Last Born Of The Desdemona

Chapter 332: Chapter 332: Final Decision

Chapter 332 – Final Decision

On that same night, while Cassius officially began the First Draft of his Short Story he didn’t have a name for yet, Raven and Anesthesia were walking down the street.

They didn’t have any particular direction to go, and neither of the two actually cared about that, in fact.

Raven was happy to be with Anesthesia, alone, though he couldn’t help but feel that the night was not going to be an easy one.

Anesthesia simply was not in the mood. And that was nothing new. She had scarcely been in the mood since her meeting with Emrys.

Stress upon stress, with no end in sight. Her mother no longer answered her calls, while her own sister hadn’t even read her message days after she sent it.

Anesthesia was slowly getting angry. And that anger was being fueled by a situation that had stretched on for far too long.

She had had enough.

"Choose." Anesthesia said in a direct, cold tone, her purple eyes glowing coldly in the darkness.

Raven didn’t need to ask what she meant by that. Yet he did. "What do you mean?"

"I hate to say it myself, but choose between me and that whore of a maid."

"I told you—!"

"Raven," Anesthesia snapped her head toward him, "don’t fucking protect her name in front of me, will you? Answer the damn question and let’s end this. I have neither the strength nor the patience to bear this bullshit any longer."

She turned her body fully, facing him completely.

"Me or her. I am listening."

Raven stared at Anesthesia with his sharp but weary crimson eyes, knowing well that there was no escaping this time.

She was deadly serious.

"I would have never thought that a day would come when I had the opportunity to choose between you and another woman, and I am still hesitating." He smiled awkwardly. "I still can’t believe it."

"That just means you didn’t love me as much as you claimed."

"Anesthesia, I loved you and I still love you more than words could ever express. And you know it." Raven said plainly.

"Then why are you hesitating?" Anesthesia hissed, anger rising. "Why are you hesitating between me and a damn woman only good in bed?"

"Because she is not only good at that." Raven replied harshly. "I love you, Anesthesia, you know that already. And Sarah—!"

"Don’t dare tell me you love her too."

"I...don’t think I do." Raven said honestly, sighing with guilt inside his heart. "I can’t love anyone else but you. However, Sarah brings me something only she can. She makes me feel seen, she brings me peace, and she is sweet and lovely. I can see myself living with her forever and not having many problems with her."

He looked at her. "You are completely different, Anesthesia. You bring out the rawest version of me. With you, I doubt, I stress, and every time I do something, I wonder if it’s enough to make you love me. It’s tiresome."

"You are just afraid of me, aren’t you?" Anesthesia concluded, stepping closer to Raven. "You are afraid that I will not love you the way you do. Afraid that I will leave you when I find you unworthy. You are just afraid. And that’s a feeling you don’t have to worry about with that woman because she is submissive and docile."

"She is not—!"

"Come on, Prince." Anesthesia cut in, rolling her eyes. "Sarah is a maid. It’s in her nature to obey, to bow down. And looking at her, she is naturally a meek and shy person. Years of working as a maid only made those traits of hers much more deeply anchored in her. With her, you are right, you will not have to worry about anything else."

She tilted her head, their bodies close enough that they could smell each other’s scent.

"Is that what you want?" Anesthesia whispered. "A woman who will never challenge you?"

"I think you are looking down on her far too much. Sarah is growing." Raven said, feeling protective of Sarah. "And she will become someone incredible if she continues like this."

"But you don’t love her." Anesthesia said sharply. "So what does it matter what she becomes? No matter how fabulous she will be, you can only respect her and admire her, at best. Not love her."

"Sometimes, respect and admiration are enough to make a relationship work until the famed ’till death do us part.’"

"If you choose her, I will destroy your relationship with her." Anesthesia threatened him with a straight face. "I will never be with you again, but you will never be with someone other than me. I have tolerated enough of your little actions with her. I have had enough."

"The first time, you told me you were going to kill her." Raven replied, unfazed by her threats. "Why not anymore?"

Anesthesia said nothing at first, remembering the fact that Sarah was a believer of Cassius’s goddess.

"She is free from death because of her luck in faith." She said. "But not free from heartbreak and pain."

"Why are you willing to go this far? Do you love me, Anesthesia?"

"What if I said that I do?" Anesthesia retorted, raising her right hand toward Raven’s chin and lifting it even higher, their eyes locking together. "What if I said that I love you, Raven?"

"Is love alone enough in a relationship, you think?"

"It’s not." She admitted. "But we have much more than love. And I daresay that a certain level of love can be enough."

"Maybe. However, you are always moving too fast." Raven voiced one of his concerns. "You are always seeking more and more. I am not like that, Anesthesia. I don’t need more. I don’t want more. I have all I need, and that’s enough for me."

He sighed, looking overhead at the night adorned with shining, blinking stars.

"I am afraid that I will need to run like you in order to keep up with you. It will wear me down, which will breed resentment toward you." He lowered his head again, looking at her with a sorry smile. "And I would rather not. Sarah is not running. I might not love her, yes, but she is the wife I have always hoped to have."

"You would have been better with Cassius, you know?" Raven suddenly said, making Anesthesia frown heavily. "He is also running toward something. Running, running, and running. He seems to never take a break, as if he were pressed by time or by some mysterious force. He is tired, Anesthesia. I can see it in his crimson eyes. But he keeps going, as if whatever is waiting for him at the end is more important than the present itself. You are like him, but he is worse than you."

"Don’t ever tell me that again." Anesthesia said, and this time with real anger. "I am not better with Cassius, you fucking fool. I can’t even imagine myself with that man."

"But he is—!"

"I know Cassius, Raven." The Chosen Heiress interrupted him sharply. "I know him more than you think, and it’s precisely because he and I are similar. And that’s exactly why I can’t be with him, no matter what."

"...What do you mean?"

"You remember, Raven, what I told you back in the Entrance Test?" She said. "When I gave you the Key in order for you to be the second ranker, and you said you didn’t want it."

Raven chuckled softly. "You got angry and disappointed, asking me why I wasn’t like Cassius, and saying that I lacked a goal in my life. I lacked passion."

"Well, that." She smiled awkwardly. "I take everything back."

"Huh?" Raven exclaimed.

"I have gone through many things since that time, and I learned a lot about the world and also about myself." She took his right hand between both of hers. "I don’t need someone who runs like me. I don’t need someone obsessed with a goal so much that he barely has time for himself or for me. I want someone like you, Raven. Not because you lack goals, but because you are satisfied with what you have and never seek more. Because you are steady and calm, no matter the storms raging around you. Because I can see you as my safe place, something I can never have with Cassius, for his place is full of problems and dangers. He is not for me. And I think you forget one more thing..."

Anesthesia sighed under her breath and clenched his hand tighter.

"...I don’t love Cassius." She looked at Raven.

"You...love me?" Raven’s heart was pounding after everything Anesthesia had said to him.

"I like you." Anesthesia corrected. "But I can love you. Just give me time, and be patient with me in the same way you have been since the beginning."

Raven stood there, transfixed, looking at the beautiful face of Anesthesia and her purple eyes.

"So what will it be, Prince of Death?" She smiled. "This is the last time I am asking you, me or that woman?"

"If you choose that woman, I will hate you and destroy your relationship with her. And that, no matter what I must do." She warned him again.

Raven’s expression became difficult. "Sarah will...be sad."

"That’s life." Anesthesia said without much emotion.

"You don’t care, do you?"

"Why should I? Just answer my damn question."

"You already know the answer." Raven said, sighing heavily. "I would have loved for it to be otherwise. I truly wanted to forget you and be with Sarah because she deserves it. She deserves to be happy. But..."

Anesthesia continued his words. "The Heart wants what it wants."

"And my own wants you, despite knowing you are an egotistical, self-centered woman who only thinks of herself." Raven said.

And the Chosen Heiress shrugged with a victorious smile.

"From now on, I will think of you, too."

Raven looked at her deeply, then lifted his head upward, whispering under his breath.

"You better."

—End of Chapter 332—