Secretly, But Unable to Hide It

Chapter 29

The airport was spacious and brightly lit.

People bustled around and all sorts of noises drowned out Sang Zhi’s sobs. She felt somewhat embarrassed and wanted to find a hole to hide in. She also wanted to stop crying and pretend nothing had happened.

Anything would be better than this.

She felt extremely humiliated.

The woman was beautiful and spoke gently, clearly an excellent person. In terms of life and emotions, she could probably help him a lot. Unlike herself, who was seen by everyone as rebellious and willful, a burden who only brought trouble to him.

From the beginning, she had been an extra, unnecessary presence.

She was of no use.

She even needed him to take extra care of her when he was busy.

Looking at Sang Zhi, who didn’t dare to cry out loud, Duan Jiaxu suddenly remembered their first meeting.

At that time, she had cried freely and without restraint, not caring about anything. Her biggest worry back then was the teacher’s demand to call her parents.

Had she really grown up?

Or was it that his tone just now had been too harsh?

Duan Jiaxu pressed his lips together. He had no tissue, so he used the sleeve of his coat draped over her to wipe her tears. “Don’t cry. Brother doesn’t think you’re troublesome.”

“……”

“It’s cold here, put on the coat properly.”

Sang Zhi sniffled and obediently followed his instructions.

“It’s good that you can understand and know you were wrong.” Duan Jiaxu said slowly, “Everyone isn’t angry with you, just worried something might happen to you. That’s why we’re anxious, do you understand?”

She lowered her eyes and choked out, “I know.”

“Get up and go wash your face.” Duan Jiaxu glanced at his phone. He seemed a bit unwell as he turned his head and coughed twice before continuing, “I’ll take you to lunch first.”

Sang Zhi shook her head slightly. “I’m not hungry.”

“Not hungry?” Duan Jiaxu stood up and said calmly, “Are you planning to starve yourself over a man?”

“……”

“Kid.” Then, Duan Jiaxu looked around and pointed to a spot not far away. “The restroom is over there. Can you see it?”

Sang Zhi paused for a few seconds, then nodded.

“Go wash your face first.” Duan Jiaxu thought for a moment and added, “Give me your ID card. I’ll check on your flight ticket. Come find me afterward and don’t wander off.”

Hearing that, the woman next to him said, “I’ll take her there.”

Sang Zhi handed her ID card to Duan Jiaxu and silently stood up, subconsciously looking in the woman’s direction.

The next second, Duan Jiaxu said, “No need.”

Hearing those words, Sang Zhi walked towards the restroom without saying a word. After walking a short distance, she suddenly stopped and glanced back.

She could still see the two of them standing there.

The woman wore a form-fitting black dress, accentuating her good figure. The dress had vintage patterns embroidered on it and reached her mid-calf. She was tall, about 170 cm, and with high heels, she was only half a head shorter than Duan Jiaxu. The other party had a smile on her face, saying something as she reached out to pat his arm.

Then, Sang Zhi saw Duan Jiaxu also smile.

She bit her lip hard and looked away.

Sang Zhi walked into the restroom and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were red and swollen, her nose was red, and there were tear stains on her face. She lowered her head and repeatedly splashed water on her face.

The cold water stimulated her skin and triggered her tear ducts again.

No matter how much she washed, the tears kept falling.

An old lady next to her saw her like this and instinctively asked, “Are you okay, little girl?”

Sang Zhi pulled out a tissue and, with her head down, said, “The water is too cold.”

It was as if she had found a reason to cry and her tears fell uncontrollably. “Why is the water so cold……”

“Then stop washing.” The old lady didn’t find the reason strange, sighed, and took out a hand warmer from her bag, handing it to Sang Zhi. “It’s a bit cold these days. Remember to wear more clothes.”

Sang Zhi didn’t take it and just sniffled. “No need, thank you, Grandma.”

The old lady said a few more comforting words before leaving.

After a while, Sang Zhi barely managed to calm down. Noticing the suit jacket she was wearing, she took it off, held it in her arms, and walked out.

Duan Jiaxu was already waiting outside.

This time he was alone. The woman from earlier was nowhere to be seen.

Sang Zhi walked over.

Seeing the coat in her hands, Duan Jiaxu frowned. “Why did you take it off?”

“I was afraid of getting it wet while washing my face.” Sang Zhi lied casually, her voice thick with a nasal tone, “And I’m not cold.”

She glanced at Duan Jiaxu. “You wear it.”

Duan Jiaxu didn’t make any other moves, just stared at her. After a while, he sighed softly, his brows and eyes drooping. “Was my tone too harsh just now?”

Sang Zhi shook her head. “No.”

“Then do kids forgot everything in just a year?” Duan Jiaxu draped the coat over her again. “How did you become like a stranger to Brother?”

“……”

He said slowly, “You’re making Brother sad.”

Sang Zhi didn’t know what to say so she changed the topic, “Is there a flight ticket left?”

“Yes, I got you a ticket for 2:00 PM.” Duan Jiaxu handed her the boarding pass and ID card. “I’ve already picked up the boarding pass. Let’s get some food first and then I’ll take you through security.”

“Okay.” After a few seconds of silence, Sang Zhi asked, “How much was the ticket?”

“It wasn’t much.” Duan Jiaxu loosened his tie, not caring. “What do you want to eat?”

“Anything is fine.”

So, Duan Jiaxu took her to the McDonald’s inside the airport.

They ordered some food, but neither seemed to have much of an appetite. He didn’t mention the woman from earlier or where she had gone, and Sang Zhi didn’t have the courage to ask either.

She was afraid that if she heard the word ‘girlfriend’ from his mouth, she wouldn’t be able to maintain her composure.

Maybe noticing her low spirits, Duan Jiaxu occasionally said something to amuse her. His voice was a bit hoarse and he always turned his head to cough while speaking.

Sang Zhi couldn’t help but ask, “Are you sick?”

“Yeah,” Duan Jiaxu said casually, “just a slight cold.”

Sang Zhi was silent for a moment, then said, “Remember to take your medicine.”

Duan Jiaxu smiled. “Thank you for your concern, little Sang Zhi.”

He was playing with the box Sang Zhi had given him, raising an eyebrow as he asked, “Can Brother open this?”

Sang Zhi bit into a french fry and nodded silently.

Inside was a tie.

Dark red with black and white stripes.

Duan Jiaxu didn’t touch it, just looked at it for a few moments before closing the box. His eyes curved with a smile, seeming very pleased. “Thank you, little Sang Zhi. Receiving this gift, Brother is happy even though I’m a year older.”

Sang Zhi hummed in response. Soon, she wiped her hands with a tissue, took out all the cash she had from her backpack, and stuffed it into the pocket of the suit jacket.

They sat for a while longer.

When it was almost time for the flight, Duan Jiaxu stood up and walked Sang Zhi to the security checkpoint, giving her a few instructions, “After you go back, listen to Uncle and Aunt, study well, and don’t be upset about this anymore.”

Sang Zhi took off the coat and handed it back to him. “I understand.”

She paused for a few seconds and suddenly said, “Brother Jiaxu, you don’t need to tell me.”

If you’re in a relationship, you don’t need to tell me.

Duan Jiaxu didn’t understand and blinked. “Hmm?”

Sang Zhi didn’t explain. She forced a smile and walked backward toward the security check. Then, she waved at him. “I hope you’re happy every day.”

Maybe all the window seats had been sold out as Sang Zhi’s seat was by the aisle. Surprisingly, she didn’t cry again. After boarding the plane, she asked the flight attendant for a blanket, covered her head, and fell asleep.

She had a dream.

In it, she met Duan Jiaxu not when she was thirteen but when she was eighteen.

She dreamed that there was still a seven-year age gap between them, but it was no longer an insurmountable gap.

She dreamed that her dreams came true.

She dreamed that having a secret love was something that could be shared, not just one-sided.

After getting off the plane, Sang Zhi turned on her phone and called Sang Yan. After a few hours, his anger had subsided quite a bit and his voice was particularly calm, “Come to the T2 exit. I’ll be waiting for you here.”

She obediently responded and followed the crowd out.

Once outside, Sang Zhi saw Sang Yan’s figure and then lowered her head to hang up the phone.

Sang Yan walked over and glanced at her face. He seemed to want to say something but quickly swallowed it back. He grabbed her wrist and said lightly, “Forget it, I won’t scold you. Let’s go home.”

“……”

“Mom has already called your teacher to ask for leave.” Sang Yan’s tone was very bad, “When we get home, I can’t help whatever scolding mom and dad give you. Because I also want to scold you.”

“……”

“You’re really—”

He hadn’t finished speaking when he heard Sang Zhi sniffle.

Sang Yan stopped talking. He turned his head to look at Sang Zhi’s lowered head but couldn’t see her expression. He stopped walking, suddenly sighed, and opened his arms. “Hey, Little Brat.”

“……”

“Don’t cry, there’s nothing to be sad about losing a relationship.” Sang Yan said, “Come here, let Brother hug you.”

———pr

When they got home, Sang Rong and Li Ping hadn’t returned yet.

Her running away seemed just like going to school in the morning and coming back home in the afternoon. Everything was no different from usual.

Sang Zhi walked into her room silently and put together the stuffed toys on her bed, the gifts Duan Jiaxu had given her over the years, and the milk bottle on the windowsill. She stared at the empty spot on her bedside table, remembering the piggy bank she had smashed into pieces.

Then she tore down the picture of Yihe University from the wall.

She stared at it for a long time.

Tears suddenly started to fall again, one by one, onto the picture.

The image of Duan Jiaxu smiling towards the woman kept resurfacing in her mind.

Sang Zhi wiped her tears with her palm. Because she was holding back her sobs, her whole body was trembling. She lifted her head and slowly put the picture back up. Then, she took out the note she had kept in her drawing book which contained the two dreams she had written before.

She picked up a pen and quickly crossed out the second dream.

It was a dream that couldn’t be realized.

She should give it up.

The young man she had liked since she was thirteen.

The secret love she had had since she was thirteen.

Since then, she had been holding onto the hope of growing up quickly to be with him.

Now Sang Zhi realized.

Maybe even if she really grew up, he would already be with someone else.

Or maybe even if she really grew up, in his eyes, she would still be the kid who would cry because she hadn’t been able to finish her homework, the one who would never grow up.

———pr

Sang Zhi started to reduce her contact with Duan Jiaxu.

He would still buy her gifts during the holidays and ask about her grades after every exam. Sang Zhi would reply but no longer answered his calls.

When he asked, she would use ‘too busy studying’ as an excuse to brush him off.

Only during holidays and his birthday would Sang Zhi take the initiative to send him blessing messages. After all, this person genuinely cared for her like a sister and was truly kind to her.

She couldn’t completely treat him as if he had never existed.

Nor could she cut off contact with him directly.

Sang Zhi no longer asked about Duan Jiaxu’s situation and even blocked his Moments. She poured all her energy into her studies. When it came time to choose a class in her second year of high school, she chose science. She even applied to live on campus, and after a while, she didn’t even bring her phone with her.

Her grades improved from above average to excellent.

The girl’s features gradually matured, her chin became sharper, making her eyes look larger and brighter. Her skin was naturally fair, and her lips were rosy. When she smiled, there were two small dimples on her cheeks, making her look cute and pretty.

Her height shot up to 165 cm.

Sang Zhi gradually became famous in her grade.

Because of her beauty, some people privately and unofficially regarded her as the school flower^[1]school belle. Moreover, the physics teacher of the advanced class always praised her during lectures in other classes, feeling particularly proud.

Because of this, many people knew that the advanced science class had a female top student with a very pretty face, and most importantly, her grades had never dropped out of the top five in the grade.

Her physics scores were almost always perfect.

Good grades and good looks.

These two points combined made her the ‘goddess’ in many students’ school days.

Sang Zhi often found unfamiliar people leaving milk snacks on her desk and love letters in her drawer. After evening study sessions, she would sometimes be stopped by someone confessing to her on the stairs.

She rejected them all and returned the items. Gradually, these incidents became fewer.

In the first semester of her third year, a sports student from the neighboring class started pursuing her. After training every day, he would bring Sang Zhi a lot of snacks, and after evening study sessions, he would always come to pick her up on time.

She didn’t really want to interact with him, but at a certain moment, she noticed that his voice and the way he spoke were somewhat similar to Duan Jiaxu’s, so she didn’t say anything too firmly to reject him.

Two weeks later, the sports student confessed his feelings to her.

His voice still sounded similar to Duan Jiaxu’s, but his tone was nervous and stuttering.

Sang Zhi had never heard Duan Jiaxu speak in such a manner.

This instantly brought her back to her senses. Following the words Duan Jiaxu had taught her, she earnestly rejected his confession.

She felt that she was quite stubborn when it came to relationships.

Once she liked someone, it was difficult for her to like another person.

However, no matter what, she couldn’t trample on her own feelings or those of others.

She couldn’t choose someone who slightly resembled Duan Jiaxu to replace him just because she couldn’t temporarily forget him.

Because of this incident, Sang Zhi occasionally felt that when she thought of Duan Jiaxu again, she didn’t feel as sad anymore. Only her memories of their last meeting were tinged with a grayish hue.

All other times were filled with vibrant colors.

Vivid and beautiful.

By the end of June of the following year, Sang Zhi received her college entrance exam results. She performed steadily, scoring more than a hundred points above the admission line. With this score, she could attend either of the two universities she was considering.

Her family hoped she would apply to Nanwu University, not wanting her to go too far away.

Sang Zhi thought about it for a long time but still ultimately chose Yihe University.

This decision was different from her previous plan and was simply because the digital media art major she wanted to apply for was better at Yihe University.

On the day she reported to school, Sang Zhi didn’t bring much luggage, only carrying a backpack and a suitcase.

Originally, Sang Rong had wanted Sang Yan to accompany her, but Sang Zhi felt it wasn’t necessary. After much persuasion, they finally agreed to let her go alone.

Sang Yan suggested that Duan Jiaxu pick her up, but Sang Zhi refused.

She said it had been too long since they last saw each other and didn’t want to trouble him.

After getting off the plane, Sang Zhi left the airport and boarded a bus to Yihe University. Led by upperclassmen, she registered, received her dorm number, and bought daily necessities.

She greeted her roommates and gradually became familiar with them.

She participated in military training, started classes afterward, and joined club activities. She did everything she had once imagined doing in the future, except for one thing.

The main reason she wanted to come to Yihe before.

It seemed that during this process, it had gradually become an insignificant matter.

In mid-October, one of Sang Zhi’s roommates had a birthday. A group of them took the subway for two stops to a seafood restaurant for dinner. Afterward, since it was still early, they decided to go to a nearby KTV to sing.

Since it was Saturday the next day, there was no curfew at the campus.

They spent more time drinking than singing.

Sang Zhi tried to stay out of it but still got coaxed into drinking several glasses.

The small room was packed with over a dozen people, and Sang Zhi, who flushed easily when drinking, soon felt hot and stuffy. Finding the noise and commotion overwhelming, she excused herself to go to the restroom and stepped out for some fresh air.

Besides the main entrance, the KTV had a small door that led to a corridor connecting a nearby supermarket and a KFC.

The outside temperature was slightly cool, offering a particularly comfortable relief.

However, the corridor light seemed to be broken, flickering on and off.

Her vision was unusually dim.

Leaning on the railing, Sang Zhi reached into her pocket for her phone and unexpectedly found a square-shaped item.

She fumbled and it fell to the ground a short distance away.

Looking down, she saw that it was a pack of women’s cigarettes.

Just as she was about to pick it up, she noticed a man standing nearby where it had fallen. He was tall and slender, dressed simply in a white shirt.

From this angle, Sang Zhi could only see the outline of his profile which was indistinct and vague. The man was leaning against the wall, a cigarette held between his fingers, glowing a fiery red.

He seemed familiar.

However, she didn’t dare to follow her thoughts too far.

Sang Zhi guessed that the pack of cigarettes had been casually stuffed into her pocket by a roommate. She pressed her lips together and lowered her head slightly, taking two steps forward, intending to pick it up.

At this moment, the man moved.

His eyelids fluttered as he slowly bent down to pick up the pack of cigarettes for her.

Like a dramatic moment, the light overhead stopped flickering.

Sang Zhi saw his face clearly.

Peach blossom eyes, a charming face, and that perpetually flippant and carefree smile.

He looked at the pack of cigarettes, then quickly lifted his eyes, meeting hers in what felt like an old movie’s slow motion. Then he raised an eyebrow and drawled out, “Little Sang Zhi?”

Just like every time he did in the past.

References[+]