her knees.

[…………………..Sorry.]

[I’ve heard enough apologies to last a lifetime. That’s more than enough.]

Now, for the time being, this conversation ends here.

I took a long gulp of Tonoa water and was about to rise from my seat when someone spoke.

[Hijiri-san, Mimori-kun———— you’re both amazing.]

Keeping her face down, Sogou muttered.

[Hearing the two of you talk just now…… including the words you would say to me…… I feel like I finally understand how incredible you both are.]

With a quiet, reflective expression, she continued.

[Mimori-kun, you said things like we won against Vysis because I was there———- but the real premise is that we won because you and Hijiri-san were there. You, Mimori-kun, laid out the big picture, and Hijiri-san filled in the details…… Even I, if Hijiri-san hadn’t been there……]

She was recalling some past moments.

Perhaps the moment when I tried to finish off Kirihara———– and she stopped me.

[……I’m the class president, so I thought I had to protect all my classmates. I tried to gather everyone, protect them——— but to do that, I needed to become stronger…… To get people to listen…… to assert my will, I had to be even stronger. But…… look at how I ended up. I only caused trouble, ran out of control…… I held everyone back.]

Hijiri and I listened in silence.

Right now, Sogou carried something intense and earnest.

Something she desperately wanted someone to hear.

[And yet…… I wonder why. Why…… why do both of you———- not blame me?]

I could feel tension return to her shoulders.

[On top of that, you’ve even listened to my selfishness, accepted it…… Normally, I should be blamed more———- no, I deserve to be blamed more. And yet——– no, not just Mimori-kun and Hijiri-san…… everyone…… why are you all so kind? It’s strange.]

[……Sogou-san.]

Hijiri only spoke her name.

For Hijiri, that was unusual———- she seemed unsure how to console her.

Sogou kept her gaze on her knees and said,

[In any case…… I can only feel sorry. I think…… if I had been more capable from the start…… maybe there would have been people who didn’t have to die…… I think that sometimes. If I had been like Mimori-kun or Hijiri-san from the beginning…… that’s why I……]

Sogou spoke matter-of-factly, weaving her words carefully.

But then———- it happened.

The composed, quietly speaking expression she had maintained suddenly crumpled.

[I———- why…… why couldn’t I…… have done it better…… aaah…… why……]

It was as if the emotions she had been holding back finally burst.

Tears streamed freely.

Sogou Ayaka began to sob violently.

Her voice now, fragile, thin, on the verge of disappearing———-

But somehow, desperately, she had gathered it together and wove it into sound.

Sogou Ayaka, as if showing the depth of her remorse, kept her face down, hands resting on her knees.

Her shoulders jerked violently up and down as she gasped and hiccupped repeatedly———-

She was crying.

Seeing her like that, a thought crossed my mind.

Crying beautifully———– that’s something people do in fiction, to “show” someone. 

But when one cries like this, unguarded and from the heart, this is how a person actually cries.

Crying and sobbing.

There’s no audience here.

Tears fell endlessly, like drops of regret, pattering down.

Her sobs rattled her breathing———–

Sogou Ayaka kept crying, with fierce, unrelenting intensity.

Self-blame.

Self-punishment.

Reflection.

Regret.

Apology.

All sorts of emotions churned together, raging within the whirlpool of her heart.

Hijiri said nothing, merely placing a hand on Sogou’s shoulder, silently keeping her company.

I exhaled and pushed myself up, rising from my seat.

[……That moment. When you came to stop me from finishing off Kirihara……]

Sogou Ayaka.

I had once thought she would become the greatest obstacle, but now———-

[It looked to me like you were saying…… “Help me”.]

Her shoulders twitched at my words.

[Taking everything upon yourself and narrowing your perspective might’ve been a mistake. But…… in my memory, before we met again in that forest———-]

Yes……

[Outside the Anti-Demon White Castle, trying desperately to protect our classmates and allies, there was Sogou Ayaka…… and at that time……]

Even when her original nature had been awakened…… she is still “Sogou Ayaka”.

[Even in that situation, you confronted that sh*tty goddess and protected Mimori Touka so he  wouldn’t be discarded———- the class president with a strong sense of responsibility and…… endlessly kind-hearted.]

That’s why, probably.

Right now…… I feel a little relieved.

[You just said earlier…… that it would be only right for you to be blamed more.]

As I pass by, I place my hand on Sogou’s shoulder.

[But don’t forget———– there’s someone who’s even more grateful to you than that.]

Thereupon, Sogou……

Almost as if to let everything out———– sobs even harder.

Yet, it seemed like a different kind of sob than one born of regret.

———-……I can see it, you know, Sogou.

Someone like you, “who looks capable”.

And on top of that, being a “lady” and the class president.

To an ordinary person, you look like someone they can trust, someone different from themselves.

And…… because people see you that way, you try to live up to it.

You try to respond.

Sure, Ayaka Sogou might be the kind of person “who holds it together”.

But……

That doesn’t mean she’s someone one can push things onto thoughtlessly.

Before leaving the room, I glance back once.

My eyes meet Hijiri’s.

“I’ll leave the rest to you.”

I convey it through my gaze.

Hijiri understands and responds with a small nod.

Then I step out of the room———— and quietly close the door behind me with my hands.